Work Text:
ψ
“So,” Sehun’s annoying nasally voice pierces through Baekhyun’s peaceful bubble, “When are you and Kyungsoo-hyung getting engaged?”
They’re over at Junmyeon’s mansion, celebrating his engagement to Jongdae. The room is full of cute photos of Junmyeon and Jongdae throughout the years as well as those yummy little cocktail sausages Kyungsoo wraps in bacon. Baekhyun’s been minding his own business, trying to stay away from the love and happiness as far as possible because Kyungsoo’s too busy in the kitchen to rain on the gross fluff stuff with him, and well, Jongdae is the gross fluff stuff, so Baekhyun’s been forced to embark on this mission alone.
An extremely unfortunate flush creeps up his neck at Sehun’s words. “When are you going to stop being a dickhead?” he rolls his eyes to try to cover it up, hoping the younger can’t sense the discomfort he’s successfully caused.
Sehun exchanges a thoughtful glance with Jongin next to him, who is equally young, equally annoying and equally unfairly good-looking. “Never,” he shrugs, in sync with the smirk Jongin displays. “Now that Jongdae-hyung is getting married, I feel obligated to continue his legacy. Your life would be meaningless without someone to piss you off.”
“I can’t believe I’m saying this, but I agree with Sehun,” Kyungsoo says, walking over.
“You ditch me and make me soldier through this love fest for an hour, and now you come back and you’re not even on my side? I’m offended,” Baekhyun pouts, sliding over to Kyungsoo.
“You’ve always liked challenges, though,” Sehun smirks knowingly at Baekhyun, who twitches. “You have to admit.”
“You, Jongin and your gross twink-ness are a challenge,” Baekhyun says wearily, “And I hate you. Why don’t you leave me alone and go water Jongin’s cacti, or breathe somewhere else, far away from here?”
“No can do,” Jongin shakes his head solemnly. “As official younger brother to the newly engaged, it is my assigned duty to make sure you don’t get drunk and start hogging the karaoke machine,” he recites, and adds, “again,” as an afterthought.
Kyungsoo snorts. “I came out to check you weren’t drunk,” he admits, grinning. “But it appears that someone else has been given that job. I’m out,” he says with a wave, heading back to the safe haven that is Junmyeon’s kitchen, where there is a TV that Kyungsoo is probably watching some drama re-run on. Jerk.
The party is in full swing, with loud music and dancing. Chanyeol is (embarrassingly) DJ-ing, and the room is packed with friends, colleagues, and a whole bunch of people Baekhyun doesn’t recognise.
Sehun watches Baekhyun watch Kyungsoo go and sighs. “For real now, hyung,” he starts when Kyungsoo is out of earshot. “What’s going on with you and Kyungsoo?”
“Nothing,” Baekhyun answers. “There’s nothing going on. He doesn’t feel the same way, you know that.”
Sehun facepalms with a loud smack and Jongin looks like he’s about to cry.
“Ummmmm, maybe that’s because you won’t tell him how you feel, and, uh, I dunno,” Jongin sings sarcastically. “He thinks you’re straight!” he yells, distressed.
“Louder, Jongin, I think there are a few households in Busan who didn’t quite catch that,” Baekhyun reddens. “And hey, I am straight. I just… happen to also like people of the Kyungsoo variety.”
Sehun does his best unimpressed face.
“No, really!” Baekhyun protests. “I’ve only ever… Kyungsoo’s the only guy…” he trails off.
“Three hours ago you said you wanted to marry Junmyeon,” Jongin points out.
“Not in a sexual way!” Baekhyun counters. “I just want someone to buy me a Porsche and build me a home cinema!”
Junmyeon is an angel. Normally, Baekhyun would rather eat his own hands than admit that there was any living person whose existence outweighed his own. Junmyeon, however, is a special case. Baekhyun just really fucking loves Junmyeon. Junmyeon is nice and doesn’t make Baekhyun jokes and has a really cute dog and is fucking loaded so he lives in a mansion with a pool and a home cinema and a room that’s been reserved just for Baekhyun when he wants to stay over. That, Baekhyun thinks, is what a true person should be like. The whole world should just be Junmyeon. Junmyeon is great. Fuckyeahjunmyeon.tumblr.com.
Sehun sighs again, distressed. “This is going nowhere. Seriously, just tell him how you feel, for fucks’ sake, you guys have been practically married since I was in like, middle school.”
“No,” Baekhyun refuses. “First he’s going to hate me for not telling him that I’m not entirely straight-“
“AHA, so you admit it,” Jongin cuts in conspiratorially, but withers when Sehun makes another unimpressed face. “Sorry,” he clears his throat. “Please continue.”
“Then,” Baekhyun adds, “He’s going to reject me because we’re bros and it’s fucking weird that I have feelings and shit, and THEN,” Baekhyun pauses for effect and emphasis. “Then I’m going to lose my best friend forever and move in with Jongdae and Junmyeon and eat all your food,” he concludes, looking pointedly at Jongin, who squirms uncomfortably at the thought of someone eating all his chicken.
Sehun stares at Baekhyun for a long time, before deflating. “Fine. Whatever. At least do yourself a favour and stop being so lame then. There are a ton of people here tonight who are just as single as you, and probably really socially desperate if they’re friends with Junmyeon,” he announces. “Get out there and meet someone instead of standing in a corner and thinking about how much you want to eat Kyungsoo and not those snacks.”
Baekhyun gulps. Kyungsoo has really soft skin and he constantly smells like herbs and lemon, and Baekhyun is extremely distracted by the thought of tasting Kyungsoo’s smooth neck and—
Sehun clears his throat. “Your eyes totally just glazed over I’m so disgusted I’m going to dip my contact lenses in Dettol and try and forget that traumatic micro-experience you have just caused.”
“I’m not going to go try and pick up someone else,” Baekhyun ignores Sehun. “It’s pointless. Unless that person looks like Kyungsoo and talks like Kyungsoo and bakes chocolate cakes on my birthday like Kyungsoo and is basically everything that Kyungsoo is and ever will be, I’m just not interested,” he says forcefully.
Again, Sehun peers at him carefully, but this time, he says nothing.
The rest of the night after that goes rather uneventfully, save for the fact that Sehun and Jongin eventually wander off, giving Baekhyun the opportunity to get himself piss-faced drunk. In his defence, the alcohol was free and Chanyeol was offering instant refills.
“You had one job,” Jongdae tells his younger brother as he helps Kyungsoo pull a sleeping Baekhyun up off of Junmyeon’s couch.
Jongin frowns miserably. “I got bored so I went skateboarding,” he confesses mournfully, dropping his head.
“It’s fine,” Kyungsoo says, shaking his head. “We all know he’s a lightweight. It was bound to happen.”
Baekhyun wakes up during the cab ride home, but Kyungsoo still has to carry him into the flat and to his bed. Stuff like this only happens in his greatest fantasies, Baekhyun thinks hazily, except in the fantasies, Kyungsoo isn’t wearing underwear or cursing Baekhyun for his stupidity. But he’ll take what he can get. He does feel crappy about it, though, because Kyungsoo’s hold on him is tight and warm, and it feels right, like he fits right there in Kyungsoo’s tiny and adorable embrace, but at the same time he’s kind of passed out and he probably looks like a really gross dead leaf.
“Hey, ‘Soo, hey,” Baekhyun yawns as Kyungsoo lowers him into his bed. Kyungsoo hums vaguely in acknowledgement as he goes on to pull Baekhyun’s jacket off and unbutton his shirt. “Have I ever told you how-“ Baekhyun yawns again. “How much I love you?”
Kyungsoo stiffens slightly as he shucks Baekhyun’s pants off and slips him into clean shorts. “No, I don’t think you have,” he answers quietly.
“Well, I love you,” Baekhyun sighs, squeezing his eyes shut and snuggling into his mattress.
There is silence for a long time before Baekhyun hears Kyungsoo sigh softly. “Why do you do this?” Kyungsoo mumbles tiredly, and that’s the last thing Baekhyun’s aware of before the bedside lamp goes off and the door is pulled close.
ψ
The only thing Baekhyun grasps the next morning is getting drunk, which he is helpfully informed of by the splitting headache he feels when he wakes up. Kyungsoo’s already left for work, but there’s a glass of water and a strip of aspirin waiting for Baekhyun on the kitchen table, along with a plastic container of kimchi fried rice for him to take to work.
Baekhyun lies on the floor for about three minutes and rolls around because he has Kyungsoo in his life but he doesn’t and he wants to kiss Kyungsoo for being so precious and great but he can’t and everything sucks.
He goes to work anyway though because he’s a strong, independent man who only needs Kyungsoo like, 8 out of the 24 hours in each day, and his horoscope says big things are meant to happen today. He sees Chanyeol about ten times more hungover than he is when he gets to work, and he doesn’t even have a Kyungsoo to do stuff for him, so Baekhyun figures life could be a lot worse.
When Baekhyun gets home, Kyungsoo’s already home and the aroma of tonkatsu greets Baekhyun as he toes off his shoes. This is different. The dining table is set nicely and there are two chilled bottles of beer next to each place setting.
“’Soo?” Baekhyun asks as he pads into the kitchen. Kyungsoo’s already changed out of his work clothes and comfortably stirring a sauce on the stove. “You’re early today. What’s the occasion?”
“I, uh,” Kyungsoo starts nervously, eyes trained on his saucepan. “I have something I need to tell you. Dinner’s ready, so change up?”
