Work Text:
“Would you like to dance?” Olivia looks up towards where Rafael has invaded the corner she had hidden herself in during the initial stages of the party.
Rafael looks like a ‘no’ from her might shatter him forever, but there is a raw kind of hope in his eyes, and Olivia can’t bring herself to squash it, doesn’t have any desire to hurt him like that. She has missed this man so much. More than she ever thought possible. But she has been sad and in pain for so long she doesn’t quite know how to dig herself out. So, she gives Rafael a brittle smile and takes the hand he is holding out to her.
He leads her to the dance floor, sliding a hand around her back and fitting their hands together gently, his eyes never wavering from hers. Olivia expects to see a rebuke there, see a glint of smugness. But all she gets is gentle understanding and love. Olivia can feel her breath hitch and the tears well in her eyes in response, she shifts closer to him, her grip on him tightening as she moves to hide her face in his shoulder.
They sway where they are standing, Rafael’s grip on her pulling tight in response, his thumb rubbing soothing circles on her back. Olivia breathes in the comforting scent of him, and it is a shock to her to realise this is the safest she has felt in a long time. That here in this man’s embrace is where she finds her absolution. Olivia’s breath hitches again, and she is in real danger of losing her composure. There is a change in their direction as Rafael smoothly moves them to a small balcony, giving her, giving them some privacy, for whatever is to come next.
Rafael draws back slightly one hand coming up to gently wipe at the tears on her cheeks.
“I didn’t think I was that bad of a dancer.”
“Don’t leave me.” Olivia blurts out and there’s no stopping the tears now. Olivia closes her eyes and tries to pull herself together. Horrified at her outburst.
“Look at me Livia.” Rafael sounds soft and she can hear the tears in his voice. She shakes her head as more tears escape. “I need you to look at me when I say this, Liv - I need you to know how serious I am.”
Olivia breathes in and gathers her courage and opens her eyes, her brown meeting the familiar green of his.
“I’m not going to leave you. There is nothing you could do that would make me leave forever. Do you understand?”
Olivia nods slightly moving further into his embrace. She wants to crawl inside of him. Let the safety and comfort he represents to surround her until there is nothing else. He seems to sense the desperation in her grip because he lets her burrow further into him gripping her just as tightly in response.
Olivia lets the party behind them fade out of her awareness as she matches her breaths to his and lets herself be calmed by his presence.
“I told Lindstrom a while ago that I was sad all the time.” Liv starts. “He brushed it off, but I don’t think I’m okay. I don’t think I’ve been okay for a long time.” There is a lounger behind them, and Rafael guides her to it, settling her comfortably still securely wrapped in his arms.
“Everyone keeps telling me what I want, what I deserve, but it feels like no one is really listening to what I’m saying I want. Half the time I feel like I’m standing alone screaming into the abyss.”
“I’m here Liv. What do you want?”
“I’m not in love with Elliot.” Olivia says baldly. It’s the first time she’s said it out loud to anyone else. “Once upon a time maybe. Not anymore. Ed and I were in different places, and I don’t regret breaking up with him, but my relationship with him taught me a lot about what a healthy relationship should look like, through him I learnt what it was I was looking for in life, in love.” Olivia meets Rafael’s eyes he is watching her seriously, support radiating from him for whatever it is she has to say next.
“I wasn’t angrier at you because I felt more for him.” Olivia emphasises, and she imagines she can see the flame of hope that flares in his expressive green eyes.
“What are you saying Olivia?”
“Wheatley came at a shitty time at the end of a long line of shitty things that were happening in my life. Seeing you there, standing on the opposite side of the courtroom to me, even if you were protecting me, it was the last straw. I wasn’t coping and I took all the hurt I was feeling over everything on you. I’m sorry Rafa if I ever made you feel like you weren’t one of the most important people in my life.”
Olivia pauses for a second, then nodding to herself she swings her body around so that her right leg slides over his as she plants herself firmly in his lap, and despite the startled look on his face his hands come to rest on her waist, slipping beneath the top she is wearing and sliding against the bare skin he finds there. Olivia bites her lip stamping down at the flare of arousal that courses through her at the touch of his hands on her skin.
“When you left me on the steps after your trial, I thought that meant that you didn’t feel the same way about me as I felt about you. It wasn’t until after Forlini’s that I realised that maybe you felt the same.”
Olivia is leans forward then, hand coming up to cup his cheek tenderly.
