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“You are bringing Lan Wangji to Vulcan for Christmas?” Jiang Cheng said, pausing with his glass of juice halfway to his mouth. “Are you sure that’s…”
Wei Ying could see him cycle through the words “...that's what you want?” he finished, which was almost unbearably tactful for Jiang Cheng.
Wei Ying sipped his tea. It's not what he wanted per se, but Lan Zhan had expressed a wish to see Vulcan and Wei Ying was a believer in the adage "If you love something let it go" (Jiang Cheng was more a believer in if you love something lock that shit down tight and then they can pry it from your cold dead hands). So yes, he is bringing the human he has a crush on to the planet where he will be erotic catnip to every Vulcan of a certain age (they already had to beat off the Vulcan ambassador's son with a broom), and he will like it.
“He has expressed a wish to see it and as neither of us celebrate but still get the leave it seemed…logical.”
Jiang Cheng scowled and rolled his eyes but left it at that.
“And I wanted him to get a taste of jiejie’s plomeek and lotus root soup. The replicator can make it but it’s not the same.”
“Now you are just being ridiculous,” Jiang Cheng said sourly but his heart wasn’t in it. He also knew it wasn’t the same.
Wei Ying had met Lan Wangji, the famed second Jade of Lan, on his third day at Starfleet Academy when he had hacked the powerbanks in the communications suite to accommodate an interplanetary call.
“Tampering with Starfleet equipment is not allowed. And you are in violation of curfew,” someone said and Wei Ying looked up at sleek beautiful hair and a face so serene and still it took him a few minutes to work out that actually he had not encountered another Vulcan.
”In addition you are violating several accords regarding interplanetary communications, as well as Starfleet regulations about cadets not having access to space communications outside mandated hours and approved channels,” he added calmly but with so much disapproval that Wei Ying, grown up on Vulcan, and therefore fluent in nuances of passive aggression that most humans couldn't even conceive of, was impressed.
“He’s perfect,” he told Jiang Cheng that evening with a sigh, already half in love, and not knowing it, clutching his notice slip and attached fine like a love letter.
Jiang Cheng loathed Lan Wangji on sight, in that way you can only hate someone who does with ease the thing you have learnt with difficulty.
“He’s unnerving for a human,” was all he said, and added an extra hour to his meditation routine (which did not make him more calm but did give him more time to scowl angrily).
***
Yi-furen had made a lot of noise about Jiang Cheng and Wei Wuxian attending Starfleet (or rather Jiang Cheng, as she probably couldn't wait to get Wei Ying off the planet), but the truth was that she was running out of options.
Wei Ying had been thirteen when he realised that he was making his siblings look bad. Control and logic was not difficult for him and the Jiangs, with a half human in their midst easily surpassing their own Vulcan children, bore it uneasily. Jiang Fengmiang responded with outright favouritism, premiering the child who succeeded where his own son failed and Yu Ziyuan with cold rage, fiercely protective of her own children.
Wei Ying was to some extent excused in his eccentricities by his half human heritage but in the end he had embraced unorthodoxy as a choice. By the time they reached maturity it was clear that the two Jiang children were not all one could wish for. Jiang Cheng was too angry and his sister suspect as she openly declared to prefer kindness to logic. I find that kindness has a logic of its own, she had said firmly.
It raised questions about Wei Ying’s parentage, maybe the Vulcan virtues came so easily to him because he was wholly Vulcan and not half? Had not Jiang Fengmian and Wei Ying’s mother been particular friends? So particular that Jiang Fengmiang has overruled familiar bonds and taken her son into his family? Maybe the child was really his son?
For all that gossip and innuendo was illogical and condemned by Surak Wei Ying thought bitterly that Vulcans excelled in it.
Letting go of logic and control had been…fascinating. His sister was right, logic for its own sake was illogical. He was, he knew, widely regarded as a blot on Vulcan society, laughing and smiling openly and displaying his affections and dislikes.
When Jiang Fengmian made the decision to end the engagement between Jiang Yanli and her fiance and Jiang Cheng was black listed at the matchmakers and declared that he was going to Starfleet instead of the Vulcan science academy the scandal was complete. Yi Ziyuans best hope was for her wayward children to get away for a while and not return until the dust had settled and the gossip stilled.
When most of Wei Ying classmates had heard there was a Vulcan in their year they assumed it was Lan Wangji, tall and calm, and knife-sharp instead of Wei Wuxian who laughed often, loved making friends and fluttered between brilliance and lunacy from one breath to the next.
Lan Wangji had resisted making friends at first, almost as if he didnt want company in the library or in the canteen or a study buddy for the group project on astrophysics when Wei Ying very clearly could see that he did, but in the end relented with bad grace, more or less worn down by Wei Ying’s insistence.That he had expressed a wish to see Vulcan and thereby spend more time with Wei Ying was remarkable enough that Wei Ying had agreed on the spot and promised to take him there.
***
Vulcan at Christmas time was hot. Wei Ying felt tired and washed out from the long distance beaming, jumping from four different star bases with barely an hour in between each beam. It was the fastest way to travel but his molecules felt sore from so much disintegrating and reuniting. When he said this to Lan Zhan he only received a blank stare in reply. Lan Zhan, a human, was presumably born with a sense of humour but had, supremely overcoming inherent bias which Wei Ying admired terribly, never developed it. He looked as nonplussed and blank as Jiang Cheng whenever someone told him a joke.
Starfleet had decorated their buildings with Christmas decorations which were wilting in the red heat. There were some strange attempts to be culturally respectful which had resulted in odd-looking Christmas elves with green, instead of red, spots on their cheeks and pointy ears, frowning as they dangled from limp wreaths. One card proclaimed “We Wish you a Logical Christmas!” which Wei Ying assumed was an idiosyncratic attempt at humour, rather than any genuine wish to adapt Christmas to Vulcan. He might wish it to Lan Zhan later though, just to watch his face twitch.