Baekhyun’s eyes dart from Kyungsoo, to the slight shake of his hands, to the crispy pork fillets waiting on a serving plate and his heart rate starts to pick up.
“So there is an occasion?” Baekhyun asks.
Could it be?
Kyungsoo nudges his head to get Baekhyun to change, and the latter obeys. Baekhyun’s mind swims with thoughts of what Kyungsoo could possibly want to tell him that’s so serious. It seems like something special is about to happen, and he can’t help but feel some kind of hope.
Maybe Sehun said something? Baekhyun thinks as he heads back out to the dining table and takes his place. Baekhyun helps himself to rice and meat and pours a generous lashing of sauce over his plate. He waits for Kyungsoo to do the same before taking a bite and humming appreciatively.
“This is delicious,” Baekhyun says. “But what do you want to tell me?”
Kyungsoo takes a swig of his beer and exhales slowly. Baekhyun’s fingers shake under the table. This could possibly be the moment he’s been waiting for forever. Kyungsoo is going to confess to him and Baekhyun can confess back and they can be cute and happy together forever.
He peers at his flatmate patiently, listening carefully, expectantly…
… And then deflates when he hears what Kyungsoo really has to say.
“I’ve been offered a six-month exchange stint at work… for the Tokyo office. And I said yes.”
Tokyo?
Six months?
“Haha,” Baekhyun laughs with poorly masked discomfort. “How are you going to go from our flat to Tokyo every day for six months?” he asks weakly. Baekhyun slowly feels himself feeling sicker and sicker by the moment as he absorbs what Kyungsoo’s just said.
In the ten years they’ve been friends, Baekhyun’s never been away from Kyungsoo for longer than a couple of days at the most, and even during long holiday periods, they would spend all their time together. Baekhyun had even bribed a kid to switch rooms with him in college so they could be roommates and when they graduated and got jobs, they picked the flat together so they could live in a neighbourhood that was near enough to both Kyungsoo’s office and the school where Baekhyun teaches piano.
Kyungsoo has been in Baekhyun’s life so intensely and for so long that Baekhyun genuinely does not remember what he did in all his free time before Kyungsoo transferred to his school when they were fifteen and joined the group of friends he had formed with Chanyeol and Jongdae.
“Baek,” Kyungsoo interrupts the whirlpool raging on in Baekhyun’s head. “You know what I mean. I’m going to be staying in Tokyo for those 6 months. It’s a really great opportunity and if I do well, they might promote me and it’s Japan, y’know, I’m kind of excited…” Kyungsoo trails offs, gauging Baekhyun’s reaction.
“No, yeah,” Baekhyun clears his throat and sits up in his seat. “That’s great. I’m happy for you, you’re going to do great. That’s really cool, ‘Soo!” he forces a wide smile.
No it’s not, why is this happening, this was NOT supposed to happen, FUCK YOU BESTASTROLOGY.NET, he screams in his head.
Even Kyungsoo’s radiant smile as he describes the project he’ll be working on in Tokyo isn’t enough to reassure Baekhyun that this is not a nightmare and the world isn’t slowly imploding. Kyungsoo leaves in a week and a half. Baekhyun is not okay.
“Hey, ‘Soo,” he says abruptly the moment he finishes his food. “Work was kind of rough today. Chanyeol set the fire alarm off by accident,” he lies. “I think I’ll just go to bed early. I’ve got a student coming in at eight-thirty tomorrow. Thanks for dinner, it was great.”
He makes a beeline for his bedroom before Kyungsoo can even answer, and wraps himself in his duvet, resisting the urge to scream. He stares at his ceiling for the next hour, listening to the faint sounds of Kyungsoo loading the dishwasher and the sound of the shower being turned on shortly after. When he finally drifts off to sleep, it’s nearly three a.m., and the first thought that comes to him when he wakes up the next day is that Kyungsoo is leaving in 12 days and nothing good is going to come out of it.
The thing is, as upset as Baekhyun is, he can’t show Kyungsoo he’s upset because he lo- really likes Kyungsoo and Kyungsoo really wants to go to Japan and do this stupid work thing. So of course Baekhyun has to be the supportive best friend, encouraging Kyungsoo and helping him shop for stuff he’s going to need to bring over to Tokyo.
Jongdae’s too busy letting Junmyeon suck his newly-engaged dick to spend hours on the phone talking to Baekhyun about his Kyungsoo-related issues, so Baekhyun has no choice but to consult Chanyeol, who is a complete waste of space and time.
“I mean, why does it have to be in fucking Tokyo?” Baekhyun rants to Chanyeol over lunch a week before Kyungsoo leaves. “They have architects in Japan, I don’t see why Kyungsoo has to go all the way over there. I’m like, 90 per cent certain that we have buildings here in Seoul that need to be worked on.”
Chanyeol considers this, and swallows a mouthful of kalbijjim. “It’s not like he’s moving there forever, Baek. And this isn’t like, 2010 or something; we have phones. You can call him.”
“But that’ll make me seem like I can’t live without him,” Baekhyun counters.
“Um,” Chanyeol squints. “You can’t. You already admitted that like five days ago.”
“Kyungsoo doesn’t need to know that!” Baekhyun scowls.
Chanyeol frowns. “You know, this whole thing is lame aye-eff, and I don’t have time for you if you’re going to keep being a basic bitch. Just tell him you’re pathetically in love with him and then your life will seem less like a really badly-written fanfic.”
Baekhyun throws his spoon at Chanyeol. It hits his cheek before it clatters to the ground, and there’s a visible splotch of residual spit on said cheek. It’s mildly disgusting, but Baekhyun doesn’t give a fuck about Chanyeol anymore. “You are useless,” he informs Chanyeol. “Everyone is useless. No one understands me and the difficult situation I’m in.”
Chanyeol gets up and leaves after that, and Baekhyun spends some time reflecting on why all his friends are so problematic.
ψ
3 days before Kyungsoo leaves, Baekhyun helps him pack his stuff up into boxes. It makes Baekhyun feel like Kyungsoo’s moving away so he stuffs a few of Kyungsoo’s t-shirts under his bed when Kyungsoo isn’t looking to make himself feel better.
Kyungsoo being away for 6 months means he’s going to miss out on 6 months worth of Friday dinners at Jongdae’s flat and 6 months worth of movie nights. Baekhyun won’t have anyone to talk to in the flat after work for 6 whole months, and no one’s going to be around to make sure he doesn’t drink stale water or expired milk.
With all of Kyungsoo’s stuff packed away, there aren’t any clean socks in the laundry basket for Baekhyun to steal and there’s no yoghurt in the fridge, because Kyungsoo is the only one who bothers washing his socks and yoghurt is really stuff Kyungsoo buys for himself but Baekhyun eats because he’s a lazy asshole. In short, Kyungsoo hasn’t even left yet and everything is a mess.
The night before Kyungsoo’s flight, Baekhyun orders two extra large pizzas and they watch Harry Potter and the Prisoner of Azkaban, as is their tradition to do so before every big, life-altering moment. They’ve been doing the same thing for years, but somehow, this night feels different from all the others. The tension between them is thick and strained, and Baekhyun finds himself at a loss for words. He and Kyungsoo know every single line to this movie, yet no one says a word, not even when Hermione punches Malfoy in the face, which is when they usually break into an argument about Drarry vs. Dramione (Drarry being the CLEAR winner).
Baekhyun most definitely does not cry when movie-Sirius Black tells Harry that the ones who love us never really leave us, even if all he can think about is Kyungsoo and how Kyungsoo is leaving him and he’s going to be alone for 6 months like Harry was at the Dursley’s, except instead of three mean relatives, he has Chanyeol, Sehun and Jongin, and he can’t really decide which is worse, but it doesn’t matter because all he’s ever wanted is Kyungsoo who is leaving and has no idea about Baekhyun’s EXTREMELY FRAGILE FEELINGS OF EMOTIONALNESS AND KIND OF LOVE.
Kyungsoo doesn’t say anything except a simple goodnight when he heads to his room, and Baekhyun feels his heart deflate a little, because Kyungsoo doesn’t seem to be experiencing any of the same separation anxiety at all, and it makes Baekhyun wonder if this is Kyungsoo wanting to leave him because he’s tired of Baekhyun.
“How could you say that?” Jongdae says calmly over the phone later when Baekhyun calls him, buried in his duvet. “You guys have been together forever, Baekhyunnie. If he wanted to leave, he would’ve left ages ago.”
Baekhyun swallows thickly. “What if he doesn’t come back?” he whispers, squeezing his eyes shut.
Jongdae is quiet for a few moments, and Baekhyun almost thinks the connection has dropped until Jongdae’s voice crackles through the receiver, “Would it make a difference if he were happy?”
Sighing, Baekhyun contemplates for a minute. “… If he were happy, then I’d have to live with it, I guess,” he admits eventually.
Jongdae hums. “So you really do love Kyungsoo,” he comments.
“What makes you say that?” Baekhyun flushes, wondering to himself what the point of denying it even was.
“In the twenty years I’ve had the misfortune of knowing you, the only other time you’ve ever been concerned about someone else’s happiness is when Junmyeon and I started dating,” Jongdae says softly, and Baekhyun can hear the smile in his voice.
