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- Soft brown mittens
„Matt, have you seen my gloves? I swear I put them here somewhere!”
Matt watches his girlfriend jump around the dorm on one leg, tying her boot while searching for her soft brown mittens. They´ve been wanting to go for a walk ever since it started snowing yesterday night but with classes and practice, they haven´t had time until now.
“Babe it´s alright, you have other gloves you can wear.”
“But you got them for me,” pouts Dan while slipping into her second boot.
“They´ll show up again. How about the green ones you got from Renee?”
Waiting for Dan to nod, Matt slips into the girls shared bedroom to get Dan´s gloves. Allison doesn´t even look up from where she´s laying on her lower bunk bed in sweatpants and a bra, damp hair from a shower twisted into two braids.
“You´re still here,” she just notices while Matt rummages through Dan´s half of the closet.
“Dan´s searching for her gloves. You know, the brown mittens?”
“Yeah, but I haven´t seen them. Her gloves are to the left…no, the left…no- yeah, there.”
With Allison´s help Matt finds the other pair of gloves before returning back to Dan who´s putting on the biggest scarf known to mankind.
“Baby, you don´t need to take an entire blanket with you.”
Dan´s reply is a soft kick to the shin, which makes Matt laugh and kiss her cheek. They get dressed together and leave the dorm hand in hand. Matt is listening to Dan talking about something that happened to one of her stage sisters, carrying a smile all the way down.
“Fuck, it´s freezing,” blurts Dan once they step outside into the biting cold evening. The closest streetlamps light a path down the stairs and across the parking lot. Somewhere to the left Andrew´s car is hidden under a thick layer of snow. Matt snorts at the thought of little stabby Andrew trying to reach the middle of the windshield to free it of ice.
“What´s so funny?”, asks Dan amused. She full on laughs once Matt lets her in on his thoughts. It´s his favourite sound, clear and strong and warm.
They walk together, away from the main road and towards untouched snow that crunches beneath their boots. At some point Dan lets go of Matt´s hand to reach down and form a bit of snow into a ball, shooting Matt a grin before aiming.
“Don´t you even-“
The snowball hits him square on the chest – Dan´s aim is immaculate – and brings him to take a step back. Then, eyes still watching every move his girlfriend is about to make, he leans down and scoops up some snow himself. Dan screeches when he aims and throws. A white circle stays behind where he got her across the back. Their innocent throwing soon turns into a full-on snowball fight. Matt has melting snow slipping further down his back with every move and Dan´s beanie is somewhere on the ground, half hidden beneath snow.
“Truce! Truce!”, gasps Matt just as Dan is about to throw another ball, and lifts his hands,” I can´t – give me a second.”
“Shouldn´t you be used to playing two halves? This should be nothing, or are you slacking off at practice? Wait till I tell Kevin-“
“No! Don´t you dare tell him!”, wails Matt, taking a running start towards Dan, who just manages to send out a quick yelp before their bodies collide and tumble down into the snow.
“Matty, you´re crushing me,” wheezes Dan beneath Matt. He pushes up onto his hands – gloves completely soaked through by now – and looks down at Dan. Her cheeks are flushed, breath coming out in little white clouds and eyes crinkled while her mouth is stretched into a big smile.
“Hi,” he breathes,” I love you.”
With a snort Dan squeezes a hand through their bodies and pats Matt´s cheek with a cold, wet glove.
“I love you too but that doesn´t change the fact that you´re crushing me, you giant.”
With a grin, Matt leaves a kiss on the top of Dan´s ice cold nose before rolling onto the ground next to her and turning his head to look back over.
“What are we even doing?”, laughs Dan, looking up into the dark night sky while the streetlamp a couple of feet away from them turn every flock of snow on her skin and in her hair into a speck of silver glitter. “Laying in the snow like children. If we´re sick tomorrow I blame you.”
“Worth it,” Matt snorts before sitting up. “I still can´t have you get sick; your hands are already cold. Wanna go back?”
“Alright.”