“To be explicitly clear. I don’t want to see you every now and then when we have cases that cross over. I want to wake up every morning with you by my side, with you in my bed, in my life. I have been in love with you for so long it feels like I can’t ever imagine a time when I wasn’t.”
Olivia leans down and brushes her lips over Rafael’s drawing back to look him in the eyes again. There is a light there that hasn’t been present for a long time and his eyes are crinkled at the corners from the smile that forms on his lips.
“When you sent the invite to this thing, I tried not to let myself hope. Then there you were sitting there looking more beautiful than ever and I couldn’t help myself. I meant what I said in Forlini’s that night Liv, I love you unconditionally.”
Olivia smile lights up her whole face as she looks down at him leaning down to press her lips to his again, firmer this time. Rafael’s hand comes up threading into her hair as he opens to her, deepening the kiss, letting her taste him for the first time.
Olivia loses track of time for a while, lets herself get lost in his kisses, but eventually she draws back.
“As tempting as it is to stay out here with you all night, we really should go inside - we are here to celebrate Rollins and Carisi after all.”
“If we have to.” Rafael says even as he helps keep her steady when she climbs off his lap and then lets her pull him up. Olivia gets distracted again as he backs her into the wall by the door kissing her again.
“We do.” Olivia says in between kisses. Pulling him closer by the lapels of his jacket before shoving him away slightly grabbing his hand in hers, lacing their fingers together. “Noah is at a sleepover tonight. If you’d like, you can come over after this and we can talk more?”
“Just talk?” Rafael steps towards her again brushing kisses along her jaw.
“I think we can find something else for you to do with that talented mouth of yours.” Olivia smirks.
“Oh, you have no idea.” Rafael says matching her smirk with one of his own. Olivia steels herself and pulls away again before she can follow her instinct to throw him back onto the lounger.
“We need to get back, Amanda will kill me if I leave this early in the night.”
“Fine.” Rafael sighs sounding put upon as he helps her ensure that they both look fit for company again and then lets her tug him back through the curtain.
Olivia thinks they managed to disappear without anyone noticing but her hopes are dashed as they step up to the bar for a drink.
“Well, well, we’ll look at what the cat dragged in.” Nick Amaro drawls from behind them. Olivia turns around to find Nick smirking at her.
“Amaro.” Rafael grumbles a greeting from beside her and Olivia snorts.
“Nick!” Olivia’s greeting is warmer, and she steps forward to hug her old partner.
“It’s good to see you Liv.”
“You too! I wasn’t sure if you would make it.”
“And miss Carisi and Amanda finally getting their shit together? No way!” Olivia laughs pulling Rafael forward with one hand even as she loops her other arm through Nicks, blazingly happy for a minute squeezing them both tightly to her. She pretends she doesn’t notice the fond look they share over her head.
They grab drinks and head over to join the happy couple as they are standing talking to Fin and Phoebe.
“Aww the gangs all back together.” Carisi says as they come to a stop.
“How much have you had to drink?” Rafael snarks.
“Never mind that!” Amanda says eyes on where Liv is still gripping Rafael’s hand in her own. “You two disappeared for a while, anything you want to tell us?”
“I don’t kiss and tell Rollins.” Olivia responds with a wink and a blinding smile, that Rafael can’t help but respond to.
Amanda makes a noise that Olivia would normally consider too girly for the tough as nails woman and then throws herself at Olivia for a hug that Olivia is only too happy to return.
“You look happy.” Amanda says in a low voice.
“I am happy.” Olivia replies squeezing her friend back. Olivia knows that this isn’t the solution to the deep sadness that has plagued her for so long, but she will take it while she can get it. For the first time in a long time she can see a light at the end of the dark tunnel she found herself trapped in.
“We need to do this more often.” Carisi pipes up again when Amanda settles back next to him.
“We’ve already celebrated your wedding twice, now you wanna do it a third time?” Fin says with his normal dry tone.
“No, I mean, the last time we were all together like this was when Liv adopted Noah. It’s been too long.”
“It has.” Olivia says directing a warm smile at Carisi. “We can set something up.”
“I can make a group chat, make sure we keep in touch better.” Carisi says pulling out his phone. Olivia feels her phone buzz in her pocket a few seconds later.
“To family yeah?” Nick says raising his glass from beside her.
“To family.” Olivia hears them all echo Nick as they clink their glasses together.