Introducing Lan Zhan to Jaing Fengmian and Yi-furen went about as well as he had expected. That is to say, they loved him.
Yi Ziyuan didn’t even tack on “for a human” at the end of every sentence, that’s how impressed she was. Wei Ying felt Lan Zhan ought to be some sort of cultural ambassador for humans interacting with Vulcans. He’s polite and still, not broadcasting his emotions everywhere, using incomprehensible idioms, telling jokes or insisting on weird inappropriate physical contact, or smiling or crying. In fact every inch of him is perfect (Wei Ying has not seen every inch of Lan Zhan and he tries not to imagine it too often, but he still knows this with conviction). With Vulcan society opening up and the fashion for interspecies friendships and relations he’s perfect. Wei Ying even thinks he sees Yi Ziyuans gaze rest caltucatingly between Lan Zhan and Jiang Yanli.
Sightseeing on Vulcan with Lan Zhan is precisely as nice as Wei Ying had imagined it. They saw the fabled library, the Science Academy where Lan Zhan geeked out with an ever growing bunch of librarians, one who looks positively teary eyed with happiness talking about her obscure research project with such a insightful and intelligent audience (well, her eyebrows twitched a little, and she clasped her hands but Wei Ying was adept at reading between the Vulcan lines).
Lan Zhan loved the desert, was thrilled by the volcanoes and was impressed by the huge water reservoirs with walkways, perfect for serene promenading and exchanging opinions in the marginal cool. He tooks to the Vulcan cuisine with relish, even asking for seconds of jiejie’s plomeek and lotus root soup, which almost made Wei Ying think that they should get married because A-Li got a green flush of pleasure on her face and smiled without bothering to hide it.
Even Vulcan nightlife, such as it is, was a hit. It's like Lan Wangji has been waiting all his life for a place where a wild night out means a stimulating cup of tea, a game of 3D chess and bed at ten.
ShiKahr does not exactly have bars as such, but there are places where young Vulcans can congregate. The logic of this is tenuous, as most Vulcans are betrothed from an early age they have no real reason to socialise with other youths, but at the same time there is benefit to having exchange of opinions with your peers. It was the playground for young Vulcans, severe haircuts and pointed ears and witheringly logical put downs at the ready. It reminded Wei Ying of nothing as much as a room full of earth cats cautiously circling each other and posturing and occasionally batting at the air but never brawling. Certainly Jiang Cheng in these situations always reminded him of a cat, with its back arched in an angry bow and tail puffed up. Wei Ying loved his foster brother but he can’t help him and most of all he doesn’t understand why anger is the singular emotion Jiang Cheng has sought out with such focus and devotion.
Unfortunately, Lan Zhan loved it and was entirely oblivious to the havoc he was causing. He was breaking hearts left and right with devastating equanimity.
There was currently a fad among the young and idle Vulcans to prove their open-mindedness as well as excellent emotional control by having interspecies flings. What better proved control of emotion and detachment than a fling with a less evolved and more emotional race? It even benefited your betrothed as they could prove their superior logic by showing off how little it affected them.
The one problem with this was that other species tended to be emotional and icky and most of the time it didn't go further than buying someone a drink and then returning to one’s own peers to bask in their admiration. Only Lan Zhan was as close to a Vulcan you could get, and Vulcan perfection at that, and he was, as Wei Ying was achingly aware, scorchingly hot.
So far Lan Zhan, without being aware of it, has been the subject of more open invites than an Orion dancing girl in a bar. There were two young Vulcans who looked like they might be getting close to blows, Surak's teachings be damned, over the privilege to stand behind his chair when he played chess. Wei Ying doesn’t want to gnash his teeth precisely but he's had to work at being friends with Lan Zhan. Tenaciously and with dedication, and the problem wasn’t that he was too Vulcan, but rather that he was too human. When faced with a room full of the most Vulcan of Vulcans it can only be a matter of time before Lan Zhan finds one he likes better.
Wei Ying sighed into his tea and Jiang Cheng seethed beside him. His control was good enough that it wasn’t noticeable but Wei Ying knew. Jiang Cheng hated it when anyone besides him made his brother miserable. It was sweet in a very emotionally inept way.
“You’ve only yourself to blame,” Jiang Cheng said. “It's crazy to bring what is essentially Vulcan catnip to the planet when you have that dumb obvious crush on the guy.”
”I don’t know what you are talking about, I’m fine,” Wei Ying said brazenly.
“Even with your unorthodox doctrine you must see the futility in denial to someone who knows the truth,” Jiang Cheng groused.
“Aiya didi, when did you grow up to be so wise? Even the sages can't tell what the truth is.”
A young Vulcan, with bangs so sharp he probably measured them with a ruler before he left the house, had invited Lan Zhan to 3D chess and the game had attracted quite a crowd. The onlookers were watching with avid interest, although it had to be said that they watched Lan Zhan more avidly than the game.
“You must allow me to get you a cup of tea,” St’rong said, fingers twitching minutely towards touching Lan Zhan’s sleeve, which gross, nobody needed to see that. Wei Ying watched morosely as Lan Zhan accepted and took a careful sip.
Next to him Jiang Cheng smacked him absently across the back of his head before hunching over his own cup of tea, immersing himself into the PADD he had brought.
They sat in silence for a little bit before Jiang Cheng sat up like he’d just remembered he’d left the replicator running.
“Hang on, what kind of tea is Lan Wangji drinking? Was that the herbal spice mix or the house special?”
“Why?” asked Wei Ying morosely, sniffing his own blend of house special, not particularly keen on watching Lan Zhan commit public indecency with some moron with stupid bangs.
“The house special is made with fermented leaves, don't they act as an intoxicant for humans?”
They both looked up, alarmed to where Lan Zhan had started swaying in his seat.
