Chapter Text
Usually, Ghost was faster than Soap, despite his broader stature and smoking habit. Soap had always complained about that, saying it was unfair that Ghost was blessed with both strength and speed.
For once he was faster than Ghost tho, despite barely being able to see through the veil of tears clouding his vision. He didn't stop, not when he almost fell on his face, not when he ran into Farah, not even when Price shouted after him for barging through base like a madman.
The only thing Ghost could do was race after him, pulling up his mask to his nose so he could breathe freely, rest of the 141 be damned. They were almost out of the base anyways, Soap blindly running towards the rocky hills surrounding the camp.
Luckily, Soap seemed to run out of steam fairly quickly and Ghost started to catch up to him, pushing himself further and further no matter how exhausted he was getting.
Still, it took Soap's foot getting caught on a rock and him almost falling on his face for Ghost to reach him, quickly scooping him up and pressing him close on instinct to keep him from getting hurt. Unfortunately, that seemed to have been the wrong course of action tho because Soap burst out screaming and turned on Ghost, tackling him to the ground and sending them both tumbling through rocks and dirt. Ghost braced himself against the dusty ground, holding Johnny no matter the obscenities he was screaming. No matter how he was trying to hit or pin him, Ghost kept his arms wrung around the smaller man like a wrench. Only when Soap had eventually tired himself out did Simon slowly loosen his grip, arms burning from holding back the force of nature that was an angry John MacTavish. Still, not even an earthquake can go on forever and every volcano will be empty at some point. Soap went limp in Ghost's arms, now just crying quietly while trying to catch his breath, his hands gripping the fabric of Ghost's shirt so tightly that his knuckles turned stark white.
"... How could ye?"
Such a simple question, really. There were so many things Soap wanted to say but right now he needed to save his breath and everything going on in his head essentially boiled down to these three words anyways.
"I never meant to hurt you", Simon answered, voice barely more than a rough whisper. "Wasn't my place to tell you. König didn't want anyone to know"
"But me almost killing him was okay? You could've told me something, Si! Anything! Didnea have to tell me the lads whole life story for me to know you wasn't cheating on me for christs sake, I could've killed him"
Soap began to shiver, despite how warm it was out here. The realization that he didn't just almost kill a man but a man that was utterly innocent was enough to send chills down his spine.
"Johnny-..."
"No! Don't 'Johnny' me, Si! You... you fucked up, okay?"
Slowly but surely, Soap pushed away from Ghost before sitting down a few feet away, nervously eyeing him. He was painfully unsure what to do now because no matter how angry he was at Ghost, the pain was much, much greater.
"Besides... I heard how you speak with him. Saw how you look at him. Doesn't matter much anymore whether or not you two 've been fucking, does it?"
Ghost bit his lip. He wanted to tell John that everything was okay, that he didn't feel for König, not more than for the rest of the 141 at least. But he couldn't bring himself to lie to Soap, not after the scene in Königs room. He had broken something that lying sure as hell wouldn't mend.
"... No. S'pose it doesn't", he answered after a while, staring at his hands so he wouldn't have to see the man he loved so much hurt. Hurt because of him.
"I'm sorry"
Ghost's eyes snapped up in an instant, deeply and utterly confused. After all, Soap had nothing to apologize for. Not to him at least.
"What?"
"If I just... If I had been good enough for you then maybe... i don't know, I should've... I could've...", Soap stammered but eventually gave up, unable to find the right words. Ghost stared at him, completely bewildered, so much so that he didn't even know what to say for a moment. Instead, he just shook his head, almost violently.
"No", he said when he found his words again, as firm as only he could. "No, fuck right of with that. Don't say shit like that, it's not your fault! Nothing about this is your fault, I'm the idiot that can't talk about his feelings properly. You... how could you ever think you're not good enough for me, mh? You're perfect and more. I just... I just love differently than you do, apparently... and I'm sorry that I hurt you with that. The both of you"
Soap stared at him until he couldn't bear it anymore and instead buried his head in his hands.
"Si...A'm needin' ye to give me a proper answer, alright? An honest one. Because I want to believe you but.. god, you're making it hard"
"Of course. I'd never... I'm not gonna lie to you."
"Do you love König?"
"... I do. Not quite in the same way as you but... yea. I think I might've fallen for him. Fuck, Johnny I'm sorry"
Seeing Johnny's heart break was enough to shatter his own as well. He'd always thought that people calling this feeling a heartbreak were just being overdramatic, but now he understood what they meant. He had a heart after all and god, it was aching.
"I love you more tho. Johnny, you gotta understand I... no matter how I feel for König, I'll always be yours. I told you before and I'll be glad to tell you again, doesn't matter what you do or what he does or what anyone does, I'll be yours til the day I inevitably die young. I'll never speak to him again, fuck, I wont even look at him again if you don't want that, I'll stay away, I can push it down. I know I can, just... please, don't leave me"
By now Ghost was begging, the knot in his throat growing every second that Soap didn't answer, didn't even react.
"So you'd be miserable just... for me? For the sake of staying with me?"
