Chapter Text
He gave himself a total of five minutes to dwell in misery before he saddled his horse in record time and galloped through the castle gate. If she was not here, there was only one other place she could be, so he guided his mare down the path towards the forest, hoping that Penelope was safe.
Colin could not wrap his head around why she would leave just like that, without even saying goodbye. By all means, it did not make sense.
Something must have happened. Something big. And he would get to the bottom of it. He had to.
Scanning the road for a flash of red hair, but finding none, his mind became more and more troubled the closer he got to her little hut.
Truly, the past couple of weeks had been the happiest of his life. But what if she did not feel the same? What if she had finally had enough of him?
What if she no longer wanted him?
Colin did not think he would survive it if she rejected him. No, he would rather die than live a life without Penelope by his side.
He needed her more than he needed air to breathe. She was his sun. Without her, the world was dark and gray and cold.
Without her, he was nothing.
When he finally arrived at his destination, Colin wasted no time before he jumped off his horse and ran up to the front door. He did not even have the patience to knock, just barging right in.
His eyes met hers and he felt like he could finally breathe again. She was here. She was safe.
Penelope was back in her old clothes, but she could wear anything at this stage and his heart would skip a beat at the sight of her. She looked beautiful. Radiant, even.
“Colin,” she gasped, carefully placing down the dried rosemary on the table before wiping her hands on her tunic. “What are you doing here?”
Colin frowned, taking her in. She did not appear to be hurt, thank the Gods. At least not on the outside.
But she carried an odd expression. She almost looked… surprised?
Why was she surprised? Had she not expected him to go after her? To seek her out as soon as he had discovered she was gone.
Mentally shaking himself, Colin started approaching her, desperate to close the gap and feel her in his arms again. But to his utter shock, she took a step back, as if she were trying to get away from him, making him still in his path.
“What am I doing here?” he breathed incredulously, rubbing his chest, right atop his bleeding heart. “What are you doing here? Please tell me you did not walk here in this weather.”
“A merchant offered me a ride,” Penelope simply stated, and he let out a sigh of relief that she had not wandered through the dark cold on her own. “And to answer your question, I live here.”
While she had a point there, it still felt wrong. Without even thinking about it, Colin took another step towards her, but froze when he saw the hurt in her eyes.
What on earth was going on?
“You know what I mean,” he said, his voice cracking. But when she did not reply, he added, “Pen, why did you leave?”
Instead of giving him a response, Penelope turned around and busied herself by taking down some of the herbs she had put up to dry before Benedict had brought her to the castle. Before she had saved his life.
“It was bound to happen eventually, so I figured I might as well just return now. I have been gone for far too long already. There is a lot to do before the winter comes.”
Something was off.
Penelope did not pay him any regard as she continued with her tasks, as if he was not even there. Colin studied her for a few minutes as she started mixing various ingredients into a bowl, taking down notes in her book.
He could not suppress a smile when he saw that she was using the quill and notebook he had gifted her. But as he watched her scribble down the recipe of whatever she was currently preparing, Colin noticed that her hands, which were usually sure and steady, were trembling.
In fact, her entire body was quivering and when Colin briefly saw her profile as she bent to move the stool, he thought he saw a tear run down her cheek. He immediately rushed to her and brought his hands up to her face, making her look at him.
“Please let me go,” she pleaded, and Colin felt the breath knocked out of his lungs at the pain in her eyes.
One thing he had always admired about Penelope was her strength. Despite her tiny frame, she was fierce and extremely intimidating, and he had experienced firsthand that her fiery personality could bring a grown man to his knees, either from fear or from pleasure.
But the Penelope in front of him had no fire in her. She looked completely broken. Like a shell of herself.
“Pen, what happened?” Colin tried to gently place a hand on her shoulder, but Penelope flinched away from him and practically ran to the opposite corner of the room, leaving him standing there, his arm stuck mid-air. “Pen, please talk to me.”
All of a sudden, the mood shifted.