Matt is too distracted by his beautiful, lovely girlfriend that he doesn´t notice her taking a handful of snow with her while raising to her feet. He does feel it though, once she throws it right into his face and doesn´t wait for him to react before bolting. They chase each other all the way back to the dorm and by the time they´re in the elevator and on the way up, both of them are equally soaked and panting between blurts of laughter.
A little paper bag infront of the door awaits them. Inside is a note, laying on top of a pair of soft brown mittens.
Found your gloves and borrowed them, sorry! – NJ
- The orange scarf
Aaron watches with a sort of detached amusement while Kevin rushes around the room, searching for his orange scarf. It´s gotten colder over the last couple of days with fresh snow falling almost every night. Most streets are blocked, the pathways covered in a thick layer of ice. Sirens in the distance have been blaring more often since it´s gotten slippery outside.
“Kevin, come on,” sighs Aaron, forcing himself to move up from the couch. “We´re only going to the library. You´ll survive the three minute walk without a scarf.”
Kevin opens his mouth to answer but Aaron moves past him and into the short hallway to put on his shoes, not wanting to wait any longer. They´re already half an hour late and Aaron won´t allow them to be any later just because the Queen couldn´t find his scarf.
Kevin pouts the entire way downstairs and across the yard towards the library. They don´t pass many people, nobody is crazy enough to leave the house in such weather, but Kevin apparently has a paper he can´t concentrate on in their dorm and Aaron takes the opportunity to meet up with Kate, far away from Andrew and his scowling face.
They have gotten better and Aaron hates to admit that Neil played a big role in that. Andrew went from threatening either Aaron or Katelyn to silently glaring at them, Neil always close by. It´s like they´re attached at the hips. Aaron has learned to tolerate the fact that Andrew has a boyfriend. That said boyfriend is Neil fucking tragedy Josten is an entirely different topic, one that Aaron doesn´t like to think about. He assumes his brother is happy, or whatever the Andrew Minyard equivalent of happiness is, and that isn´t too bad. Not too bad at all.
Kevin flops down onto one of the tables near the heaters and Aaron leaves his jacket with him before wandering around, searching for his girlfriend. In the end he finds her, of course, in the neuroscience section, nose deep in a thick book. She doesn´t seem to notice him so Aaron takes a moment to take in his girlfriend.
Katelyn´s hair is a pretty shade of reddish blonde, long and braided to fall down her back. Her eyes, a vibrant shade of blue, skip over the pages, light lashes throwing shadows over her freckled cheeks. Then she looks up like she has sensed Aaron´s eyes, and smiles. A dimple digs into the left side of her cheek, her eyes crinkle and Aaron feels a bit dizzy.
“Aaron,” she greets, closing the book and holding it close to her chest while walking over and tilting her head down to give him a kiss. “Your face is cold.”
“Well, it´s cold outside. Have you been waiting long?”
Kate shakes her head, lifting a hand to pin a strand of hair back behind her ear. “No, I just got here about half an hour ago, it’s all good.”
“Sorry,” Aaron sighs. “Kevin was searching for his stupid scarf –“
“An orange one?” Kate interrupts
“Uh, yeah, did you see it?”
With a grin, Katelyn takes Aaron´s cold hand into her own and tugs him after her, through a few more rows of bookshelves and further into the room. At this point all Aaron sees are books, he has lost all sense of direction. Maybe he should go to the library more often, if only to be as oriented in this maze as his smart girlfriend.
At some point Katelyn stops between two bookshelves, leans down and gestures Aaron to follow. Together they glance into the room, hidden behind rows of books.
Sitting infront of a large window at a table, is Neil. He´s surrounded by books and papers, his laptop sitting open and ignored next to him. Around his neck is a thick, orange scarf. On the other side of the table sits who can only be Andrew. His face is turned towards the window but Aaron would recognize his twin anywhere. Using his arms as a pillow, Andrew appears to be asleep. His left arm is stretched out, black sweater moved up a bit to show an inch of his black armband, hand resting in the middle of the table, palm down. Neil has a pen in his hand and is hard at work drawing on Andrew´s hand.
Aaron averts his eyes. Seeing Andrew like this, in a surrounding he´s not usually in, relaxed and seemingly at peace is strange for Aaron. It´s the complete opposite to his usual dark, silent demeanour, his stabby personality, his threatening words. It doesn´t feel right for Aaron to see this; it feels like he´s intruding, seeing something he´s not supposed to see.
