Work Text:
She sits. She sits and sits and sits some more.
Sometimes she gets up and cleans, she has Jen and Ian over, she goes to the gym.
But mostly, she just sits. In desperation, in sadness, frozen in anger. Eyes glued to the wall, to the TV, seeing nothing. Questioning everything.
How could he do this? How did he hide it?
Why did he do it?
What was so much more important than the original plan that he threw it all away and leaped?
She wonders what the Admiral would say if he was still alive. She’d talked to him a handful of times. Would he say that sometimes the mind of a genius of that level couldn’t be understood? Would he say that Ben would’ve had a good reason or he wouldn’t have done it? Or would he say that he, like she, had wondered constantly why Sam had decided to leap when things weren’t necessarily ready?
“When you love someone that much,” The Admiral had said one day, voice low, twiddling a cigar between his fingers. “Someone like Sam, or like Ben. You have to just let these things happen. They’re always so far ahead, there’s always something that you haven’t even thought of yet.”
“How did you deal with that?” She’d asked. “I mean, I’m the one who was supposed to be leaping. But I just feel like somehow, Ben is somewhere else. Like he’s ahead of me.”
Al chuckled. “Even with his Swiss cheesed brain, Sam was always like that. He always saw something that I didn’t.”
Now Addison wonders if Al knew what was going on with Ben. If he knew what Janice and Ben were planning. Did he? Did he pick it up from Sam, this ability to be ahead? She had no way of knowing. Except to drag Ben back home and ask him. And she wasn’t sure if that was happening anytime soon.
So…
She sits.
And sits.
Until her phone rings. It’s Ian.
“Hello?”
“Hey Addison.” Their voice sounds breathless, excited.
They’ve got him, she thinks.
“What’s up, Ian?” She asks.
“We got him. He’s in Alaska, 2005. Ziggy’s working on it now, we should have more information when you get here.”
“I’m on my way."
________________
She watches.
She watches as Ben runs around a crab fishing boat, with no previous experience, trying to save the entire crew. Follows him, hand tight around her hand-link, yelling at him through the chaos. She watches, helpless as he puts himself directly in harm’s way trying to save a crewman. She watches, relieved, as the chances of survival go up from 30% to 50%. But it still isn’t enough.
She watches.
She watches even when she has to leave the imaging chamber. And she watches in awe as Ben figures it out just as Ziggy finishes all of the calculations.
She rushes back into the chamber to see him one last time before he leaps. He looks haggard, exhausted and chilled to the bone. She wants to draw him in close but she knows that she can’t.
“You did it, Ben.” Addison smiles, getting as close to him as she can. “You got through it.”
“I never want to go on a boat again.” Ben shudders. “If…when I get back, don’t ever put me on a boat.”
Addison laughs. “Don’t worry. You hated them before you leapt anyway. You got sick when we tried, and we decided that we’d never do it again.”
“So that explains why I felt like I wanted to vomit the whole time. It wasn’t just stress.” Ben laughs and shakes his head. “I think I’ll be leaping soon. Will you be there?”
“I wouldn’t be anywhere else,” She says, just as the blue light swirls around his figure.
And so Addison leaves the chamber, goes home, and sits.
She sits, and waits.
Until the phone rings again.