Chapter Text
“Y’know, you really don’t have to say anything. No one would blame you.”
The cards Obi Wan held were rough against his palms. His hands were so dry and he hated how paper felt on dry hands. It was like the sound of metal scraping against metal. Borderline bloodcurdling. It was just one of many things about today that was sending his nerves spiraling.
Everything was too much. The lights. The sound of traffic in the distance. The sunlight coming through the windows. The sound of people. Didn’t matter whether they were talking or not. He knew they were there and that closeness made him want to rip his hair out.
But he smiled politely, just like he always did. Just like he had during the events that had ended up leaving him here, in this cold, vacuous room, full of people he barely knew.
“Thanks, Bant,” He gave his old friend his best smile, knowing very well she saw through him. “I do though. Not like I’ll get a chance later.”
What was eating- no, clawing away at him was how easy it had all been. This was meant to be stressful. It should be expensive and painful, but the process had gone so smoothly.
But of course a man as unpredictable as Qui Gon Jinn had had his affairs in order. It was like he’d known it was going to happen, but he hadn’t and it only made Obi Wan angrier. What man in his fifties had a fully drafted will and already had funeral arrangements decided? Why had he spent so much time thinking about that? He wasn’t chronically ill, he didn’t have a history of mental health problems or physical ailments. Nothing that indicated he was going anywhere.
But then Obi Wan had gotten his letter and he understood. Rather he was able to accept what he already knew by seeing it written down.
Qui Gon had loved his children. That’s why he’d been prepared for the worst. Still, it was like he’d slipped right through Obi Wan’s hands like sand, straight into the ground.
There were so many faces here he didn’t recognise. He hadn’t had enough time to process much of anything to decide how he felt about that.
Bant gave him that smile you only gave people when you felt bad for them but knew better than to try to interfere with how they were feeling. She knew there was no changing his mind.
“I’ll be nearby if you need me,” is all she said, before giving him space.
Obi Wan turned away from the room, staring into the wall. If he looked to his right, towards the middle of the room, he’d see a casket so he kept his gaze straight ahead. He was a pretty good public speaker ordinarily but there was nothing ordinary about this. The rest of his organs felt like they’d tied themselves around his lungs, squeezing the air out of his body, and his limbs felt like all the blood had left them. He felt halfway between keeling over and throwing something through the nearest window but he did not let it show. He never did.
~•~
Obi Wan's thoughts were ripped away from the past and forced back into present day by a meowing from the living door. When he looked, he was greeted by the sight of Boga strolling over to him.
“Hello, little one.” He smiles as she began to nuzzle against his legs, leaning down and scooping her into his arms. She hadn’t been little in a long time though. She was getting old and Obi Wan knew it but he didn’t have the mental capacity to even consider something happening to her right now.
He remembered the day he found her. The reason it was particularly significant now was because he had been with Qui Gon at the time. He’d been having some trouble adjusting to Anakin living with them. He never said it out loud because he felt horribly selfish for even thinking it, but it would turn out he didn’t have to say anything at all. Qui Gon had a way of reading him that could be quite unbearable at times, but it was a tremendous relief to him then.
He’d always enjoyed looking at birds when he was younger and so Qui Gon had begun going on walks with him and Anakin to try and figure out what birds could be seen. They couldn’t leave Anakin behind and Obi Wan would never have even suggested it but it had been an unspoken secret between him and Qui Gon that this was only for him. This would always be their thing.
And then, one random day when the weather wasn’t particularly nice but wasn’t especially bad, a cat with a rather concerning limp and fairly prominent ribs had wandered out onto their path like their meeting had been destined. She’d looked rough and like the world hadn’t been kind to her but it didn’t stop her from prancing right up to them and meowing.
After a visit to the vet where it had been deduced that she didn’t have an owner, Qui Gon posed the question to Obi Wan and his new brother. Anakin had been indifferent to her from the beginning but Obi Wan was already attached, so Boga had entered his life and had been there ever since.