“I met Neil earlier, „murmurs Katelyn. “He actually told me that he found Kevin´s scarf in their room and decided to mess with him.”
“I didn´t know Andrew is here,” notices Aaron silently. Katelyn smiles lightly, leaning against Aaron and pecking his cheek.
“He came a few minutes before you, brought Neil coffee-“
“Did he talk to you?”
“No,” Kate shakes her head. “He glared a little but didn´t say anything. He didn´t seem to mind that Neil talked to me. He´s a lot softer with Neil around, you know?”
Soft. His brother. Aaron snorts. Never before has he heard soft and Andrew used in the same sentence.
“I mean it,” chuckles Kate next to him, wrapping her arms around his neck and pressing a soft kiss to his forehead. “You and your brother aren´t as hardcore and badass as you´d think. You both have soft sides that only show around certain people.”
Aaron rolls his eyes softly and turns to glance back towards the table.
Andrew is sitting upright now, inspecting his inked hand before glaring at Neil without the usual venom behind his eyes. Neil only grins and reaches for his cup.
Later on, when Aaron is back at the table with Kevin, he doesn´t say anything about what he saw. Neil may be an insufferable asshole but Kevin is a drama queen. He´ll survive a bit longer without his scarf.
- Who´d take an entire coat?
“I don´t get it,” Allison mutters for the tenth time. “Who´d take an entire coat?”
Renee just shrugs, a smile on her face. She has an idea but she doesn´t feel like going after it.
Allison continues. “It could´ve only been someone on the team.”
“Maybe someone just wants to mess with me a little. I´ll check tomorrow if it´s still on the couch, for now I have other coats to wear.”
“Who´d want to mess with you?”
More people than you think, thinks Renee but she doesn´t say anything, only tugs the blanket around her body closer and leads her eyes back towards the tv. Allison joins her on the couch after another minute, handing a big, round mug over while taking a sip of her own.
For the rest of the evening Renee doesn´t think about the disappearance of her dark green coat anymore. She forgot it after practice, too hot and sweaty to remember she came with a jacket on and by the time she remembered, they were already on their way upstairs. Dan joins Allison and Renee on the couch about half an hour later, cheeks rosy and with a happy little grin on her face. Allison starts teasing her about it almost immediately but Renee just curls up further, cup of tea in her hands, and watches her roommates silently.
She does that a lot, watching, not engaging. That´s how she knows Aaron likes wearing knitted socks and Kevin secretly enjoys casual touches. It´s how she´s not blind to Nicky body language and sees his subtle changes whenever he gets sad but tries to hide it.
It´s also how she knows Neil, while enjoying the cold weather, feels its aches across his skin. She sees his small changes, his tense shoulders and forced words. Renee also knows that Neil often feels more comfortable with the Foxes around – if only they´d shut up for once – and that him taking their clothes is like a child taking their favourite plushie to take over to a friends for a sleepover. Neil wore Dan´s mittens not because he wanted to mess with her but because he found them and wanted to be cozy before giving them up. And maybe he did want to mess with Kevin because they always do, but choosing to wear Kevin´s scarf seems pretty intentional to Renee as well.
So if someone found her coat and took it, it´d be Neil. And for his sake, she´ll wait for it to show up on its own, rather than asking for it back. Because that´d mean she wouldn´t want Neil wearing her clothes.
Turns out, Renee doesn´t have to wait very long. The next morning before practice, Neil waits for Renee in the lounge, bouncing from foot to foot, looking nervous. Next to him over the back of a couch lays a dark green coat, neatly folded like someone tried their best to get it smooth and without wrinkles.
“Neil,” Renee greets with a soft smile. Immediately blue eyes flicker to her face before glancing back toward the entrance, probably waiting for the rest to show. Like on cue, Allison and Dan enter, bags slung over their shoulders and chatting passionately. They only wave at Renee and Neil, not wanting to stop their conversation, before passing the lounge and entering their locker rooms.
