Chapter Text
timaeusTestified [TT] began pestering cuttlefishCatnip [CC].
TT: I'm back.
CC: 3833 < *CC notices )(er suitor )(as returned! S)(e adjusts )(er collar and )(opes s)(e is purresentable.*
CC: 3833 < )(ello to t)(e little guy!!!
TT: Sigh.
TT: Better "little guy" than "the autoresponder," I guess.
CC: 38?? < Autorespurrnder?
TT: Wow, that didn't trigger it.
TT: Thanks.
CC: 3833 < 383
CC: 3833 < Did mew contact us fur t)(e Dave stories?
TT: Holy shit, just leaping right into it, huh?
CC: 3X33 < We didn't f33l like making mew wait any more!
CC: 38(( < -Espurrcially after we accidentally jerked mewr c)(ain last time...
TT: Huh.
TT: See, I'm tempted to say yes, but it feels kind of unearned somehow?
CC: 38OO < 38O
TT: Don't get me wrong. You're gonna tell me that shit.
TT: Sooner or later.
TT: But I want to have a rapport built first.
TT: I don't want you to think that I'm just milking you for information about my Bro.
CC: 3833 < We don't t)(ink t)(at of mew!
CC: 3833 < And we are a sprite, it is litfurally w)(at we are )(ere to do.
TT: I noticed.
TT: But say I didn't want game-relevant information.
TT: Like, if I asked you about your childhood. Could you tell me about that? Or are you just a Feferi-Nepeta gestalt summoned from the ether solely to give tutorial popups for a game that'll go nowhere.
CC: 3833 < We can talk ameowt our wriggler)(ood!
CC: 3X33 < T)(oug)(, it was purretty diffurent fur me and Nepeta.
TT: Me?
CC: 3833 < Yes, I am f33ling more like Feferi t)(an Nepeta at t)(e meowment.
CC: 3833 < S)(e is still )(ere, but towards t)(e back of our s)(ared mindspace.
CC: 3833 < T)(e cat puns soot)(e )(er.
TT: And you perform them with a grudging obligation, of course.
CC: 3X33 < No, t)(ey're fun!
TT: Right.
CC: 3833 < But yes. I can talk ameowt my wriggler)(ood.
CC: 38OO < Did mew know I was t)(e )(eiress to an alien empire?
CC: 3833 < Not t)(at it was alien furrom my purrspective, of course!
TT: It's been mentioned a few times.
CC: 3X33 < )(33)(33)(33. Yes, I suppawse it )(as!
TT: Go on.
CC: 3833 < )(mmmm... O)(, but t)(ere is so muc)( to talk about!
CC: 3833 < T)(ere was training to fig)(t )(er Imperial Condescension, learning ameowt Alternian p)(ilosop)(y and unredacted )(istory...
CC: 3X33 < Slig)(tly unredacted, at least.
TT: Wait, roll that back. Training to fight her?
TT: You know she's potentially on her way here, right?
CC: 38OO < I did not know t)(is, actually!
TT: Again, this is only intel I'm scraping from Dirk third-hand. But there's a solid chance this is where she'll make her final play against my Earth.
TT: If you have any information on how to kill her, that'd be beyond valuable.
CC: 38(( < I am sorry, but I don't!!!
CC: 38// < My "training" was a s)(am t)(at barely let me survive Sgrub. I would not )(ave been able to beat )(er in a straig)(t fig)(t -- )(ell, I didn't survive Sgrub! 38(
TT: Ah.
TT: My apologies, then.
TT: Is there a more positive memory we can discuss instead?
CC: 3833 < )(mmm...
CC: 3X33 < Accessing database...
TT: Nice callback.
CC: 3833 < )(33)(33)(33. I am purroud of t)(at one.
CC: 38OO < Oo)(! I )(ave one.
CC: 3833 < I can tell mew about t)(e furriends I made at fis)(ining sc)(ool!
TT: Finishing school?
CC: 3833 < W)(at are mew, brain damaged? I said FIS)(INING SC)(OOL, not w)(atefur t)(at is.