“I do not want to talk to you,” she spat. Colin felt a shiver run through him at the iciness in her voice. Her gaze was focused on the floor, as if she could not even bear looking at him, and for a moment, all he could do was stare at her, jaw slack.
He racked his brain for something, anything that could possibly explain why she would be angry at him, but he could not figure out what he had done to earn such a cold treatment. The last they had spoken, Penelope had lifted herself off his lap after they had both found their release, declaring she ought to get dressed for the festivities.
Not ready to let her go, yet, he had pulled her in for another kiss, nearly convincing her to just skip the celebration altogether, but she had insisted his presence was required since the king had postponed their victory feast just for him. She had been so happy then, less than a day ago.
Even at the celebration, when he was with his brothers, he had only had eyes for her, watching her laugh and dance with his sisters and enjoy the evening. Really, the only time he had taken his eyes off her had been when-
“I saw you,” Penelope suddenly said. “With Lady Cressida.”
Colin swallowed. Hard.
“It is not what you think,” he started helplessly, but she was still not looking at him. “She kissed me. I pushed her away.”
Still no reaction. His heart was pounding in his chest, the panic eating away at him.
“Pen, you have to believe me. There is nothing going on between Lady Cressida and me.”
The next time he spoke to Anthony, he would demand for the Cowpers to be banished from the kingdom. Nobody would get between him and Penelope without consequences.
But none of that was important now, because the woman he loved, the person he had handed over his heart, body and soul to, just let out a long breath as if she had just accepted defeat. As if she had given up on him.
On them.
“It does not even matter,” she finally said, and he hated how calm she sounded. He wanted anger, he wanted that fire, anything but this. “It was bound to happen sooner or later anyway.”
“What do you mean?”
“Colin, please, be serious.” Penelope’s hurt expression had him take a step back, nearly falling over the stool behind him. “You were always going to tire of me at some point and find yourself a wife at court. If not Lady Cressida, then someone else. Someone more beautiful and well-mannered than I could ever be.”
He could not believe what he was hearing. None of it could be further from the truth.
“That is- That is not-” Colin stammered. Where should he even begin to unpack all of this?
“I knew what I was getting myself into when you invited me into your bed. I knew that it was only going to be temporary.”
Each and every word felt like a dagger to his chest. Colin had suffered many wounds in his life. Hell, she had taken care of plenty of them. But none of them had hurt as much as the fact that she thought none of this, none of their intimacies, their kisses, their smiles, that none of it mattered to him when it had been everything to him.
“But-“, he tried again, but she was not finished, yet.
“I am not mad at you about that,” she stated firmly. “I have no right to be. I just hoped you would at least give me a warning before you moved on, is all.”
“Would you please just listen to me, woman?” Colin practically yelled, his mind reeling from how she could have misread the situation so badly. How he could have misread the situation so badly. “I do not want anyone else. I want you. Only you.”
“Stop lying to yourself, Colin,” she screamed, new tears forming in the corners of her eyes. “You are a prince. You can have any woman you want.”
He wanted to comfort her. To wrap his arms around her and kiss her tears away.
She had to know. How could she not?
“I do not want any other woman,” Colin insisted, feeling rather nauseous imagining it. “The thought alone makes me want to throw up.”
“Be realistic. Nobody at court is going to accept someone like me.”
“I do not care. Neither does my family. You know they all love you.” He could no longer stay away, so he walked over to her and took her hand. “Pen, please come with me. I need you.”
Penelope’s eyes searched his face and for a moment, he thought he had gotten through to her. That she believed him. That she understood.
But then she pulled her hand out of his grasp and crossed her arms in front of her, effectively distancing herself from him even though they were less than an arm’s width apart. He had never felt such at a loss at what to do.
“No, you do not,” she said coolly, looking to the side. “Your wounds are all healed and in a month’s time, you will have forgotten all about me.”
“I could never forget about you. How could you even think such a thing?”
“Please just leave. We are going to be just fine without you.”
Colin’s heart sank.
This was it. She did not want him. Or maybe she did, but not the way he wanted her. Not the way he needed her.