Wei Ying had never seen Lan Zhan drink. Apparently there were rules prohibiting it where he came from. Wei Ying has been trying out every type of human alcohol he could get his hands on but Lan Zhan never touched it. And now he belatedly remembered that the tea from fermented leaves of the night desert bush acted as an intoxicant in humans. There had been quite a big to-do about it when a delegation of humans from Star fleet accidentally had gotten roaring drunk at a diplomatic summit. Commander Spock's husband has apparently caused quite an uproar, even if the details were never made entirely clear.
Lan Zhans face was pink, and his dark eyes were large and glazed. When he spotted Wei Ying in the crowd his whole face lit up, that is to say it didn't change at all, only softened somewhat in the eyebrow region and several young Vulcans swooned at this exceptional display of emotional control and went home to write horny sonnets about it.
“Wei Ying,” he said solemnly.
“Ah, ha Lan Zhan, are you sure you want more of that tea?” Wei Ying asked as reasonably he could, gently trying to move the cup out of reach, careful not to let their hands brush.
“He can have the tea if he wants to,” St’rong said belligerently and, Wei Ying was even more convinced he cut his stupid hair with a ruler.
Lan Wangji fixed Wei Ying with his large glossy eyes and downed the whole mug in one sweep, which caused an impressed stir to go through the assembled youths. That tea was scalding and Lan Zhan didn’t even twitch.
“Ha, yeah,” Wei Ying said weakly, “I think that’s our que to go home.”
“Home?” Lan Zhan said, something hopeful or maybe wistful in his tone.
“Yeah, Lan-er-gonzi, come on home,” Wei Ying said, helping him down from the chair.
Drunk Lan Zhan was a bewildering yet endearing experience. Lan Zhan grew, if possible, even more solemn. He kept touching Wei Ying’s shoulder in little pats and pets, hand daringly skating so far as down to his elbow before farting away again (Wei Ying’s ears felt very hot).
“Wei Ying,” he kept repeating, often and with great emphasis as if he was trying to convey something of great import.
Halfway home he veered off the road and Wei Ying had to chase him through somebody’s rock garden, upsetting the meticulous stone pattern and when he was busy trying to restore it, Lan Zhan found a livestock shed apparently used to keep sehlats. He came out carrying a juvenile sehlat in his arms. The animal was as big as a large shaggy dog, sleepy and surprisingly unresistant as Lan Zhan lifted it up and cradled it. He leant a cheek against the fur murmuring and murmured “kitty, kitty,” in low tones.
“Uh, Lan Zhan,” Wei Ying said, approaching warily, eyeing the long fangs.
“Kitty,” Lan Zhan said and held out the animal, something beseeching in his tone.
“Uh,” Wei Ying started, still looking at the impressive fangs and keeping an eye on the door to the shed where a much, much, larger form had started to appear.
“Kitty!” Lan Zhan said again and pressed the creature into Wei Ying’s arms. It was warm and smooth, alive and surprisingly friendly. When Wei Ying took it the sehlat lifted its head and made a little chirruping sound and rubbed its head against his shoulder.
“Wei Ying. Kitty,” Lan Zhan said with warm approval.
“Uh, yeah, sure is,” Wei Ying agreed lamely. It was also breaking and entering and larceny of a family pet but who was counting.
Getting Lan Zhan home, sans the kitty, was possibly the most nerve wracking experience in Wei Yings life (and he was counting that time he and Lan Zhan walked into a restricted area during a diplomatic mission and nearly ruined the whole thing and had to emergency mind meld before they could get out of there). Lan Zhan was near inconsolable when they left the sehlat behind.
“Kitty, Wei Ying,” he said sadly and sighed so his whole body heaved, when Wei Ying returned it to the sehlat mother in the shed. It would’ve been funny if it wasn’t so distressing, he looked positively heartbroken.
“Bed,” Wei Ying said in his best persuasive voice. He patted the bed in Lan Zhans guest room for good measure. “Bed nice. Good cosy.”
Lan Zhan looked up from where he had been wandering the room, feeling along the walls possibly looking for a way out to the garden.
“Bed?” he said and blushed. Surprisingly he came and sat down on the bed looking at Wei Ying expectantly.
“Yeah, that’s great Lan Zhan but you’ve got to actually lie down in the bed,” Wei Ying answered more fondly than he would have liked and reached out to lightly push down his shoulder. Lan Zhan went down, but not without grabbing Wei Ying’s hand and pulling him down with him.
Lan Zhan’s hair spilled like black silk over the pillow and close up his eyes looked huge, there was definitely a blush on his face. Wei Ying drew a surprised breath and got a lungful of his scent, like pine resin and cool, mineral-rich water, and sun on the dry soil on the mountain side. Lan Zhan blinked once up at him, slowly like a cat, his dark lashes fanning against his cheek up and down, and then again. Wei Ying felt like he was being doused in fire, end of the line, this is where he died, awkwardly half splayed over a house guest. Lan Zhan sighed, a long soft exhale which brushed past Wei Yings lover lip before he settled in, one hand coming up to skate over Wei Ying’s face, perilously close to the psi points and Wei Ying felt them throb with desperation and longing.
The hand fell away and Lan Zhan breathed out into sleep, face as calm in sleep as it is when waking, Wei Ying’s hand was between his own and tucked against his chest, like a favourite soft toy, a gesture affectionate in humans and scandalous on Vulcan. Wei Ying could feel his fingers, where they are interlaced, he could feel Lan Zhans heartbeat under his hand. This was the furthest he had gone with anyone and he had previously been considered quite daring.
Wei Ying sat up carefully and breathed out, extracting his hand as gently as possible. He felt a little funny, as if the blood in his veins were on fire and scalding him from the inside. Possibly it was indigestion.
Unable to sleep he walked the perimeter of the compound, checking all the locks and doors to the outside, the unease gradually subsiding when he couldn’t sense any foreign smells or unlocked doors. The house was safe and secure.
“A-Xian, is anything the matter?” a soft voice asked him out of the darkness. His big sister was in a lilac nightgown with a shawl over her shoulders and feet bare on the stone floor. She looked well and Wei Ying felt a swell of joy at the sight of her, even stronger as he knew he didn’t have to suppress it. He could show her the joy her company brought to him.
