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On the night before her 18th birthday, Kristie stays up with her friends to see where her mark will appear.
Because, you see, she lives in a world where on your 18th birthday, a black mark will appear somewhere on your body, where your soulmate touches you for the first time after both of you have reached your 18th birthday.
The most common mark is a black hand. The mark of the black hand is the most common, with about 40% of the population sporting them. Others have it on their arm, or the backs of their hand. Few have it on their legs, and even fewer on their torso. Kristie saw a woman once with one directly on the small of her back, a perfect hand print.
Well, it isn’t exactly where your soulmate touches you for the first time, it's when your skin makes contact first. So, the very small of your back was a rather unusual one to have.
Kristie’s favorite mark that she had ever seen was a handshake mark. Where the black splashed over someone's palm and back of their hand, like a piece of black art painted onto the blank canvas of someone's hand.
So, most people wait up on their 18th birthday to see where their mark will appear. Which is how Kristie ended up crowded on her floor with her little sister, Rose, Mal, Emily, and Lindsey, waiting for the clock to turn down to midnight.
Kristie was uncharacteristically quiet, dressed in just a t-shirt and sleep shorts as she watched Sonnett crack another joke that had her friends rolling in laughter. She was the first to admit that she was nervous to find her mark, but not for the reason most are.
Kristie was pretty pragmatic about the whole soulmate situation. Either you find them, or you don’t. She didn’t think finding her soulmate was going to dictate her whole life, nor did she have any loss of confidence that she could lead a completely normal and fulfilling life without her soulmate. Of course she hoped to find them, everyone did, but she didn’t let herself hinge her whole life plan on it like some people did.
Her life plan was soccer, and nothing else beyond that mattered much. Kristie was going to be the best, do her best, do whatever it took to get to the highest level. And well, while a soulmate didn’t necessarily get in the way of that, spending forever hoping for someone to show up dissuades your focus. And Kristie was nothing if not focused.
But, even with the whole soulmate thing, there was something that had been nagging at her for the last few years, but it wasn’t until the last few months that she was really able to name it.
When it came to dating, and all that stuff, Kristie had always felt…a bit different. She had never really liked the boys her friends had absolutely obsessed over, never really seen the appeal. But she figured when the right guy came along, she would feel it.
And well, someone came along, but the only problem was that it wasn’t a guy.
It was a British transfer student who also happened to play soccer on her school's varsity team, named Leah. Leah Williamson. She was blonde, with a sharp nose, kind smile, and hilarious facial expressions and a laugh that made little butterflies erupt in Kristie’s stomach. She was serious, serious about soccer and about school, and Kristie couldn’t help but be mesmerized by her.
She wasn’t sure where along the line she realized that she had a crush on her, but once she did realize, everything made a lot more sense. And while she wasn’t ready to tell her friends or family yet, she felt a little bit of peace in knowing this thing about herself. That from the get go, she would always know her soulmate was meant to be a woman and not a man.
She didn’t realize it was 11:59 until Sam pointed it out to her, nudging her shoulder just slightly and holding up her phone. Kristie stilled, offering a tight smile.
“Don’t be nervous Kris, I’m sure whatever it is it’s gonna be cool!” Rose said with a smile, and Kristie relaxed at the sentiment, because really Rose was right. It didn’t matter where the mark was, she was just excited to see where it was going to be. She was just opening her mouth to respond when Lindsey piped up from her space across Kristie in the circle.
“It’s midnight,” she said simply, and Kristie looked down suddenly. She turned her palms over to look at both sides of her hand, not seeing any black there, or on her arms. Looking down her legs, she didn’t see any black either. She stood, turning around for her friends to see.
“No, nothing,” Emily said, looking at Kristie with a critical eye.
“Maybe I don’t have one,” Kristie said quietly, trying to blink back tears that had sprung out of nowhere. There was a very small percentage of the population that didn’t have a mark, but it was so rare most didn’t really think about it.
“No, no, wait, hold on,” Mal said, rising. She walked over to Kristie, pulling her white t-shirt up to examine something. Kristie heard her sister gasp, just slightly, and she looked at Mal, who placed her fingers on Kristie’s waist, just above her hip bone. “There you are,” she said with a smile, removing her featherlight touch before grinning up at Kristie. She pointed to the full length mirror in Kristie’s room, which the blonde walked over to before pulling her t-shirt up.
She felt all the air leave her lungs as she examined the mark, ran her fingers over it. It was unusual, that was for sure. It was a hand, placed right in the curve of her right waist, just above her hip bone. As if someone had reached around to give her a side hug, their hand landing right on her waist.