No, they would be fine without him. They would live their lives without ever sparing so much as a second thought for him, as if he never existed at all. He would be in agony over losing the best thing he had ever had, and they would act as if none of it had ever happened at all.
Wait a minute.
They?
“Pen, you said ‘we’.” Penelope’s head whipped to him in panic, all colour drained from her face. “Pen?”
He watched her nervously chew on her lips, her eyes frantically flitting around the room. After a few moments, they finally landed on him, a flush on her cheeks.
“Well, I have spent every night for the past two months in your bed,” she said rather bashfully. “What did you think was going to happen?”
Colin’s heart stopped.
“You are-?”
Warmth spread inside of him, hope blooming in his chest. Of course, he had been aware of the consequences, he had simply chosen to ignore them. Perhaps, he had secretly been hoping that his seed would take and that she would gift him the most precious thing there was.
“Yes, I am with child.” At the confirmation, Colin could no longer suppress the grin, so wide his cheeks hurt. “No, I do not expect anything from you. I have everything under control.”
His face fell.
“You are not planning on getting rid of it, are you?” he frowned, his stomach twisting uncomfortably just at the idea of it. Colin could not be more excited about her carrying their child, but Penelope seemed less than thrilled about it and it made him worry.
However, the look of disappointment Penelope gave him told him he had said precisely the wrong thing and he suddenly felt shame and guilt washing over him. Of course, he should have known better than to jump to conclusions. He was just a little overwhelmed by it all, but then again, so was she.
“The fact that you would even suggest such a thing...” Penelope shook her head. “If you must know, I have sworn to myself should I ever be so fortunate to have a child, I would love it with everything I have. I am not my mother, and I would never forgive myself for treating my own flesh and blood the way I was treated.”
Her words, her shaky voice and the tears that were rolling down her cheeks again made his blood freeze in his veins. Colin’s heart was in his throat as he realised that while Penelope knew essentially everything there was about him, he truly did not know her at all.
Sure, he knew that she could tell apart hundreds of different species of plants and list their medicinal properties. He knew that she loved sweet fruits and anything with honey in it but could go without fish. He knew that she had a sharp wit and a fast mind, and that just by looking at a person, she could get a pretty accurate read of them.
However, he had no idea about her life before she had moved into that forest. The few times he had asked about it, Penelope had shut down immediately, a sadness overtaking her, so he had just held her in his arms and kissed every inch of her skin he could reach. She had mentioned Danbury a few times, a couple of anecdotes here and there, nothing too substantial, yet, he had picked up every morsel he could get.
She had never mentioned her mother.
“Pen, what happened to you?”
He wanted to hold her, to comfort her. But Colin knew she did not want him to and either way, no matter how hard he tried, no matter how much he wanted to, he could not protect her from her past.
“My name is Penelope Featherington,” she said. Colin took a sharp inhale of breath at this piece of information. “After my father’s death left us with little to live on, my mother had to make a choice on how to economise. One day, when I was about six years old, she brought me to Agatha Danbury’s apothecary, telling me to wait there until she returned from the seamstress... Safe to say, she never did.”
Baron Featherington had been a notorious gambler who never quite knew when to call it quits. It had been only a matter of time, but eventually, his debt had caught up to him and one of the men he owed had become tired of waiting and had Featherington murdered instead.
Growing up, Colin had had to study all the noble families in the kingdom, the Featheringtons among them. He faintly remembered their crest – a butterfly – and the names of the mother and the three daughters all started with a ‘P’.
Despite the unfortunate demise of Baron Featherington, they were still a respectable noble family and after some years of financial struggles, the two daughters had been married off to rather wealthy noblemen. The third daughter, the youngest, had been rumoured to have died from an illness as a child.
This was a common occurrence, so nobody had really batted an eye. How he wished someone had cared enough to enquire further. But then again, perhaps it was for the best. Nobody should have to live with a mother that just abandoned her own child like that.
If he ever got to meet Lady Featherington…
“I never quite understood why people were so scared of Mistress Danbury,” she continued pensively, distracting him from his plotting murder. “At first, she was a little annoyed that she was suddenly stuck with me, but she never threatened to kick me out. I think she knew right off the bat what had happened, and she felt rather sorry for me.”
