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Overwhelmed With Love and Pain

Chapter 4: Love.

Notes:

hi.

it's been a month since i last posted an update. one that i'm sure many of you have been eagerly awaiting. i've been struggling to find motivation to finish this, as well as being totally blank on ideas. ultimately i think i ended up with a really satisfying conclusion, and things that happened in the last chapter get explained. i've also updated the rating because there's some alcohol mentioned and that's something i think should be made aware.

regardless of all of that, please enjoy this final chapter. i worked as hard as i could on this. <3

(See the end of the chapter for more notes.)

Chapter Text

There was nothing else but fear and pain running through Kabbu’s mind as he ran out of the Termite Kingdom. For whatever reason, panic had begun to slowly settle into his mind as he and Neo spoke and stayed together for longer on their… date. And that panic just came to a boiling point as he watched Neo longingly stare out of the window, a look of admiration and awe.

That just set Kabbu off, and the only thing that was screaming in his mind at that moment was, “RUN AWAY”. That same cowardly side of him came through and told him to run away from this problem. He had faced countless criminals before, he had conquered the Wasp King, and he’d even faced that wretched beast that had ruthlessly murdered his dearest friends. So…

So why was a date with Neo hard?

No matter how much he truly wanted it, he just couldn’t bring himself to go through with it and see it to its end. Maybe the pressure from Vi and Leif had gotten to him and he internally decided to just get it over with.

Whatever the case, he had run out of the restaurant crying. And now he was rushing back to the Ant Mines, tears in his eyes. Neo was probably so confused as to where Kabbu had gone. He probably was sitting at that same booth, waiting for him to return.

The beetle choked back a sob.

He ran into the mines, and once he made his way through them, he beelined out of the central area, and went out into the Ant Palace. He didn’t even care if he made a scene; he just ran to his broken heart's content.

He ran across the bridge, the moonlight shining bright above him. Why did his own emotions have to be so complicated? He ran out of the restaurant out of nowhere, all because of one look at his best friend. He’d been hiding it so well, but that just… broke him.

He felt so normal, and then he just so quickly tore apart. He didn’t get it. Was it supposed to be that way? Was this a normal thing to feel?

…He didn’t even know if Neo would consider him a best friend anymore.

He reached the Main Plaza, totally out of breath. He glanced to his right as he caught his breath. Vi and Leif were probably there, in their shared house. Definitely can’t go that way, he thought. He stood up straight and stretched, wiping a tear away from his eye. Why did he have to be such a mess?

He felt his stomach growl. He totally skipped out on his food at the restaurant, and now that guilty feeling began to creep back to him. He needed to eat something. There was probably nothing open though. Nothing but…

He knew where he needed to go, especially to take the edge off.

He headed out of the main plaza and towards the commercial district, being sure to take the long way so that he didn’t get spotted by Vi and Leif in their house.

He tried to be as quiet as possible, and he didn’t run at all. He didn’t have the strength in him to run. He just made his way past the residential area (trying not to eye Neo’s house… and failing), and then went into the commercial district.

He snuck past the tall grass, and then leaped down into the hole, landing into the Underground Tavern. It was rather dead, thankfully, but Doppel was still there, doing his usual bartending. And that same musician that always seemed to stay in the same place was there too, strumming away at his guitar.

Doppel looked over at Kabbu and raised a brow. “Here alone, Kabbu?” the disguised ladybug inquired. “That’s not much like you, especially this late at night.”

While usually Kabbu would’ve responded with something more serious or thoughtful, tonight was different. His patience had worn thin, and now he just felt… sad. Or, really, gloomy, to be more accurate.

Kabbu took a seat at the bar and looked straight into Doppel’s eyes. “Give me a glass of your hardest berry juice,” the beetle stated.

Doppel seemed shocked, but he didn’t refuse him. He immediately got to work on it, mixing and squeezing the berries into a juice, then adding it to a glass along with a shot of liquor. He poured some ice, shaked the mixer glass up some and poured the final result into a glass. He then slid it over to Kabbu. “You want that on your tab?” he asked.

Kabbu slowly nodded as he began to down the glass. Doppel looked in what seemed like a mix of awe and disgust. The beetle didn’t care. The bite of the drink felt good as it burned all the way down his throat. This type of intemperance was something Kabbu didn’t usually get into, but after how much pain his heart was in, he needed it.