“You make me sound like a selfish asshole,” Baekhyun mumbles, embarrassed,
“You are,” Jongdae deadpans. “But we love you anyway. Kyungsoo loves you, you know he does,” he continues, and Baekhyun’s heart lurches traitorously. Not in the preferred way, he thinks bitterly. “He’s going to come home, Baek. You’re overthinking this,” Jongdae continues, reassuring.
They talk for a bit more about work and boring things like what date would be the best to hold Jongdae and Junmyeon’s wedding on. Jongdae hangs up with a final, “Don’t worry, okay?” and Baekhyun drifts off to sleep feeling mildly less panicked.
Kyungsoo’s flight is at 9 the next morning, and Jongin, Junmyeon and Jongdae come over to help him load his suitcases into the car. Sehun and Chanyeol meet them at the airport, and Baekhyun tries his best to seem as calm as possible as the minutes tick by and it gets closer and closer to when Kyungsoo has to go. The presence of the other guys lightens what Baekhyun assumes would be an incredibly sombre mood, but he can’t bring himself to be as upbeat as the others when Kyungsoo promises to call and send pictures and buy everyone presents.
Finally the time comes for Kyungsoo to check-in and head to his departure gate, and they take turns hugging him and wishing him well. Sehun cries a little when Kyungsoo tells him he’ll miss him, and Baekhyun feels tears welling in his own eyes. He’s standing behind everyone, feeling hopelessly lost and awkward until Jongdae pulls him forward, whispering in his ear for him to get a grip.
“I’ll go get the car,” Junmyeon clears his throat, motioning for Sehun and Jongin to come with him, and Jongdae and Chanyeol suddenly find themselves both having to use the bathroom. They wave to Kyungsoo one last time before they all disperse, and Baekhyun is left alone with Kyungsoo.
His heart is beating deafeningly in his chest and he’s at a complete loss for words as he stares at his best friend. Kyungsoo looks like he’s struggling to say something, too, chewing on his bottom lip.
An announcement comes over the P.A system for passengers on Kyungsoo’s flight to start boarding, and they both freeze.
“I guess this is it, huh?” Kyungsoo laughs awkwardly, rubbing the back of his neck.
Baekhyun grins lamely. “This is it,” he agrees.
“Don’t set the apartment on fire while I’m gone,” Kyungsoo is finally looking at him, and Baekhyun feels his breath hitch slightly at Kyungsoo’s soft voice, filled with fondness. “Don’t forget to eat, don’t forget to close the windows when it rains, and for fucks’ sake, take a shower every day,” Kyungsoo says, eyes twinkling.
Baekhyun feels those tears starting to sting again as he chokes out with false confidence, “What are you talking about? I’ll be fine on my own.” What the hell am I going to do without you? he wants to say, so badly. “Won’t even know you’re gone.”
Kyungsoo’s heart-shaped grin doesn’t quite meet his eyes as he replies, “Ungrateful bitch. You better not bring a ton of girls into the flat to replace me either.”
“No promises,” Baekhyun whispers, and it sucks that Kyungsoo has no idea that the flat is going to totally empty for the next 6 months because no other human being alive could possibly make Baekhyun love Kyungsoo any less than how much he does now.
They slip back into strained silence until Baekhyun decides that prolonging this torture is pointless. Flashing Kyungsoo another smile, he says, “Get out of here. You’ll miss the plane.”
“Yeah,” Kyungsoo blinks. “Yeah, I’m going.”
Baekhyun looks away for a second before he receives an armful of Kyungsoo. This is the first time he and Kyungsoo have hugged in literal ages and Baekhyun is too stunned to move. It’s regretfully over before he has the luxury of squeezing back, and Kyungsoo’s a little red in the face when he pulls away.
“I’ll see you, Baek,” he says with an air of finality, and before Baekhyun can say anything in return, Kyungsoo’s walking away. Baekhyun watches him go and tries not to think anything gross like I think my heart just left for stupid fucking Tokyo because he’s totally manly and stuff.
He waits till Kyungsoo’s gone past customs and Baekhyun can’t see him anymore until he sighs lightly and slumps into one of the plastic chairs in the airport hallway. “I’ll miss you,” he says aloud, but of course, the empty space in front of him gives no reply.
Ψ
Six hours after Kyungsoo is gone, Baekhyun realises there is close to no edible food in the fridge or pantry, so he decides to brave the unknown world of the supermarket and try to pick something up for lunch.
He dumps a bag of rice, a couple of heads of broccoli and some sliced beef into his basket and reaches for a box of peaches until he realises Kyungsoo isn’t around to eat them, hand dropping sadly to his side. He fills the rest of the basket with yoghurt and Chocolate Chip Cookie Dough ice cream, and heads to the checkout counter, but he stops halfway when he considers the fact that he’s never actually cooked real food before, so he surreptitiously throws in a few different flavours of instant ramyun, just to be safe.
He spends half an hour on Google when he gets home, searching for WikiHow pages like how to cook rice for 1 person, how to cook broccoli, how do I blanche something, and how do I deal with the fact that my best friend is in another country and I miss him? His rice comes out decently and his beef is a little dry, but totally edible. He unfortunately messes up the broccoli, but he doesn’t really care because Kyungsoo is the one who insists they eat vegetables and to be honest, Baekhyun kind of hates broccoli.
Kyungsoo had called earlier when he landed and they had spoken briefly, Kyungsoo expressing his excitement to be in busy Tokyo and Baekhyun kind of… deflating slowly. He wishes he could’ve spent hours talking to Kyungsoo, but the latter had seemed so eager to start looking around Tokyo that Baekhyun felt so gross and needy that he hadn’t made a big deal about it.
Baekhyun had taken the day off to do stuff that would distract himself, but he ends up curled up on Kyungsoo’s bed, staring at the ceiling for hours, wondering why he feels like he’s going to fall off the edge of a tall building and into a never-ending abyss of emptiness. The thought that Kyungsoo will not be coming home after work tonight unsettles him totally, and he sighs restlessly, refusing to let his frustrated tears spill.
See, if Baekhyun’s life was one of those super lame dramas that Jongin pretends he doesn’t watch, there would an emotional female idol singing something in the background (imagine Jessica Jung) and the TV screen would be split, and Kyungsoo would be sitting on his balcony in Tokyo, tearfully looking at grainy pictures of Baekhyun on his Motorola flip phone, just as miserable as Baekhyun, which would be when Jongin would cry and yell, “GO HOME, KYUNGSOO! BAEKHYUN LOVES YOU TOO!!!!”
Baekhyun’s life is not one of those dramas.
Kyungsoo is probably sitting on his balcony thinking about how awesome it is that he gets to buy fresh Takoyaki every day. Baekhyun is not Takoyaki.
But that’s what he gets for being a fucking idiot and falling disgustingly in love with his best friend. It escapes Baekhyun completely why his brain thought this would be a good idea. He’s known Kyungsoo since they were both awkward and had acne, back when they used to have regular horror movie marathons. Kyungsoo used to always fall asleep right at the start of the second movie, and Baekhyun would roll his eyes because what kind of lameass person does that??? Baekhyun was clearly way too hardcore for Kyungsoo’s 10pm bedtime. Movie marathons are supposed to be whole-night affairs, dammit Kyungsoo. They’d been together through all the bad times and the good times— Baekhyun breaking his arm, Kyungsoo’s parents’ divorce, the death of Baekhyun’s precious grandmother— and it had all been fine.
Until somehow, in between breaking up with his second girlfriend and his discovery of tasteful flannel, Baekhyun had stopped rolling his eyes whenever Kyungsoo fell asleep, instead strangely hyperaware of the contrast between his pale skin and his dark eyelashes. All of a sudden, he’d be halfway through a conversation with Kyungsoo and he’d space out, focusing right on the pink curve of his best friend’s lips.
When his third girlfriend, a very pretty girl called Kim Taeyeon, had broken up with him in their final year of high school, Baekhyun had been sort of sad. She was a really fun, exciting girlfriend. I care about you, Baek, she had said, holding on to his hand. But I think we both know I’m always going to come in at second place. Then she left, and after graduation, Baekhyun never saw her again.
She was right of course, considering how there were times where they would make out and Baekhyun’s mind would do really unfortunate things like wonder what it would feel like if he and Kyungsoo made out. And then these thoughts became less and less unfortunate and more and more please, someone out there, SOME SUPERNATURAL FORCE, PLEase let Kyungsoo want to make out with me back. At least when Taeyeon broke up with him he could jerk off without feeling guilty.
Somehow, throughout all this shit going on in Baekhyun’s head (and love life), Kyungsoo had managed to ignore Baekhyun’s inner turmoil completely. Like, how fucking annoying is that? There Baekhyun was, a fragile and developing youth with so many feelings, and Kyungsoo was just fucking around getting a scholarship or something. #whateven #literallycannot.
It’s been seven years and Kyungsoo is still oblivious. Baekhyun still hasn’t wised up and still walks around with gross little hearts in his eyes whenever Kyungsoo blinks and stuff. He really needs to have a serious chat with whichever Higher Being thought this would be okay. He wants to text Kyungsoo, and tell him to come home, but he also doesn’t want to be an irritating clingy person, so he goes back to his room and rolls around for a while, discussing with his favourite shark plushie Andrew (gift courtesy of his mother) how his life needs to become one of those dramas asap so Kyungsoo can confess to being in love with Baekhyun and get on the first plane back to Seoul, because then all of Baekhyun’s problems would be solved and he wouldn’t feel so painfully alone.
