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I would not have minded the advances if they were coming from your mouth instead of theirs

Summary:

“No, bee boy, we’re just saving the best for last.” Lucas took a big bite of his burger, ketchup dribbling down his face.

Enid choked back her disgust. She had seen deer torn apart, whole animals swallowed, while running with the pack. She could handle the horrifying image of a teenage boy eating lunch.

“And I suppose that’s you?” Tyler asked, mouth open and full of food.

Enid gagged. Nope, nope, this was definitely worse.

“Trust me, by the time we leave this place, I’ll have her number and a date.”

OR

In which Enid is at the Weathervane with Tyler, Xavier, Eugene, Ajax, and Lucas, and they’re all trying to get their waitress’s number — who just so happens to be the most depressing, dark, and captivating girl Enid has ever seen.

Notes:

Characters might be slightly OOC here, especially the boys, but I had to make them fit my AU here so what can you do?

Also, let's pretend the normies and the outcasts get along, and Wednesday is somehow not at Nevermore academy but is a waitress at the Weathervane.

Does it make sense? No. But did I enjoy writing it? You bet I did.

Hopefully you enjoy reading it too :)

(See the end of the work for more notes.)

Work Text:

Enid couldn’t say for sure, and yes, she was kind of known for being just a tad dramatic, but if she had to guess, this was probably what hell feels like. 

 

When she accepted the invitation to go to the Weathervane with the boys, it was really because Eugene had made his eyes big and watery and said he just wanted another sane person at the table. Given the fact that he had somehow been roped into going with Tyler, Xavier, Ajax, and Lucas, she really couldn’t blame him. 

 

Of course, Eugene had also promised that he would pay for her food, so. How could she resist a free meal?

 

But now she was sitting in a booth with five idiotic boys (because yes, Eugene is sweet, but he’s also kind of an idiot), wishing she had the self-control to say no to puppy dog eyes. 

 

She’s a werewolf, for goodness sake. She should really, really be immune to puppy dog eyes. 

 

“Can you all please just order like normal people and not embarrass me any more than you already have?” 

 

She wouldn't go so far as to say she was begging, but it was definitely a strong plea. Enid didn’t do well with any kind of embarrassment, but there was a very specific type of secondhand embarrassment that came with watching a group of boys fall over themselves to impress an indifferent girl that had her feeling especially mortified. 

 

Eugene, bless his sweet little heart, quickly grabbed his menu. The others did so reluctantly, though Xavier and Tyler’s gazes kept straying back to the waitress. 

 

It wasn’t as though all of the boys found themselves falling for her, but truthfully, Enid really couldn’t blame them if they did. The waitress – her name tag said Wednesday though she hadn’t officially introduced herself yet –  wore an all black ensemble that was complimented by her bored expression and monotone voice, all of which were in complete contrast to her adorable yet intricate braids that inexplicably reminded Enid of pigtails. She had been distant and disinterested when seating them, placing the menus down stiffly and turning her back to them almost immediately, throwing over her shoulder that she would be back soon. Her voice was soft though, her movements more awkward than rude, and Enid found herself charmed. 

 

Not all of the boys were, though; that was clear from the wrinkle on Lucas’s face and the confused “did we do something to offend her?” from Ajax. Even Eugene looked a bit put out by the treatment, but he shrugged it off. 

 

So no, the problem was not that all of the boys were helplessly in love with their waitress. 

 

It was this: Tyler took one look at the girl and decided he was going to get her number, and Xavier, unable to resist riling up his frenemy, stated he was going to get it first. 

 

And just like that, much to Enid’s chagrin, like lemmings following each other over a cliff, Ajax and Lucas quickly joined in, despite the fact that neither of them wanted her number. 

 

“It’s just a game,” Lucas said. “It’s not like I’m actually going to use her number. I’m just going to get it before any of these idiots do.” 

 

Ajax scoffed. “That’s pretty confident from a guy who has only ever had one girlfriend in his whole life.” 