She was already an adult when they found her, clearly having belonged to someone who didn’t want her anymore.
It was then that he recalled what Cody had said during their conversation earlier about him sending any pets away to protect them. She'd managed to sleep through the entire investigation last week. He still wasn’t sure how he felt about it all but the concept of her being a target had admittedly freaked him out.
“What do you think?” He asked, looking down at her.
Boga purred in his arms, rubbing her head against his beard. Obi Wan let out a sigh. He didn’t believe in ghosts. He didn’t. Still, better safe than sorry.
“I suppose I could call Mace,” he said to her. “I don’t believe he’s awfully fond of cats but I have no doubt you’ll win him over.”
“Who are you talking to?”
Obi Wan would’ve jumped about ten feet in the air if it hadn’t been for his hold on Boga.
“Anakin! Announce yourself if you’re going to move around so quietly.”
His brother didn’t smile or apologise or do anything at all. He just stared at him from the dark doorway. Obi Wan suppressed a shiver.
“How is Padme?” Obi Wan asked, attempting to shift the awkwardness.
“She’s fine. Where did you go this morning?” It was such an abrupt question that Obi Wan just sort of gawked at him for a few seconds.
“Well, I had a class,” Obi Wan begin before Anakin interrupted.
“Which finishes at eleven, but you didn’t get back for hours.”
“I was with a friend,” Obi Wan answered, wondering what reason Anakin could have for memorising his schedule. It was on his phone so it’s not as if his brother could see it.
“Which one?” Anakin asked. Even Boga had tensed up, jumping down and scurrying out of the room.
“No one you would know. Someone I just met. Are you alright, Anakin?”
“I’m fine.”
“Well, you’re home so little these days that I-”
“Can you blame me?” Anakin asked, smiling vindictively in the dark that seemed to wrap around him like someone had draped a cloak over him. “I mean, can you really blame me?”
“Anakin. I don’t know what you’re implying but I would ask that you stop right now.”
“I think you know exactly what I’m implying.”
Boga’s purring had ceased and she stared straight at the doorway, letting out a hiss.
Anakin scoffed at her, turning around and leaving the doorway empty.
Obi Wan watched the empty space where his brother had been, wondering when someone he loved so much had started leaving him with such a hollow feeling in his chest whenever they interacted.
~•~
“It was a nice speech.”
Anakin was doing his best to smile but Obi Wan knew him far too well.
“Thank you,” was his response. He wanted to say it wasn’t nice at all. That Qui Gon deserved better than he could ever give him. But Anakin didn’t need to hear that right now so Obi Wan kept it to himself.
“I don’t know how you do that stuff,” Anakin admitted, as they stared out into the small patch of woods at the rear of their back garden. The sky was bright white and everything else was a rather dreary grey like a film had been placed over the world. The trees at the end of the garden had a quality about them that was almost animated. When you stared at them, seemed to stare back and their gaze was not a kind one. Obi Wan had managed to steal a few moments to himself during the midst of the wake, but of course, he had no problem with his brother joining him. "You're so good at it."
Being inside was smothering. Outside wasn't much more pleasant but at least it was quieter. Nearly everyone he cared about was in there but it was so much to take in. Perhaps Anakin could sense how close to the edge he was which is why he’d been unusually well behaved today. Anakin was temperamental at the best of times but now he’d lost two parental figures so Obi Wan wouldn’t blame him if he had a complete breakdown. However, he’d been well mannered and calm the entire day.
“Speaking?” Obi Wan looked over at him. “You’re better at it than you think.”
“Nah.” Anakin smiled at the ground, nudging a dislodged piece of wood from the decking around with his foot. “That’s all you. I guess I’m better at other things. I don’t know.”
“You’re much smarter than I am, Anakin,” Obi Wan said. “You could be good at anything if you set your mind to it.”
“What are we going to do?”