Ψ
It’s been about three months since Kyungsoo left and nothing has changed, save for the fact that everything has changed. Baekhyun is still super in love with Kyungsoo, Jongdae is still engaged, Sehun and Jongin are still gross, Chanyeol is still useless and Kyungsoo…
Kyungsoo is still definitely in Tokyo.
Baekhyun thinks it was better back when he first left honestly, because at least then, Kyungsoo would text regularly and send loads of badly-taken photos and they would Skype pretty much every day, so even if Baekhyun missed Kyungsoo, it wasn’t as if they had lost contact forever. Now, with Kyungsoo’s project in full swing, his texts are shorter and less frequent, and he doesn’t even fight back when Baekhyun leaves him 300 messages on LINE chat that are actually all stickers that make your phone hang.
I’ll call you tomorrow started becoming I’ll call you soon, and then it transitioned totally into Bye, Baek, and then the text messages stopped and the photos stopped and Kyungsoo settled into Tokyo and work and life and Baekhyun is still in Kyungsoo’s room. Missing him. But it’s not like it’s a big deal?? Baekhyun can deal. Baekhyun has other friends, and he’s like, really busy watching Boys Over Flowers for the fifth time and making Earth-Shattering Discoveries such as the optimal temperature at which to boil your ramyun noodles.
He’s moved into Kyungsoo’s room completely because it makes him feel a little better, and he actually puts effort into keeping it neat and 99.9% germ free and stuff. He sleeps in one of the t-shirts he stuffed under Kyungsoo’s bed all those months ago because for the first few nights, it smelt like Kyungsoo and his herb and lemon soap? Natural essence? Baekhyun isn’t sure, but it made him feel at home in the empty apartment.
“You need to stop this,” Zitao says to him at work one day. “You haven’t made fun of me in almost two weeks and I think it’s actually giving me hives.”
Baekhyun supresses the urge to sigh for the billionth time. “In Korea we actually prefer not being made fun of. I think you should know, for your cultural understanding and appreciation.”
The look Zitao throws him is acidic and Baekhyun flinches slightly. “Baekhyun,” he says forcefully. “I know you miss Kyungsoo, and I know he left very suddenly and now you’re alone because he was the only person alive who could tolerate your obnoxious being.”
“But you need, for the sake of your sanity and the sanity of the people around you, to get over it. He’s coming back. You haven’t been abandoned. You don’t have to be this miserable!” Zitao cries. “Love yourself!”
“Thanks, Zitao,” Baekhyun says passively. “I’ll think about it.”
“You don’t have to feel like you’re alone,” Zitao continues passionately. He sounds like one of those guidance counsellors on Oprah. “You are only truly as alone as you make yourself to be.”
“You are surrounded by so many amazing people who, for some reason, CARE about you.”
“ZITAO,” Baekhyun says loudly, before Zitao can go on with his spiel. “Look, I know you want to help and stuff, and I appreciate that. I feel that. I really do. RT @ Zitao.”
“It’s just that… No offence, but none of you are Kyungsoo. I can’t explain what that means, but it means something. I can’t get over Kyungsoo being gone until Kyungsoo comes back, because he’s just… Kyungsoo is everything. And he’s not here and I don’t want to know how to deal with that because I don’t want it to become something I have to deal with,” Baekhyun says tiredly.
Zitao’s expression turns sad, and Baekhyun feels mildly guilty. “Baekhyun,” he says quietly.
“It’s fine, “ Baekhyun sighs. “I’m sorry. I just— I have to do this alone.”
He goes over to Jongdae’s apartment after work, sick of his own empty flat. At Jongdae’s apartment there’s always food and alcohol, but more importantly, there are hardly any tangible traces of Kyungsoo.
It’s the fourth night in a row Baekhyun’s decided to crash at Jongdae’s, and though he feels a tiny bit bad for encroaching on Jongdae and Junmyeon’s privacy, he figures his presence in Jongdae’s humble abode is a blessing.
“So,” he says conversationally to Junmyeon. They’re slumped on the couch watching Say Yes to the Dress while Jongdae takes a shower. “Why don’t you just move in here? I mean you practically live here already.”
Junmyeon takes a sip of his tea. “I don’t really know why we didn’t move in together officially. Like you said, I sort of have moved in, anyway. I have a key and my clothes are here. Sometimes we sleep at mine because Jongdae likes the softer mattress. After the wedding we’re going to buy an apartment together, though, and Sehun will move in here with Jongin.”
Baekhyun sticks his tongue out. “Once that happens, I’m never coming over again. The whole place will be permeated with unresolved sexual tension and the distinct scent of nerdy twinks.”
“A little like your apartment?” Junmyeon teases.
“Hey,” Baekhyun frowns. “There’s no painful UST between Kyungsoo and I.”
Junmyeon stares incredulously at him. “You’re kidding right? I always thought you were just kidding around, but your state of denial is actually a little scary.”
“I don’t know what you’re talking about.”
The older male sets his tea on the coffee table in front of them and turns to face Baekhyun properly. “Baekhyun-ah…” he trails off. “Do you really believe that Kyungsoo has no feelings for you?”
“Obviously,” Baekhyun’s reply is immediate. “He would’ve said something by now.”
“You haven’t said anything,” Junmyeon points out.
“Because I know there’s no hope!” Baekhyun says, frustrated.
Junmyeon sighs. “You won’t know if you don’t try.”
Baekhyun squeezes his eyes shut and pretends he can’t hear Junmyeon anymore. The countdown app on his phone says it’s exactly a hundred days till Kyungsoo comes back and everything goes back to normal, and there’s no way he’s going to let anyone mess it up by confusing his already confused feelings.
A hundred days. No big deal. A hundred days and Baekhyun can forget about this entire nightmare and the fact that Kyungsoo’s pretty much forgotten about his existence and all that. Whatever bro. Baekhyun’s cool.
Ψ
A hundred days eventually turns into forty-three, and then twenty-six, and then it becomes six and suddenly, finally, at long last, Baekhyun’s counting the hours till Kyungsoo’s flight lands at Incheon. Junmyeon helped him check the flight details the night before and he’d sent a simple text to Kyungsoo in the morning saying that he would be waiting to pick him up when he arrived.
Kyungsoo had replied with a short, “See you soon ”, but even then, Baekhyun’s heart had picked up at the addition of the smiley face. He can’t wait to see Kyungsoo’s real smiling face when he gets back.
Baekhyun makes sure the flat is spotless before he leaves for the airport, and he even stops by the florist on his way over because this is a celebratory occasion that merits flowers even though it’s cheesy and they’ll probably end up dying since neither him nor Kyungsoo actually give a damn about taking care of plants.
Kyungsoo’s flight is set to land at 1:30 in the afternoon, but Baekhyun gets to the airport a half hour early. His whole body is on edge as he checks his watch and curses the fact that it’s been 1:08 for the past, like, five years.
When the board with all the flight listings finally changes, announcing in flashing red that Kyungsoo’s flight has landed, Baekhyun bolts from his seat, small bouquet of sunflowers (it was the only thing he could afford that looked presentable) clutched tightly in his right hand and makes a beeline for the arrival gate, heart beating like a jackhammer.
The first wave of passengers emerges through the glass doors and Baekhyun hears a smattering of Japanese, telling him he’s in the right place. He cranes his neck in search of his best friend, anxious, and after a few minutes, he catches sight of a small figure through a small gap in the frosted glass, clad in black pushing a trolley over from the baggage carousel.
Baekhyun turns away to brush out his bangs one more time, exhaling shakily. Kyungsoo is home, he thinks as his heart swells in excitement. Everything is going to be okay again. A massive grin blooms on Baekhyun’s face as he turns around again, waiting to see Kyungsoo after all these months.
Finally, finally, FINALLY, Baekhyun chants in his head as chews on his bottom lip, smile growing disgustingly huge. His heart drums in his ears and he holds his breath in anticipation as the doors open slowly…
…and sees Kyungsoo smiling wider than ever, oblivious to the fact that the entire world is collapsing around Baekhyun, whose heart drops straight into his stomach when he sees that smile directed at someone who is most definitely not him.
Ψ
“Kyungsoo and I actually met on the first day he arrived in Tokyo,” Minseok gushes fondly, and Baekhyun’s grip on the steering wheel tightens as he resists the urge to throw up all over his dashboard.
“Really?” he says tightly, forcing a smile that probably looks more like a grimace. “He never mentioned you in his texts, though.”
It’s a low blow, Baekhyun knows, but he feels like he deserves some slack after having his heart so furiously stomped on. Kyungsoo hadn’t even spared him a single glance as he walked out of Arrivals, and the sunflowers Baekhyun had chosen so carefully had gone straight into the trash before Baekhyun could humiliate himself any further.
“We agreed that we wanted to keep the news a surprise until we got back,” Minseok replies cheerily, unfazed.
“Seok,” Kyungsoo chides, smiling fondly. Baekhyun’s stomach clenches as he watches through the rear-view mirror. “It’s a surprise. Let's keep it that way.”
“What surprise?” Baekhyun asks. “Wasn’t this the surprise?”
Kyungsoo and Minseok share a gross couple look and Baekhyun feels like driving into a tree. “We’ll explain when we get home,” Kyungsoo promises.
Baekhyun, frankly, is sick and tired of all these “””””promises”””””’. Three months ago, Zitao had “””””””promised”””””” Baekhyun that everything would be okay if he just confessed to Kyungsoo, because of COURSE Kyungsoo loved him back. How could he be so blind?!!??!