"I could never be miserable when I'm with you"
Soap dragged his hand across his face and sighed deeply. He would've loved to just... get away. From the situation, from Ghost and most of all, his feelings.
"This... doesn't work, Ghost. Not like this. I... I don't even know if it can, but if we want to try something has to change. We have to talk. With König too, probably. But not today. I need to... think, okay? I just need some time"
Ghost stared at him, eyes somehow empty and overflowing with a deep dread at the same time. Still, he nodded, slowly pushing himself up from the ground and offering Soap a hand. He needed to feel him, needed to make sure that Soap wasn't leaving him. He just needed time. Time Ghost could give him, he wasn't leaving him. Everything was alright.
Soap stood up without accepting Ghost's help.
Nothing was alright.
And despite it, Ghost still straightened his back and squared his shoulders. The last thing he wanted was Soap feeling guilty about his decision just because Ghost couldn't properly deal with his emotions, no. He'd be dealing with this on his own, like he always had.
"I'm... gonna head back inside", Soap muttered, quickly turning away and returning to the base. Ghost nodded softly but needed a few seconds until he trusted his voice not to shake.
"...Do that. I'll... do a round, make sure base is safe. See ya later"
He turned around and stiffly walked off, into the opposite direction of where Johnny had gone, as far away from the base as possible. Otherwise, he knew he couldn't trust himself to stay away from Soap and give him the space he had asked for. The last thing he wanted to risk was pushing Johnny even further after all. Besides... a night outdoors never harmed someone before, right? Ghost knew the land around base like the back of his hand after months of patrolling it to ensure his squad's safety so surely he'd be fine out here.
At least that was his plan.
Unfortunately for him, König didn't seem to agree with said plan. It took a few hours during which Ghost circled the base like a caged wolf, but eventually something - someone - came closer. Ghost wasn't too alarmed as the shadow was approaching from the base itself and he knew that no enemy should've gotten past him, but he also wanted to be alone. He couldn't bear Price or Gaz or Farah telling him to get back inside right now, so he already wanted to yell out and tell whoever was nearing to fuck off until he eventually recognized the tall but hunched frame of König. Bile rose in his throat and he immediately threw another nervous glance around. If Soap ended up seeing them together again he would have more than a hard time explaining that and with how he knew Soap that would end with someone hurt. That someone not being Ghost, despite how much he may have deserved it.
"Ye shouldn't be here", he said, trying to pull out his L.T. voice. It sounded scratchy tho, scratchy and meek like he had been crying. Judging from the wet patches on his mask around his eyes that wasn't even that far off.
"Neither should you"
Hell, even König sounded more confident than him right now. In every other situation that would've made him happy, but right now he just felt even more like a kicked puppy.
"... You're in no place to give me orders, König. I'm still your L.T., don't forget that", he snarled. Usually, he wouldn't have relied on bringing up his rank, his men should respect him despite that in his opinion, but he was tired, in pain and so, so miserable. No matter what it was König wanted, Ghost had no comfort left to give right now.
König didn't seem to care too much.
"... I'm not here as your subordinate, I'm here as your friend. You've been out here for hours, it's not safe alone. Besides, you look like you're about to have some kind of... breakdown. Would be better if you had that somewhere where you don't gotta worry about wild animals or... other threats. Come back inside?"
König was right and Ghost knew it, no matter how much he didn't want to admit it. Usually spending a night out wouldn't have been a problem for Simon 'Ghost' Riley, but when he had a pounding headache and was barely able to see straight through the veil of tears clouding his vision even he would've been an easy target, for man and animal alike. Still, something inside of him rebelled against the idea of going back to the base, back to where Johnny was, miserable. Because of him.
"I'll be fine..", he answered stubbornly, standing there like a pouty kid that just told his parents he'd be running away from home.
König sighed quietly and shook his head before gently placing a hand on his shoulder. "Ghost, please. You two can still work this out, I'll... I'll stay out of it, okay? Then you two can work it out and everything goes back to normal. Just come back inside and everything will be alright"
Ghost wanted to abject, say that he didn't want König to stay out of it, that that was the exact problem, but he was way too exhausted to say anything. Instead, he slowly started walking, more led by Königs hand than his own eyes in a numb trance.
König wanted to say something but didn't find the words, no matter how hard he tried, so when Ghost's steps slowed again the closer they got to camp he simply wrapped an arm around him, pulling him so close that it turned walking in a straight line into a challenge but neither of them cared. Ghost was tired, not just because of how long he had been wandering and König was surprisingly good to lean on, even if Ghost was usually the one doing the comforting between them. Not this time tho. This time König led him to his room, still not saying a word, and pulled him close to his chest, Si's head coming to rest on the taller man's shoulder, face buried in the sniper's hood. Suddenly Ghost was more thankful for his mask than ever, it at least provided a little bit of a barricade between his nose and Königs smell, a subtle mix of dust, the detergent they used and König's own musk. It was terrifyingly comforting.
When König started to gently sway him from side to side, it felt like something very tender and sore within Ghost got ripped open and dragged to the surface, burning and raw in the sudden cold like getting out the tub after a scalding hot bath.
Ghost's knee's buckled and he went down like someone had shot him in the leg, König still by his side as he bit back a sob. The tears flowed anyway.