“I don’t know,” Obi Wan admitted. “I think I’m going to drop out.”
“What?!" Anakin exclaimed. "You can’t!”
Obi Wan shook his head."
“No, I think I do," he said "You have so much to balance already and Ahsoka is so young. I need to be at home. She, in particular, needs that.”
“Please don’t," Anakin pleaded. "Can’t you just take a year out or something? You’ve put so much work into this. You can’t just throw it away. I- I can do more! Just tell me what to do and I'll do it. I swear.”
Obi Wan pressed his lips together into a solemn smile, putting a hand on Anakin's shoulder. "I'll look into taking a year out. I don't want you to worry though. You shouldn't have to do anything more than you already do. I know you hate when people point it out, but you are still a child in many ways. If you really want more responsibilities, I'm sure there are some things you can do, but I want you to have as normal a life as possible."
His mind really had been set on dropping out. It wasn't that he wanted but he didn't know how much he could take right now. Any serious attempt at doing work was derailed by his inability to focus on anything. Whenever he found himself stuck with anything, he'd go and find Qui Gon and they'd talk about it. Hearing whatever had been vexing him said out loud helped him think about it differently, and now there was nowhere for him to go.
They stood in silence for a few more seconds, staring out at the unforgiving forest, when Obi Wan heard a gentle sniffling coming from beside him. He looked over to see silent tears streaming down Anakin's cheeks.
Obi Wan didn't know what to say, because there was nothing that could be said, so he just pulled Anakin in for a hug, feeling his brother hide his face in his neck. It wasn’t long before Obi Wan felt the dampness of tears against his skin.
It wasn’t long before he joined Anakin in his tears, holding on as if Anakin too would disappear from his life.
~•~
Obi Wan wasn’t sure when exactly it was after his interaction with Anakin that he fell asleep but it was anything but restful.
He’d been awake since seven that morning and he hadn’t been sleeping much in general. Being with Cody had taken longer than he’d thought it would, but not longer than he’d wanted. However, when he’d gotten back, he’d been pretty wiped out so passing out with Boga still in his arms hadn’t been hard at all.
He woke up what had to be a couple of hours later. At least he thought he was awake, but he found he couldn’t move.
He was still in his living room, and it was darker. Someone had turned the light off.
It would have become easy to start to panic. He wasn’t prone to claustrophobia or anything like that but feeling like his limbs were trapped wasn’t a sensation he especially enjoyed.
This had been happening more and more often but Obi Wan understood that it was only caused by a poor quality of sleep and he didn’t even know where to begin with trying to figure out the root of his sleep problems. There were so many things it could be, although Cody had already made his opinion clear.
It didn’t actually get scary until something shifted into his view.
He shouldn't have looked. He shouldn't have looked, but he did. He recalled last week when Ahsoka mentioned that she just pretended not to see the things in her dreams, but he had already looked right at it.
There was something peering over at him from the end of the sofa, hunched over on all fours. It was dark but Obi Wan could make out a face, if that’s what it could be called. There wasn't much of it left because it had all rotted away.
There was also something by the doorway, similarly dark, similarly looking right at him. He could only see it in his peripheral view but he knew in his soul that its eyes were fixed on him.
He wasn’t ignorant to what this was though. A simple hallucination prompted by sleep paralysis. He closed his eyes even though it was too late and focused on keeping his breathing as calm as possible. Qui Gon had always been a pretty spiritual person and while he’d never bought into the spiritual side of it, Obi Wan had always found the meditation he’d been forced to do growing up to actually be incredibly helpful. He hadn’t done it since Qui Gon’s passing but it wasn’t hard to slip back into old habits. It was in his head. Many people reported seeing shadowy figures during things like this. It was the most common experience you could have and it wasn't real.
But that didn’t explain the smell that was in the air. It was like burning and something else really strong and metallic.