Colin focused on Penelope’s face, taking in the sad smile. He knew she hated nothing more than being pitied. It was why she was also so reluctant in accepting help and now he finally understood the reason behind it.
“Once she had found out I was smarter than I looked, she began taking me on as an apprentice.” Naturally, Penelope’s brilliance would come through even at the tender age of six. There was not a fibre of doubt in him that her child – their child – would be anything short of a genius.
“Everything I am, everything I know, I owe to her,” Penelope said with a faraway look on her face before her eyes focused on him with an expression that split his heart in two.” But I am also my own person with my own thoughts and opinions, and while that may scare some people, I know my own worth.”
“Colin, I can no longer have you toy with my emotions like that. It is cruel, and I cannot do it anymore.”
Colin stared at her, this beautiful, brilliant, incredibly strong and resilient woman, and he wondered how he could have been so blind. How he could have been such an idiot and miss so much.
“I- I have been a fool,” he exhaled.
“What?”
“I have been waiting for the right moment, but I fear I may have missed my chance.” He knew what he had to do, the only way he could convince her that this was real. The only way to erase any doubt in her mind as to how much she meant to him.
So he went down on one knee in front of her, praying that she would forgive him. “Please, Pen, tell me I am not too late.”
Penelope’s eyes widened, a gasp passing her lips.
“What are you talking about?” she frowned, her voice trembling. “I do not understand.”
“Is it not obvious?” he smiled softly. “I am asking you to accept my hand in marriage.”
“Colin, I- I cannot do that.”
“Why ever not?”, he frowned, tilting his head. How he wished to know what was going on inside of that bright head of hers.
“I told you, I will be fine,” she sighed exhaustedly. “The child will be fine. You do not carry any responsibility towards either of us. You do not have to throw your life away like that.”
Throw his life away? Was she being serious?
She was the reason he had a life to begin with.
While yes, Colin was very well aware at how privileged he was, he had always felt a little lost, left out. Of course, as a knight, he was often out in battle, on the training ground, in a tournament or at a court event.
However, it had all seemed rather… meaningless. Lonely…
But then he had met Penelope and suddenly, all the colours had become brighter, more vibrant. Everything was better with Penelope.
Food tasted better. The sun felt warmer, more energising. Sleep was more refreshing, more rejuvenating. Especially when he got to fall asleep and wake up with her in his arms.
She made him feel like he could do anything. That he could conquer the world. And it pained him that she had no idea about any of that and it was his own damn fault.
Penelope had saved him in so many ways. Colin knew would never be able to fully pay her back for it, but that did not mean he would not try. Even if it took forever, he would do it, if only so he could spend forever with her.
“I wish you would see yourself the way I see you,” he said softly. “Pen, I do not want to marry you because you carry our child.” He paused, reconsidering his words. “Well, also because of that, but mainly because I want to spend the rest of my life with you.”
The only sound in the room was the crackling of the firewood that warmed the room on this rather chilly late November evening. Not that he could hear much, with his heartbeat in his ears as he watched the emotions flit across her beautiful face.
“What are you saying?”, she frowned, and how he regretted for not having said it sooner.
The romantic in him had wanted to reveal his feeling to her in some sort of grand gesture. Colin knew that no words could ever come close to describing how much she meant to him and for weeks, he had been trying to figure out what to do.
But as he looked at her now, he realised that grand gestures were rather overrated.
“I love you,” he said, and it was as if a weight had been lifted off his shoulders.
“What?” Penelope shrieked, her eyes searching his in disbelief.
“I love you,” he repeated, more firmly, unable to suppress the face-splitting smile from forming on his lips as he stood up and cupped her cheeks. “I have loved you from the moment I first saw you and I have been falling even deeper for you everyday since.”
It felt so good to finally say it out loud. It had been absolute torment to carry this truth in his chest for so long, and now he had finally set it free.