“It’s…beautiful,” Kristie said softly, running her thumb over it. Maybe it was at that point she realized the significance of it. Just for a moment, she felt the pull of realizing that someone out there in the world was destined to be with her, and her with them.
But as beautiful as the mark was, she didn’t let herself linger on it. And for the next few months and years she watched her friends' marks appear, Rose’s on the back of her hand, Mal’s on her arm above the crick of her elbow, Emily’s as a palm that fit perfectly over Lindsey’s left shoulder (Emily had her mark for a few months, but Lindsey’s only lasted about five minutes after the clock struck midnight on her birthday), Sam’s a splatter of black on her wrist. And every time, she felt a tug that pulled just slightly on her heart strings, right down to her right hip bone.
But, every time she shoved it down, saying that now wasn’t the right time to daydream about silly things like soulmates and her non-existent love life.
So she went to Boston, and she figured out where she belonged on the soccer pitch, and she got drafted third pick overall to the Houston Dash, and she played hard and fast and well, and everyone noticed. When she received her first international cap, she felt all of the pieces in her life fit into place.
Well, except for one thing.
But as the months and years passed by, Kristie ignored them. She watched her friends find love, watched her sister meet her soulmate, fall in love and get married. And while she wished for it, sure, she knew if it was meant to be it would happen, no point trying to rush the process. She was able to come out to her friends and family on her own terms, and she lived her life authentically as herself. Well, as herself, just missing one very small piece.
—
The Houston Dash versus Chicago Red Stars game was always a highlight in the year for Kristie, and the third game of the 2017 NWSL season was no different. Chicago in general was a fun team to play, with Christen, Casey, Alyssa, Morgan, and Sam going against the Dash’s Tobin, Lindsey, Sofia, Rachel, and Veronica. Kristie was excited to see everyone, but she was especially excited to see Sam.
Kristie had met the Australian last year during the preseason at a Nike event, her sister dragging her over to meet her new friend.
“Kristie Kristie!” The blonde had turned at the sound of her sister coming over, clearly a little tipsy. Kristie smiled softly at her, before realizing she was dragging another person with her. Sam finished pulling the very attractive stranger over to Kristie, who now stood staring between the two.
Sam was all smiles and flushed red faces, while the stranger looked slightly like a deer caught in the headlights, looking between Sam and Kristie. Sam finally realized that she was supposed to introduce the two, putting down her champagne flute.
“Kristie, this is Sam. Sam, this is my sister Kristie,” Sam slurred slightly, and Kristie furrowed her eyebrows as she looked at the stranger, wondering if perhaps her sister had misspoken.
“Sam. Nice to meet you Kristie,” the stranger said in a delightful Australian accent, her voice practically purring in a way that had Kristie’s stomach flipping over with butterflies.
“It’s lovely to meet you Sam. What sport do you play?” Kristie had asked, her head cocked as she observed the Australian. The woman was very pretty, in a navy suit with a nice white collared shirt. Kristie herself was in a black cocktail dress that she was suddenly very grateful that she wore, hugging all the right curves.
“I play football,” Sam said with a smile, nodding over at Kristie’s sister. “I just signed with the New York Flash,” Sam said, which helped Kristie realize how Sam knew her sister, considering that they were teammates.
As the season went on, Kristie would see Sam in the background of her sister's calls and pictures, and eventually she just made the leap and started contacting Sam herself.
The two became fast friends, despite never really seeing the other in person. They would call and text each other every once and a while at first, but then it turned into weekly texts, then every day, then multiple times a day. She was one of Kristie’s best friends, even if Kristie had only seen her a handful of times since that first meeting over a year ago, mostly for games.
(And while once, in the dark of night while on the phone, Kristie had wondered if Sam was her soulmate, she had squashed that thought as quickly as it had come. Sam’s right palm was black, but so were a million other people’s, and she had been dating her teammate, Nikki Stanton, for years at this point. It didn’t matter if her smile made Kristie’s insides do somersaults. She wasn’t hers to love, not like that).
(What she didn’t know was that secretly, on the other end of the phone, Sam wondered if Kristie even liked women romantically. It made her feel bad as soon as she thought it, her stomach tightening with the knowledge that her girlfriend was in the room over. But still, the thought was out there, in Sam’s mind, and she truly did wonder. Ever since, she hadn’t been able to fully let go of it, always on the lookout for a hint or acknowledgement of what she had a sneaking suspicion was true, the more she got to know the blonde. Nonetheless, she didn’t want to assume.)