And the worst part? This pain. He did it to himself. He only had himself to blame.

Kabbu downed the drink some more, and Doppel decided to step in. “Okay, you need to slow down a little bit,” he said, leaning on the counter in front of Kabbu. “This isn’t usually like you.”

“You don’t know what I’m like,” Kabbu replied, a bite in his tone.

“Relax. Y’know, I put a little care into that drink.” Doppel pointed to the glass Kabbu was holding. “Least ya’ could do is take it slow.”

Kabbu scoffed, taking another big sip. Doppel’s expression didn’t change, but it already was worse than neutral. “Something’s eating away at you,” Doppel stated. “Spill it, big guy. Did a mission go wrong?”

Kabbu chuckled, his tone unusually chill. “That is one way to describe it.” He sighed. He hated talking about his problems, especially in a public place like this. With Vi and Leif, it was still hard, but since he was close with them, he knew that they wouldn’t judge him for whatever problem he was having.

Maybe he should’ve gone to them instead. They’d understand, but… they were the ones that encouraged him to go on the date in the first place, so just returning now would probably disappoint his friends.

…And that’s something he refused to let happen.

“Well, what happened?” Doppel asked. “S’not like you to keep quiet.”

Kabbu would’ve asked what he meant by that, but he didn’t have the energy for it. “Why do you-” he started, but then he realized he should choose his words more carefully. “What reason do you have to be concerned about me?”

“You’re a member of the most famous exploration team in Bugaria. If there’s something eating away at you, then the entirety of the kingdom should be worried.”

Kabbu sighed. “That’s not even relevant. What reason would the kingdom have to worry about my personal endeavors?” He took another sip from his glass, this time much smaller.

“That was a joke… Well, half-joke.” Doppel shook his head to himself. “C’mon, Kabbu. Clearly something’s bothering you. You came here to escape from your problems, I can tell. Just spit it out… No pressure.”

Kabbu let out a long huff. “I went on a date tonight… and it went wrong.”

Doppel blinked slowly. “Really?” he asked. Kabbu nodded in response. “Well, that certainly explains the flower by your horn.”

Kabbu glanced back up and noticed the flower Doppel was talking about. He nearly jumped out of his seat, completely forgetting it was even up there. “Oh. Right…” He grabbed it and looked solemnly at it, its petals already beginning to wilt and wither away. He placed it on the bar counter.

“It went wrong, huh?” Doppel asked. “I’ve had many bugs come here after a bad date. Happens to the best of bugs.” He chuckled to himself. “So, who’s the lucky lady that won the heart of Kabbu, the famed explorer of Bugaria and leader of Team Snakemouth?”

“I… wouldn’t consider myself the leader,” Kabbu replied, ignoring Doppel’s initial question. “Maybe I’m humbling myself, but-”

“You’re dodging the question.” Doppel very obviously pointed out. “Who’d you go out on a date with?”

“That- That’s a little bit… personal.”

“Well, word would’ve gotten around quickly that you’d been on date either way.” Doppel laughed to himself. “C’mon, who was it?” Kabbu stared Doppel down, taking another gulp of his glass. At this point, he was starting to feel the effects of the hard berry juice. His vision was getting blurry, and his balance felt just slightly off.

Doppel sighed. “I’m messing around, Kabbu. If you don’t want to say who, you don’t have-”

“Neo.”

In that instant, the atmosphere DROPPED. Doppel seemed stunned, his eyes widened. The other couple of customers turned their heads around to Kabbu, now looking straight at him, and even the musician playing in the corner seemed to hesitate on the next note just the slightest bit, showing that even he was listening to what Kabbu was saying.

“You mean Professor Neolith?” Doppel asked. Kabbu nodded, just barely. “Wow, that’s… surprising.” He turned around to grab a glass from his shelf to clean. “So, you’re-”

“Yes. I know, shocking.” Kabbu downed another gulp of the berry juice. It was almost gone. “And- And you know the worst part!? It was going great.” Kabbu paused, collecting his thoughts for a brief moment. “The date was absolutely amazing and we were having a good time, but my stupid anxiety just screwed me up. I couldn’t… couldn’t bear being there for another minute because I knew I’d screw something up eventually.”

“Screw something up?” Doppel asked, to which Kabbu nodded to.

