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"Merlin. I can't do it anymore. I can't lose anyone else ever again." Arthur is on his knees crying, "I CAN'T DO THIS AGAIN." He screams the words, hearing them echo back, he drops his head. Merlin gets on his knees, and wraps his arms around him as he starts to sob. His head falls onto Merlin's chest, and he takes what comfort he can give him. Merlin's tears have dried up, revenge being the only thing he could think of, but for now, Arthur needed him.
"I won't survive this again." Arthur whispered the words through his tears. Merlin ran his fingers through his hair trying to calm him. "I've lost EVERYONE." Merlin just keeps trying to calm him, at a loss for words, he had no idea how to comfort him.
"How is it that you and I are always the only ones left standing?" He had lifted his head up to ask the question, and looked at Merlin with such despair.
"I don't know, I just don't know." He repeated the words softly, shaking his head, continuing to run his fingers through Arthur's hair.
"How do you do it? Why am I falling apart and you aren't?" He asked the question with jealousy and misery laced in his voice. Merlin just shook his head.
"I guess I've just gotten used to it."
"I can't accept that! I can't do this again. I can't keep losing everyone." He shouted the words, not at Merlin but around him.
"Then it's time to kill her. For good this time." Merlin's harsh words shock Arthur, he pulls away from him slightly, letting his tears dry up.
"You actually mean that?" His eyes were still glossy.
"The longer she lives the more people will die. So yes. I plan to kill her." He was going to get his revenge on Morgana if it was the last thing he did. He wanted Arthur focused on Camelot and Albion, while he hunted Morgana. He knew Arthur would never allow this, but he was going to kill Morgana, it didn't matter how. "Once Morgana is gone, you can rebuild your kingdom with few fears."
When did Merlin become wise? As Arthur stared at the man, he realized the happy, clumsy, fool of a boy was gone, and this stoic angry man before him was all that was left. He knew the deaths took a toll on them, but he never realized just how much it changed Merlin. He was trying to remember the last time he made a joke? The last time he smiled? The last time he laughed? Where was Merlin? He couldn't believe this emotionless man who was ready to enact revenge was his Merlin.
He had no answer so instead he buried his face back into Merlin's chest and stayed there until he knew he could handle another funeral.
Merlin wrapped his arms back around Arthur, he knew they were wasting time. She was getting further away and the longer she was out there, the more Arthur and Camelot were in danger. He also knew Arthur wouldn't be able to handle leaving right now. He liked being able to hold Arthur, he didn't ever really have a chance to hold him the way he would like to. He tried to push the thoughts of revenge out of his mind to be here in the moment with Arthur. Arthur never showed this much emotion. He always said tears were weak. Merlin never believed them to be a weakness but now he believed they were a waste of time.
"Is there anything left in Camelot to even save?" He asked mostly to himself. Why not give up on Camelot? It's not like he's been a good king. Most of his people were dead anyways.
"You are the heart of Camelot Arthur. I can't let you give up. There is so much to protect and I promise you we can do it. I just have to kill Morgana first."
"I miss you Merlin." He was confused by Arthur's word,
"I'm right here."
"You've changed. I miss your smile. I miss your laugh." Arthur said it sadly as he started to trace Merlins face gently with his fingers, then cupping his face between his hands and running his thumbs over his lips.
"We've lost a lot." He didn't know how to respond to Arthur touching him like that, he was so close. So gentle. It was almost too much to handle.
"We've lost everything." Merlin can see just how he has given up on himself.
"Not everything." He tries to give Arthur one of his signature smiles but he just can't muster up a whole smile. He gives him a sad smile and a nod.
"What haven't we lost Merlin?" Arthur yelled the words. His frustration clear.
"You have me? You have Camelot. We will win Arthur. Dint give up on me now"
"I don't think I could live without you." Arthur whispered the words. It was so intimate.
"You won't have to." Merlin says the words with such conviction, how?
"You can't know that Merlin."
Merlin was running out of words. He didn't know how else to comfort Arthur, he inched closer to his face. Arthur's breath hitched as Merlin got closer. He was waiting for a sign that Arthur wanted to be comforted this way. He raised his hands to his face and watched Arthur give him a slight nod.
Merlin kissed him slowly, languidly, wanting to take Arthur's mind off of everything that wasn't him. Arthur melted into the kisses and they slowly got more passionate. He started to kiss all over Arthur's face and neck, moving down to Arthur's chest. He would look up occasionally to make sure Arthur was still distracted. Arthur let out breathy moans despite himself. He wanted to lose control but he also knew he needed to focus. This was Merlin. He realized just how much he loved kissing Merlin, and feeling Merlin all over his body but was this too complicated?
Merlin could see him overthinking and went back to kiss him again. and again. And again.
"You'll be okay. " Merlin whispered the promises into his ear, "we'll be okay." He nodded to the words, letting everything fall away and refusing for anything to get in the way of this current moment. Merlin was all over his body, and he wanted to be even closer to him. Taking the distraction and wanting nothing more than to take the shirt off to finally see more of him.
"God, how do you always know what I need?" Arthur's question was asked between heavy breaths and light moans.
Merlin gave him no response other than a smile and he went in for another kiss as he hooked his thumbs under the waistband of Arthur's pants. He waited for Arthur's nod, and finally slid them down his body.