So when Sam had waved at her from across the pitch, she had waved back, smiling at her friend. But when she saw Sam shoot a glance over at Nikki, her face unreadable, Kristie felt a twinge deep in her stomach. Sam was in a relationship, and she needed to get over whatever these butterflies were every time she saw the striker smile. She didn’t have time to think about what they were, she had to focus on the game at hand. So she simply turned back to her teammates, joining Sofia and Lindsey in teasing Tobin, who apparently had just been hit in the head with a ball because she had been too busy staring at Christen.
Of all the soulmate stories she had heard, those two were probably her favorite. Tobin’s mark had been a black palm, and Christen’s had been a splotchy black handprint on the side of her shin. While the two had flirted around each other from the minute they met, it had been at a late night, informal pickup game with the national team that everything had changed. It had been Christen’s second camp, and after two friendlies against Colombia they all decided to have fun and just play a quick pickup game on the field outside their hotel before going home. They were tied 1-1 in the game when Christen made a breakaway, running toward Tobin’s team's goal, but Tobin wasn’t going to let her win that easily. She sprinted, lungs burning, and went down for the slide tackle, her foot just barely touching the ball as she felt her hand touch Christen’s leg as the taller player hopped to get over Tobin. But she managed to get it away from Christen, and had gotten up and started jogging away when she realized that nobody was moving. She had looked around, confused as to why everyone was stopped.
But then she looked down and saw that her palm was no longer black, but back to tanned flesh colored skin. And when she looked behind her, Christen was looking down at her right leg, which no longer had the splotchy handprint on it. And then Christen had looked up at her, her eyes wide and full of hope, and Tobin knew she was done for. She knew it the second she saw Christen really, but this just confirmed everything she already knew.
So really, even though she happily joined in with Lindsey to tease Tobin, she couldn’t blame her for being distracted. But seeing the way they looked at each other, as if the other person had individually hung the moon and stars, always made Kristie feel the need to turn away. It felt personal, and it made her heart ache in a way that she was positive she didn’t have time for.
So she shoved it down, pointedly ignoring Tobin and Christen’s soft greetings at the beginning of the day, as she air high-fived all of the players of the opposing team down the line.
In a society with soulmate marks such as theirs, it was a cultural custom not to shake hands for something like a soccer game or first greeting. It sometimes still happened, but people generally avoided it, opting for different forms of greeting.
So Kristie made sure to smile warmly at Christen, Moe, Alyssa, Casey, Sam, and even Nikki, who was uncharacteristically far from Sam in the lineup. But Kristie didn’t think much of it, just turned and smiled at something Sofia was saying, turning and getting set up on the field.
It was a tough fought match. The two teams were both highly ranked in the league, and it showed in the game. In the end, a brilliant cross from Kristie that touched Lindsey’s feet perfectly, ended up in the goal in the 58th minute to win the game.
Kristie was, of course, pleased with the results, smiling to herself as she stepped off the pitch to head toward the showers.
“Kristie!” She heard a voice call from behind her, and she slowed mid-step, pinching her face together before she turned, painting a look of neutrality on her face.
“Hi Luke,” she said with a tight smile, forcing a small wave as the trainer jogged over to her.
Luke was a new trainer this season, but he specialized more on the attacking midfielders and forwards, so logically he shouldn’t be spending too much time with Kristie. But she remembers the moment that changed, at a hot practice early in the season. The team was standing listening to Coach Morales talk defensive strategy, with Luke and another trainer, Rosemary looking on. Kristie had been running in the heat for at least an hour at this point, and logically was pretty sweaty. So she lifted her top up to wipe the sweat off of her brow, exposing her abdomen and waist. And when she had pulled her shirt down, she had felt weird, like she was being watched. She found the culprit quickly, turning her head just slightly to see Luke looking at her like a hawk, before he realized he had been caught and turned his head away.
Ever since then, he had made an effort to always talk to Kristie, try to work with her, and get close to her. She had politely declined two dinner invitations at this point, and made sure to stick close to Rosemary when she needed work with anything. She just really didn’t appreciate his abrasive need to touch her, as if he just had to find out if his black palm would make her black mark disappear.
Despite her love language being physical touch, Kristie is impeccably careful to touch very few people, only really her closest friends that she spends a lot of time with.
But Kristie just tells herself it’s a boundary she has with people, and not a way for her to easily push people away. So despite her love for hugs, for all those random other touches that friends and acquaintances would consider normal, Kristie keeps her hands to herself.
Plus, Kristie doesn’t particularly like being touched by people she doesn’t know well, or who she isn’t friends with. So despite her love for physical touch, she is often given a comfortable personal space bubble by those around her, which she appreciates.
