Work Text:
The first time Tetsurou Kuroo had ever thought about his feelings for his best friend was after his 10th birthday party. Kenma was leaving early because the volume and energy of the other kids at the party was too much for him to handle. Kuroo knew the younger boy didn’t enjoy groups of people, but despite understanding why, he was still upset. He tried not to let the hurt show on his face as Kenma whispered a barely audible apology, handed him a square box wrapped in red wrapping paper, and then turned and scurried away.
Kuroo’s father found him crying in his room as soon as the last guest had left. He listened patiently while Kuroo struggled to put his emotions into words, a small smile tugging at the corner of his mouth.
“Well, kiddo, maybe you should write Kenma a letter explaining why you’re upset.”
“Dad! I don’t-“ Kuroo was cut off by his father’s raised palm.
“I’m not suggesting you give it to him, Tetsurou. But I think writing a letter will help you figure out why you feel the way you do.”
Kuroo thought it about it for a moment before nodding his head and agreeing to try.
That night he wrote what would be his first love note to Kenma Kozume.
Kenma,
I know that you don’t like being around groups of people. I know that my other friends are loud. I know that you didn’t leave my birthday party because of anything that I did, but it still made me sad that you weren’t there to see me open my presents. (Yours was my favorite by the way, so thank you for the new volleyball!) I really like spending time with you, no matter what we’re doing. I want you to be in my life forever.
Kuroo
Just as his father had suggested, Kuroo never gave the note to Kenma. Once he had written it out and read through it, he assumed that was all there was to it. He felt better, and it helped remind him that Kenma didn’t hurt his feelings on purpose. He put the note in an old shoebox, shoved it under his bed, and went to sleep.
____________________
The second love letter Kuroo wrote to Kenma was a few years later, as Kenma entered middle school. Kenma wasn’t sure he wanted to join the volleyball club with Kuroo and the two of them had fought about it.
Kenma,
You hurt my feelings when you said you think I care more about volleyball than I care about you. That’s not true. I like volleyball, but you’re my best friend. I want to keep playing volleyball because it’s fun and I’m good at it. You are good at it too and I think it would be fun for us to play volleyball together. I will still spend my free time with you because I really like spending time with you. But if you play too, we can spend time together as part of playing volleyball. If you really don’t want to, I promise I won’t be mad.
Kuroo
Just like the first time, Kuroo read over the letter as soon as he had finished writing. He could see that Kenma probably lashed out because he was scared of losing his only real friend. Kuroo began to crumple up the letter to throw out, but something in the back of his mind stopped him. Instead, he smoothed the letter out on his desk, retrieved the shoebox, and placed the slightly wrinkled letter on top of the previous one.
____________________
The third letter was written when Kuroo was entering high school and Kenma had one year left in middle school. Before he started writing, Kuroo knew that he wouldn’t be giving the note to Kenma and so he decided to write it in ink instead of pencil.
Kenma,
I know we talked about you continuing to play volleyball for your last year in middle school and I’m happy that you decided to continue. I am worried about you though. You don’t seem to want to make any new friends. Every time I ask you about it you just say “You’re enough for me, Kuroo.” Of course I will still be your friend, but my heart squeezes every time you say that. I think it’s because I won’t be there to make sure you’re eating and to make sure you don’t skip classes because you’re too busy on your PSP. Either that or you I will still walk you to school and meet up with you after volleyball. And we can still hang out after practices and on weekends. I promise that I won’t leave you, and I hope more than anything that even if you do make new friends that you won’t leave me. You’re my best friend and I love like hanging out with you.
Kuroo
This letter also went into the shoebox on top of the others. Kuroo purposefully didn’t think too hard about the sections he had crossed out. Deep down, his feelings for Kenma had started to shift, but he chalked it up to starting high school and knowing they wouldn’t be around each other as much.
____________________
At the end of Kuroo’s second year of high school he wrote another note to his best friend.
