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“…I don’t think I understand it.”
“Understand what?”
Caitlyn hums as she turns to the next page in her book. She is seated on Vi’s bed, her back leaning against the wall next to it as she reads, her eyes occasionally flicking upward to watch Vi as she tends to the small creatures in the little aquarium in front of her.
“Just…why you would keep a jellyfish as a pet. It doesn’t seem very rewarding. A dog or a cat would probably take less work. And you can play with them, unlike jellyfish.”
Vi pauses for a moment, drawing her eyes away from the tank to look at Caitlyn.
She shrugs. “I mean, I wouldn’t mind a dog or a cat. I just like my jellyfish more.”
Caitlyn tilts her head, curious. Always curious. “But why?”
She did this often. Vi learned that quickly. Caitlyn had a habit of asking questions, small questions, all the time, simply to understand. Initially the questions had caught Vi off guard, blunt and sudden as they often were. Sometimes they could even come off as rude, although Caitlyn would immediately correct this when she realized it.
But her questions, while blunt and sudden and sometimes naïve, were always genuine, and so Vi did her best to answer them (once she got used to it). She did her best to help Caitlyn understand.
Because that’s what Caitlyn always wanted. To understand.
Vi thinks for a moment about her response before giving her answer. “I think they’re calming. Like, they just kinda…exist. Cats and dogs do things and sometimes you gotta clean up after them or deal with the things that they do but the jellyfish just…swim around. They’re funny little floaty things that don’t have to worry about anything. And so it’s nice to have them around, just cause… hm.”
Vi pauses again, looking for a way to explain. There’s always a way to explain things to Cait but sometimes it’s hard to find the right way. The allegory or the metaphor or whatever often has to be very specific and so sometimes it’s hard to find the right way to say it.
Caitlyn gives Vi the time to think. Always does, always will. Vi thinks it might be because she never had time before, and Caitlyn knows that.
“Black holes don’t have anything in them right?”
Caitlyn nods. She seems a little confused but she’s goes along with it anyway. She knows this is going somewhere.
“And they destroy things that go into them right?”
Another nod.
“Yeah so the jellyfish are like a black hole. They don’t worry about anything at all. But I worry about stuff all the time. So the jellyfish act as a black hole because they’re not worried about jack shit. And then the jellyfish-black-hole takes the things I’m worried about throws them into the fucked up jellyfish dimension where I don’t have to think about them anymore.”
That gets a laugh. A small snort and a giggle and a flash of that little tooth gap that Vi loves and that was exactly what she was aiming for.
“The fucked up jellyfish dimension?”
Vi nods solemnly. “It’s a mysterious and beautiful habitat from which all jellyfish originate.”
And that gets another laugh. Score.
Caitlyn (finally) puts down her book, still grinning, and makes her way over to Vi, wrapping her arms around her waist, leaning against her back.
“You,” she says, planting a kiss on Vi’s cheek, “are ridiculous. And I’m glad you find your jellyfish calming. Even if I don’t really get it.”
Vi hums, leaning back into Caitlyn, watching the small jellyfish float around in their tank. “Yeah well, I guess that’s the main reason I like them. I also think…ah.”
“Go on.”
“You’re gonna think it’s weird.”
“Vi, the first thing you did the day I met you was jump off a cliff. Your father is a werewolf. You just described the calming effect of jellyfish as a jellyfish black hole. Nothing you say is weird anymore.”
Vi sighs. “Well…I dunno, I just- I think that there’s something about taking care of a creature that can’t really register it.” She moved her hand so that her fingertips gently brushed the glass of the cylindrical tank.
She can hear the gears turning in Caitlyn’s head as she tries to understand once again. “What do you mean?”
“Like, these guys can only really understand the most basic things like temperature or food or whatever. They can’t understand that you’re taking care of them. And it takes a good amount of effort to keep them healthy and alive. They don’t play, they can’t be pet, you can’t really take them places and so you’re giving something for nothing…so the only reason why you take care of them is just because they’re another living creature that deserves to live. You take care of them because everything deserves care and kindness. Even if they can’t do certain things. They can’t help the way they are. But they still deserve kindness.”
Her voice nearly trails off at the end of her thought. They still deserve kindness. What a concept. If only more people believed that.
Caitlyn’s grip on her waist tightens just the slightest bit before loosening, then letting go completely. Her hands find inked and scarred shoulders, gently pulling to turn Vi to face her.
“Vi.”
Vi stays silent. Avoids eye contact. The jellyfish made her think a bit harder about certain things than she normally liked not to think too hard about and now she was finding it difficult to talk. Way to ruin a moment.
Caitlyn’s hands move to cup Vi’s cheeks, her thumb gently stroking the skin where black ink spelled Vi’s name. That tattoo had been a product of Stillwater, the constant numbers and nicknames nearly making her forget who she was. She made sure that she wouldn’t forget it.
“Violet.” A little more conviction time. And her full name. Vi looks up.
Caitlyn sighs. “You know, despite how long I’ve known you by now, I’m still constantly amazed by just how good you are.”
Vi sniffs. She feels very close to tears and she’s not exactly sure why. Maybe it’s something about everything deserving care. She didn’t get that often. Yeah, it’s probably something to do with that.
“It’s just jellyfish, Cupcake.”
“Vi.”
“Hm?”
“You deserve kindness. You deserve all the care and love in the world. You know that, right?”
God fucking dammit. Now she’s actually crying. She’s able to muster a small nod.
“Good.” Caitlyn presses a kiss to Vi’s forehead and moves her hands back to Vi’s waist, pulling her closer, still gentle.
“I love you.” The words come out in a near whisper not wanting to break the small bubble they’ve created. They stun Vi, still the air in her lungs, the tension in her shoulders. Years of hearing those words from Caitlyn, and still the same response, every time.
Vi finally forced herself to move. Just a small amount, no more than a little shift to move deeper in the embrace. “I love you too.”
Another small sniffle. “And I love my jellyfish.”
Vi feels small huff of a laugh from Caitlyn. “I love your jellyfish too. Even if I can’t tell them apart.”
“You can’t even tell Emily and Oscar apart.”
“I try.”
“…yeah. You do.”