But Luke couldn’t seem to get the hint, no matter how much she swerves his attempts, no matter how much she tries to subtly bring up her sexuality, it always flew right over his head. As if because her whole blonde hair, blue eyes vibe screamed straight. But here he came, yet again, running over to her to talk to her about something probably useless, if she had to guess beforehand.
“Hey, so I just wanted to say you looked great out there, but I want to check that right thigh for you. It looked a little tight during the game,” he said, stepping forward toward her. She simply took a quick step back, out of his reach.
“That’s alright, I have somewhere I have to be. I’ll be sure to have Rosemary take a look at it tomorrow.” She said with a terse smile, doing her best not to raise her voice or come off as impolite. Luke was objectively attractive and nice with all the girls, and while he had never done anything expressly to Kristie, his presence made her feel unsettled. Like he might come lurching for her at any second.
And really, it was rude to touch someone without their permission. It was even more rude to touch a person who had several times asked you not to. But Luke just furrowed his brow, exasperation setting into his features.
“You really should get it checked now. I can just,” he cut himself off, leaning forward again.
“I really think it’s ok, I’m all right,” Kristie said, her brows crossing as she was forced to take another step back. Luke was just opening his mouth when a voice cut across from her left.
“Hey Kristie, you all right?” Christen said as she approached, causing Tobin to turn as well from where she was talking to Morgan, walking over to stand next to Christen where she stood between Kristie and Luke.
“Yeah, I’m fine. Just headed back to take a shower, Luke was checking to make sure my thigh was ok.” Kristie said, her voice slightly unsteady.
Christen just placed a gentle hand on her shoulder, and Kristie slightly leaned into the comforting touch of her friend.
“Ok awesome, how about we walk with you?” Tobin said, turning until she was all but blocking Luke from getting to Kristie.
“That would be great,” Kristie said with a small smile, shooting what she hoped was her best impression at an apologetic look back at Luke before turning toward the locker room. She stared down at her shoes as she walked, missing the worried glances of her teammates and the watchful brown eyes that were boring into her back from across the field.
“Gross dude,” she heard Tobin mumble under her breath when they were out of earshot, walking down the tunnel. Kristie looked over at Tobin in shock, her eyebrows raised. The midfielder hardly ever spoke badly about people, known for her relaxed and easy going demeanor.
“What?” Tobin said with a shrug. When Kristie couldn’t shake the surprised look from her face, she continued, “don’t think for a second that all of us don’t notice how much that guy makes passes at you because he thinks you’re straight. We all notice, and none of us like it.” Kristie swallows at that, genuinely surprised her teammates had even noticed.
“I-I had no idea you guys noticed. But thank you, for looking out for me,” she said with a small smile, looking over at Tobin. The older woman just shot her an easy smile back, nodding.
“Are you coming to the party?” Christen asked from her left, tactfully changing the subject before Kristie had time to linger on it.
“Yes!” Kristie responded with excitement, remembering the invitation that Rachel had sent out the other day about the pool party she was hosting for the two teams.
“I am soooo excited to get to swim outside in the warmth. Winter in Chicago lasts like 9 months out of the year, I swear,” Christen said with an exasperated sigh, shivering thinking of going back home, where the high was currently 43 degrees.
“And I’m excited to get to see you in a bikini!” Tobin pipes up helpfully from Kristie’s right, which earns her a withering look from her girlfriend. “I mean, I’m just so happy I get to spend time with you?” she finished with a weak chuckle, which earned a hearty laugh from both her girlfriend and teammate.
—
When Kristie stepped through Rachel’s back door into her backyard, she felt the warmth of the sun as she stepped out into the late afternoon rays, and smiled at the various people she saw as she made her way over to get a drink. She was wearing a simple black string bikini, with a pair of tight jean shorts and a loose fitting unbuttoned white shirt, which she quickly sheds on the back of a pool chair, enjoying the warmth of the sun on her shoulders.
While most athletes don’t drink heavily during the season, it was early in the year and most of the athletes seem to agree at that point that one seltzer to relax a bit isn’t going to hurt anyone.
So she dug through Rachel’s cooler, pulling out a wild berry Truly, and promptly dropped it when she realized someone was standing right next to her.
The Australian just managed to grab the top of the can before it passed her reach, holding the end out for Kristie, who quickly snatched it from Sam.
“Nice reflexes Spiderman,” Kristie joked, looking up to meet Sam’s eyes. The striker chuckled slightly at the bad joke before reaching in to grab a water for herself.