That must just be part of it though, so he kept his eyes closed and tried the block out the sound of hoarse breathing. He’d seen the thing in front of him many times. This was just his brain processing trauma. Yes, over time the figure had become more and more twisted and decomposed but that was just his brain. It was in his head. It had to be in his head because if it wasn’t then Cody and Ahsoka and Rex were all right and there was something leering at him right now while he was completely exposed. He simply did not have the ability to process that right now.
It was in his head.
It was in his head.
It was in his head.
Except it wasn't. There are some things that are just too horrifying for the human mind to comprehend, so there would be no way Obi Wan would ever accept his reality, even if he was a diehard believer in the supernatural. But the thing in front of him, the thing that used to be a man, was very much there and the only reason he was still alive was because he wasn't in a deep enough sleep. He wasn't in the safer walls of his bedroom now, so the only reason it couldn't get to him, why it couldn't claw at his skin again, was because his guard wasn't all the way down. It had been trying for months and it had gotten so much closer recently. Obi Wan was running out of time and he didn't even know it.
What he was on the cusp of understanding, although he was still not quite there, was that his consistently rational mind, usually extraordinarily helpful in his day to day life, would be his undoing here. There were no sleep paralysis hallucinations at play here.
Three pairs of eyes had watched him the entire time he’d slept. In fact, they’d not looked away from him since the moment he got back home.
Obi Wan didn’t look back again. He couldn't. In a matter of minutes, his body would catch up with his brain and he’d be awake again.
But then there was the very real sound of floorboards under someone’s feet by the door and he woke with a start, clutching his chest, head jerking over in that direction, rationality thrown to the wind, ready to fight or run or whatever his body naturally did first.
It was empty. There was no one there.
Obi Wan almost laughed, out of borderline hysteria, as his heart pounded in his ears because, for a moment, he was allowed to believe it was all still in his head. He was surely losing it.
That was when the noise of the squeaky stairs sounded, followed by scrambling footsteps and seconds later by the closing of a door. Obi Wan felt his blood turn to ice as he realised what had just happened. He stared at the open door in horror as Boga leapt up onto the couch beside him, staring in the exact same direction as he was, her back arched and her tail curled under her, posture rigid and a soft hish escaping from her mouth.
Anakin’s door had a slightly rustier hinge than the others, by pure coincidence, nothing else, and it would creak when it closed. That sound seemed to echo down the hall and fly directly at Obi Wan, hitting him right in the chest.
That had been a dream. That’s all it was. Just a dream, and he was still reeling from it which is why he was hearing things. Anakin wouldn’t-
But Obi Wan stopped himself, catching himself in a lie. Anakin would. He had proof in the form of past bruises on his neck that forced him to accept that Anakin most definitely would. He'd woken up a number of times to Anakin doing strange things, only sometimes hurting him, and Obi Wan had been foolish enough to let it continue because he believed on some level that he deserved it. That this was a punishment for every way Obi Wan had failed him.
But Cody was right. Enough was enough. Not only because Ahsoka was being affected, but because no matter what he'd done, he did not deserve this. He had to remind himself of that and one day, he might actually start believing it too.
And that was when that smell hit his nose once more. The smell of a bonfire and the thick, pungent scent of blood. He was most certainly awake now, and the smell was still present.
Obi Wan stood up, trying to steady himself, moving to rub at the scars now forming on his chest as he had begun doing when he was anxious, but when he did, his hands were damp. He hadn’t looked down because he'd had no reason to, and when he did, he saw the crimson staining his hands, dripping from his fingertips.
He felt like he was going to be sick, looking around in a daze. Had he hurt someone? Was he the one hurt? Was Boga alright? Was there a gas leak or something? What the fuck was happening?
There was no blood anywhere, he was alone in the room, except for Boga who was completely fine. So where had it come from?
Hot tears sprang to his eyes as he let out a sob, so terrified he was going to see someone lying somewhere but the blood was only on him.