TT: Jesus. Weird outburst, Fefetasprite.
CC: 3833 < 383
CC: 3833 < O)(, but it is a purrfect story! It was w)(ere I learned t)(at culling was wrong.
TT: A high moral bar.
CC: 3833 < It was!!! 38P
CC: 3833 < Fis)(ining sc)(ool )(appens off-planet.
CC: 3833 < It is a place w)(ere several )(undred seadwellers are sent for t)(eir sc)(oolf33ding.
CC: 3833 < And because t)(ere is a c)(ance of some of us being fusc)(ia and t)(us tempted to murder eac)( ot)(er outrig)(t, t)(e sc)(ool )(ad made a deal wit)( some skilled )(ig)(blood C)(ucklemancers to cast a glamour over everyone w)(o entered t)(e establis)(ment.
CC: 3833 < T)(e sc)(ool was sort of )(emoanonymous!
TT: Huh.
TT: You defeated racism, but only for the wealthy and powerful.
TT: Depressingly applicable to human society prior to its end.
CC: 38// < Yea)(...
CC: 3833 < But w)(ere was I!
TT: School?
CC: 3833 < Rig)(t!
CC: 3833 < 383
CC: 3833 < T)(e )(emoanonimity purrovided us wit)( some furrm of normalcy.
CC: 3833 < Nopawdy knew we were t)(e )(eiress to t)(e entire Troll empire, we were just anot)(er seadweller!
CC: 3833 < Until one fateful day...
TT: The return of the "we" pronoun.
CC: 3833 < Nepeta is closer to furront by now, and we )(ave just spent t)(e past little w)(ile describing impurrsonal details.
CC: 3X33 < T)(ese t)(ings sort t)(emselves out.
TT: Right.
CC: 3833 < It was ameowt a quarter of t)(e way t)(roug)( our first semester.
CC: 3833 < Some of us kids were playing a daring game, w)(ere we spun a bottle and t)(en eit)(er told lies or forced eac)( ot)(er to do wildly dangerous t)(ings.
CC: 3833 < T)(e administration encouraged it, of course. If we died doing somet)(ing dumb t)(en t)(at was just Darwin at work!
TT: Darwin?
TT: What the fuck. Was he a troll too?
TT: Charle Darwin? Chucky Darwin?
CC: 38?? < 38?
TT: Ignore me.
CC: 3833 < Ignati Darwin was t)(e )(eadmistress! I don't know w)(o t)(ose castemates of )(ers would be.
TT: Oh.
TT: Whatever, let's move on.
TT: Where's the moral?
CC: 3X33 < T)(e moral is coming soon! )(old your )(oofbeasts.
CC: 3833 < On t)(is purrticular engagemeowent, we were unfurtunate enoug)( to be forced to accept a dare.
CC: 3833 < And t)(is dare was a purrticmewlarly tricky one!
CC: 3833 < I was to live t)(e next week as a rustblood.
TT: Oh, I see where this is going. Some prince and the pauper type shit, yeah?
CC: 3833 < Maybe!
CC: 3833 < T)(e present )(ig)(blood cast a c)(ucklevoodoo glamour on me t)(at would activate once I was out of sig)(t of t)(e group.
CC: 3833 < At first, I t)(oug)(t I )(ad gotten off very easily.
CC: 3833 < And t)(en, rig)(t w)(en we split from t)(e group, I felt it activate.
CC: 3833 < And immediately, someone pulled me aside and asked me w)(at I was doing! 38O
CC: 3833 < I was pulled aside by a furry stern rustblood troll. I didn't even s33 )(er, but s)(e was kind of gigantic for )(er caste!
CC: 3833 < By virtue of being an adult, I guess. )(e)(e. Not a lot of burgundy adults around!
TT: Why?
CC: 3833 < Well... t)(ere are a LOT of very specific and compurrlex social and econyamic factors to t)(at question...
TT: Troll racism, got it.