They sat there for a long while. König holding and rocking him like Simon's mother used to do once upon a time when he had a nightmare, back then when his childhood still deserved to be called that. The only thing breaking the silence was the sound of Ghost's deep, measured breaths as he tried and failed to pull himself back together, thinking about how much of an inconvenience he was probably being. They'd been sitting there for almost an hour, König was probably annoyed or bored out of his mind. Or worse, even in pain, missing the cushion of fat needed to comfortably kneel for such a long time. Still, he didn't complain, didn't push Ghost away. He simply held him as the lieutenant slowly worked himself up into a panic over it.
Almost, at least. Because König didn't let it get to that point, knowing the sound of quickening breaths and the feeling of tensed muscles all too well from himself. He slowly rubbed Ghost's back, big soothing circles to warm his muscles up as he finally found his words again. "It's okay, Lt. Whatever's gotten in your head, you don't gotta worry about it. Just think about your breathing, please. We'll do it together, yes? We're good at that"
Ghost drew in a deep, hurried breath and swallowed, but eventually he nodded a bit, too breathless to get any words out. Still, after a few failed attempts he managed to match the Austrian's calm, deep breaths, even if his hands were still shaking and he felt so goddamn weak. König smiled softly, massaging the strained muscles of his neck and shoulders with gentle fingers as he hummed a slow tune. After another ten minutes or so, Ghost was finally ready to sit back a little, a quiet disgusted grunt leaving his mouth as Königs hood stuck to his mask for a second, now both soaked with the lieutenant's tears. König didn't seem to care tho, he just stretched and got up, offering Ghost a hand to help him on his feet as well.
"... I feel like you should go and pay Soap a visit. He was worried stupid when I went to get you"
"He'll be mad at me... As he should, I've been a right cunt, 'e didn't deserve any of that"
Ghost grabbed Königs hand but still mostly got up on his feet alone, already feeling bad enough for relying on him at all. König scratched his chin a little.
"Yknow... I don't think he'll be mad. But even if, he should at least know you're safe. C'mon"
König dragged Ghost out the room gently, accompanied him on the way to the sergeant's door and even knocked on it for him.
Technically he had wanted to turn around and leave them some space, not wanting to risk another encounter with Soap today, but John ripped open the door almost immediately as if he had been keeping guard right next to it. Both Ghost and König froze in place as the smallest between them just stared up at them, an illegible mix of emotions painting his face. Ghost opened his mouth for an apology, an explanation and most of all more promises but Soap just shook his head a little and pulled Ghost down into a hug that could've broken the bones of a frailer man.
"We dinnae gotta talk it out today. God a'm just so fucking glad ye'r save, Si, I was worried ill you dumb arse!", Soap scolded, his anger being softened by just how relieved he sounded. The situation was far from solved and there were still many conversations to be had, but not today. Today Soap was just glad to know Simon safe and home, no matter what had happened before.
After squeezing Ghost half to death he eventually freed him from the wrench that were his arms and turned his attention to König, for the first time in... a while looking at him with no hint of malice or hostility in his eyes. Still, when he suddenly pulled König into his arms as well the sniper still needed a second to realize that he wasn't getting choked out again. Instead, the scot was doing what probably neither Ghost nor König had expected to happen in this lifetime. He was hugging König.
"Thank you. For bringing him back, I know he can carry his weight but... fuck, I... I'm so fucking sorry, König. I know it'll take a while, to make it right again, if that's even possible but I-..."
König cut him off by gently pushing him back by the shoulders. Despite everything he still didn't hate Soap and he was an awfully forgiving person by nature anyways but... still, the touch made his skin crawl, even being aware that Soap wouldn't hurt him. He cleared his throat and took a small step back.
"...I think we should talk about... what happened another time. We're all tired. Take a nap, sort out what you got going on. Don't worry 'bout me, I'll be okay"
He slowly turned around, leaving a Soap and Ghost at the door as he slumped back to his own room and essentially collapsed on the bed pretty much immediately. He was just as tired as the other two after all.
Soap sighed, raking his fingers through his mohawk as Ghost gently pulled him into his room and closed the door behind them.
"It'll take a while, Johnny. Until everything's calmed down again and we can... talk normally. For him too. Ultimately it was probably more my fault than anything but... can't really blame him for bein' skittish"
Soap groaned quietly but nodded eventually, knowing Ghost was right. It would take a lot of time and even more effort to mend their relationship, and it would take even more to get on neutral grounds with König again. Today he was too tired to think about that tho. He barely managed to strip out of his pants before he dragged himself to bed, only realizing that Ghost was still standing at the door when he was already laying down. He quirked a brow and flipped back the blanket.
"Ya look like a mutt standing by the door like that. Just because you fucked up once doesn't mean I'm gonna ban you from my bed any time soon... now move over here... can't sleep without you"
Ghost sighed and finally undressed too before climbing into bed and pulling Soap close to his chest. Both of them reeked of stress and dust but Ghost couldn't have imagined a more comforting smell than Johnny pressed close to him, reminding him that he was still there and that he was there to stay.