 

“And she was set up with you by your parents!” Tyler said.

 

Lucas flushed. “Well that’s still one more girlfriend than the two of you have had combined.” 

 

Xavier’s loud laugh echoed throughout the diner, and the others quickly joined in. Only Enid remained unmoved, glaring heavily at the group. 

 

“Don’t be jerks,” she growled. “It’s not like any of you will get her number anyway. You’re all just going to make her uncomfortable, and then we’ll probably be kicked out.”

 

“Nah,” Lucas said, a cocky smirk in place. “I think she’ll be flattered. You know, most girls like being flirted with.” 

 

This time, Enid let out an actual growl.

 

“I don’t know,” Eugene said. “She seems kind of mean.” Then he shook his head. “Not mean, just, like, not interested? In everything.” 

 

Enid glanced over to where Wednesday was working at another table, her bored expression visible even from across the room. The waitress rolled her eyes at a question that was asked, and based on the physical withering of the customer, responded in a way that was less than polite. 

 

And yeah, normally someone being rude in a restaurant was a bit of a turnoff for Enid, but usually it was because the person being rude was the customer not the staff. For whatever reason, seeing the opposite was enthralling. 

 

“That just makes it more of a challenge,” Lucas said, and Enid struggled to remember why she had ever agreed to go to the dance last year with him in the first place. 

 

Tyler glared. “Some of us might actually be into her,” he said.

 

Xavier shrugged. “Then you better act fast, Galpin, because between you and me there’s really no competition.” 

 

Wednesday appeared at their table suddenly. She held out a hot pot of coffee, and Enid smiled brightly up at her, hoping to distract attention away before the boys could say anything stupid. 

 

“Yes, please!” She said to the unasked question, and stared dreamily as the coffee quickly filled her cup. She was going to probably need the whole pot to get through this meal, but she would take whatever she could get for now. 

 

Enid thought Wednesday began to fill for the others, but she was too busy inhaling the sweet scent of her drink to notice. It was only when Tyler’s voice piped up that she turned her attention back. 

 

“So, uh, Wednesday, that’s uh, that’s a unique name.” The boy winced as soon as he spoke, and Enid did too. It was in no way a smooth opening line, and Xavier’s snickers didn’t make it better. “I mean, it’s a super nice name! Very, uh, pretty. Is it, like, a family name or something?”

 

“No.” 

 

“Right.” Tyler sunk down in his seat, apparently giving up on the line of questioning for now. 

 

Regroup, maybe try again later? 

 

Enid sure hoped not. 

 

“Is it the day you were born?” Ajax asked. He threw her his most charming smile. “That would be so cool. I was named after this old Greek hero,” he said it casually, but Enid knew it was one of his weird flirting tactics, “you probably haven’t heard of him, he was one of the greatest warriors–” 

 

“He was not.” 

 

“Uh,” Ajax was thrown. “What?” 

 

“Ajax. He was always second to Achilles and he was even defeated by Odysseus, which eventually drove him to kill himself. Most people probably do not even remember him. He was as unremarkable as you.”

 

Wednesday’s answers were factual, straight to the point, and more efficient at shooting Ajax down than Paris’s arrow to Achilles was. Still she wasn’t finished. 

 

“And no, I was not named for the day of the week I was born. I was born on Friday the 13th.” 

 

“Wednesday’s child is full of woe.” 

 

“What did you say?” Wednesday’s eyes stared intensely at Enid, who flushed under the attention. She didn’t even realize she had spoken out loud. 

 

“Sorry! Oh wow, didn’t mean to, like – that’s from a poem I like, that’s all. Really more of a nursery rhyme, I guess. It’s just a line from it, I didn’t mean to, like, offend you, or anything? Sorry.” 

 

Wow, could her cheeks get any warmer? Could she say anything stupider? She was not one of the hormonal teenage boys vying for Wednesday’s attraction. She needed to get herself under control. Even her friends were looking at her weirdly, though not suspiciously, since Enid had crafted a reputation for herself of saying whatever was on her mind and making situations awkward. 