CC: 38// < Sig)(. More or less. 38/
CC: 3833 < Furrankly, I am lucky s)(e didn't cull me on t)(e spot! Because as I learned in t)(e next w33k, t)(ere really is almost no tolerance fur rustbloods in t)(e caste system.
TT: Wow. Color me shocked. I never could have guessed.
CC: 3833 < Seriously! -Everyone was so scared of being culled all of t)(e time. It was glubbing MIS-ERABL-E.
CC: 3833 < We cooked, we cleaned, we served, we fed. I )(ad to watc)( my terrible )(ig)(blood "friends" get served in t)(eir efurry w)(im w)(ile I watc)(ed and tried not to get noticed.
TT: And this taught you about the struggle of the proletariat, and the inherent corruption of the bougie class?
CC: 38PP < No, silly!!!
TT: Of course. What was I thinking.
CC: 3X33 < F-EULRU taug)(t me t)(at.
TT: What the fuck is a F-EULRU?
TT: Is that some kind of robot specification? Does your R2-D2 and C-3PO have absurd seven character long names to match?
TT: What the hell would I be? H4-LLLL? Wow, that's fucking stupid.
CC: 3833 < Feulru Azrova!
TT: Oh.
TT: You could have LED with that.
CC: 3833 < Mew s33med like mew were )(aving fun.
TT: I am always having fun. My fun having notch is always having its shit lodged tight.
TT: I metaphorically kick the shit out of the having fun hammer-game-test all the time. That bell is always ringing.
CC: 3833 < 383
TT: Go on.
CC: 3833 < Okay!
CC: 3833 < We met Feulru on t)(e t)(ird day of t)(e dare. At t)(is point I'm as)(amed to say I got a little used to it.
CC: 3833 < I was starting to look at t)(e incident as a )(umbling experience - look at w)(at you )(ave in)(erited t)(e ability to NOT DO - w)(en suddenly, t)(e kitc)(en went quiet.
CC: 3833 < A seadweller girl I )(ad s33n but nefur spoken to )(ad entered t)(e servant quarters of t)(e sc)(ool... of )(er own volition!
CC: 3833 < And it wasn't to cull or kill anyone, it was just to )(ang out!
TT: Wow.
CC: 3X33 < I KNOW, RIG)(T? 3X3
CC: 3833 < T)(ere was some w)(ispering over t)(e course of t)(e dare ameowt me. )(ow I )(ad just s)(owed up.
CC: 3833 < Nobody t)(oug)(t I was a seadweller, but t)(ey didn't R33LY know me, and I didn't R33LY know t)(em.
CC: 3833 < So w)(en Feulru s)(owed up and t)(e rumors started again, I t)(oug)(t I could just ignore t)(e w)(ispering.
CC: 3833 < But to my surpurrise, Feulru actually came ofur!
CC: 3833 < We made some small talk. S)(e's from Zalestia, a planet in a neig)(boring reality. I told )(er I was from Alternia and )(er face filled wit)( pity.
CC: 3833 < Appurently we were one of t)(e WORST planets for lowbloods.
CC: 3833 < I )(ad no idea! 38O
CC: 3833 < And it was so s)(ocking, too... I t)(ink s)(e could tell I was out of my dept)(, beclaws s)(e spent t)(e rest of t)(e w33k visiting me.
CC: 3833 < )(elping me wit)( folding clot)(es, mopping floors... I r33ly )(ad no idea t)(at a rustblood's life was so intense!
CC: 3833 < S)(e even purrtected me w)(en a purpleblood came to try and intimidate me.
CC: 3833 < I t)(ink it was a furriend of t)(e one w)(o cast t)(e giggleglamour on me.
CC: 38(( < Purrobably wanted to s33 w)(at )(e could get away wit)( doing to a confused burgundy all on )(er lonesome...
CC: 3833 < Feulru saved my life t)(at day, if I can be a little romantic.
CC: 3833 < Wit)( )(er scissorkind weapon of c)(oice, t)(e Goat-S)(ears of S)(rekstiny, active and filling wit)( energy, s)(e got t)(e subjuggulator to back off.