“A-jie,” he rushed over to squeeze her shoulders and touch their foreheads together.
“No, nothing is the matter, I’m just a little restless after a long day. Tomorrow I’ll spar with Jiang Cheng and I’ll be alright.”
“If you say so, A-Xian, she smiled and patted the side of his head, same as she did when he was little. They ended up sitting in the garden watching the stars, Jiang Yanli on the bench and Wei Ying on the ground with his legs stretched out in front of him.
“I like your friend,” she said and Wei Ying wiggled his feet.
“I like him too,” he said. And then he told her about starfleet, the tiny room he shared with a betazoid who has spoken to him exactly once, and about the first time someone offered to shake hands with him.
”Did you??”she gasped, mock-aghast, even if she was still a little scandalised.
“Of course I did,” Wei Ying said. “I did it for the peace of the galaxy.” Jiang Yanli shrieked with laughter and smacked his shoulder.
***
Something shifted after that evening, an increasing restlessness seemed to creep into Wei Yings entire body, only alleviated by the sight of Lan Zhan. He grew annoyed whenever anyone stood too near him, or too near Lan Zhan, and his crush seemed to grow out of all proportion with vivid dreams at night that made him blush in the daylight.
The press of the city was near unbearable but when he suggested that they head out to one of the nature reserves the result wasn’t much better. The sky felt too wide above, too empty and Wei Ying was rippling with unease, skirting closer and closer to Lan Zhan with every pass until the same gave him a quelling look.
“Wei Ying. I’m meditating,” he said pointedly and Wei Ying nodded. Great, he was glad that his favourite person was bonding with the great outdoors on his home planet, he really was, but all this open space was giving him the willies and being closer to Lan Zhan made him feel better. There was a suspicious rustling in a dry bush next to them and Wei Ying was on his feet, dropping into a defensive stance before he could even think about it. The rustling increased and his teeth were bared in a fierce snarl when a fat dessert hen waddled out followed by five chicks.
“My texts on the natural wildlife of Vulcan did not mention this as a particularly dangerous species,” Lan Zhan said dryly. “But I thank you for your protection all the same.”
So the desert was really a bust.
The market really wasn't any better. It was too close. Too many others pressed up against them and Wei Ying had to clench his teeth and recite the treatise of Surak not to kill them all for daring to look, for daring to breathe at Lan Zhan who was his, his, his. Wei Ying shook his head trying to clear out these thoughts and decided that home would be best, with the gates and the walls and the doors, where he could keep Lan Zhan safe, and all these other people can stop looking at him.
Wei Ying knew he had been acting oddly and out of sorts but he didn't know how bad it was until it all went wrong horribly quickly.
It had started normally, with a lirpa sparring match between himself and Jiang Cheng. They had been sparring the way they always did, never really with a clear winner, and Wei Wuxian wasn’t sure exactly when the red hot rage came over him. Maybe it was the feint Jiang Cheng made to the left, taking a step back towards the house where Lan Wangji stood and watching them, it was only a small step but even that was too close and there was a roar of fury in Wei Ying’s veins as he fought to hold the line. How dare he, how dare he approach Lan Zhan with a weapon in hand? How dare he challenge Wei Ying?
At first Jiang Cheng smiled, confident and happy and when Wei Wuxian’s fury didn’t abate he grew at first serious and angry, and then white and scared. His face was a pale smudge and his eyes big like holes in his face, dodging under the swings of the blade. It is becoming clear that although it has always been unclear which one of the two was the better, it was because up until now Wei Wuxian had never given the fight his all. Jiang Cheng wasn’t able to match his, his defense growing more and more pressed until he evaded the lirpa blade a fraction too slowly and it cut him across the cheek, the blood falling on the trampled dirt.
Wei Ying was so far gone in his battle rage that it took him a second to recognise Jiang Yanli’s face when she threw herself in between her brothers, one open hand stretched out towards Wei Ying, ducking inside of his defense and that’s when he dropped the lirpa and stopped.
Yanli’s hand was only a few inches from his chest, had he continued the swing he would have cut off her arm by the elbow. There was an eerie quiet surrounding them, the only thing that could be heard was Jiang Cheng's panting and the soft, dull sound of his blood dripping onto the earth. Jiang Yanli’s hand looked very small and delicate where it was hovering just before Wei Ying’s chest, the nails delicately painted pink. He can't believe he came even close to hurting her.
Yanli slowly crept closer, her hand reaching out to him until she could reach his head, patting the side of it, like she did when he was little, like she does when he needs to be babied, when she tells him he’s a good boy. Her hand dropped to his shoulder and Wei Ying recognised the position of the nerve pinch the moment before it happened and everything turned black.
***
When Wei Ying came to, he was in the cool, white room belonging to the Vulcan elder who had been the Jiang family healer since before Wei Ying came to stay with them. The room was dug out of the base of a hill, cool in the heat and the diffused light reflecting off the whitewashed walls was pleasant and soothing. He was on a low bed under an overhang, the rock smoothed into curves. He felt strange and it took a moment to realise that the persistent itch that has plagued him since arriving to Vulcan was gone.
The healer was sitting on a meditation rug in front of him, her face set in serious lines.
“It is the blood fever,” she intoned as soon as she saw that he was awake. “It is your time upon you.”
Seriously, Vulcans and their sense of drama.
“That’s not possible,” Wei Ying croaked. “They said, there were tests, because I’m...” he stopped, didn’t want to take the word they used in his mouth, half breed they had said. Hybrid.
“Nevertheless,” the healer answered implacably.
Wei Ying sat up in the bed, pulling the blanket close around him.
“How did that even happen?” he asked hopelessly, unable to figure it out. The verdict had been pretty definite, he was sterile, unable to ever go into Pon Farr or have a bond mate, and he sharply remembers feeling lost and lonely when Jiang Yanli sometimes spoke of Jin Zixuan. He had thought he would never have anyone joined to his mind.
