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Felix never bad

Summary:

Logically speaking, there’s at least one homosexual in a room full of strangers, and Felix isn’t one for perpetuating statistical anomalies.

Notes:

Inspired by 全员帅哥 on Instagram: “😂😂”

the summary barely represents the plot, but i liked it too much to leave out

(See the end of the work for more notes.)

Work Text:

Kim Seungmin has never had a decent, G-rated conversation with Lee Felix. One way or another, freckled Felix will make a sleazy comment on whatever topic they have on hand. It shows, despite how cliché it may sound, that you should never judge a book by its cover. Seungmin had no idea that the sweet, little angel he met from across the street had a naughty streak, and no one believed him whenever he told people about this apparently nonexistent side of Felix. As Felix’s closest friend, everybody just assumes that he’s joking, which really isn’t off brand for Seungmin. But he’s telling the truth, goddammit.

 

Everyone knows that Felix is gay, there’s no doubt about it. Logically speaking, there’s at least one homosexual in a room full of strangers, and Felix isn’t one for perpetuating statistical anomalies. That is, however, the extent of what the general public knows about him. Somehow, only Seungmin is privy to the shamefully shallow thoughts of the school’s resident sweetheart. A position he never thought he’d be in and one he never wanted to have. It felt like constant gaslighting whenever Felix does this look that tells Seungmin his friend’s having indecent thoughts, but no one else seems to catch on. And Felix only does these deceptively Felix things outside of traceable media: in real-life conversations that Seungmin can’t screenshot for receipts. Short of using a wiretap, Seungmin has no other method of proving he’s not going insane by virtue of a small, Australian devil. 



So, when Felix blurts out, “I’d shove that down my throat any day,” Seungmin knows that his friend isn’t talking about the ice cream cone in Changbin’s hand, nevermind the fact even Felix isn’t that much of a weirdo to swallow a cone whole. Maybe Jeongin would, but he would have to consult his underclassman another time. On instinct, Seungmin immediately looks around to see if anyone else heard the definitely suggestive tone in Felix’s voice. As usual, no one did, but this presented Seungmin with a rare opportunity to catch Felix in the act. 

 

“I’ll do the rest of next week’s homework for you if you do it.” It’s a tempting proposition. The following week is crammed with deadlines and exams, and only a fool would turn down the chance. Only a bigger fool would offer, but Seungmin chooses not to dwell on that. 

 

There's a confused look on Felix’s face, but the slowly growing smile on his lips betrays his innocence. “What?” He chooses to say. The wheels are definitely turning inside Felix’s head, and Seungmin only needs to give him a little nudge to get him to take the bait. 

 

“I will do all your papers if you go up to Changbin and give his ice cream head.” 

 

Oh the things Seungmin knows from hanging out with Felix. Seungmin doesn’t even know if his words make any sense, but Felix seems to follow along. 

 

With a pep in his step, Felix walks to Changbin. Seungmin can see Felix flexing his hands as if preparing himself for the one-liner of a lifetime.

 

The sun is high, the air feels just right, and this might be the day that Kim Seungmin finally wins. He whips his camera out and positions himself for the best angle, both to fuel his passion for cinematography and desire for a long-overdue exposé. He’s bursting with anticipation and can’t help but hurry the satisfied customers along as Felix waits in line for his dairy delight. The sooner he gets the shot, the sooner he can be compensated for all the emotional and mental damage he has accumulated over the years. He can already taste victory as the line gets shorter and shorter. 

 

From where he’s standing, he can hear the conversation between Felix and Changbin unfold.

 

“One vanilla on a cone, please,” Felix says with a wink. No other words were exchanged, unfortunately, but Seungmin remains hopeful. 

 

Changbin, unaware of what’s about to unfold, turns to prepare Felix’s order: a simple swirl of vanilla ice cream. Felix takes this time to place his hands on the counter, lower his body, and position his head to make it look like he’s ready to give the best sucking of his twink life. Changbin hands the dessert over to an expectant Felix, and Seungmin can see the familiar glint in his friend’s eyes. It feels like everything moves in slow motion for Seungmin as Felix leans his head forward and proceeds to scar Changbin for life. He lays his tongue flat where the cone meets the cream and lets it slowly travel to the tip, not failing to keep his eyes unwholesome and in constant contact with Changbin’s. The other boy is understandably stunned, but Felix goes in for the double kill. He keeps his eyes looking up, opens his mouth, and takes in a gratuitous bite. Seungmin imagines that Felix’s teeth must hurt from the cold. If it does, he doesn’t show it, completely immersed in the little skit he’s playing.

 

The scene looks like it came straight out of a bad porno, and Seungmin has every second on record because he’s a good friend. Satisfied with what he’s done, Felix leaves a scandalized Changbin to his stand. He walks back to Seungmin, who has long hidden his phone in the safety of his pocket. 

 

When Seungmin gets home that night, he anonymously posts the video on the school’s community forum. He uploads the entire thing as is without post-processing or even captions. Just a pure, unedited account of what transpired. Some (Seungmin) might even call it a cinematographic masterpiece. He decides to sleep on it and revel in his victory in the morning. Vindication tastes the sweetest when he’s well-rested.

 

Disappointment greets Seungmin the moment he wakes up. Upon checking all his socials, he has gathered that his post did not receive the attention he thinks it deserves. What did go viral overnight was a TikTok someone made using his video. He checks it out and immediately regrets having his phone on full volume. It was too much for 8 AM. Unnecessary music floods every second of the 10-second clip, and there are way too many flashing lights for it not to have a seizure warning. Offending zoom transitions effectively cut out the most incriminating parts. All the editor left were severely drawn-out and repetitive shots of Felix looking at Changbin like a puppy. The video then cuts to Felix, with a smile on his face, leaving Chanbin star-struck, which is far from the truth.

 

Seungmin is appalled. He’s livid! He was so close to letting the world know about Lee Felix, the gay thorn to Seungmin’s side. What’s worse is that the comments are swamped with messages calling Felix cute, Changbin lucky, and the TikTok account a pioneer. The video even seems to have amassed a small cult following and had the video trending with #changlix in the tags. A deeper scroll tells him that no one else apparently saw what happened first-hand. It was Seungmin and his flop video against the world. 

 

A soft notification ping pulls Seungmin out of doomscrolling. It’s a message from Felix.

 

He opens it and taps on the photo he was sent. 

 

It’s a bed selfie from Felix. Instead of being propped up on a pillow, he’s lying on top of a broad, muscular back. Looking behind Felix’s smiling face, he can see a small tuft of black hair that’s decidedly Changbin’s. 

 

Seungmin dies a little bit more inside. 

Notes:

heres hoping i finally have the time to finish all the other shit i said im working on 😩