“I’ve screwed so much up in the past. I got my closest companions killed by that wretched beast, I’ve had my team nearly killed multiple times… What’s one more time to mess up, right!?” He took in a breath. “So I just ran. Ran away from the datelike it do with all of my problems.”

“Wait, you RAN away from your date and just left him there?”

“Yes! I just said that!”

Doppel threw his hands up into the air. “WHY!?” That was something outlandish for the ladybug. “You had a date and you abandoned him?” Doppel continued. “Why would you do that? Did you at least try and think about how he might be feeling?”

“I was crying the entire way I ran from the Termite Kingdom back to the Ant Kingdom!” He exclaimed, trying to defend himself. “Neo’s too good for me! I’m still too much of a mess! I didn’t even want to do that date in the first place! Vi and Leif forced me into it!”

Doppel paused, giving Kabbu a long look. “You were… forced?”

“Well, not forced. They pressured me into it.” Kabbu let out a grunt, downing the last of his berry juice. “It doesn’t matter. I’ve already messed up.”

“Why would you go through with a date that you didn’t even want to do?”

Kabbu stared at Doppel. “I was pressured into it. I just explained that.”

“Let me put it in another way.” Doppel cleared his throat. “Kabbu, do you love Neo?”

Kabbu recoiled back slightly. “That’s a little sudden, but… I think so. I wouldn’t have gone on a date with him if I didn’t feel some sort of way about him.”

“There’s more ways to show your love for a bug, especially other than going on a date with them,” Doppel continued, still cleaning that same glass, only looking up at Kabbu with brief glances. “The most important thing is that you do what’s most comfortable for yourself.”

“Yeah, but-”

“No buts. You like Neo, right? You’ve got to show him that you do in your own way that works for you. I’m not gonna be the one to lecture you about self-worth, or try and help you with your problems, or even give you dating advice, but what I will tell you is that being pressured into something you don’t want is a recipe for a messy relationship. Even if your team thinks it’s what you should do, it might always end up being what you need to do. You know yourself better than anyone ever could.”

Kabbu looked at Doppel in shock and awe. “That’s… really insightful, especially coming from you, Doppel.”

The ladybug scoffed. “I’m a bartender. I’ve seen couple problems more times than I can remember.” He paused, looking at Kabbu. “Kabbu, you’ve got an opportunity with Neo. The way I see it, the pressure from your team was just a way to get your foot in the door, rather than an actual start to a relationship.”

“I’ve known Neo for forever, though. I should know better, but… it’s too late.” The beetle placed his head down on the counter. “I’ve already abandoned him and he probably resents me for it.”

“Are you sure about that? You haven’t even spoken to him since then.”

Kabbu glanced up at Doppel.

“I’m not as familiar as you are with Neo, but… Talking to him would certainly help. Plus, it’d be the not-awful thing to do rather than just ghost him for the rest of his life.”

Kabbu chuckled, for the first time in what felt like years. “You’re right. I should at least talk to him. I don’t even know why I abandoned him in the first place… Well, actually, I do, but, I think now I see that it was not what I should’ve done.” Kabbu stood up from the bar and stretched, that off-balance feeling slightly getting to him. “Thanks, Doppel. I think you’ve helped me a lot.”

Doppel just simply laughed. “I’ve helped more bugs like you than you can even comprehend.”

“…That actually makes sense.” Kabbu began to head out. “I’ll see you around, Doppel.”

“Ah, wait,” Doppel said. Kabbu turned back around. “You left that little flower on the counter here.” He pointed to it. “Might want that.”

Kabbu came back to the counter and grabbed the flower, and then he put it back around his horn. The flower might’ve been wilted, but… the gesture was what counted.

He headed towards the exit and waved goodbye to Doppel. And as he bounced onto the mushroom, he thought that things would maybe end alright.

Maybe.


The first thing Kabbu did as he left the Underground Tavern was run towards the Main Plaza. He thought that maybe he would find Neo there. It certainly wasn’t impossible, but he had no idea how he would react.

Maybe he should’ve met him at his house, but Neo might not appreciate that.

Either way, he just knew that he had to talk to Neo.

He reached the large statue in the center, meaning he was in the plaza. It was totally empty. There were no signs of any other bugs, let alone Neo. The silence of the plaza was actually rather eerie to Kabbu. Sure, it was normal for it to be quiet, but in this moment silence wasn’t what Kabbu wanted to hear.