Kenma,
I am so proud of you. This year wasn’t easy for you, starting high school and integrating into the Nekoma volleyball club. I’m glad you decided not to quit volleyball. I meant everything that I told you. All the first and second years can see how important you are to the team. Also, you’re important to me. Getting to spend so much time with you this year felt like things were back to normal. You’re the calm in the storm for me. You’re the logical and rational brain keeping me in check. You are my favorite person in the world. I care about you so much that it hurts sometimes, and I don’t know why. Well, maybe I do. Anyway, let’s go win Nationals!
Kuroo
This note ended up with the others, tucked neatly into the shoebox below Kuroo’s bed. However, unlike the previous times, Kuroo didn’t shove the box deep under his bed. Instead, he kept it within easy reach. Throughout the next few years he often pulled this note out to re-read, ruminating on the second-to-last sentence and his feelings.
____________________
The final note Kuroo wrote to Kenma was written a few weeks before Kuroo graduated high school. This note was different. Instead of grabbing a random piece of paper to write on, Kuroo found a piece of quality stationary. This note he practiced first on other pieces of paper, crossing out sections and crumpling up versions in frustration as he tried to come up with the perfect words.
Kenma,
I can’t believe it’s taken me this long to write you this note. I think deep down I was scared. Even though you are younger than me, I’ve always respected you and looked up to you. You know who you are and what you like. You know your strengths and weaknesses. I’ve watched you grow and come out of your shell, in your friendship with teammates, your friendship with Hinata, and how you came to love volleyball. You are the most amazing person I know. I can’t imagine my life without you. And that is what scares me. Because the truth is, I love you. I’ve loved you for a long time. For as long as I can remember, really. Even if I didn’t know it, I think I’ve loved you since we first met. I can only hope you love me too.
Tetsurou
Kuroo folded the note gently and placed it on top of the others in the shoebox, which he left open next to his bed. His plan was to give the note to Kenma before he graduated, in a quiet moment where they could be alone.
The next day Kuroo and Kenma bolted through the front door of Kuroo’s house, laughing and soaking wet from being caught in a sudden, unexpected downpour. As soon as they entered his bedroom, Kuroo tossed his jacket and school bag aside, grabbing a towel and a set of fresh clothes.
“Kenma, do you want to take a shower? You can borrow some of my clothes.”
“I’m okay. I’m not that wet since you held your jacket over my head.” Kenma sat on the floor and leaned against the bed. “Thanks, by the way.”
“Don’t mention it. Do you mind if I take a quick shower, then?”
“Mmmm.” Kenma pulled out his PSP and started a game without further comment.
Kuroo allowed himself a few seconds of looking at Kenma before hurrying to the bathroom. He showered quickly, an unusual nervous energy buzzing in his stomach.
Kenma was here.
They were alone.
There wasn’t going to be a better time to give Kenma the letter.
He gave himself a silent pep talk in the bathroom mirror before putting on clothes and heading back to his bedroom. He walked slowly, rehearsing the words he wanted to say in his mind while still toweling his hair dry.
“Hey Kenma, I have something I need to-“ He froze in the doorway, fear gripping his heart at the scene in front of him.
Kenma was hunched over, his PSP abandoned on the floor, clearly crying. In front of him were all the letters Kuroo had written over the years. The confession note was clutched in one hand, while the other covered his mouth.
Kenma looked up at the sound of Kuroo’s voice. As their eyes met, Kenma dropped the hand covering his mouth to reveal the brightest smile Kuroo had ever seen. Kenma stood, wiping his face on his sleeve before speaking.
“Kuroo, is this letter real? Do you love me?”
Kuroo’s throat constricted has he tried to speak. He swallowed and tried again. Still nothing. After trying yet a third time to make a sound he simply nodded, hands still holding the towel to his hair.
Kenma set the letter down gently on the bed and walked over to Kuroo.
“Good,” he said as he grabbed the towel in both hands, hooking it around Kuroo’s neck and pulling him down into a kiss. “Because I’ve been in love with you since we first met, too.”