Even if she rejected him now, even if would kill him, at least he would die with the knowledge that he had tried everything he could. That he had borne his heart and soul in front of her and now it was all up to her.
But he had more to say.
“Pen, you are the most brilliant, beautiful, kind and caring person I know,” he added, the words coming easily now that the floodgates had been opened. “By the Gods, I don’t deserve you, but I swear, if you let me, I will try to prove my worth to you every single day until I die. I will love you and protect you, our child and any future children we may be blessed with. You are perfect and-“
“I love you,” Penelope smiled, and Colin thought he might burst with joy.
By now, he had probably kissed her half a million times already, but none of that could come close to the way he felt when his lips met hers. While those kisses had been incredible, amazing even, all of them paled in comparison to this.
She loved him.
The woman of his dreams was in love with him. And not only that, she carried their child. Their future.
There was only one final thing left to do, one piece missing from complete happiness. He had to ask her one more time, fairly certain that the answer would be different, but still anxious for her response.
“Marry me,” he whispered against her lips, giving her another peck before resting his forehead against hers, breathing her in. “Please marry me.”
“Yes,” she replied and anything that would have followed was cut off by a squeal as Colin hoisted her up and carried her to her bedroom, never stopping kissing her.
As soon as his knees hit her mattress, he gently placed her down, removed their shoes and his outer layer before joining her, at last turning that fantasy of that first night into reality. They made quick work of their clothes until he could trace his fingers over her soft skin, leaving a trail of goosebumps on her supple flesh.
He felt that familiar hunger for her, that urge to consume her, to make her scream his name in pleasure. But as he took her in, there was another sensation overtaking him, something stronger, something more profound.
Awe.
Of course, Penelope looked exactly the same as she had the day before, writhing on his sheets as he had sunk into her over and over again. And yet, it was as if he saw her in a new light.
She was glowing, more beautiful than ever with the life growing inside of her. A rosy flush covered her heaving chest and Colin could see how ready she was for him, the red curls between her thighs damp with her desire.
But even though he was aching for her, his erect length prodding against her hip, leaking from the tip, he was completely hypnotised by the look in her eyes. It was the same look he had seen so many times, yet he had never quite been able to decipher it. Thinking back, he should have known from the start because it was the same look he carried in his eyes whenever he saw her, whenever he so much as thought of her.
Love.
Unbeknownst to them, they had been making love ever since he had asked her to stay the night with him. Each time they had shared their bodies with each other, each time they had become one, he had given her a piece of his heart, just as she had given him a piece of hers.
“Colin, please…” Penelope sighed, and how could he ever deny her?
“I love you,” he whispered against her lips before capturing them in a searing kiss.
Shifting his body, so he was on top of her, Colin settled between her legs, guided his throbbing cock to her centre and drove home in one thrust. He swallowed her gasp as she stretched around him, running her hands through his hair, meeting his hips when he started moving.
They could do this a million times and a million more and Colin would never tire of how she enveloped him, so warm and soft, how she would moan his name each time he rolled his hips, brushing against her nub. How she sucked an nibbled along the line of his jaw, the column of his throat, robbing him of his breath and turning him feral.
“Pen…” he groaned when Penelope clenched down on him, urging him on.
He had wanted to go slow, to savour every moment of it. But she drove him wild with the way her nails dug into his back as she clung onto him, her breasts pressing against his chest, her velvety walls massaging his shaft.
After all, he was just a man.
So he lifted one of her legs, opening her wider for him and grabbed onto her hips, pinning her down as he drove into her. Feeling the familiar tension building inside of him, Colin knew he would not last long, not when she was so hot and tight and perfect, so he brought a hand between them, thrumming over her pulsating nub.
Thankfully, it did not take too long until Penelope’s eyes flew shut as her orgasm hit her, her body vibrating as her centre convulsed around him, and he finally gave into his own pleasure. Nuzzling into the crook of her neck, Colin thrust inside her as deep as he could reach before he let out a groan, his come shooting out of him.