“There could be several contributing factors,” St’ab, the healer, answered, counting them off on her only bony fingers. “ …your age, the return to Vulcan, the recent formation of your bond…”
Jiang Yanli was sitting with A-Xian's lovely friend in the healers waiting room upstairs when Wei Ying’s shriek made the whole room jump. She guessed he had not taken well to the news of his Pon Farr.
St’ab gave Wei Ying ten minutes to collect himself before putting him into another healing trance, his brain so tumbled over he didn't know up from down.
When he woke up again he could feel that the fever had receded, his head felt clearer and the restless achy feeling had subsided somewhat. Lan Zhan was sitting on the meditation mat next to the bed and the sight of him sent a hot slow throb through Wei Ying, curling low in his belly and groin.
“Wei Ying,” Lan Zhan said, peering down at him and part of Wei Ying wanted to pull the blanket over his head and deny everything.
“Hello,” he said instead.
“Are you well?” Lan Zhan asked, he was looking away, but on the blanket his little pinky finger moved half a millimeter closer to Wei Ying. If they closed the gap their fingers would be touching. He might have been imagining it but he thought Lan Zhan shifted slightly closer, a sub-fraction of an inch. It was really quite shameless.
Lan Zhan was usually very good at respecting the space that surrounded most Vulcans, and never forgot himself and reached for Wei Ying’s hands, like sometimes the other cadets did. Wei Ying was simultaneously grateful for this and wished with a shameful burning that he would. He wondered if he would dare to breach the gap himself, run the side of his little finger against Lan Zhan’s hand, slide their knuckles together, wrap his hand around his and rub their index fingers together. He had to bite back a moan and broke himself out of the fantasy abruptly. Lan Zhan looked a bit pink.
To be honest this was the most touching display of emotion Wei Ying had ever seen in Lan Zhan, and it’s all for him. Considering Lan Zhan called him a “degenerate juvenile delinquent” in the first weeks of their friendship it was really amazing progress. Wei Ying felt morosely and stupidly ashamed. They were only supposed to be friends. He was supposed to keep his emotions to himself, and not want too much, be too much. If he was really good maybe Lan Zhan would have allowed him into his life as a friend. But Wei Ying has always been greedy. And now he had done something unforgivable.
Six months ago
“Wei Ying, we are not supposed to be here, this is a restricted area,” Lan Zhan said, sounding for all the world like they were just a few minutes late to a lecture and not jeopardising a whole diplomatic mission by taking a wrong turn three hallways ago.
“I know, I know,” Wei Ying said placatingly, “but look at it this way, at least you are here to make sure I don't get into trouble.”
“We are already in trouble, my presence here does not alter that,” Lan Wangji said, but he only looked slightly disapproving, like max six on a scale of ten. Wei Ying was wearing him down, he could tell.
“Shh, someone is coming!”
He grabbed Lan Wangji by the shoulder and they ducked into a tight little maintenance space so close their chests almost touched. The space contained along the wall in a thought little crawl space barely wide enough to walk in.
“Shit, Lan Zhan, what do we do now?” Wei Ying hissed, peering out through one of the ventilation slits.
“Swearing is prohibited.”
“By who?” Wei Ying asked, bewildered. Maybe there had been a sign somewhere, among all the other red don’t-go-this-way, access-forbidden signs that he had missed.
Lan Zhan frowned like he had made a mistake.
“Not here,” he said reluctantly. “At home.”
Considering Wei Ying had thought Lan Zhan must have sprung from the earth fully formed, this information was new and startling and quite inconvenient as there was no time to explore that right now.
They continued along the passage in the dark, among hanging swathes of cables. Through tiny slits in the wall Wei Ying could see the passage outside and to his enormous surprise and relief these were actually corridors he recognised.
“Lan Zhan, I know where we are,” he crowed. “They took engineering here to look at the relay stations. There is a dock door over there which opens to the transport channel to the city. It would be fine for us to be there, if we can get out the door we can just go back to the lodgings. Nobody has to know anything.”
Lan Zhan looked torn between the two moral choices of either lying by omission or starting an intergalactic war.
“Look, do you see up there? If you go up to the control pod you can set the door to manual and l can open the door down by the relay. It only stays on manual for a short bit so we need to get the door open as fast as possible and run.”
“Wei Ying, there is a problem with this plan. I’ve not been in the control pod. They showed our group the bio-mechanical development lab. I wouldn't be able to open the right sequence.”
Wei Ying drew a deep breath to explain and but held it all in. A vandalorean officer had come up in the corridor and was standing outside their hideaway. And Wei Ying remembered with chilling clarity that one of the species' character traits was exceptionally good hearing.
“Lan Zhan,” he breathed, so quiet it was barely a motion in the air but the sentry twitched anyway and looked around.
There was no way he would be able to explain the rather detailed instructions for how to set the manual override without talking. They stared at each other in the dark and inspiration struck Wei Ying at last.
Lan Zhan´s psi points almost felt familiar as he fitted his hand over his face, like they had done this before, or like Wei Ying's hand are meant to fit over his face.
“My mind to your mind, my thoughts to your thoughts,” he whispered as quietly as he could manage, the light gleaming off Lan Zhan’s beautiful wide eyes, his breath a hot puff against his own mouth. “My mind to your mind, my thoughts to your thoughts…”
It would seem that as quietly as Wei Ying could manage was still too loud for the Vandaloreans because the panel towards the corridor was ripped away and light streamed in over them. Lan Zhan reacted faster than Wei Ying thought anyone possibly could, he swept them around, his strong arms wrapped around Wei Ying practically lifting him off the floor and covered his mouth with his own in a scorching kiss. Lan Zhan’s mouth was soft and his body was like a furnace pressed against every inch of Wei Ying. His tongue licked alive and pliable against Wei Ying’s mouth and he could feel the mind-link he had tried to establish fizzle out and sputter away like a dying spark as he got lost in the kiss. Later he had told himself, not important, not when he could tilt his head up and be kissed. Lan Zhan was really giving his all and there was a strong thigh between Wei Ying’s leg and yep, definitely a hand on his ass, who thought Lan Zhan had it in him.