WHERE ARE YOUR PROMISES NOW, ZITAO??????? Baekhyun yells in his head as Kyungsoo chuckles softly at some couple inside joke thing that, frankly Baekhyun couldn’t care less about. What hurts, though, is that six months ago, Baekhyun was the only one who could make Kyungsoo laugh that same, soft, fond laugh. Six months ago, Baekhyun was terrified that Kyungsoo wouldn’t come back. Now he’s back and all Baekhyun feels is replaced.
“So did you miss Kyungsoo?” Minseok asks, smiling impishly as Kyungsoo rolled his eyes.
“Not really,” Baekhyun says airily, flipping the indicator on as he turns into the exit heading back into Seoul. “It’s like he never even left. Six months really flies by when you’re having so much fun, huh?” he says with poorly masked bitterness, feeling increasingly irritated as he drives. “Plus, I was really busy with work and stuff, I didn’t even have time to think about anything else."
Kyungsoo’s small frown, visible through the rear view mirror, makes Baekhyun feel about 2% less crappy. Just about.
The urge to cry out of pure frustration starts to mount as he pulls into the car-park at his and Kyungsoo’s apartment complex, and he doesn’t know much more of this happy Kyungsoo and Minseok thing he can take.
It’s just so excruciatingly unfair, Baekhyun thinks as they ride the elevator up to the tenth floor. Baekhyun waits around, so fucking in love with Kyungsoo for the better part of an entire decade, and this stranger comes and makes it all worth nothing in less than a year.
“SURPRISE!” everyone yells when Kyungsoo pulls his suitcases into the apartment. A chorus of welcome homes and we missed yous echo until Sehun notices the third person standing in the doorway and freezes.
“Hey, who’s that?” he asks, waving confusedly at Minseok.
Kyungsoo blushes slightly. “Guys, this is Minseok. He’s my, uh… My boyfriend.” The blush dusting Kyungsoo’s cheeks darkens slightly. “Seok, this is Sehun, Jongin, Chanyeol, Jongdae and Junmyeon. My best friends,” he introduces.
Baekhyun has never heard silence so deafening.
Jongdae and Chanyeol are in states of complete shock and Jongin looks like he’s about to burst into tears.
“Good one, hyung!” Sehun laughs awkwardly. “Hahaha… Ha… Ha…”
“It’s not a joke, Sehun-ah,” Kyungsoo replies, glaring at the younger boy.
The tension is palpable and Baekhyun feels like he’s going to suffocate until Junmyeon diplomatically breaks the silence with a polite, “It’s nice to meet you, Minseok-sshi.”
Minseok bows politely and returns the greeting with a sincere smile, “It’s nice to meet all of you, too. I hope we’ll get to know each other well, especially in view of the, ah…” he trails off, sharing another glance with Kyungsoo, who nods slightly at the gesture.
“Minseok and I have some news we’d like to share with you guys,” Kyungsoo clears his throat, and once again, Baekhyun resists the urge to bang his head against a hard surface when Kyungsoo shares another disgusting smile with Minseok. The last time Kyungsoo had “news”, Baekhyun’s life had effectively become useless. He doesn’t even bother getting excited this time.
The group squeeze themselves onto Kyungsoo and Baekhyun’s couch in the living room and wait for Jongdae and Junmyeon to bring coffee (Baekhyun can’t be trusted with these things).
Kyungsoo looks excited, but nervous all the same, and Baekhyun can just feel that whatever he’s about to hear is just going to make this on-going nightmare even worse.
After what feels like an eternity, Kyungsoo finally clears his throat again and holding onto Minseok’s hand (Baekhyun does NOT inconspicuously dry heave at the sight), he starts to smile as he announces shyly, “Minseok and I are getting married.”
Ψ
At this point in the really ironic and unfortunate drama that is Baekhyun’s Life~! ♥, ridiculously witty and beautiful main character Byun Baekhyun cannot bring himself to continue existing.
He literally feels like removing himself from the planet at Kyungsoo’s “news”.
Minseok leaves the flat after an awkward round of congratulations from the rest of the guys, and Kyungsoo leaves with him to help him hail a cab.
“What the actual fuck is going on?” Chanyeol exhales the moment Kyungsoo is beyond earshot. “I am genuinely so confused right now.”
Baekhyun thinks Jongin has actually curled up into Jongdae’s chest and started to cry and Sehun is staring blankly at a wall in disgust.
“On the bright side—“ Junmyeon tries to suggest, but Chanyeol cuts him off. “If this were a drama, I would mute all your character’s parts because you’re nice to the point where it makes me want to stab you.”
Baekhyun, meanwhile, is lying face-flat on the couch, trying to reason with himself that the events of the past hour were just part of a special episode of the Ellen show and any minute now, someone is going to pop out and yell, “Sorry for the trauma! Please accept three million dollars and a TV!”
Nothing happens.
“Maybe you should talk to Kyungsoo about it,” Jongdae suggests. “Find out what really happened.”
“I’ll tell you what happened,” Sehun interrupts. “Kyungsoo-hyung’s lost it.”
“Thank you, Sehun, for that worthless contribution,” Jongdae intones. “Would anyone else like to say something useless before we continue with this discussion?” he asks, looking pointedly at Chanyeol.
“Why are you looking at me?” Chanyeol says defensively. The whole room turns to give Chanyeol a duh????? look and the tall male shrinks. “Yeah, okay,” he admits, but doesn’t go further.
Kyungsoo comes back before anyone can say anything else, though, and the subject is dropped for the time being. No one dares to bring Minseok up, focusing instead on all the fun stuff Kyungsoo did in Japan. Sehun provides a meagre distraction by demanding presents, but Baekhyun can’t stop thinking about the state of chaos that the universe has so kindly decided to create for him. He sees a framed photo of Kyungsoo and Minseok amongst the piles of Kyungsoo’s stuff, and a new wave of anger and confusion washes over him.
“Can we talk?” Baekhyun murmurs to Kyungsoo, nodding towards his bedroom.
“Can it wait till everyone’s gone—“ Kyungsoo starts to say, but Baekhyun’s expression hardens slightly when he says, “It really can’t. Please?”
A thick silence permeates the room the moment Baekhyun shuts the door and takes a seat on his bed. He exhales slowly and clears his throat, searching desperately for the right words to say. Baekhyun’s tongue feels heavy and useless, but he forces himself to come up with the words anyway.
“I don’t know how else to say this, ‘Soo, but what the hell is going on?” he breathes out, distressed. “You’re engaged?”
A flush creeps up Kyungsoo’s neck. “Yeah?” he replies hesitantly.
“You don’t sound very sure about it,” Baekhyun points out, feeling his blood start to boil.
“I am sure about it,” Kyungsoo says defensively. Baekhyun rolls his eyes.
“You’re sure about getting married to someone you barely know?” Baekhyun shoots at him. “’Soo, it’s been six months, you can’t be serious.”
“What if I am?” Kyungsoo hits back, eyes blazing. “Since when was there a minimum amount of time before you could get engaged to someone? Maybe it’s just something I want to do for myself, not that you’ve ever cared about anything like that.”
The pure unfairness of that statement sets something off in Baekhyun’s mind. I LOVE YOU, he yells in his head. HOW COULD YOU SAY SOMETHING LIKE THAT WHEN YOU HAVE NO IDEA HOW MUCH I LOVE YOU?
“You have no right to tell me about my choices,” Kyungsoo continues lowly, glaring. “This is my life.”
“Are you kidding me? Are you actually being serious right now? I’ve been your best friend for over a decade,” Baekhyun says, voice rising. “I think I have more of a right than that guy ever will.”
“If you were really my friend, you would be supportive,” Kyungsoo shoots back, turning away.
“How do you expect me to be supportive when you’re making a mistake!” Baekhyun explodes. “This is insane, you don’t even know this guy.”
“You don’t know him either! I don’t see why you have such a problem with this!” Kyungsoo yells back, facing Baekhyun again.
“I don’t need to know him! I just know that it’s a stupid idea, and you’re going to regret it because there is no reason at all you need to marry this person you know even less than the guy who washes our windows,” Baekhyun spits.
They’re both breathing hard from the exertion, but Baekhyun takes it further by asking, voice dropping to a whisper, “Do you even love him?”
Kyungsoo’s eyes flash with something unreadable as he looks away and screws his eyes shut.
“Baekhyun, please,” he whispers back. “Just don’t.”
Baekhyun’s jaw tightens. “Yeah, whatever. Do what you want,” he mutters. He can’t take this anymore. This isn’t how it was supposed to work out. This was not what he spent six whole fucking months moping around for.
He pulls a jacket off his desk chair and leaves the room, slamming the door behind him, and doing the same as he leaves the flat. He ignores Jongdae calling after him and walks straight out of the building. He doesn’t think— just keeps walking straight, stiffly ignoring the hot, angry tears pooling in his eyes in the hope that somehow, something would happen and this whole disaster could cease to exist.
Ψ
He ends up at Zitao’s an hour later.
He gets a bit of a shock when a pretty blonde girl opens the door, peering curiously at him. She looks just as confused as Baekhyun feels, and he’s about to apologise for getting the address wrong when he hears a shout in Mandarin and the blonde girl holds up a finger, motioning for Baekhyun to wait.
Zitao comes to the door a minute later, looking equally shocked. “What are you doing here?” he asks, letting Baekhyun into the apartment. “Didn’t Kyungsoo come home today?”
