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Really, it was the flashing nose that broke him.
Honestly, everything else had been utterly ridiculous up to that point, but when the mountain of a man that was Reinhardt Wilhelm squeezed the bulbous red nose strapped to his face and it began flashing , Hanzo lost it.
At breakfast, long after Hanzo had woken up for his usual routine of tea and target practice, he'd been having a lovely conversation with Ms. Amari (who, it was rumored, would be wed to the crusader any day now) about the subtle differences in middle eastern and far eastern tea traditions. Cole was frying eggs, chipper as usual, and Lena and Hana were half-awake, shoveling fluffy pancakes into their tired mouths.
The thundering of someone truly gigantic traveling down the barracks stairs with great enthusiasm woke everyone up.
Hana screamed at the sudden noise. Ana arched an eyebrow. Hanzo looked towards the kitchen entrance in confusion. Cole snickered in anticipation.
Reinhardt's massive frame appeared in the doorway, dressed in a truly baffling combination of clothing. Lederhosen, with the traditional embroidery, barely contained the bulging muscles of his massive thighs and were layered over a chunky, cable-knit sweater that looked very cozy (but where on earth did he find one in his size?). A collar of genuine sleigh bells was draped around his neck, and his face…well, that was where most of the confusion came from.
What looked like a rubber clown nose was held onto his face, over his actual nose, by a thin piece of elastic. His beard sported braids that were tied off with elastics that also had tiny bells on them, ensuring that he jingled or jangled with every small movement. And on top of his head was an elaborate headdress that seemed to use a rack of real reindeer antlers, as well as including a pair of fluffy ears sticking out on either side of his head.
He had to duck even lower than usual to fit his way through the door frame on account of the massive antlers on his head, which seemed like they could be genuinely dangerous if thrown with enough force. "Good morning, friends!" He cheered with a belly-shaking laugh, arms outstretched. Then, he turned to Ana and bowed, taking her hand to kiss her knuckles.
"And you as well, liebling ," he added, a look of love in his eyes. Ana blushed and turned her head to one side, flattered.
A slightly awkward silence fell over the group as everyone (except Cole, who was beaming and still biting back the occasional giggle) tried to puzzle out exactly what was going on. Hana was the first one brave enough to say anything, still a bit frustrated from the rude awakening of his arrival. "Soooo….why are you dressed like that, Reinhardt?" she grumbled, chin resting in her palm.
Again, he laughed, that real, earnest sort of laugh that bellowed out from him every time he found something legitimately funny. "Reinhardt? Who is he?" The crusader asked, leaning down to confront Hana with the punchline. "I am a Rein deer , very different…!"
This is when Cole broke, actually cackling as if the joke was good. He'd always had a weakness for puns and really stupid humor, so Hanzo couldn't be surprised. He actually found the wordplay a bit humorous himself, and his lips tilted into a bemused smile. His eyelid twitched as he tried to maintain a carefully neutral expression, not wanting to give in to the laugh that was brewing in his lungs.
Hana looked at Reinhardt without an ounce of mirth in her brown eyes, then turned to glare at Cole in disgust. "It's not that funny, cowboy," she muttered, but her eyes caught Hanzo's smile as she turned back to her breakfast. "No. No, not you too, 삼촌 …!" She whined, hating that the one older agent she actually got along with was just as cheesy as the others.
"My middle name is Rudolph, you know," Reinhardt mused, and casually squeezed the rubber nose. It began blinking in all its LED glory, harkening back to the classic Christmas jingle — "...and if you ever saw it, you would even say it glows."
That's when Hanzo failed to keep up his tidy façade. That was the straw that broke the archer's back, the snort of his boyfriend and Reinhardt's smug expression as he stood in the kitchen wearing the most absurd outfit Hanzo had ever seen him in. Was it a costume? Was it a visual joke? Had he literally dressed up as a pun? Hanzo couldn't say, and he didn't care as he broke down laughing until he wheezed, doubled over and tearing up.
He didn't even think it was that funny, but there was just something about Reinhardt's timing that really did him in.
He was caught off guard by tiny giggle fits for the rest of the day whenever he thought of " Rein deer", setting Cole off in kind each time. It was stupid, it was cheesy, but dammit, he was having fun. He only had to whisper the word and Cole would dissolve into suppressed snickering that always gave out to snorts of knee-slapping laughter, and Hanzo laughed at him laughing.
Hana hated them both.