Chapter Text
It’s been hours, but it’s still scary, how quickly Usagi jumps up at the sound of footsteps coming from the front floor. It’s embarrassing, how suddenly he exits the bedroom. It’s humiliating, how he trips over himself to get to the door as fast as possible. And yet, he does all of it without a second thought, unapologetically, even when he stumbles and hits his shoulder on one of the corners.
“Leo-”
“I said. Knock.”
“No.”
“Fine then. I’ll do it!”
“Hey, no!”
“Why not? If you’re too much of a coward-”
“Leo, I told you – I can’t. Ok? I just can’t!”
Usagi feels his breath hitch, as he presses his ear to the door.
“Nardo, listen. We tried it your way. It failed. Now we’re doing it my way.”
Suddenly, there is a loud knock and Usagi shudders, hitting the door with his forehead – something that couldn’t have gone unnoticed on the other side. Still, he decides to act cool, and brushing himself off, attempting to puff the wet fur around his eyes, still salty from tears, he swings the door open before a single thought enters his brain. He knows that he is afraid. He knows that he is terrified of what is waiting for him on the other side. He knows that he is a coward who can’t look into his own fear’s eyes, but- But Nardo is not his fear.
Nardo could never be his fear.
This fear that is also his challenge and his demon to kill, because it will keep coming back until he does. The only way out is to order this brain to work, to demand solutions instead of this crazy anxiety that spins in circles. And although it seems to him that his bones no longer have the strength to do so and his muscles are exhausted, he still has the ability to stay still, to be quiet enough and to choose how to fight.
When the door opens, he is not so sure about that.
Nardo stands there, awkward as a person could possibly be, with Leo nowhere to be found, and doesn’t say a single word. Usagi knows that it's always a bad sign when an upcoming conversation sounds witty in his head. Most of the time, it's a signal of overconfidence that comes before a big fall. He has to learn to be more natural, less rehearsed. Of course, it's a little late for him, but he has to be like this either way: it's a part of him. It won't look like this on the outside. That’s why Usagi waits, hearing the clock in the kitchen slowly count the seconds that pass while he does that.
Thud.
Thud.
Thud.
Thud.
Thud.
Thud.
Thud.
Thud.
Thud.
Thud.
Yuichi shifts.
Thud.
Thud.
Thud.
Thud.
Thud.
Thud.
Thud.
Thud.
Thud.
Thud.
Nardo takes a breath.
Thud.
Thud.
Thud.
Thud.
Thud.
Thud.
Thud.
Thud.
Thud.
Thud.
Yuichi opens his mouth.
Thud.
Thud.
Thud.
Thud.
Thud.
Thud.
Thud.
Thud.
Thud.
Thud.
Nardo clears his throat.
Thud.
Thud.
Thud.
Thud.
Thud.
Thud.
Thud.
Thud.
Thud.
Thud.
Usagi feels the world around him twist.
Thud.
Thud.
Thud.
Thud.
Thud.
Thud.
Thud.
Thud.
Thud.
Thud.
“I forgot my mask.”
Usagi’s heart drops. He’s never thought that in his fear of disappointment, he could ever let himself be the one experiencing this gut-wrenching feeling.
“That’s it?” he asks, quietly.
Nardo looks at him. Stares, even. His lips move and tremble, but he doesn’t say a word. Not until he hangs his head and mumbles a weak: “Yes.”
This makes Usagi’s hands shake, and his head hurt. He hoped Nardo would say yes to a completely different question, one he never thought he would have the courage to ask and now he seemed to not have any necessity to even attempt doing so. His happiness, his plans, his hopes… All of it went down the drain without a single «no». The rejection hurts in ways he can’t understand himself yet, but what makes it all worse is Nardo’s expression. The pity, the sorry on it. Oh, how Yuichi wished that Leonardo Hamato was an asshole. How he wished that he was left broken, beaten and spat on rather than carefully put down on the ground. How he wished to be justified in his desire to punch Nardo.
How he wished to have a real reason to say all the things he will.
“If that’s all you want from me, I can’t help you.”
Usagi’s tone is colder than ever before.
“Sagi-”
“If you don’t have anything to say, please get out.”
“I need my mask.”
“You have a ton.”
“This is my favourite one.”
“Good. It’s a hostage now.”
“Usagi.”
“Yes?”
“Let me in. Please.”
“Not until I hear an explanation.”
“What explanation?”
“Of what the hell did you mean when you decided to run away!”
“I didn’t run away!”
“Oh, you so did!”
“It’s not fair.”
“Oh, isn’t it? Okay then, Mr. Fair. And what was fair about leaving me alone and then showing up here for a mask?!”
“I really like this mask.”
“Well, too bad then!”
“And I really like you.”
Usagi freezes, his hand on the door’s handle, ready to close it in Nardo’s face. He trembles. These words don’t bring him the comfort he wishes they did, and he knows that he makes a mistake, but he can’t control it. He can’t control himself. Without aggression, there would be no passion, great art, or sporting greatness so people learn to switch it on and off depending on the situation, but he is such a bad student he never did master this area of life. Thus, he grips the handle, bites the inner side of his cheek, and slams the opening shut. But the silence lasts for less than a second before Nardo knocks on the door sheepishly.
“Yu-”
“Usagi,” Yuichi corrects him with a heavy heart.
“Yu. Please. I- I can’t talk about it.”
“Sure.”
“But I wish I could explain myself.”
“Mhm. Whatever. I don’t care anymore.”
He did.
So much.
“But-”
Usagi grimaced.
“Yeah, get your butt away from me, Leo.”
Thud.
Thud.
Thud.
Thud.
Thud.
Thud.
Thud.
Thud.
Thud.
Thud.
“Okay then,” Nardo whispers.
His steps echo through the corridor one by one…
Thud.
Thud.
Thud.
Thud.
Thud.
Thud.
Thud.
Thud.
Thud.
Thud.
…until he swings the staircase’s door open.
Woosh.