 

At least the boys were no longer flirting with Wednesday. A small relief, since the direct result of the lack of secondhand embarrassment came at her own personal expense. 

 

“Anyway!” She said it loudly, even though everyone was already staring at her. “Should we order?” 

 

And just like that, everyone’s attention shifted. Her friends began rattling off their choices in no particular order to Wednesday, who listened but did not take notes. She didn’t take her eyes off Enid, either. 

 

***

 

“Galpin, Ajax, you did your best there, but I think we can all admit that was painful to watch. Why don’t you sit back and watch the master?” 

 

Tyler’s face flushed, and Enid kind of felt bad for him, with the way his eyes were darting self-consciously over to Wednesday. He seemed to genuinely like the goth girl, at least more than the others at the table. 

 

Not that Enid could really see the two of them together. Wednesday seemed like a strong personality and like someone who liked a strong personality as her opposite, which Tyler was decidedly not. She would walk all over the poor boy and be bored of him in minutes. 

 

(She certainly wouldn’t get bored of someone like me, Enid thought, before brushing the thought aside. She was not going to make a fool of herself like the boys. She was polite and friendly and not a creepy customer.

 

Enid looked up to see Wednesday fixing the steaming coffee machine, her sleeves rolled up to her elbows. 

 

She was also completely smitten.) 

 

“Don’t be so hard on them, Lucas. And don’t be so cocky. I haven’t worked my magic yet either.” Xavier ran his hands through his long hair. “Girls really can’t resist a tortured artist.” 

 

Lucas snorted. “Not more than football players.” 

 

Enid rolled her eyes as the two descended into an argument. Wednesday didn’t seem like the type of girl to be impressed by either of them, to be perfectly honest, and Enid would be extremely surprised if anyone walked out of here with her phone number. 

 

Truthfully, Wednesday didn’t seem like the type of girl to even have a phone to give a number out for. She seemed like the type of girl to appreciate handwritten notes and love letters, the type of girl who held a certain appreciation for antiques and history as opposed to the pitfalls of modern technology. 

 

Enid loved the pitfalls of modern technology, but she figured she could probably find the time to write an old-fashioned love letter too. She did have her blog, after all. How hard could it be?

 

She was in the middle of fantasizing about a reality in which she’s brave and suave enough to give Wednesday a love letter, in which an uncharacteristically shy but altogether beautiful smile would break out onto the waitress’s face, when Eugene’s interjection into the conversation pulled her back to reality. 

 

“What if she likes bees? If that’s the case, then I’ll definitely get her number first.” 

 

Enid could only gape at him. “I thought you weren’t doing this ridiculous competition.” 

 

He frowned. “Did I say that?” 

 

Had he? Not explicitly. But it was Eugene, who was sweet and kind and not at all as obnoxious as the other boys at the table. 

 

“I just assumed…” 

 

But she trailed off, because Wednesday was back with their food, dishing it out with a scarily fast efficiency. 

 

“Can I get you all anything else?” It was like she was reading from a script, and Enid knew the preferred answer: No. 

 

Instead, Xavier spoke up. “Actually, I was wondering. You have such a great profile and bone structure. Could I draw you sometime? I’m an artist, and I’m always looking for beautiful subjects to practice on.” 

 

Wednesday seemed to think it over, which immediately put Xavier in a better place than Ajax, but her disdain for the idea was clear on her face. Or, clear to Enid at least. Based on the expectant smile on his face, Xavier seemed to think he was about to get her number. 

 

“No.” His smile wavered. “While you are correct that my skeletal formation is quite appealing on paper, I do not think I would enjoy spending that amount of time with you.” 

 

Xavier’s smile dropped completely, but Enid couldn’t help the shocked laugh that escaped. She slapped a hand over her mouth, mortified, but it was too late, and the damage was done. 