“Nothing to drink today?” Kristie said, trying to be mischievous as she leveled a look at her good friend. They had been talking more and more often, going from once every few weeks to once a week, to just about every night, with texts interspersed throughout the day. Kristie could always count on Sam to leave a sarcastic comment on her instagram posts, which never failed to make her laugh. She trusted the Australian more than most, despite the fact that they hadn’t spent much time together in person.
But Sam didn’t joke back. She just looked at Kristie for a second, an unreadable expression on her face, before she answered.
“Just want to keep a clear head, I guess,” Sam said quietly, and Kristie tried her hardest not to let her surprise at the statement bleed through to her face. So she just nodded softly, furrowing her brows slightly.
“Kristie I-” Sam had just started when Lindsey appeared out of nowhere, dragging Kristie away from the conversation to go take pictures of her.
“Can it wait until later?” Kristie found herself asking as Lindsey physically dragged her away, but her interest piqued about what the Australian was going to tell her. Sam just nodded after her, before she smiled slightly at the tipsy Lindsey, who leaned over and whisper shouted at Sam.
“I need her to take pictures so I can send them to Emily. She LOVES when I send her thirst traps,” Lindsey says, trying to be quiet but in reality about half of the party can likely hear her, but she’s smiling so big Kristie can’t bring herself to shush her, just lets herself be dragged away to take pictures. And she doesn’t even look back, to see the way that Sam’s shoulders crumple slightly and she has to take a steading breath.
Kristie entertained Lindsey for about ten minutes, taking endless pictures and debating the merits of different poses before Lindsey decided on two pictures to send to her girlfriend.
Happy with her level of help, Kristie turns back to the party, and nearly crashes right into someone again, before she quickly steps sideways and backwards, her back now to the pool.
“Kristie!” Luke says with a smile, and Kristie’s stomach plummets, just slightly.
Who even invited him? Kristie can't help but think, plastering her best smile as she nods her head.
“Hey Luke,” she says, and it’s then that she can smell the beer on his breath, and she suddenly feels a wave of anxiety hit her in the stomach.
“Listen, I’m tired of trying to play this little game. I think you’re really fucking attractive and sweet, and I think we would be great together. So why don’t you just let me touch you, and see if it goes away?” Kristie is looking around, but nobody seems to be paying attention to the two, down at the far end of the pool. Lindsey has wandered inside to go to the bathroom, and she can’t seem to make eye contact with anyone else.
“Look Luke, I’m flattered, but I just really don’t think this is what you think it is, and honestly I would appreciate it if you would leave me alone.” Kristie says finally, trying to step around him, but he stepped sideways to meet her, blocking her exit.
“Why don’t you just let me touch you? What’s it to you?” He says, raising his voice just slightly, and Kristie both cringes at his phrasing and steps back slightly, flinching away from him.
“Luke, I just don’t think-” she starts, but then he's stepping forward for real this time, entirely into her space, and Kristie steps back to match him, forgetting that the pool is behind her.
But just as her foot steps off the ledge, and she realizes she’s about to fall back into the water, someone is at her side, wrapping an arm around her waist and pulling her to the side, so she half stumbles, half falls into someone's chest as they keep a hand around her abdomen protectively.
The first thing she feels is relief, and gratefulness for this person who has saved her from falling into the water or being touched by the man who had been in front of her. Her heart is pounding in her chest at her near fall, and she lets out a sharp breath at the movement of being pulled to this person's chest.
The second thing is something she smells, that the warm body pressed against hers smells like vanilla with just a hint of pine, in a way that maybe shouldn’t work logically but realistically is absolutely intoxicating.
And then Kristie is looking up and her face is just inches away from Sam Kerr’s, who is looking at her with a concerned gaze, her arm still wrapped around her abdomen, a steadying hand on her arm.
“Are you ok?” Sam asks softly, just for Kristie as she looks over her face for any signs of discomfort. The blonde just shakes her head, dumbly, stunned into silence by her proximity to the striker. She never noticed the barely there dusting of freckles over the bridge of her nose, or the small mole next to her nose. Or how long her eyelashes were. Or how her eyes in the light looked like molten honey, thick and golden. Or how strong her forearm is, holding Kristie securely around her waist, like that’s where it has always belonged. She finds herself roving over Sam’s face, realizing she’s never actually been this close to her before.
“Thank you,” Kristie breathes out, her gaze dropping for just a millisecond to Sam’s lips.
Sam releases her so quickly that Kristie nearly stumbles back, but then Sam is reaching to pick up the drink she had put down and she’s handing Kristie her white shirt she had been wearing earlier, which Kristie slides her arms back into. And right as Kristie was going to ask her what she had wanted to talk about earlier, she’s being crowded by Tobin, Christen, and Lindsey coming over to ask if she’s ok, and Rachel telling her that she had made Luke leave, and it’s all a little overwhelming, even though she knows they mean well. Tobin and Lindsey decide it’s probably best to just get Kristie home, even though all Kristie had wanted to do was talk to Sam, who it seemed had disappeared in the crowd.