“Who was that girl?” Baekhyun diverts the question, settling onto the couch.
“That was Yixin, my girlfriend,” Tao answers distractedly. “She’s visiting from China. But that’s not important, right now. Why are you here? Where’s Kyungsoo?”
“I can’t visit my favourite friend and co-worker?” Baekhyun jokes weakly. Zitao is not impressed.
“Baekhyun,” he says warningly.
Baekhyun sighs tiredly, burying his face in Zitao’s couch cushions. “Kyungsoo is getting married,” he mumbles miserably into the fabric. “And we had a fight, and I don’t know what to do.”
“What?” Zitao’s eyes widen. “He’s getting married?”
“Apparently,” Baekhyun shrugs sadly. “He met some stupid cheerful architect person in Japan and now they’re engaged. I don’t know. I hate my life. We yelled at each other and then I left.”
Zitao fires off in rapid Mandarin before joining Baekhyun on the couch, patting him soothingly on the soldier. Yixin appears a couple of minutes later with some hot tea, giving Baekhyun’s hand a reassuring squeeze before she slips off.
Baekhyun falls asleep on Zitao’s couch shortly after, and stays until a gentle shake to his shoulder rouses him from his sleep.
It’s Jongdae there to pick him up. “Hey,” Jongdae greets softly. “C’mon, I’ll drive you home.”
“I’m not going back there,” Baekhyun protests, unwilling to see Kyungsoo.
“He’s not there,” Jongdae informs him. “He’s gone to Chanyeol’s.”
“Can’t I just stay with you?” Baekhyun pouts and Jongdae relents.
“Just for tonight,” he agrees.
Jongdae draws Baekhyun into a deep hug when they get back to Jongdae’s apartment.
“Oh Baek,” Jongdae murmurs sadly. “I’m sorry,” he whispers, rubbing soothing circles into Baekhyun’s back
“’S not your fault,” Baekhyun laughs hollowly. “I’m just being pathetic, aren’t I?”
“Kyungsoo’s right,” he sighs, settling down at the kitchen table as Jongdae makes hot chocolate. “I should be supportive.”
“You should,” Jongin agrees, walking into the kitchen to rummage through the fridge. “Be supportive, and then, when the relationship fails, Kyungsoo-hyung will fall right back into your arms and everything will be okay again.”
“Best plan ever,” he mumbles through a mouthful of donut.
Jongdae rolls his eyes. “This is a dumb-free zone,” he informs his little brother. “Leave.”
“I was just trying to help,” Jongin rolls his eyes in the exact same way his brother did as he heads back to his own room. “Everybody’s a critic.”
“Maybe he has a point,” Baekhyun notes. “I should try that out.”
“Baekhyun,” Jongdae says pointedly. “Why don’t we think of a proper plan of action that won’t potentially destroy your ten-year relationship with the person you happen to be in love with?”
“You’ve become so un-fun since you got engaged,” Baekhyun frowns. “I think Junmyeon-hyung is a bad influence on you.”
“I think you should apologise to Kyungsoo,” Jongdae counters.
“What?” Baekhyun stops dead. “No way, why the hell would I do that? He’s the one who should apologise to me for being stupid and ruining my life.”
Jongdae sighs. “You want him to be happy, don’t you? Maybe we’re all just overreacting. Minseok-sshi seems nice enough. I think we should all give him a chance.”
“I never thought this day would come,” Baekhyun says dramatically. “I never, in my ENTIRE life, thought the day would come that I would only have Chanyeol left on my side. I feel deeply saddened and betrayed.”
“For real, though,” Jongdae tries to keep a straight face, corners of his mouth threatening to curve upwards. “We should be supportive, no matter what he does.”
“I don’t want to be supportive,” Baekhyun whines. “It’s not fucking fair. I’ve been waiting in line for like, ever. Why should I be the good guy?”
“Would you rather lose Kyungsoo forever?” Jongdae sounds like he’s speaking to a stubborn toddler.
“Yes,” Baekhyun agrees spitefully, just because everything sucks and he’s a hardcore, anti-establishment radical like that. Fuck society!!1!!1!
But later, as he’s wrapped up in one of Jongdae’s spare blankets, he thinks of course I wouldn’t. The script for his drama would probably say something about him being willing to “make sacrifices” and that if you “love someone” you should “let him go”. Or something lame like that.
Baekhyun thrashes around in frustration. He wants to be selfish. He wants to tell Kyungsoo that he’s being stupid and there’s no way he’s going to be happy with Minseok because Minseok seems like the kind of guy who is nice and boring and old and Kyungsoo can do so much better. He wants to rain on Kyungsoo’s every happiness after how long he’s been miserable about Kyungsoo not loving him back…
But I can’t, he sighs to himself. I can’t because I don’t want to be the asshole character everyone hates and eventually gets killed off by the writers.
I can’t because I want him to be happy.
“Even if it’s not with me,” Baekhyun says bitterly to himself.
Ψ
He gets a cab home the next morning, deciding reluctantly that Jongdae is right and that he’s going to have to fix things himself if he doesn’t want them to be fucked up forever. Kyungsoo’s sitting at the dining table when he steps into the flat, and Baekhyun swallows down the nervous lump forming in his throat as he moves to join his friend.
“Look, I’m sorry I yelled,” he gets straight to the point. “I’m just… concerned.”
Kyungsoo takes his time chewing on his rice. “I’m sorry I didn’t tell you about it,” he says eventually. “And I’m sorry I said you didn’t care. That was wrong of me. I was just mad.”
“I know I can be difficult. But I do want you to be happy,” he says shakily, and he means it, despite how much he wishes Minseok wasn’t in the picture.
“Thanks, Baek,” Kyungsoo says softly. “It means a lot to me.”
There’s a short interval of silence as Kyungsoo takes another spoonful of rice, chewing slowly. “Minseok… Minseok is a good guy. I hope you’ll give him a chance,” he says later.
“Yeah, well, I have extremely high standards,” Baekhyun sniffs. “I’ll consider it.”
Kyungsoo’s lips twitch into a smile, and though Baekhyun can feel that it’s not a hundred per cent okay again, it’s a start.
“Hey,” he says before he leaves for work later that day. “I—I missed you. When you were—I mean. It was quiet… around here. I missed you,” he stammers, slipping out the door, face burning with embarrassment.
He’s kicking himself on his way to his car, but he figures it’s worth it when Kyungsoo sends a text later that reads, “I missed you a lot, too :)”.
Ψ
Minseok starts hanging out with them a lot after that.
The annoying this is, no matter how hard Baekhyun tries to hate him, Minseok is even nicer of a person than Junmyeon is, and Junmyeon is the only person Baekhyun has ever written a birthday card for.
He’s also cool, because he laughs at all Baekhyun’s jokes even though he technically isn’t allowed to (according to the laws in Baekhyun’s mind against soul mate stealers), and he pays for pizza the first time he comes over for Movie Night, which is great considering that him paying means that Baekhyun doesn’t have to pay his share, which is great because Baekhyun is sad, lonely and broke, and he thinks he deserves some free pizza every now and again since he’s been fucked over in every other area of his life anyway.
This however, in Baekhyun’s mind, is totally unacceptable, because Minseok is nice, generous and cool, and though he could never be as cool as Baekhyun, he’s clearly the winner in those two other categories, much to Baekhyun’s dismay. He also has rock-solid abs, according to Chanyeol, who tried to mock-punch him in the stomach, only to come away with a bruised wrist. How the fuck does the universe expect Baekhyun to compete with that when his abs are marshmallow-y at best? Minseok is like the Harry Styles that Baekhyun will never be able to win against because he’s stuck being that one that sings really well but looks like a convict. The whole situation is totally unfair and Baekhyun needs to have a word with whoever is narrating this story, because they’re not doing a very good job.
As the weeks go by, Baekhyun feels like he’s fighting a losing battle as Kyungsoo spends more time on gross couple-y dates and less time in the flat. Jongdae and Junmyeon are in the thick of wedding planning, and Sehun and Jongin have stopped hanging around so much, college life taking its toll on their social schedules. Even Chanyeol is spending more time away from work, helping his mother with her recuperation from some operation she underwent for one of her knees, so he’s around less too.
Everyone seems to be getting on with boring things that Baekhyun has pretty much no involvement in (thus why they’re boring), but that used to be okay because he had Kyungsoo, and he and Kyungsoo were the most important, valuable people in this friendship group anyway. Now he no longer has that luxury because once again Kyungsoo has ditched him, and it’s even worse than the stupid Tokyo thing because now, Kyungsoo is so close that Baekhyun could touch him if he wanted to; could so easily press him against the kitchen counter and tell him how much he loved him, but then the realisation that it’s not that simple and he can’t do that because Kyungsoo is taken hits, and he’s back to feeling like the unimportant secondary character that only exists to make bad jokes in between everyone else sleeping together.
At the same time, he can’t help but notice the odd thing or two that makes him wonder if everything is okay (he secretly hopes it’s not) between Kyungsoo and Minseok (Baekhyun still can’t wrap his head around the whole fiancée thing).
There are moments when Baekhyun sees their hands clasped together tightly and he can’t help but mentally curse whoever thought it would be fun to watch him suffer. He can’t get over Kyungsoo, because he’s still totally enraptured by the way Kyungsoo washes the dishes on the rare evening it’s just the two of them, and he still wants to tell Minseok to fuck off and stop ruining Baekhyun’s life. But then Kyungsoo looks so content with Minseok that Baekhyun feels like a selfish asshole whenever he wishes Minseok would, like, move to Antarctica or something.