He didn't even think about running to the bathroom. Ahsoka had mentioned being unable to enter the one upstairs, but neglected to mention the downstairs one. It was down the empty hallway which was completely free from blood stains, and he felt like he might collapse just trying to get there like all the blood from his own body had been drained and was seeping into his clothes.
The bathroom was eerily cold, like those cold spots Cody had explained to him, and he could see his breath in front of him. He turned on the tap and tried to clean the blood off, but all it did was turn the water red. He tried so hard to rub it off, but it wouldn't budge.
Something moved behind him in the reflective surface of the sink, just like Ahsoka had mentioned happening to her, and he couldn't help but glance up. His body did it automatically and as soon as he did it, he wished more than anything he hadn't.
He only saw it for a second in the mirror, before he whipped around to see properly, but what he saw he'd never forget for the rest of his life.
When he had seen it before at the edge of the couch through half-closed eyes, he didn't have time to note the details of its face, but he recognised who it was. It was burned beyond recognition but he knew those eyes. He couldn't cry, he couldn't even breathe. The smell of fire and rot filled his nose until it felt like it was replacing the air.
And then he turned around and it was gone. His hands were clean too and the room didn't smell. He was alone again.
He stood there for god only knows how long, rooted to the spot, unable to think clearly. It had been there. It had really been there. There's no way it hadn't.
But then it had vanished.
He was finally broken out of his trance by a loud meow, and it felt like he'd just woken up.
Boga started rubbing against his ankles, as worried as a cat could be, meowing repeatedly in a way that sounded almost remorseful.
Obi Wan clutched his chest, sinking to the ground and letting Boga continue to rub against him as he did what he could to pull himself together.
He should probably go to the hospital, shouldn't he? He had to be sick. There was something in the air or the water or something else. He'd picked up something from somewhere.
"Need to get you out of here," he said to Boga, rubbing his chest to try and calm himself down. Maybe Cody had gotten through to him, just a little.
He still didn't believe in ghosts, but there was something happening and he'd feel better if Boga wasn't involved.
Now the hallway seemed a lot more daunting. It seemed darker than it had mere moments ago, and much longer too. Like it stretched much further than it really did. Those strange noises that had started happening a few months ago no longer seemed like coincidences.
He was starting to feel the eyes that were locked onto him from the floor above but was not yet fully conscious of the full extent of their intentions.
The eyes were only getting closer. They had been waiting for a long time, chipping away at what kept them away from him. If they could get through him, everything else would fall into place. The girl was barely a hurdle. He was the one really stopping them.
He couldn't sit on the bathroom floor forever. Gathering Boga into his arms once more, holding just a little tighter now, he left the room, keeping his eyes half-closed just in case he saw something. He hadn't done that since he was a kid and he knew it didn't make sense. If he truly believed there was nothing there, then he'd have no reason to be scared, but he was terrified.
He reached the bottom of the stairs, half expecting to see someone at the top. But there was no one.
"Anakin?" His voice broke halfway through, betraying his fear to anyone listening.
A few seconds pass. Nothing.
He tried again.
"Anakin?!"
Nothing again.
But Obi Wan knew what he heard. That part had to have been real, if nothing else had been and he wasn't even so sure about that now. He'd heard Anakin run up those stairs hundreds of times. He knew that boy better than he knew himself. Even if things had become strained, he'd know Anakin anywhere and those were his footsteps.
Already regretting his decision, he put one foot on the stairs, beginning to climb.
If this was all in his head, if he was truly losing his mind, all he had to do was ask Anakin and he'd tell him.
One foot after the other. That's all it took.
The stairs seemed to groan much louder than usual as if warning him against what he was doing. Ahsoka had told him all about what Anakin had done, what she believed was the root of all this. Obi Wan hadn't believed her at the time, even though it was just a few days ago, but now he wasn't as certain. Could Anakin really have caused so much damage?
He raised a hand to knock, hesitating for a second too long, because the front door opened and made him jump out of his skin.