So she had let herself be taken home, and trailed after Tobin and Christen as they stepped through her front door, deciding they needed to make sure she was ok before they left to go back to Tobin’s condo.
But as she makes her way through her hallway toward her living room, something stops her in her tracks.
There is a mirror in her hallway, and as Kristie turns she sees it.
Or rather, she doesn’t see it.
Her mark is gone.
She throws off the white shirt she had been wearing, to reveal nothing but smooth, tanned skin on her abdomen. Not one bit of black
But who-
Oh my god.
Sam.
Kristie’s hand is flying to cover her mouth as a choked gasp leaves her lips.
Christen pops her head around the corner, and when she sees Kristie turn toward her, no mark on her hip, her mouth drops open.
Kristie turns when she hears the rustle of movement next to her. Her and Christen lock eyes for a moment, neither of them speaking. Then, at once, both of them uttered a single word.
“Sam.”
“Sam.”
Both just stare at each other for a moment, shock permeating both of their faces. Then, Christen just shakes her head and fixes Kristie with a hopeful look.
“The Marriott, on 13th street.” She simply says, tossing blonde the keys to her car. Kristie can only nod gratefully, scrabbling for her wallet and shoving her feet in slides before she’s running out the door. She can hear Tobin asking Christen what’s going on, but she doesn’t really care. She only has one thought, one goal.
She needs to talk to Sam Kerr. Right now.
—
By the time Kristie is walking into the Marriott on 13th street, she’s starting to see some holes in this grand plan of hers.
Mainly, the fact that this hotel probably had well over a hundred rooms, and she had no idea which of them belonged to the Chicago Red Stars right now.
Secondly, Sam fully has a girlfriend. The thought had sobered Kristie more than if you had dunked her in a tank of ice water. But regardless, she still needed to talk to Sam.
Thirdly, she had no idea if Sam was even here. Houston was a big city, and logically she could be anywhere, still back at the party, or out shopping, or drinking, or anything.
But, luck seemed to be on her side that day, as none other than Morgan Weaver came out of the elevator right as Kristie was about to give up and leave the hotel entirely.
“Hey, Kristie!” she called across the lobby, and Kristie turned, her face breaking into a smile as she walked over to Morgan.
“Hey Moe! I have a weird question, but do you know which room Sam is staying in?” Kristie asked, biting her lip. Morgan just examined the woman in front of her, how she was practically vibrating with tension and looking at her apprehensively. But she just nodded at Kristie, choosing to keep the weirdness of the request to herself.
“Yeah, she’s in room 414. She’s the only one on this trip without a roommate,” Morgan says simply, a knowing look in her eyes.
“Thank you so much Moe, I owe you one.” Kristie said before she pushed past Morgan, over to the elevator and punching the fourth floor.
Kristie is imagining all the things she should say to Sam as she walks to room 414. She steels herself for whatever reaction Sam may have, before she knocks gently on the door.
She waits for thirty seconds, and knocks again. But when no sound comes from within the room, she just lets out a frustrated sigh, leaning her head against the door just slightly. She knocks in vain one last time, and is about to turn and head back home when a voice pipe up from behind her.
“Maybe if you knock again the occupant of the room will magically appear,” Kristie whirls around to find Sam behind her, smiling with a teasing glint in her eyes.
“Sam,” she breathed out, and the teasing look fell off the Australians face, replaced by one much more serious. They both just look at each other for a moment before Sam gestures to the door.
“Would you like to come in?” She asks, and Kristie nods. Sam key cards into the room before she moves further into the room, going over to look out of the large window on the opposite wall of the room. Kristie can see her hand as she opens the door, how it’s back to normal flesh color instead of black. She tries not to let it take her breath away.
Kristie slides off her shoes apprehensively, and pads over to stand next to Sam, close enough to touch her but not close enough to be considered a violation of personal space. She looks out the window, down at all the people in the street, and tries her hardest not to think about how much her life changed in this one moment, on this one afternoon.
“I can hear you overthinking from here,” Sam says quietly, turning her head for just a second to look at Kristie. She looks over at the striker with a surprised expression, before she chuckles softly and turns to look back out the window.
They are both quiet for a moment, neither of them saying anything as they both stare out of Sam’s window.
“It’s ok, if you don’t want it.” Sam says quietly after a moment. Kristie turns her head at that, looking over at the striker with a confused expression. Sam sighs slightly, but continues, still without looking at Kristie.