There was shouting from what to Wei Yings blissed out ears sounded like very, very far away and when he surfaced from the kiss the panel was removed and there were four disapproving faces peering at them, including the captain who had been set to chaperone the Star Fleet cadets. Wei Ying looked up just as Lan Zhan switched his focus from his mouth and dove in to suck at his throat, undulating his body against him and Wei Ying couldn’t help but whimper high and undignified.
“Hello fellas,” he managed, in a voice that was high and wobbling.
They got sent off without even a reprimand. Apparently vandaloerans take possible military espionage very seriously, but are incredibly lenient on young love, and tend to look the other way for two horny space cadets sneaking away to get some nookie.
“How did you know?” Wei Ying had asked afterwards, still dazed and neck throbbing with quite a spectacular hickey.
“The vandaloreans hold youth very high, particularly the milestone and experiences of youth, they hold it as a time to make mistakes and gain wisdom. It’s expected of young people to make foolish mistakes, particularly in love and young couples are afforded much leniency. It was in the information pack.” Lan Zhan added, with a touch of reproach, not even a blush staining his beautiful face.
(Wei Ying looked at the information pack and read it over twice before he found the footnote that referred to another text about the social habits of Vandalor, which had another reference buried in the back, all of which Lan Zhan apparently read in preparation and considered part of the necessary information, the absolute freak.)
***
The incident stood out now, the neural connection breaking and snapping and struggling to hang on to something, forging a link between them that Wei Ying was never even aware of. If he tried now he could feel it, alive, faint and fragile but still resilient, like a young shoot or a sapling. The tender green fronds of a fern. He wanted to hold on to it and cradle it in his hands. The proof of their compatibility, side by side and together like he had always known they would fit, and instead it had to be ripped out.
Lan Zhan had looked calm and controlled, with none of the unsettling human tendency to let their emotions leak everywhere, when Wei Ying told him that they had accidentally formed a mental bond. He was not quite able to bring himself to explain the precise nature of the bond.To explain that he had been so distracted by the kissing that he accidentally got them Vulcan engaged.
Lan Zhan was like a drink of cold pure water and Wei Ying drank it in, one last time. While he was still allowed. He could feel both the bond and the blood fever in him now, mine something crowed in him. Beautiful and strong and mine.
“Wei Ying, is this bond hurting you?” Lan Zhan asked and Wei Ying struggled with what to say. The intricacies of Vulcan biology was still not known in the greater galaxy, and it was not the bond which was hurting him, precisely.
“You don’t have to worry, it’s been, sort of a mistake, we were not supposed...But don’t worry, we will go to the healers and they can take care of it, it’s nothing serious.”
He tried to say this as brightly as possible, with his best nothing-to-worry-about smile, but the thought of giving up the bond now that he could feel it made him want to cry.
Lan Zhan did not look reassured.
“There are healers, in the P’Jem monastery in the mountains, who can undo this, no problem and then everything will be normal again.”
This was not strictly a lie, even if everything would not be normal for himself and there was a high chance of him dying or going mad, but Lan Zhan will go back to normal so that's all he needed to know. He does not need to know that the guy who has an embarrassingly obvious crush on him got them accidentally mentally married.Wei Ying can just take that little secret to his grave along with his last shred of dignity.
Lan Zhan nodded slowly.
***
The transport swayed and Wei Ying allowed himself for a moment to sway with it. His head brushed Lan Zhan’s shoulder and he almost groaned because it felt so good. Like leaning himself against the rock of Vulcan itself, like cool clear water and for a second he leaned on his partner, his mate, and let his strong shoulder and steadfastness sustain him. The little bond throbbed, like a plaintive child wanting to be fed.
“Is everything all right?” Lan Zhan asked and Wei Ying snapped straight up again, folding his traitorous hands into his lap.
“It’s fine, everything is fine!” he said, making an effort to look fine even though he felt hot and itchy. He tried not to touch Lan Zhan for the rest of the ride.
P’Jem was a huge red mountain, rising like a spire out of the desert. There was nothing out here except the wind, even the vulture birds, which can be seen skimming the hot updrafts over all of Vulcan were absent here. Only small animals live here, creatures which burrow in the sand during the day and scurry swift and secret, their big ears trained for every sound, in the night. The monastery bisected the mountain like a honeycomb, cutting through the natural hollows with tunnels and balconies and stairs.
The guardian at the door, a cave at the foot of the mountain,took one look at them before showing them into a room and leading them to an elevator, a perilously swinging basket that took them up to the top and an awaiting monk
“I am St’jon,” he said. “St’ab told me you were coming.”
They were all looking far too serious for Wei Yings liking. There is no way he was going to be able to play this off as a minor thing if everyone kept acting like it was a funeral.
They were left in a large chamber with high windows facing out towards the desert. The room was baking hot, save for the breeze that blew through the massive windows.
“Wei Ying,” Lan Zhan started. “This bond…” and Wei Ying doesn't want to talk about it, he really doesn't, but no one has ever said Lan Wangji was a quitter and he isn’t quitting now either.
“This bond, what is its exact nature? I have only read about bonds between married or engaged individuals and…”
Two seconds before Wei Ying decided to cut his losses and jump out the window, they were interrupted by St’jon sweeping in unannounced, and before Wei Ying had even thought about it he had placed himself in front of Lan Zhan with his teeth bared. The sage gave him a long hard look.
“It seems to be high time to break this bond, if it has grown so established,” he said disapprovingly. The look he gave Lan Zhan was positively withering. It would be funny if Wei Ying wasn’t so desperate, all of Vulcan coming together to give Lan Zhan the shovel talk for something which wasn’t his fault.