But then, sometimes Baekhyun feels like Jesus is with him because there are things about Kyungsoo that only he could ever know. Minseok tries so hard, Baekhyun knows, but there are some things that you understand only after years and years of knowing a person, and that is one advantage that #TeamBaekhyun happens to have.
Minseok doesn’t really understand why Kyungsoo only eats thin crust pizza or the importance of having nachos and not popcorn at the cinema. He buys the wrong brand of yoghurt and he makes the mistake of stealing some of Kyungsoo’s fries, a mortal sin at which Baekhyun, Chanyeol and Jongdae all flinch at upon seeing.
Kyungsoo and Baekhyun are in the middle of fake-arguing over who was better: Aragorn or Thorin Oakenshield. Kyungsoo’s got this huge grin on his face as he leans forward to punch Baekhyun in the arm, and everything is going great and it’s all fun and happy until Minseok unthinkingly reaches over to swipe a few of Kyungsoo’s fries and everyone stops dead.
“I’ve never actually watched the Lord of the Rings,” he says conversationally, while Chanyeol’s eyes widen in horror and Jongdae looks uncomfortably at his own soggy fries. Kyungsoo twitches slightly in irritation.
“I like the Avengers though,” Minseok continues, popping more of Kyungsoo’s fries into his mouth, oblivious for the metaphorical dark cloud looming over Kyungsoo’s head. “Great film.”
Kyungsoo twitches again and Baekhyun shoves his fries at Minseok.
“You can have mine,” he says quickly. “I’m kind of full.”
EAT MY FUCKING FRIES IF YOU KNOW WHAT IS GOOD FOR YOU, Baekhyun tries to telepathically transmit to Minseok’s brain.
“It’s fine, there are still a bunch left here!” he waves off, pointing at Kyungsoo’s tray.
Kyungsoo’s dark expression has Baekhyun biting on his lip, trying to conceal the triumphant laughter threatening to bubble out. Kyungsoo’s happiness, he chants in his head, willing the laughter away. Think of Kyungsoo’s happiness and SNSD.
It’s only until Kyungsoo goes to the bathroom that Jongdae informs Minseok of Kyungsoo’s extreme dislike for people stealing things off his plate after a bad childhood Incident.
“I’m sure he’s cool with it,” Minseok smiles. “After all, sharing is caring, isn’t it?”
The fact that Baekhyun feels bad for the enemy speaks volumes.
Ψ
“You’ve been bitching for almost 8 months now,” Chanyeol tells Baekhyun while fiddling with Flappy Bird on his phone. They’re on their lunch break and Baekhyun’s been whining about Kyu*gs*o for twenty minutes. “Motherfuck!” Chanyeol curses loudly. A few parents turn to glare at him. Baekhyun sighs.
“You’re never going to make it past 3 points, Yeol, your fingers are too fucking huge.”
“Stop making me feel bad because you’re too pussy to solve your own lame problems,” Chanyeol says, hurt. “I’ll suck it up when you fucking suck it up.”
Baekhyun frowns.
Ψ
The first fight comes when Minseok makes the Mistake of all Mistakes.
“I think we should tell our parents about us,” Baekhyun hears Minseok say from kitchen, and he cringes.
After being friends with Kyungsoo for pretty much every significant second of his life, Baekhyun knows there are two things no one should EVER bring up to Kyungsoo: that bit in Tangled where Flynn “dies” (you were my new dream, Kyungsoo always whispers along brokenly, head in his hands), and his parents.
Baekhyun loves his own parents. His mother is the best cook in the entire world and she always makes enough to feed several divisions of the national armed forces. She also sends Baekhyun texts messages in all caps, like WASH THE RICE BEFORE YOU COOK IT SON SON I LOVE YOU VISIT SOON SON because she has no idea how to switch the caps function off. Baekhyun’s dad is kind of small and adorable and the coolest dad ever because he used to buy Baekhyun beer and drive him to see movies on the weekends.
Kyungsoo’s parents are… not as easily adored. Whenever they come for dinner the whole apartment goes from just 99.9% germ free to constantly smelling like a hospital/spring meadow and Kyungsoo gets Extremely Stressed because his parents are always fighting and saying means things like commenting on how Kyungsoo’s a shit architect because he didn’t construct Namsan Tower or something stupid like that. Baekhyun isn’t particularly fond of them.
Neither is Kyungsoo.
Which is why Baekhyun inconspicuously takes a seat at the small kitchen table and pretends like he isn’t listening on the couple’s conversation. Shit is about to go down and Baekhyun wants a front row seat. He’s reminded vaguely of the time Jongin got into a twitter fight with someone who insulted Shinhwa. It had been one of the most intense moments of Baekhyun’s life, ever.
“I don’t think telling my parents is a good idea at the moment,” Kyungsoo says, clearly uncomfortable.
“Oh, don’t be silly, babe,” Minseok soothes. Baekhyun gags at the term of endearment. “I’m sure your parents will be happy when they see how happy we are.”
Baekhyun snorts quietly. Maybe in the next millennium, he thinks to himself.
“Maybe in the next millennium,” he hears Kyungsoo say and he grins. Great minds think alike. “Trust me, ‘Seok, we should just leave it. We’ll factor in my parents another time.”
“Aw, c’mon ‘Soo, I think it would be a really great idea if you got them involved!” Minseok continues to push, and Baekhyun bites on his fist to stop himself from yelling at Minseok to shut up.
“’Seok, really, I know my parents, and it’s not a good idea,” comes Kyungsoo’s voice.
“You’ll never know if you don’t try. Besides, I want our parents to be involved when we start planning the wedding. Who else better to ask?” Minseok says enthusiastically.
“Wrong answer,” Baekhyun shakes his head. Somewhere, somehow, Minseok probably forgot to read the memo from Jesus telling him to shut the fuck up whenever Kyungsoo got mad.
There’s some quiet aggressive murmuring that Baekhyun unfortunately can’t listen on because Kyungsoo and Minseok decide to start whispering or something, inconsiderate bitches, so Baekhyun rests his head on the table and nearly falls asleep until he hears a door slam and jolts up.
“Dammit,” he whines, upset he missed the climax of this potentially storyline-altering scene. The drama was finally getting interesting again and he missed it because Kyungsoo was being quiet. This kind of irony is stuff that Baekhyun really doesn’t appreciate.
Baekhyun cautiously slips out of the kitchen, wanting to assess the situation. He assumes the door slamming was Kyungsoo (angrily) going to his room since Minseok is slumped alone on the couch.
“Um… Hey?” Baekhyun initiates awkwardly.
“He said I could see myself out tonight,” Minseok sighs.
“Yeah?” Baekhyun nods. “He can be kind of a dramatic bitch when he’s mad. I dunno. I’m used to it. He’s always yelling at me about hygiene and responsibility and stuff like that.”
Minseok smiles sadly. “What did I do wrong?” he asks.
“Uh…” Baekhyun trails off. You showed up??? Possibly. That is the answer.
Baekhyun feels like this is one of those Important Life Moments where he could make one of two choices that will change the entire course of life as he knows it. He could, (a) tell Minseok that Kyungsoo is just naturally sensitive and that he should just keep on being all cheerful and oblivious, which, hahaha dramatic irony, Baekhyun knows will piss Kyungsoo the fuck off. Or he could go with (b): actually tell Minseok the truth and help him out because this whole thing isn’t about Baekhyun and what he wants, but it’s about Kyungsoo and making Kyungsoo happy.
Baekhyun sighs in his head.
“His parents are assholes. They really are. I’ve met them, and we’re not related, so I’m allowed to say that. They’re kind of toxic, and you really should avoid bringing them up ever if you want this relationship to work out. He needs to take his own time with them. I don’t know. I don’t like it when they come over. They treat him like those brochures you take from people on the street and throw in the trash five seconds later. They don’t care,” Baekhyun explains, gripping onto his mug of tea.
“And the thing with the fries,” he continues. “Or any food, actually. He really hates that. Just don’t do that. His favourite yoghurt is the full fat one because he says the low fat alternative isn’t sweet enough, and his favourite flavour is banana. If you watch movies with him,” Baekhyun smiles, “He’s not going to make it past the second film, so don’t even bother.”
It’s like a dam has burst and Baekhyun can’t stop the gross, lovey, Kyungsoo-y word vomit from pouring out of his mouth. “He hates grapefruit so don’t buy those. His favourite fruit are peaches, but he won’t eat peach-flavoured things. He, uh, he’s afraid of thunder. So make sure you’re there to hold him when there’s a storm, because he gets these nightmares. And on birthdays, his favourite kind of gift is the kind where you bring him to a new restaurant or something. He likes trying new food. But he’ll settle for Takoyaki, since it’s his favourite. And…” Baekhyun trails off, neck hot with sudden embarrassment.
Minseok is looking at him with a sad kind of understanding, and Baekhyun feels like there’s no way Minseok hasn’t figured out that Baekhyun’s pretty much extremely in love with his fiancée. Oops.
“You care about him a lot,” Minseok says, a statement rather than a question.
“I—“ Baekhyun swallows. I love him. “He’s my best friend,” he says thickly. “It’s my job.”