“You…you talk about it all the time. Not needing your soulmate. I know you’re focused on your career, that you don’t want any distractions. You want to be the best, and I understand that.” Kristie just blinks at her for a moment, thinking, before she turns back to the window.
“I don’t…I can’t…” She starts, unable to find the right words.
“I’m giving you an out, Kristie. You’re welcome to take it.” Sam says calmly, her voice steady as her gaze never leaves the window.
“An out? Wh-”
“Kristie,” Sam cuts her off, her voice sharp but quiet, almost pained. “You talk about the fact that you don’t need a soulmate, that there doesn't need to be someone out there for you because you are perfectly happy,” she breathed in precisely, but when she exhaled her shoulders slumped, ever slightly. “Just because this is here, doesn’t mean you’re obligated to do anything. Or act on anything.”
Kristie spun around, walking over to the bed and sitting down, her breath leaving her lungs in short gasps. She runs a hand through her hair, looks around the room.
She sees Sam’s suitcase with clothes spilling out of it. She sees the shoes that line by the door, the toothbrush and face cleanser in the bathroom. This space, this lived in space.
This space, that was lived in by her friend, Sam Kerr. Her friend, who just happened to be her soulmate.
Kristie felt her breath even out, as she watched Sam. Sam, who was endlessly patient and kind, who was solid and there and stable and compassionate and funny and who she was so so in love with.
She realized as she looked at the Australian, that she had spent her whole life with the expectation that her soulmate would hold her back.
That they wouldn’t understand her love for soccer or her need to be the best or how much she loved the game.
But Sam knew, because Sam loved the game as much as she did. Sam loved the game in a way that could co-exist with the love Kristie felt for it. She uniquely understood Kristie’s own mind, and wouldn’t ask her to give that up.
There was also a small part of her that had never expected to find her soulmate. She never really believed that there was someone out there who could love her, who could complete her in that inexplicable way. She had her mark, sure, but plenty of people with a mark never found their person. And Kristie was nothing if not a bit of a pessimist.
“I-I always thought relationships were hindrances,” Kristie started, with Sam still looking out the window. She was so close to her friend, but she felt like they were a million miles apart.
“But you’re not a hindrance…you’re, you’re…” she trailed off again, trying to find the words. She stood again, and walked over to stand by Sam at the window. She was turned fully toward the Australian, who was still looking out the window, not meeting her eyes.
Kristie could see now, the pained expression on her face. How she was trying so dutifully to be neutral, but the hurt and rejection was just seeping through her features, and Kristie was grasping at how she could fix this, how she could illustrate to Sam how much she wanted this.
If you’re ever going to do this, you need to do it now.
I know you’re scared.
But you trust Sam. Don’t let yourself ruin something that could be good just because you’re worried it will be bad. Take a chance on her.
Take a chance on yourself.
“I think I said all of that as a defense mechanism more than anything. I was never the type of person growing up to push others out of my way to get to the top, you know? But the thought of never finding that one person who was made for me, it hurt to imagine it. So I made up all these excuses about how they would never be good for me, would hold me back. That they wouldn’t understand me or my love for football or how complicated at times all of that feels.”
“So I tried to focus on being happy for myself, by myself. I pushed it away, and said that I could be happy myself in case I never got the chance to experience that. Experience this.”
“And while I was wrong to say those things in that way, I don’t disagree with them. I don’t need you.” Kristie can feel Sam deflate just slightly, but she steels herself before finishing her thought, turning back to look out the window, unable to look at Sam as she finally finishes her thought.
“I don’t just need you. I want you, too.”
Sam chances a small glance at the blonde, but the American is simply looking out at the passing cars, her eyes glassy and her voice thick as she continues.
“I wanted you before you were ever mine to want. Do you remember when we first met?” Kristie asked, thinking back to the Nike event. Sam nods slightly next to her, her face unmoving as she looks back out the window.
“My sister dragged me over to meet you. She had been talking about you for weeks, how funny and friendly and intelligent you were. As a person and as a football player. You sounded so amazing, honestly. God, and then I met you, and I realized you weren’t amazing.”
“You were magic.”
“And I knew you belonged to somebody else, but I couldn’t help it that every time I looked at you I got these butterflies in my stomach and then every once in a while I would say something and you would laugh and it was like my whole life was split open and woven back together just by that one sound.”
“But I, I couldn’t do it,” She falters, looking down at her hands. “Because you weren’t mine, and I couldn’t make you mine, so I shoved it down, I shoved the whole idea down because the thought of the person I was made to spend my life with being someone even half as magical as you just felt wrong and I didn’t want to think of it. I didn’t want to think about how happy she made you, how much she got to make you laugh.”