“We do not often break this kind of bond on Vulcan,” St’jon continued, “as most would not enter such a union willingly, nor lightly let it be broken.” Here he paused to give another stink eye to Lan Zhan.
“Really, can we just get going,” Wei Ying said as the same time as Lan Zhan spoke over him
“What will happen when we break the bond?
“Had you both been Vulcan it would have been devastating. Now, for you, your own biology will take over and you will go back to normal in a few days, as for Wei Wuxian we are not sure, perhaps he can survive the blood fever and madness…”
“Survive?” Lan zhan asked sharply and the healer gave him a look.
“His time is upon him” he said. “Even a nascent bond like this would be painful to remove and going through the Pon Farr without a mate, we don’t know what could happen.”
“Wei Ying might not survive?” Lan Zhan asked, looking between the healer and Wei Ying.
“Aiya, Lan Zhan don’t be so serious. I’m sure it will be fine...” Wei Ying attempted to wave this away but St’jon’s look quelled him. It was also possible he didn’t look that hot, sweat running down his back and twitching.
“You were not informed of the nature of your bond and its consequences?” St’jon asked, this time turning his stink eye to Wei Ying, where it much more rightfully belonged.
“He knows what he needs to know, can we break it or not?” Wei Ying insisted, trying to get this whole thing to speed up before Lan Zhan decided to do something stupid and self sacrificing.
“The bond?” Lan Zhan asked, looking between Wei Ying and St’jon.
“If he has not been told then he must be informed. A person can not be assumed to make a fair decision without knowing the particulars,” St’jon said, glaring at Wei Ying.
So Wei Ying had to watdch a Vulcan older than his grandfather and with a face like a prune, explain to Lan Wangji, the peerless second jade of Lan, that he had formed a betrothal bond with Wei Ying, because Wei Ying couldn't keep his grubby little telepathy to himself and had a crush visible from space and was about to become unbearably horny for a week and had mentally press ganged Lan Zhan into giving assistance. The room was quiet when he had finished.
“And what happens with Wei Ying if we dissolve the bond?” Lan Zhan asked at last.
“Nothing, nothing will happen Lan Zhan, I’ll be fine,” Wei Ying said desperately and recieved the stink eye in stereo now, both from Lan Zhan and St’jon.
“The fever will consume his blood and he will die,” the St’jon said calmly. Lan Zhans eyes flicked to Wei Ying, like the sting of a whip and then he rose and left the room.
Wei Ying tried to give him space, he really did, but being apart hurt. At first it was only a mild itching under his skin but it grew and grew until it was unbearable. His heart was aching, he felt like he was burning, like pain, like a wound, for Lan Zhan to be out of his sight. He didn’t even need to look for him, the bond told him where to go.
Lan Zhan had found a balcony, opening out of the sheer cliff face looking down on the red arid desert below. Wei Ying padded over to him, not making a sound and knowing he didn't have to, Lan Zhan sensed his presence anyway. The bond was singing between them. He’d meant only to stand beside him but as he drew closer the pull was too strong and he ended up leaning his forehead between Lan Zhan’s strong shoulder blades. This close he could smell him, pine resin and cool mineral-rich water, sun on the dry soil of the mountain side.
“You were not going to tell me?” Lan Zhan asked.
“Nah, I couldn’t do that to you,” Wei Ying said. “It was unfair.”
He wanted to kiss, to claim, he wanted to lay Lan Zhan under him and nose over every inch of his perfect body. He wanted to make himself at home in his well-ordered mind, borrow of his serenity and give him some of his own joy and recklessness. He wanted to love him with abandon. He could do neither of these things.
Lan Zhan’s hands were opening and closing restlessly at his sides.
“I don’t understand,” he said at last. “I know you mock me relentlessly but is your regard for me so low you’d rather die than stay bonded to me?”
Wei Ying gasped. An astonished ugly laugh was working its way out of his mouth.
“Lan Zhan, that’s not!That isn’t! I couldn’t, I know you would allow this to go on out of…of obligation, and I couldn’t do that to you not when..when you don’t feel anything for me and I feel...! How could I… when I know you don’t want it? You can’t just lie back and…and I would be forcing myself on you, mind and body. That’s not. I couldn’t do that. Not to you. Not to anyone. But not to you most of all.”
He found that his arms had wound themselves around Lan Zhan, like he was trying to protect him, but the only thing here that threatened him was Wei Ying himself. He forced himself to let go and step away.
Lan Zhan turned around slowly and stepped in front of him. There was something intense in his eyes, alight with human emotion.
“Wei Ying,” said slowly, carefully, like there were a hundred words he could say and Wei Ying’s name had to serve for all of them. “Please, “ he said, and lifted Wei Ying’s hand to his own face. Nuzzled against it and spread the fingers to find the psi points.
Lan Zhan’s quiet and well-ordered mind met Wei Ying’s like a cool, clear pool of water to his own feverish heat. It was familiar he realised, though the bond was new they still knew each other through it. He realised that the smell of Lan Zhan, the pine resin, and sun on the mountain side, was not his actual scent but instead Lan Zhan’s mind, how he carried Gusu with him everywhere he went, the scent in his own memory laid down in foundations like stone.
He was so absorbed in the exploration that he forgot what it was that Lan Zhan wished to show him until abruptly he brushed up against something, something vast and life changing, an emotion so overwhelming Lan Zhan still didn't quite know how to live with it.
Wei Ying saw himself, bright smile and felt infatuation so sudden and inexplicable that it felt like the sharp short pain of a blow to the nose, the way freezing air felt like on the mountain in the winter, when you inhale and you feel like you have to cry. He saw himself and a disruption so huge and monumental it seemed to take everything in life with it. Everywhere he went he seemed to cause an uproar, like the way Lan Zhan’s life is in uproar, saw a small room with a cup of tea and a gugin, which has always been a haven and now seemed empty and lonely. He both saw and remembered that party where they got locked in the basement and had to spend two hours in the dark and heard himself saying “I think we are rivals, but better like equals, and we should always cross paths,” and felt a joy so incandescent it's hard to put into words. He sees himself and feels love, love, love.