 

“Sorry, that…” Xavier scowled at her while Wednesday stared intently. “That wasn’t funny.” She finished in a mumble. 

 

Wednesday raised an eyebrow that seemed to say yes it was and you know it and Enid allowed herself a small smile as she looked back down at her plate. 

 

It wasn’t often that people rejected Xavier so profoundly, especially not since he became a hot commodity following his breakup with Bianca, and Enid couldn’t deny that it was extremely satisfying to watch him get shot down. 

 

She knew he was a nice guy, but messing with Wednesday for fun was a jerk move and he – and all the other guys – deserved any humiliation that came their way. 

 

 The waitress in question went to leave, turning just as Eugene blurted out “do you like bees?” in a tone that was more of a shout than question. 

 

Wednesday paused in her retreat, turning to face him fully. Eugene adjusted his glasses but held her stare. 

 

“Yes, they are quite formidable predators.” And then she left. 

 

Enid thought she might have been imagining it, but Wednesday’s voice seemed softer than before. Was it possible she liked Eugene? 

 

No, that was insane. It was Eugene. 

 

Eugene, whose proud grin stayed on his face, long after Wednesday disappeared from sight. 

 

***

 

“So, does this mean I’m winning?” Eugene sounded almost cocky, but Enid let him have it. It wasn’t like Wednesday had agreed to go out on a date or anything, but she did seem considerably more engaged with him than anyone else. It was probably as much of a win as he was going to get. 

 

“No, bee boy, we’re just saving the best for last.” Lucas took a big bite of his burger, ketchup dribbling down his face. 

 

Enid choked back her disgust. She had seen deer torn apart, whole animals swallowed, while running with the pack. She could handle the horrifying image of a teenage boy eating lunch. 

 

“And I suppose that’s you?” Tyler asked, mouth open and full of food. 

 

Enid gagged. Nope, nope, this was definitely worse. 

 

“Trust me, by the time we leave this place, I’ll have her number and a date.” 

 

Ajax snorted but didn’t comment. Xavier just shook his head. 

 

Wednesday was making her way over, a pitcher of water in her hand. 

 

“Well,” Enid said smiling, “looks like you can prove it now.” 

 

Lucas’s cocky smile dropped off his face as he whirled around in the booth, catching sight of their waitress. She stalked over, as deadpan as ever, and Enid could feel most of her companions deflating. Only she and Eugene seemed to perk up. 

 

“Water?” Wednesday asked, reluctantly filling up the glasses as they were passed to her. “I trust everything is adequate?” 

 

Nods and mumbled yeses rang out. 

 

“Absolutely perfect, thank you!” Enid chirped, smiling her brightest smile. If everyone else was going to be rude, well she was going to do her darndest to be nice. 

 

Wednesday just nodded, but the corners of her lips seemed to twitch in what Enid assumed was her version of a smile. 

 

“So bees…” Eugene started, but Lucas quickly cut in. 

 

“Have you ever been to a Jericho football game?” 

 

Eugene seemed to consider trying again, but Enid nudged his shin with her foot, shaking her head subtly. He shrugged in acceptance, turning back to his sandwich. 

 

Wednesday didn’t even deign to answer Lucas, just stared unblinkingly at him. He cleared his throat and continued. “You should come to one, if you haven’t. I’m the captain of the team and the quarterback. I’d definitely make sure to score a couple touchdowns for you if you were there.” 

 

“I do not know what that means,” Wednesday said, “but no. I think I would much rather have all of my nails ripped off than participate in anything so barbaric.” 

 

Enid didn’t even try to hide her snort of amusement, and when attention turned to her again, she shrugged. “Sorry, Lucas, but football is really boring. At least when you get your nails ripped off you feel something.” 

 

“Whatever, Sinclair, you’re just too dumb to understand the intricacies of such an amazing and complicated sport.” 