Maybe Neo was already home? That probably was the case… Or maybe he was still waiting for him at the restaurant. He should’ve never abandoned him. That was the wrong thing to do, especially with no prior warning.

Before Kabbu could think another thought, a door was heard opening behind him. He took a look, and sure enough, Vi and Leif were right there, standing outside of their home. He knew that they were right there, but he just hoped and prayed to Venus above that they wouldn’t notice him before he saw Neo.

That certainly didn’t work out.

“Kabbu!?” Vi asked, sounding surprised. “What are you doing here? You’re supposed to be on your date with Neo.”

“Oh! Uhh…” Kabbu started, trying to think of how to explain himself. He didn’t exactly want to tell his team the truth of what happened, but he couldn’t lie to them either. “It… uhh… already ended!”

“Really?” Leif asked. “That was rather fast. We almost don’t believe you.”

“Yeah…” Vi stepped closer to Kabbu. “You’ve also got a funny look on your face. Almost like you're nervous…” She paused for a moment. “Didn’t think that Neo would kiss you that fast in your relationship, huh?” She gave Kabbu a smirk.

The beetle instantly blushed. “W-What! No, that’s ridiculous.”

“So you two didn’t kiss? Lame.” Vi rolled her eyes as she finished her sentence. “Did you two at least have a good time?”

“…Yeah.” Seems like Kabbu was able to lie after all.

“Are you sure?” Leif suddenly asked.

Kabbu looked up at the blue moth. That was a rather odd thing to ask. “What do you mean?”

“Are you sure that you had a good time, because, honestly… You don’t seem like you did.”

Kabbu tried his hardest to hold it in, but he just couldn’t. He let out an earth-shattering sigh and tilted his head down. “I didn’t,” he admitted, his voice cracking. “I… ended up running away from the date and abandoning Neo.”

The beetle didn’t need to look up to see the shock on Vi and Leif’s faces. They both let out a small gasp. “Why would you do that?” Vi asked, sounding a little irritated. “That’s the number one way to make a date fail in an instant.”

“I don’t know, okay?!” Kabbu yelled out, to which he immediately regretted. It was nighttime; bugs were sleeping; he should at least try and keep his voice down. “I just got really anxious all of a sudden and couldn’t stand being there anymore so… I left.”

“Was Neo being mean to you? We’ll freeze him if he was,” Leif said, beginning to generate an icicle.

“No, he wasn’t. None of it was his fault. I just… I think going on a date like that was a bad idea to begin with.”

Vi and Leif looked at each other, then back a Kabbu. “So… Was it… our fault?” Vi asked. “I mean, the date was kind of our idea and we presented it to you.”

“I wouldn’t put it like that, but… I think I should’ve just done what was more comfortable for me first. It’s not that I didn’t want to go on a date with him! I just… didn’t think that the actual date was the best idea.”

Leif let out a sigh. “We think we may have forced it on you a little bit, and we’re sorry about that,” he said. “You should be able to make your own choices.”

“Yeah!” Vi agreed enthusiastically. “We may be a team, but we’ve all got our own things that work for us.”

“Hah. Thanks guys,” Kabbu said, wiping away a single tear from his eye. “I think now more than anything I want to just apologize to Neo. I owe him an explanation. I don’t know if he’ll forgive me for it, but… I really do care about him and I really do have feelings for him. I just hope he’s willing to talk to me.”

“Well, there’s your opportunity right there,” Leif said, pointing past Kabbu. The beetle turned around, and sure enough, there Neo was, slowly walking through the plaza.

Kabbu didn’t hesitate. “Neo!” he cried out, running straight for the moth. As he ran, he heard Vi say, “Go and get him, Kabbu,” from behind. That was some welcome encouragement that he definitely needed.

“Neo!” he cried out again, running up to him.

“…Hmm?” Neo hummed, glancing behind him. And when he met Kabbu’s eyes, his expression shifted from gloom and doom to worry and fear. “K-Kabbu! What… Why did you…” He walked back from the beetle as Kabbu stopped. “You abandoned me. You left me there all alone and made me feel horrible!” Now he sounded mad, and reasonably so. “I don’t know why I even agreed to go through with this, but now just seeing you here just makes me so… so-”

Kabbu interrupted the moth by rushing up to him and pulling him into a tight embrace, making them both fall to the ground. “You’re right!” Kabbu exclaimed, his voice straining. Tears were already beginning to fall from his eyes. “I was an idiot to abandon you like that, but I was an even bigger idiot to let you get hurt by my own actions! I-I’m sorry for running away like that, but something just came over me and I realized a dinner date like that was something I didn’t exactly want for the first date and I felt as though I was messing things up and…” He sniffled.