“Wei Ying,” Lan Zhan said, somewhere close, “Do you see?”
The meld broke and Wei Ying was back in his own mind.
”Yes,” he said, somewhat sheepishly. “I do see.”
Lan Zhan’s breath was a cool humid puff against his cheek. Wei Ying thought of Gusu, of the wells of mineral-rich water streaming through the landscape, the sound of water over stone and the wind through the trees. They should have gone there, he’s willing to bet not a single one of the Gusu Lan would have hit on him.They could have avoided this entirely.
He wasn’t sure how much Lan Zhan had seen in his mind but it suddenly felt very important to say it.
“I…” he started, stopped. Stalled a little bit. “If this bond continues then it..it can’t be broken? The joining is permanent.” He couldn’t quite bring him to say the other thing.
“Hmn,” Lan Zhan answered, he sounded like he was listening but absently, his mind on something else, and Wei Ying realised that he was cautiously poking around the bond, feeling it out and the urge to kiss him was very strong.
“Do you want that?” he asked, painfully aware that “infatuated” did not mean “wishing to spend your whole life telepathically joined to another person”.
“Wei Ying,” Lan Zhan said, slightly reproachfully and kissed him.
The bond between them surged and buzzed with unfiltered lust and the feelings that Wei Ying has been keeping a tight grip on surged with it. It was for a second impossible to tell which emotions belonged to who, and then it was clear that it did not matter because in this they were the same. He kissed Lan Zhan again and again, almost mauling his mouth in his effort to get close. Lan Zhan had him up against the scorching hot cave wall kissing him, his body a long hard line and Wei Ying was seriously considering just letting it all happen here on the sandy warm floor on the balcony, when a cough interrupted them.
One of the healers was standing in the door opening looking at them impassively (but still, Wei Ying has the impression, with quite extreme prejudice).
“If you have decided to conclude the pon Farr together these activities are best undertaken indoors,” he said.
“And in private,” he tacked on, dry as desert dust.
They were shown to a little room, almost no more than a cell, hewn into the red rock. High up there was a window showing a piece of the blazing blue sky, the sky of Vulcan could be white, in the midday heat, or red at dawn but in the evenings it had a blue clearer than anything Wei Ying has yet seen. Water trickled along one of the walls, drop by drop to gather in a round basin, with a small tiled area next to it with a run off for washing. There was a modest bed, with worn blankets, bleached to a blinding white by the sun.
The higher humidity gave the air an almost luxurious feel, resting on the skin like velvet. It was quiet and peaceful, here where the scholars retreated to drive out the illogic of the world. What brought Wei Ying here was two of the most illogical things in existence, love and biology.
Wei Ying felt hot all over, only able to focus on Lan Zhan, and he could feel that the fever had spread through their bond. There was a flush on Lan Zhan’s cheeks and his eyes looked large and gleaming. His body temperature had gone up and he was breathing imperceptibly faster. Wei Ying could calculate to what percentage of his normal rate but he was far too gone to care.
“You..” he started to say, possibly to say something like “you don’t have to do anything you don’t want” when Lan Zhan lunged. His mouth was on Wei Ying, cool and soothing and he was lifted off the floor, legs wrapped around Lan Zhan’s waist and two strong hands gripping his ass.
Lan Zhan kept biting him, with small little growls and sharp nips, the pain cutting through the haze of pleasure left Wei Ying with bright searing seconds of clarity before the heat of the Pon Farr descended on him again.
“Can, can I?” Lan Zhan asked,muffled against his skin, almost unintelligible because his mouth refused to leave Wei Ying’s collarbone and they were rutting together with force, grinding against each other, not even reaching the bed in their haste.
“Yes, please, yes,” Wei Ying said, hardly knowing what he was agreeing to, only knowing he wanted more and he wanted it now. Wanted to be filled, and claimed. Wanted to sit on Lan Zhan’s beautiful cock and ride it until he cried. Until both of them cried.
Apparently what Lan Zhan wanted was to suck his dick, because he went about it with so much eagerness he barely got their clothes out of the way and spent a good amount of time valiantly attempting to suck Wei Ying’s dick through his trousers, something Wei Ying allowed go on for far too long because it was so debilitatingly hot. When they finally managed to gather enough patience and wherewithal to get rid of the trousers Lan Zhan sucked him with the sloppy enthusiasm of someone who had never done it but has been dying to try. Wei Ying came, the first time, with his legs around Lan Zhan’s shoulders and a finger cautiously yet eagerly circling his ass, with an uncontrollable shout so loud he was glad they were so far underground and where nobody could hear them.
Lan Zhan looked at him for a moment, looking slightly stunned before his hand went to his own groin and he came, supporting himself on one trembling arm, all over Wei Ying’s stomach.
“I…” he said hesitantly before reaching out and touching the mess on Wei Ying’s stomach and Wei Young laced their fingers together, right there on his come stained belly, rubbing their fingers together restlessly until he was hard again and shifting, rubbing up against Lan Zhan’s thigh with each roll of their fingers.
After the third time Lan Zhan made them get up and wash off in the little cleaning area. Wei Ying was vibrating with happiness, he felt so satisfied, he had his mate, they were in a safe small space and he had to beat so very many rivals to get here.
The fever broke on the third day, Wei Ying was balls deep in the tight clutch of Lan Zhan’s body, their minds joined in the thrilling swoop and fall of orgasm. He could feel his own pleasure building and feeding into a wonderful feedback loop until it was impossible to tell where one ended and the other began.
After he told Lan Zhan the greatest secret a Vulcan can tell another being.
“I love you,” he murmured, sweat stained and tear soaked, hickeys blazing around his neck, and through the bond he could feel the truth echoed back to him.