“But I also couldn’t help myself in getting closer to you, you know? I don’t know when I turned into such a masochist honestly, because the closer I got to you, the more I wanted to be with you, and the more I realized I couldn’t have you. You with your perfect laugh and witty remarks and insane football skills, you and your big heart that saves people in uncomfortable situations because you’re the only one to notice them happening.” Kristie can feel the tears slipping down her face of their own volition, can’t stop them. She looked up at the ceiling, letting out a sharp breath.
“So I came here to talk to you I guess, but what I’m really doing is saying goodbye. Because you’re not mine to love, and I won’t get in the way of your relationship just because of this. People all over the world get married to people who aren’t their soulmates, and they live happy lives. I won’t make you choose, especially if you don’t know if I can make you as happy as she can.” She finished, and she’s near hyperventilating trying not to sob, and tears are streaming down her face in such rapid succession that she can hardly see the window she was looking out of. It’s a little pathetic, but she’s being as brave as she knows how, bracing herself the inevitable rejection.
But then she feels warmth spread over her temple as Sam leans forward to gently press a kiss to the warm skin there. And Kristie is just about to sob even harder, when she hears the rumble of Sam’s voice, as she presses her nose against Kristie’s hairline.
“If you think that she makes me feel half the things that you do, you are absolutely crazy.”
Kristie feels her breath hitch in her throat. She turned toward Sam, forcing the Aussie to lean back so that she can look her in the eyes. Sam brings both of her hands up, gently wiping the tears from Kristie’s eyes.
“That thing I wanted to tell you earlier, at the party? I broke up with Nikki a few weeks ago.” Kristie can’t react quickly enough to hide the shock on her face.
“But you didn’t tell me?” She asked, looking at Sam with furrowed brows. The striker ran a hand over her face, suddenly looking nervous.
“I wanted to tell you in person. Along with other things…” She admitted quietly, looking to her right off toward the door.
“What other things?” Kristie asked, her brain not catching up with what Sam was saying.
“Like…telling you how I feel,” Sam says, still not making eye contact with Kristie.
“How do you feel?” Kristie asked in a small voice, finally starting to catch up with what Sam was saying.
“That I love you. That it makes my stomach do somersaults when you smile at me, or do that cute little giggle when someone does something funny and you’re the only one paying attention. That you’re the best listener I’ve ever met, and you’re the first person I want to tell news to, good or bad. That I think you’re absolutely, jaw droppingly gorgeous and watching you play football, or fold laundry, or do anything really is mesmerizing. That I love when you fall asleep on facetime because you always look so open, and that little forehead wrinkle you have some of the time during the day goes away. That whenever I see that forehead wrinkle, all I want to do is reach out and smooth it with my thumb. I…” Sam trails off, finally meeting Kristie in the eyes. “Nothing has ever felt more right than when I touched you and my mark went away. It was always you. Even when there was Nikki, I always wanted it to be you.”
Kristie couldn’t take her eyes off of Sam, who was standing so close to her. She wanted to memorize the slope of her forehead, each individual eyelash that swooped up, how soft her lips looked.
She wanted to commit it to memory so she would never forget this moment.
Kristie had been with people in the past. Women and men who had wanted her, for sex, or for dinner, or for a few months.
But never in her life had she felt this wanted.
Never had she wanted someone so much, so wholly, than she wanted the woman standing right in front of her.
So she leaned in, gently holding Sam’s face in her hands as she connected their lips. Sam’s lips against hers were frozen, just for a second before her brain caught up and she responded in kind, pressing her lips back against Kristie’s with a ferocity and need that both took Kristie’s breath away and caused her to whine into the Australians mouth.
When they finally separated, their chests were heaving and their foreheads were tipped together, brushing against each other.
Sam reached out to grab Kristie’s hand. She looked up at the American, who was looking at her with a reverence so intense that it left the Australian feeling rather breathless.
“Go out with me?” She managed to say, her eyes tracking over Kristie’s face. Kristie looked at her for a second with an unreadable expression, before she leaned back just slightly.
“Can I think about it?” She deadpanned, and Sam pulled away suddenly, before Kristie finally lets out the start of a choked up laugh, descending quickly into a puddle of laughter, and Sam is laughing too, shoving her shoulder playfully. Kristie leaned forward, crowding the strikers personal space to press their lips together again, before she leaned back just slightly. Sam can feel Kristie smile out of the kiss, as she whispers “I would love nothing more,” to the woman in front of her.