When Renee turns her attention back towards the small striker infront of her, she notices his tense shoulders without problem.
“Uh,” Neil starts, eyes flickering here and there but not daring to look back at Renee. “I...found your coat yesterday...sorry for not giving it back right away...”
With a grin, Renee picks up her coat and eyes it for a moment before stretching her arm out towards Neil.
“It´s all good, I didn´t miss it. How about you hang on to it for now? I have other jackets to wear and I´d prefer someone actually wearing it. I know that it wouldn´t catch dust with you.”
Neil looks up for a moment, before lowering his eyes back towards her coat.
“I don´t...”
“Neil,” interrupts Renee softly. “You can borrow it for as long as you need, okay? You know where to find me if you ever want to give it back.”
Cheeks turning rosy, Neil slowly reaches out and takes the coat with careful fingers, bringing it close to his chest and holding it there.
“Thanks...”
Renee nods, a smile on her face. If she wouldn´t know that Neil doesn´t want it, she´d give him a hug. But knowing that that´s not something he wants very often, she decides on a kind smile and soft nod.
“You know, you can always come over and look through my closet for anything you might want to wear.”
Quiet for a long time, Neil seems to work through something before opening his mouth.
“Most winter coats make me feel...restricted...”
Ah.
“And this one doesn´t?”
“No...it´s not too heavy.”
“Like I said,” smiles Renee,” keep it for as long as you want and if you want it for the rest of winter, that´s fine.”
“Neil,” Kevin´s sudden, loud voice makes Neil flinch and Renee glance around him towards the locker rooms where Kevin is standing, looking pissed. “What the fuck are you doing? Get your ass in here and get changed! Ah, hi Renee.”
Renee greets back with a soft chuckle and a little wave while Neil besides her raises his middle finger and scowls at the other striker.
1. Take it, junkie
Andrew is already awake when Neil crawls out of bed, which is...new. Usually Neil is up way before Andrew for his morning run and making coffee when Andrew decides to get up. But today it´s different. Andrew already knew something was off when he opened his eyes at around ten and Neil was still next to him, curled up on his side with one hand beneath his pillow, sleeping like a dead man. Even when Andrew got up fifteen minutes after staring holes into the underside of Neil´s bunk, his junkie didn´t even flinch, only curled up further and turned his face into the pillow.
Now he´s standing infront of Andrew almost two hours later, dressed in sweatpants and the dark green coat that somehow found it´s way into his possession, his sleepshirt still underneath. His blue eyes are bleary and puffy, set deep and surrounded by shadows. Skin pale, Neil looks like a wandering ghost.
“What are you wearing?”, asks Andrew, taking a sip of his second cup of coffee.
“Cold,” mutters Neil, voice distant and raspy.
“Take a hot shower, junkie.”
Neil shakes his head and wanders closer on socked feet, steps light and body moving carefully around. The last time he moved like that was after Andrew got him back from Baltimore, after he was cut open and bruised all over and even breathing seemed to hurt.
“What´s up, Neil?”, Andrew continue, watching Neil stretching, a frown on his face, to grab a glass.
“Just stiff.”
Andrew thinks back, trying to remember anything different in Neil´s routine yesterday, but he comes up blank. There´s nothing that´d give Neil stiff muscles. Nothing but a very sudden drop in temperature.
“I´ll get the bath ready,” hums Andrew, raising from his chair.
“Drew, I-“ Neil starts before stopping himself, biting his lip and turning back towards the sink to fill his glass.
“Don´t be an idiot, Neil,” reminds him Andrew before leaving to run a bath. By the time he got everything ready and returns to the kitchen, Neil is slumped against the counter, a pained expression on his face and his knuckles white where he´s holding onto the counter.
Upon noticing Andrew, Neil slowly pushes away from the counter and comes closer and closer, waiting for Andrew´s nod before leaning his forehead against Andrew´s shoulder. A deep sigh escapes Neil, his shoulders slowly relax and his fists unclench. Andrew hates that. He hates the reactions they have regarding each other, he hates that even when Neil doesn´t feel like himself, he still waits for Andrew´s decision and he hates that Neil would listen if Andrew would´ve said no. He would have pulled away without any bad feelings, he would´ve allowed and accepted a No.