Ahsoka entered, just arriving back from school, and looked around for a sign that anyone was home. She spotted him eventually at the top of the stairs, flinching initially but relaxing when she recognised him in the darkness. But then her expression changed again and her face turned deathly pale. He couldn't tell from the distance, but her gaze had shifted slightly from him to just behind him.
“What are you doing?”
Obi Wan just about had a heart attack. He looked around to see Anakin poking his head out of the door. He looked like himself again, but his room was pitch black behind him and it didn't look like he'd been sleeping. Boga wriggled slightly in his arms, earning a glare from Anakin. Obi Wan knew he'd never particularly cared about her but that was a concerning reaction.
“Sorry, I was just- were you downstairs a few minutes ago?”
Anakin did not look amused by the question at all. "I've been up here for hours. Why?”
Obi Wan really did know Anakin. That meant he knew exactly when he was lying.
“I guess I thought I heard you," he said, not calling him out on the lie. His senses screamed at him not to. "Never mind.”
“So… you came up to ask if I had gone downstairs? Is that a problem now?”
Obi Wan suppressed the urge to roll his eyes. This was Anakin. He was still moody but it was a distinct change from the person who he’d spoken to in the living room. He would pick fights and start arguments for no reason and it could be a nightmare.
“Were you sleeping?" He asked politely. "I didn’t mean to wake you.”
“I wasn’t.”
Well, that confirmed that suspicion.
“Then why-”
“Did you need something?”
"No. No." Obi Wan's mind went blank. Anakin just stared. "It's nothing. Don't worry about it."
"Right..." Anakin gave him an annoyed, if slightly confused look, closing the door again.
Obi Wan sighed, wincing slightly at his own awkwardness and feeling ashamed at the relief he felt when he couldn't see his brother anymore.
A small hand grasped his suddenly, making him jump. It was only Ahsoka, but her hand was shaking and her gaze was glued to him, like she was terrified to look anywhere else. Boga hid her face from view, nuzzling into his neck, like she was scared to look around as well.
"Do you maybe want to go out somewhere?" Ahsoka asked, her eyes wide and almost teary, trying and failing to seem nonchalant so as to not draw attention. The rule was don't let them know you can see them, but her peripheral vision was really screwing her over right now. "I feel like we haven't spent enough time together recently."
Both of them were there, just out of the corner of her eye. The one that hung closely to Anakin had detached itself now. She'd never clearly seen them in her dreams before, but their faces were fully visible now. Something had changed in the last few weeks, even more in the last few days, and they didn't care as much about hiding anymore. They hovered around Obi Wan, like they couldn't quite get to him as much as they wanted to. If they couldn't touch him, she needed to use that to get them both out of here while she still could.
It seemed Ahsoka and Obi Wan both shared a mutual feeling, an unspoken understanding that this was no longer a safe place, at least while Anakin was still there. They wouldn't be able to get him out right now.
Ahsoka looked at Obi Wan and knew that he understood.
The smell of smoke seeped back into the air, but this time they could both smell it.
Obi Wan shivered involuntarily as something he couldn't see at the moment, but Ahsoka could, walked straight through him.
"Please," Ahsoka whispered, pulling on his arm, the desperation clear in her face, begging him just to play along with it. She was trying so hard to protect him, and he could see that now. He could see everything now.
"That's a good idea," he agreed, going along with it, his voice breaking and betraying just how scared he was. "Anakin?"
He called behind him but didn't look away from Ahsoka.
"Ahsoka and I are going out for a bit if you'd like to join us."
He was betting on Anakin saying no, but he didn't receive a reply at all. Neither he nor Ahsoka had any idea what was happening behind that door, but they knew they just had to get out of there right now.
"We'll see you later," Ahsoka called, pulling Obi Wan slowly towards the stairs, keeping the eye contact all the time.
The figures didn't follow. They couldn't. Bound to the boy behind the door, they just watched from the shadows. It wouldn't be much longer now.