Not wanting to let her go just yet, Colin wrapped her leg around his waist and rolled them to the side, pulling her into his arms as he pressed a soft kiss on her forehead, his heart soaring at her content sigh. As they caught their breath, Penelope started running her fingers over the hair on his chest, something she seemed to enjoy doing very much and who was he to stop her?
He watched her as she kept exploring his body, fascinated by how her eyes lit up as she took him in, a soft smile playing on her lips. Colin had absolutely no idea how she did it, but it was moments like this that had him fall even deeper in love with her and he was certain Penelope would never cease to amaze him for as long as he lived.
“So what happens now?” she suddenly asked, looking at him with a curious expression in her eyes. She was so adorable, he could not help but give her a little kiss on her nose.
“Well, tomorrow, I will take you back to the castle so we can start with the wedding planning,” Colin replied, already expecting her next question.
“But what about once we are married? Where will we live?”
A warm smile formed on his lips as he regarded her. While everyone always assumed he never thought things through, he had planned this right from the start.
“I am glad you asked, love,” he beamed. “There is a manor about an hour from here that would be perfect for us. It has been empty for the past couple of years, but the renovations should be finished by the time of the wedding, giving us some much needed privacy.”
“It has a fair amount of farmland adjacent to it and the people there are rather nice and open-minded folks,” he continued excitedly. “The manor itself has quite a bit of room for guests and, well, our children, I suppose. And there is a little cottage a stone’s throw away, right by the forest, where you could continue your study, if you so wished.”
“When did you start organising all of this?” she gasped in admiration. He could not help but feel proud at how pleased she seemed to be with his plans.
“Officially, I have asked Anthony the day after the autumn equinox,” Colin explained, looking at her with fondness as he remembered their first time together. “But I have basically thought about it from the moment I set foot into this place.”
For a few seconds, Penelope stilled, staring at him in wonder. And then her face morphed into the most beautiful expression, her eyes sparkling with joy as she flung her arms around him, knocking the breath out of his lungs.
“I love you,” she breathed against his skin, making his heart flutter.
“I love you,” he whispered into her hair, a smile of his face. He did not think he would ever be able to stop smiling.
They were wed two weeks later and did not emerge from their new home until after Yule, too occupied with enjoying their marital bliss. As such, they also missed the good news.
King Fife had been killed by his own trusted circle of knights who had grown tired of watching the realm suffer while their ruler invested all his gold into war rather than providing for his people. A new ruler had emerged, King William Mondrich, who, together with his wife, Queen Alice, had worked tirelessly these past days, drafting treaties with their neighbours, starting with the Bridgerton kingdom.
With the treaty began an era of peace. The two kingdoms prospered from trading goods and it did not take long for the first marriages to occur, including none other than Eloise who had been secretly corresponding with a knight-turned-scholar by the name of Sir Philip.
Of course, Anthony had been less than pleased to find out that she had snuck behind his back to exchange letters with the enemy, but Colin found he rather liked Philip and his two children from a previous marriage. Although, to be honest, he was not all that concerned about Eloise because he was far too busy doting over his lovely wife who became more beautiful with each day as her belly grew rounder and he was particularly thrilled about the fact that her breasts had increased in size, spilling out of his hands whenever he held them.
And he held them a lot.
While he trusted Penelope’s medical expertise, Colin was still a bit worried about the pregnancy and by the final stage, he had considered tying her to the bed to stop her from working too hard, earning him a fair number of annoyed glances from her. But his wife was extremely popular among the people, and it was near impossible to get her to retire for the night before she saw to the last patient.
She was entirely too good for this world and Colin had absolutely no idea how he deserved her.
In the end, his worries had been for naught, as, on a warm summer day, they welcomed a baby girl to the world. Agatha, named after Penelope’s mentor, had fiery red hair like her mother and dark blue eyes like her father and Colin had never felt so happy in his life.
That was, until they welcomed their second child.
And then the third.
And then the fourth.
Each time, his heart grew, making space for the new member of the family, so small, so precious, so wonderful he could not stop crying from joy. Colin felt like he was living in a fairy tale, having found his happily ever after, so to speak.
And all because of her.
Because this was Penelope, and this was love.