Minseok leaves shortly after that, and Baekhyun sinks onto the couch, wondering what in hell he’s just done.
Ψ
It feels like things have come full circle when Baekhyun finds himself blowing up balloons for Jongdae’s stag night. Kyungsoo is still very much engaged, despite Baekhyun’s indirect revelation, but he assumes that either Minseok was nice enough not to say anything, or too dense to get it. He hopes for the sake of human continuity that it’s the first.
Minseok’s hanging streamers while Kyungsoo’s in the kitchen again, making little tarts and whatever filling he’s stirring on the stove smells so good, it’s making Baekhyun’s mouth water.
Baekhyun slips into the kitchen and tries to taste what’s in the pot, but Kyungsoo catches him immediately. “Baek, get the fuck out of my kitchen before I stab you,” he threatens, wielding a very sharp-looking knife.
“Pleeeeease ‘Soo, can’t I just have a tiny bite,” he pouts, wrapping his arms around Kyungsoo’s stomach. He counts to five in his head and Kyungsoo grunts gruffly in reluctant agreement. Works every time.
“Get your disgusting hands off of me,” Kyungsoo commands, trying to wriggle free, but Baekhyun only tightens his grip, laughing. “I’m just trying to show you how much I love you,” he says without thinking, and they both freeze. Baekhyun hope Kyungsoo can’t feel the way his heart rate is picking up as he thinks, fuCK FUCK FUCK WHY DID I SAY THAT???¿¿¿
“Um—”
“I—“ they say at the same time. “I hate you,” Kyungsoo says forcefully. His cheeks are dusted red. “Get out of the kitchen.”
Baekhyun laughs uncomfortably, sticking his tongue out as he pulls away from Kyungsoo in what was meant to be playful but probably looked more like he was having some kind of facial spasm. He goes back to blowing up balloons and misses completely the way Minseok is observing him carefully, eyes flitting sadly between Baekhyun and the kitchen.
It doesn’t take long for the party to get into full swing once people start arriving, and Baekhyun quashes any thoughts about the Kitchen Thing, because he deserves to be happy too, dammit, and he’s going to try, even if it only lasts one night and he goes back to his gross and pathetic pining the next morning.
It helps that he doesn’t see Kyungsoo the entire time, so he lets himself play video games with Sehun and Jongin, drink Chanyeol’s weird shots and sing really loudly to the Taylor Swift karaoke Jongdae brought over.
Chanyeol stumbles over halfway through Baekhyun’s inspiring rendition of You Belong with Me and thrusts a weird blue-coloured drink into Baekhyun’s hand. “HEY,” he shouts over the noise. “GIVE THIS TO MINSEOK-HYUNG, HE HASN’T BEEN TO THE BAR YET.”
Baekhyun groans. “Can’t you see I’m busy?” he sings into the mic.
“YOU’RE BUTCHERING TAYLOR’S MUSIC, GIVE THE MIC TO SOMEONE WITH ACTUAL TALENT,” Chanyeol is still yelling and it’s giving Baekhyun a headache.
Baekhyun rolls his eyes and relents, tossing the microphone over to Jongdae who’s met with a loud cheer as he picks up where Baekhyun left off. Baekhyun searches the room for Minseok, but he doesn’t seem to be anywhere. He checks the kitchen and the bathroom, and he’s about to give up until he spots Minseok heading out the door.
“Hey, hyung, wait, where are you going?” Baekhyun calls, following Minseok outside. “Where are you going?” he repeats. “It’s only 10:30! We haven’t even opened presents…”
Minseok smiles sadly. “I think it’s time for me to go, Baekhyun-ah. I—“ he pauses, running hand through his hair. “I think we both know this was never really going to work out.”
Baekhyun is stunned. “I— I’m sorry…” he finally settles on, and he surprises himself by meaning it.
“Don’t be,” Minseok says, patting Baekhyun on the back. “You two… it’s right,” he admits graciously.
“Talk to Kyungsoo,” he waves, heading for the elevator. “And Baekhyun?” he says, stepping in. “Make him happy… Since I can’t.
Ψ
Baekhyun runs.
He pushes his way through the sea of bodies in the apartment, desperate to find Kyungsoo. His heartbeat is ringing in his ears as he searches frantically for the other male.
“Have you seen Kyungsoo?” he yells at Jongdae. “I need to find him, RIGHT NOW.”
“I think he’s on the balcony,” Jongdae shouts back. “Did something happen?”
“I don’t know,” Baekhyun admits. “But I think something is going to.”
He finds Kyungsoo out on the balcony, leaning against the ledge. Baekhyun shuts the door, hoping to block out the noise.
“Hey,” Baekhyun says carefully, joining Kyungsoo over at the ledge. “You okay?”
“Hi,” Kyungsoo answers. “I don’t know, honestly. I feel—“ Kyungsoo sighs. “I’m sorry. I kind of fucked up. I’m sorry I got mad at you back then. You were right. It was a mistake. I just… couldn’t say anything when I left for Tokyo. I thought maybe if I left without saying anything, I’d just get over it. I really did like Minseok-hyung. He made me feel like it would be okay… not having you.”
Baekhyun swallows, hands shaking. “What if… What if you always have?” he breathes out. “Had me, that is. What then?”
“Baekhyun…” Kyungsoo whispers, barely audible. “All those nights ago, at Jongdae and Junmyeon-hyung’s engagement party, you said—“
Oh fuck, Baekhyun thinks. Fucking FUCK, Baekhyun has a long history of saying the worst things under the influence of alcohol—
“You said you love me,” Kyungsoo finishes.
Baekhyun chews on his lip, and meets Kyungsoo’s gaze. No reason to hide now.
“I do.”
Kyungsoo exhales sharply. “Oh my god.”
“Oh my god as in bad oh my god?” Baekhyun asks, concerned. “Because I don’t know, should I leave or…?”
Kyungsoo stares at him, eyes wide, and Baekhyun is about to back away until suddenly, Kyungsoo is backing him up against the wall, hands cupping Baekhyun’s face and bringing their mouths together, hot and insistent.
He runs his tongue across the seam of Baekhyun’s lips, and Baekhyun gasps as he feels the first touch of Kyungsoo’s tongue against his own. He’s been waiting so long to kiss Kyungsoo, and now that he’s gotten the chance, he doesn’t think he could ever stop.
Kyungsoo tastes sweet, like the wine that he’d bought for the party, and Baekhyun is never going to associate white wine with anything other than Kyungsoo for the rest of his life.
“I hate you,” Kyungsoo mumbles against Baekhyun’s lips when they part for air. His face is flushed and his lips are swollen, and Baekhyun feels a tightening in his jeans at though that he did caused that. “I hate you so much, I thought you were straight, you fucking idiot!” Kyungsoo complains.
“I love you,” Baekhyun says in response, ignoring him. He kisses Kyungsoo again, head spinning from the fact that it’s not a dream. “I love you. It feels so good that I’m saying it out loud. I’ve loved you for so long, it physically hurts me when I think about how much I love you.”
“I’ve loved you since college graduation,” Kyungsoo confesses, cheeks reddening even more deeply.
“Yeah, well, I’ve loved you since high school. So take that,” Baekhyun counters, and Kyungsoo rolls his eyes.
“This isn’t some kind of contest, Baek,” Kyungsoo laughs, smiling fondly.
Somewhere in the background, Baekhyun thinks he hears Sehun yell Just because you’re finally together, doesn’t mean you don’t have to get a fucking room!
Baekhyun just grins, and lets Kyungsoo kiss him some more, because in his eyes, it may not a contest, but he’s still won.
Ψ
EPILOGUE
Baekhyun does not cry at Jongdae and Junmyeon’s wedding.
Much.
The ceremony is beautiful, thanks to Junmyeon’s crazy organisational skills, and everything runs smoothly and according to plan. He totally does not tear up when Junmyeon talks about how Jongdae was his ‘answer’ and his ‘everything’, because that’s pretty lame and was probably a song lyric from a shitty k-pop song.
From the podium where he makes his best man’s speech, Baekhyun spots Jongdae smiling like everything in his life has just become perfect, and Junmyeon has that exact same look on his face, directed at Jongdae. It’s a little nauseating, but Baekhyun figures that putting up with it for just one day wouldn’t be so bad.
Looking further out into the crowd, he sees Sehun and Jongin, acting as though no one can them being totally gross and linking their hands together under the table, and he even spots Minseok, chatting happily with Chanyeol’s older sister. For once, Chanyeol doesn’t even look offended that another human being decided to try to talk to Yura. In fact, he looks pretty fucking pleased, and Baekhyun can’t help but wonder where that’s going to lead.
And finally, his gaze finds Kyungsoo, whose eyes meet his own right away. Baekhyun can’t help the grin that blooms as he continues to read his speech, and finally, after all the pining and the moping around and the feelings, Kyungsoo’s matching grin is not only radiant, but one that Baekhyun can feel in his pits of his chest that is one full of love.
“To Jongdae and Junmyeon,” he finishes, winking at Kyungsoo from his place on stage.
The guests chorus in agreement, and Baekhyun’s cheeks hurt from smiling.
“Hey,” he greets Kyungsoo as he takes his seat again.
“Hi,” the other male smiles.
“I love you,” Baekhyun says, twisting their pinky fingers together. Kyungsoo blushes.
“Disgusting,” he shakes his head, but presses a kiss to the corner of Baekhyun’s mouth anyway.
Best drama ever.
-FIN-