With something curling in the pit of Andrew´s stomach, he raises a hand and clamps it over Neil´s neck, squeezing lightly and holding his head there for a second.
“The water is getting cold,” he then says, slowly releasing Neil again. “Come on.”
Neil trails behind Andrew like a shadow, not speaking a word and making no sounds. Once they´re in the bathroom and Andrew moves to turn and leave, a light tug at his sleeve stops his movements. When he turns, Neil is staring at the ground beneath their feet, not daring to look back at Andrew but still holding onto the corner of his sleeve tight. Andrew knows that if he´d move to leave, Neil wouldn´t stop him. If he were to say something or just pull his arm away, Neil would accept it without another word.
“Okay,” Andrew agrees instead, waiting for Neil to release his sleeve before turning to close the door and waiting for Neil to get into the tub before he turns back around.
Once he does turn, Neil is already submerged in water up to his nose, eyes closed and the tips of auburn hair getting wet. Andrew comes closer, sitting on the little stool next to the tub and keeping his hands in his lap. Only when Neil tilts his head he understands the hint as a silent question. With a soft sigh, Andrew reaches out and slides his fingers through Neil´s curls, untangling strands and scratching over his scalp until Neil lets out soft hums of comfort.
They sit in silence for a long time, Andrew not having the need to speak and Neil not being able to form words. But that´s okay. By the time Neil moves to get out of the tub the water has gotten cold and the clouds of foam swimming on the surface – remnants of Andrew´s shampoo massaged into Neil´s scalp – are almost entirely dissolved. Andrew moves to turn back around again but Neil stops him once more, eyes flickering up to Andrew before shifting away again. He wants Andrew to stay and watch. So Andrew does.
He watches with cool affection as Neil lifts his scarred and battered body up and steps out of the tub. Drops of water run down his body and Andrew concentrates on one, follows its way down Neil´s neck, past the valleys and mountains of his skin, past red scars and bruises from yesterdays practice, down Neil´s hipbone and past his crotch, over his knee and shin before joining the little puddle that has formed by Neil´s feet.
Silently, he hands Neil a towel and waits for him to dry himself before beckoning him over towards the stool. Neil sits, towel around his waist and hair still dripping wet. Andrew doesn´t say anything when he grabs a smaller towel and starts taking care of Neil´s hair. He has his hair routine memorized entirely so it´s not hard to recreate the steps.
By the time he´s done, Neil´s skin is dry enough for Andrew to apply the cream Neil has gotten for his scars. He hardly uses it anymore but on bad days or when the weather tightens the scar tissue beneath his skin, Andrew still massages it into every inch of scarred skin with a determination he shows for hardly anything else. Neil hums again, head dropping to the side when Andrew presses on a knot beneath Neil´s shoulder blade.
Once again Andrew is almost taken aback by the fact that it´s so easy. It´s so easy to not hurt, to not stab and cut and burn and prod and force and search for blood. It´s so easy to leave someone alone, not searching for destruction with every breath. Neither Andrew nor Neil have ever had the pleasure of growing up like other children. Like normal children. But Neil - Neil who´s been haunted and hunted, burnt and tortured, shot and stabbed – still sits there, seemingly finding comfort in the way Andrew´s rough hands feel on his scars, revelling in the touches he receives now.
Andrew leaves the room when Neil gets dressed, feeling raw and unsteady in his path. But for some reason he ends up infront of the bathroom door again, a hoodie in his hand. His hoodie. The black hoodie with subtle black stitching across the back, forming a large fox, starting between his shoulder blades and ending just above the hem. The hoodie Neil gifted him, the hoodie Renee made after Neil asked her to.
He knocks and Neil opens the door and Andrew enters the hot, stuffy room. Neil looks at him confused when Andrew hands over the hoodie, brows tugged together and mouth turned downwards like he´s thinking.
“Take it, junkie,” mutters Andrew because what else is there to say? He wants Neil to wear his sweater because he wants Neil to feel safe and he wants Neil to feel comfortable and he wants Neil to feel like, with Andrew, he finally has a home.