 

Enid rolled her eyes, hurt but not willing to show it. Wednesday glared harshly at Lucas though, and that immediately made her feel better. 

 

“Can we just get the check, please?” Tyler asked quietly. 

 

It was the smartest thing any of the boys had said all meal. 

 

***

 

“You’re all throwing in extra money for tips,” Enid lectured. Lucas and Ajax protested half-heartedly, but she ignored them. “After all the asinine flirting you all put her through, you all can cough up a larger tip.” 

 

There was more grumbling, but everyone complied. Enid gathered up all of the money to take to the counter while the boys went outside to lick their wounds. 

 

Enid practically fell over herself to apologize to Wednesday, who stared back with that same expressionless yet strangely emotive face. Her lips did that little quirk thing that made Enid think she was smiling, which in turn caused Enid to blush more. 

 

“Anyway, uh, this is for you. Thanks again for the great service and everything.” She thrust the wad of cash out to Wednesday, who took it. 

 

“This is far too much,” Wednesday commented, frowning at the money. “Did I give you the wrong check?” 

 

Enid laughed. “No, no. It’s just a little extra, mostly from the guys, for all the flirting and shenanigans they put you through. And from me, since I’m still super sorry about them.” 

 

“So you have said.” The quirked lips are back in place. Then a frown again. “They were flirting?” 

 

Enid rolled her eyes. “Yeah, they’re pretty lousy at it, I think. But they were trying to see who could get your number first. I told them not to, but they don’t really listen to me.” 

 

Wednesday shrugged. “I do not even have a phone number to give out,” she said. Enid grinned widely, and she lifted an eyebrow. “What?” 

 

“No, it’s just, I figured you didn’t.” Wednesday’s stare was penetrating, and Enid felt herself flush darkly. “Not that, like, I would assume anything about you, just that, like, you seem super cool and like someone who is probably above that sort of thing.” 

 

“Hmm.” 

 

“Right! Well, anyway, sorry again,” Enid said grimacing. “I promise the boys aren’t normally so bad, and I genuinely think you made Eugene’s day by telling him you like bees. He’s kind of obsessed, and people tend to make fun of him for it.”

 

Wednesday nodded. “He reminds me of my younger brother.” 

 

“Your younger brother must be really great,” Enid said genuinely. 

 

“He is absolutely dreadful,” Wednesday said, but it was filled with so much affection that Enid figured it was probably a compliment. 

 

“Well, I should probably leave before I say anything worse than I’ve said so far. Thanks again for everything, Wednesday.” 

 

Enid gave a little wave before turning around, mentally smacking her forehead. A wave? God she’s such a dork. 

 

Wednesday is cool and mysterious and breathtakingly pretty and Enid waves like a loser and wow she needs to get out of here before she can embarrass herself even worse. 

 

“Wait,” Wednesday called out, and Enid whirled around so far she was surprised she didn’t give herself whiplash. 

 

“Yeah?” 

 

“I do not have a phone number.” 

 

“Right.” 

 

Wednesday shifted her weight slightly, and Enid wondered if this is what she looked like when she was nervous. 

 

If so, it was absolutely adorable. 

 

“I do not have a phone number, but my shift is over in 20 minutes, and I was wondering if you might like to go on a date.” Enid blinked. “With me.” Wednesday clarified, when she still hadn’t responded. 

 

“I, uh…” 

 

“You do not have to say yes, of course, and I would not be offended. I just,” the goth looked away, her pale cheeks tinged pink. “I was just thinking how I did not notice their flirting because I was focused on you, and about how I would not have minded the advances if they were coming from your mouth instead of theirs.” 

 

Enid smiled wide and it widened more when she noticed the tentative smile blooming on Wednesday’s face. 

 

“I would really like that.” 

 

Notes:

Hope you enjoyed! Feel free to leave comments and kudos as they are my main motivator to keep writing. And while I'm sorting through some other one-shot ideas of my own, definitely feel free to leave any ideas you might want to see as well!