CC: 3833 < S)(e told me s)(e wanted to purrsonally cull me, and t)(at )(e n33ded to back off furrom )(er prey.
CC: 3833 < And t)(at was enoug)( to get )(im to leave us alone.
TT: Holy shit.
CC: 3833 < As soon as )(e was out of ears)(ot, s)(e turned to me and said:
CC: 3833 < "Pack your t)(ings."
CC: 3833 < I was so confused and scared!
CC: 3833 < I asked )(er if I was getting culled. S)(e said "somefin like t)(at," w)(ic)( didn't )(elp.
CC: 3833 < So I gat)(ered t)(e meager scraps t)(e burgundies gave me into my captc)(a deck, and returned to m33t Feulru.
CC: 3833 < T)(is is w)(en I learned t)(e alternate definition for culling.
CC: 3833 < Feulru mewsed t)(e word totally diffurently to )(ow anyone I knew mewsed it.
CC: 3833 < W)(en s)(e said "culling," s)(e meant "removing from a dangerous situation"!
CC: 3833 < S)(e didn't want to kill me at all!
CC: 3833 < It turns out )(er planet's gofurnment was r33ly only sending )(eiresses to smuggle slaves out of t)(is sc)(ool, and )(ad b33n doing so fur C-ENTURI-ES.
CC: 38OO < )(onestly, it was a lot to wrap my )(ead around, efurn t)(oug)( it was saving my life!
CC: 3833 < I was SO CURIOUS. I was ready to leave wit)( all of my t)(ings, w)(en suddenly...
CC: 38OO < T)(e glamour wore off! 38O
CC: 3833 < Rig)(t t)(ere in t)(e middle of )(er smuggling opurration!
CC: 3X33 < T)(ere was a LOT of expurrlaining and purromising to do after t)(at. 3X3
CC: 3833 < )(ad to make s)(ore to purromise nefur to speak about it to anot)(er living soul.
TT: What about me?
CC: 3833 < Tin cans don't )(ave f33lings, numbnuts! 3X3
TT: No, that's not true.
CC: 3833 < O)(, okay. I did not know.
CC: 38PP < -Eit)(fur way, it is a moot point, since t)(e sc)(ool was t)(r33 universes away, and all Alternians were killed in t)(e Vast Glub.
CC: 3833 < We don't )(ave a way to go back any)(ow, so it is not like telling mew our secret is going to )(arm anyone.
CC: 3833 < But anyway. I took w)(at I learned t)(at w33k to )(eart.
CC: 3833 < It is w)(y I ensured our Sburb session )(ad one player from eac)( caste!
TT: Diversity win.
CC: 38DD < -EXACTLY!!! Glub glub mew!!!
CC: 3833 < )(33)(33)(33)(33)(33)(33)(33)(33)(33!!!!!!!!!
TT: Well.
TT: With all that said and done, there's about an 89% probability that you'd fall asleep immediately if I asked you to tell me about Dave today.
CC: 3833 < 383
TT: I might as well just do it tomorrow.
TT: This was interesting, anyway.
TT: Had the game not happened, do you think you would have continued fomenting revolutionary sentiment?
CC: 3833 < )(mm...
CC: 3833 < I would )(ope so.
CC: 3833 < I purrlieve efurry life is mewtiful and wort)( saving.
CC: 3833 < And Feulru taug)(t me t)(at you can save lives efurn w)(en mew t)(ink it is impawsible!
CC: 3833 < So yes. I would )(ave )(oped so.
TT: I hope so too.
TT: It was a good story, Fefetasprite.
TT: I can see why Roxy likes you so much.
CC: 38DD < 38D
TT: Next time, we talk about Dave?
CC: 3833 < Yes!!!!!!!!!
TT: It's a date, then.
TT: 
CC: 3833 < Glub glub mew!!!!!!!!!!!
timaeusTestified [TT] ceased pestering cuttlefishCatnip [CC].