“Venus above, I already have messed things up,” the beetle continued, burying his head into Neo’s ruffled neck fluff. “You’re too good for me and I’m such a mess… A big mess… I don’t know why I got so overwhelmed so randomly but… I think my past might’ve contributed to how I react to situations and I never know what to do… So running away felt like the only way to calm myself down, but I know that that was so unfair to you and it’s not right!” He was on the verge of sobbing. “I’m sorry for ruining our date. I really do care about you and I feel very strongly about you, but I just don’t know how to handle my own emotions sometimes and I end up doing very brash things…” He sniffed and whimpered.

“Kabbu…” Neo said softly, looking down at the beetle.

“I understand if me apologizing like this isn’t enough,” he said. “If there’s anything I can do to remedy this, please… tell me. I don’t want to hurt you more than I already have. I’m so sorry, Neo. I truly am.” Kabbu reached his limit, and he started sobbing. Sobbing hard into Neo’s neck. And the worst part? He felt like a jerk for doing so. Neo probably didn’t appreciate any of this, but Kabbu just had to let it all out like a blubbering baby.

“Kabbu… Kabbu,” Neo repeated, trying to get his attention. “Kabbu!” When Neo yelled out, Kabbu tore his head away from the moth and looked up at him. “It… It’s okay. I… I understand. I know how hard your past has been, but I honestly thought that you’d recovered from it.”

“Are- Are you still mad at me?” Kabbu asked through sobs.

Neo sighed. “I won’t lie, yes. I still am really hurt by you leaving me like that, but… I at least understand why. I thought I had done something wrong.”

“No! Never!” Kabbu cried out, practically yelling. “You didn’t do a single thing wrong. This is all on me. I just…” He started to sob again. Something about crying into the one bug that he had feelings for felt… calming, in a strange way.

Kabbu stayed there sobbing for another minute before he was finally able to calm down. “Neo, I’m sorry,” he said, repeating what the moth had already been told.

“It’s alright. I… forgive you, really,” Neo said, sighing. “I’m… also glad to know you do feel really strongly about me.”

“I think it might’ve been a little obvious,” the beetle said, chuckling.

“There’s no shame in that,” Neo said. He looked at the beetle, and then gave him a quick kiss over his mandibles. “I feel really strongly about you too.”

“That… that means the world to me.” Kabbu smiled, and smile he did. “I… Gods, I’m actually so tired after that… It’s been a long night.”

Neo chuckled. “It certainly has.” He got up from the ground and pulled Kabbu up with him. “Do you… wanna head back to my place? We can do something else that isn’t a dinner date, because really, I don’t think that was the best idea for me either.”

“Of course, I mean, realistically, more than anything, I just wanna fall asleep in your arms,” Kabbu admitted, getting up from the ground. “Carry me to your place?”

“You’re probably too heavy for that.”

“What!? I most certainly am not!” Kabbu exclaimed, trying to defend himself.

“Neo’s right!” Vi could be heard yelling from behind him. “Also you two are really cute!”

Kabbu let out a loud huff and turned where Vi was at. “Go to bed, Vi! It’s late!”

“Nah!” Vi exclaimed, before running back to Team Snakemouth’s home.

“She really doesn’t know how to keep to her own business, does she?” Neo stated, chuckling to himself.

“Nope,” Kabbu said. “Now can we get going? I wanna fall asleep in your arms already.”

“Of course, dear.” Neo took Kabbu’s hand in his own, and the two made the walk towards Neo’s place. It felt weird knowing that their dinner date ended in probably the worst way possible. In all honesty, it felt like another one of Neo’s crazy experiments that Kabbu volunteered for.

But ultimately, in the end, what mattered is the fact that they had each other, and that they both were comfortable with something they both wanted.

Notes:

thank you for reading. i'm probably gonna take a break from posting in general for a while. at least until i find a lot of motivation to post something new.

Notes:

thanks so much for reading! updates should (hopefully, i swear) be pretty frequent since these chapters are relatively short! be sure to leave comments and/or kudos as they really give me motivation to write more! c: