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There were many things Rand didn’t like. Driving, awkward silence, and waiting were three of them. But lo and behold, there he sat in Galloway High’s terribly organized parking lot with Rolan Deep sitting quietly in the passenger’s seat. Despite the town being so small, it always took at least ten minutes to get out of your spot because the lot was genuinely that badly made. How do you fuck up a parking lot, anyway?! All you need is a slab of concrete and some lines!
He was alone with Rolan a lot, but being alone in his 1947 Chevy while waiting for an opportunity to force his way into the line of people trying to leave was a lot more personal. At his house he could play music or write session notes to fill the empty space, but the radio in his car was busted and he needed to focus on the road.
“Thanks again for giving me a ride.” Rolan finally said.
“It’s no problem, man.” It was actually the first time he had driven with Rolan. His parents’ car broke down and still hadn’t been fixed yet. They wanted him to walk to school, but he said he’d rather die and that he’d just ride with Rand. They then said that if he rode with Rand he probably would die, but they relented anyway.
He tapped impatiently against the steering wheel, inching his way forward to try and cut off a Honda, but they held their ground and he was forced to wait for his next chance, which would probably be another 3-5 minutes of holding down the break and staring forward.
“Fuck this,” he muttered under his breath as he switched the gear into reverse and backed into his spot again.
He ran his hands through his hair and sighed. “Sorry. I’d rather wait it out than have to focus on driving for forever. It’ll probably be another few minutes.”
“Oh, no, you’re totally fine,” Rolan said in his always polite way of speaking. But Rand could tell he was annoyed too. Not at him, just at Galloway in general. He was annoyed by that pretty often.
Silence filled the air again and Rand desperately needed to break it. So small talk was the easiest way. “What do you think of the car, by the way?”
“It’s cool. I like the tinted windows.”
“Yeah, they’re pretty useful for smoking during lunch. Speaking of which—“ Rand reached over Rolan to the glove box and grabbed a joint. Just before he was going to get his lighter, he looked up to see Rolan’s deadpanned expression and groaned. “Don’t give me that look. We got time to kill.”
“Well if you’re gonna drive while high, time isn’t the only thing you’ll be killing!” And with that, his friend lunged forward, reaching for the blunt.
The two got into a scuffle, but it became more playful than anything. They laughed and wrestled, not very restricted by the car since its front seat was wide enough to move around in. Even after the object of this fight fell to the floor, Rand used his now free hand to grab Rolan’s shirt and attempted to wrap his other arm around his neck. But Rolan was a seasoned athlete and, as much as Rand hated to admit it, stronger than him, so he was able to pry him off easily.
Said athlete was then able to get a hold on his wrists and surge forward, effectively holding him down on the seat of the car. They stayed in that position and laughed for a while until the adrenaline rush started to wear down and they met each other’s eyes again. That was when Rand truly processed their predicament. Rolan’s grip on his wrists not yet relented, pinning them above his head, Rolan’s body that had somehow gotten all the way on top of him during the fight, and Rolan’s cheeks flushed pink as he panted for air.
This was… not normal. This should not be happening. They could easily push each other off and just drive away. They could easily pretend like this weird situation didn’t happen. They could easily break the eye contact that had been going on for far too long now. But instead Rand kept looking and said something not even he expected.
“My car’s windows are tinted.”
Rolan hesitated for a few seconds. “What?”
“You—“ he slowly thickly, slightly wishing he had left his car running because it was starting to feel very warm in here, “you fuckin’ heard me.”
Rolan hesitated again, trying to decipher the obvious invitation. But Rand knew that, even when he was literally on top of someone, only a few inches from their face, Rolan was never that great at social cues. He started to lean down and Rand was hopeful that he might’ve gotten the idea; instead one of his hands fell away from his wrist while the other subconsciously crossed it underneath the other. It traced down his scarred arm along the way before slowly removing his sunglasses. Now there was truly no buffer between their gazes. Now it felt real. Intimate, even.
“What do you want me to do, then?” It was a genuine question, and that’s what pissed off Rand the most. It wasn’t teasing just to get a rise out of him, or joking around just to delay the inevitable, it was expecting a legitimate response.
“God, you’re really gonna fucking make me say it out loud?” He could feel the heat creep up his cheeks as Rolan nodded.
“I just want to be sure.”
Rolan didn’t want to misread the situation. That was understandable, Rand could concede, but was there seriously any way to misread this situation? With Rand maintaining eye contact as he spoke too quickly? With Rand’s bright red face as he was literally underneath him? With Rand feeling and allowing himself to be the most vulnerable he’s been in probably his entire life?
The words started to catch in his throat. All of the thoughts he had about his friend over the years that he had to push down and hide were starting to surface. All of the silent admissions to himself that he chose to actively ignore. This could’ve been a lot easier if he could just do it rather than say it, but Rolan had him cornered— pinned, quite literally— and he wouldn’t be moving a muscle until he got an affirmation.
“Just— just fucking—“ he squeezed his eyes shut, admittedly a little scared to see Rolan’s reaction, “just kiss me or fuck off already!”
After a moment of waiting that Rand felt was suffocating him, Rolan chose the former.
He moved carefully, easing his way into his lips. Rand was never a very patient person, so the slowness of it all was a bit annoying, but unfortunately Rolan had the advantage right now, and he was too cautious to move quickly. Rand had no other choice than to stay still and follow his lead; one hand was still wrapped around both of his wrists, holding them loosely above his head, and the other was cupping his cheek gently. His elbow rested on his chest, and its weight only pushed him further into the leather seats.
Still, Rand could feel as the tension he had started to melt away. His eyebrows, which had been furrowed with anxiety when he confessed, relaxed. His eyes were no longer closed out of fear, but content. Rolan’s hand moved to tilt his head slightly to the side, and he complied immediately because it gave Rolan the room to lean in closer and that was all Rand could want at the moment. As embarrassing as it was for him to fall so easily into someone else’s control, he couldn’t do much else, nor did he really want to right now.
The hand on his face slid down further to rest on the side of his neck. The softness of his skin brushing against his own caused him to sigh, and Rolan used the access to slip his tongue into his mouth. Rand’s breath hitched in a high noise out of surprise and Rolan immediately pulled back.
“Sorry! Sorry,” he said with worried panic, removing both hands and scooting himself backwards in their limited room, “I shouldn’t have—“
Rand sat up, embarrassed by how much he already missed the weight on top of him. “No! You’re fine, I promise! It just…” he took a deep breath, trying to settle the buzzing electricity just underneath his skin, “surprised me, is all.”
Rand moved forward, sliding himself into the corner of the passenger’s seat that Rolan had backed himself into. For a tall guy, he had the remarkable ability to make himself seem very small when he wanted to. He glanced up to Rand from the ball he had wrapped himself in, hugging his knees tight to his chest. “Really?”
“Really, man.”
Rolan took a breath and unfurled himself, letting his legs slide back down to the floor. Rand snaked a hand around his waist until they were only a few inches apart again.
“Have you ever done this before?” Rolan asked.
So he was really going to ask all of the embarrassing questions, huh? “Uh… no. I haven’t.”
Rolan smiled a little, seeming less worried than before. “Neither have I.”
“Well…” his heart raced again as he thought back to only a few seconds ago. “I couldn’t tell.”
Wanting to cut off the conversation before it got more awkward, Rand pushed forward. His hands pulled Rolan, dragging him by the waist across the leather into a position where Rand could get into his lap. Rolan gasped against his lips and Rand smiled. He was impatient and rough when he kissed, the exact opposite of the one before.
Once he was sure his weight would hold him down, Rand moved his hands from the waist and tangled his fingers into his hair. He pulled on the locks and leaned forward even more, shoving him against the back metal of his truck. Rolan let out yet another muffled noise of shock, and another when Rand dragged his tongue on the roof of his mouth. The feeling of his heavy breath against his cheek and the sounds he made only encouraged him further; occasionally he’d tug on his hair again just to hear his startled whines.
Rolan eventually moved his hands from his sides and used them to pull Rand’s jacket from his shoulders. It got tossed to the floorboard of the car before he wrapped around his back; lean but muscular arms glided under his shirt and across his skin. They felt like they burned anywhere they touched. He shivered at the sensation and could feel Rolan smile against his lips. Clearly this had been his plan, because when Rand melted, Rolan broke away from the kiss, shifted from underneath him with ease, and grabbed him by the shoulders, pushing him against the passenger side door. It wasn’t nearly as aggressive as Rand had just been, but his head still hit the window with a dull thud.
“Sorry about that,” Rolan said, apologetic but not nearly as worried as he had been before, which Rand felt was ironic but fair. Before he could try and retaliate, Rolan was on top of him again. He grabbed at the ends of Rand’s hair and pulled down, not hard, but enough to force his chin to tilt up. A quick but firm kiss was placed against his throat, causing his breath to stutter suddenly. His sharp inhales followed by shaky exhales continued as Rolan peppered more of them along his neck and near his collarbone.
The next action he chose was calculated, moving to a place he was sure could be easily covered by a shirt before he bit down. What he probably wasn’t expecting was Rand’s reaction of leaning his head back further and whimpering loudly. He pulled back immediately out of surprise and Rand clapped a hand over his mouth, utterly mortified.
They both stared at each other with wide eyes. Rand could tell that his face was feverish to the touch, and Rolan wasn’t looking much better. He eventually chuckled, a motion that made his whole body shift in Rand’s lap, which didn’t help the white hot shame still growing in his chest. “Holy shit,” he finally muttered, still smiling down at him. “If I’d had known you’d do that—“
“Don’t you dare finish that sentence,” he warned, though he was averting his gaze and still hiding behind his hand like a coward. “Just shut up.”
“Oh, I’ll shut up.” Clearly gaining confidence, he removed both hands from his hair, now resting on either of Rand’s thighs. Subconscious fingers ran up and down his jeans rhythmically. “The real question is: can you?” he teased.
Any sort of retaliation Rand could think of immediately died. His face flushed impossibly brighter, spreading down to the sides of his neck. The slow, light strokes on his legs tingled, causing his entire body to wrack with shivers. He forced his hand onto his mouth again, burying the low whine that tried to escape his throat.
Rolan just smiled even more deviously before he leaned down again. Rand looked up, no thought in giving him all the access he needed. He started at the same spot he was at before, peppering a few light kisses around it before he bit down again. Rand felt his entire body tense, one hand tightening over his mouth and the other white-knuckling on the edge of the car seat. His whimpers were still audible, even through the buffer.
Rolan moved periodically, gentle lips against his skin occasionally interrupted by harsh teeth. The bites on top were just quick nips, but lower down he’d let himself linger, sucking and dragging his teeth along the skin slowly and deliberately. He hummed in amusement at every sound Rand failed to hide.
It was all overwhelming for Rand, to say the least. He had always been paranoid, closed-off, and self-sufficient. That was something he was used to living with. Friends and family knew him, and he always tried to be close with them when they needed it, but vulnerability was not his specialty. Not when something would inevitably go wrong. All of this is to say, the fear and exhilaration in him was mixing in a way that made him want to start sobbing right there.
The painful stings on his neck that left electric shocks wherever they went. The terrifying thoughts of being caught, though he knew no one outside would be able to see them unless they really tried. The hot embarrassment spreading in his cheeks when he’d whine and Rolan would chuckle. The insanity of the fact that he just indirectly confessed feelings he had pretended weren’t there since middle school.
The gentle caresses on his thighs that left burning sparks wherever they went. The indulgent thoughts of being here forever, though he knew they’d have to go home eventually. The euphoric sounds rising in his throat when he’d lean back and Rolan would get closer. The insanity of the fact that his feelings were being reciprocated and he was getting affection.
He was getting affection.
That was definitely the most overwhelming part of it. Why was Rolan being so… loving when he kissed him?
His breath continued to function sporadically; inhaling and exhaling felt like a workout every time their skin made contact. Rolan’s hands drifted upwards to the hem of his shirt, settling again just underneath it. His muscles slowly relaxed again; he let the hand on his face drift down to his side as he sighed deeply. The kisses started to slow, and eventually Rolan pulled away, sitting up to look in his eyes again.
Without a word, Rand pressed one final kiss against his lips, both of them breathless and waiting for what they were supposed to do next.
“So, uh… that… happened…” Rolan said with an awkward chuckle.
He just made out with his best friend. And that’s just something he had to fucking live with now, he guessed. “Yeah…“ He drummed his fingers nervously against the seat. “Yeah, it did.”
They sat quietly again for a moment, letting the revelation sink in further, before Rolan situated himself out of the way, giving Rand the space to slide back into the driver’s seat. It was another beat of stillness before Rolan picked up the jacket that had been pushed to the floor. “You, uhm, might wanna wear this when you go home.”
“Why?”
“You— you got um—“ he blushed again as he gestured to his own neck, “a bunch of marks, on there.”
Rand was about ready to have a heatstroke as he realized there must be bruises all along the base of his neck. That Rolan put there. “Oh, right. Th— thanks.” He laughed again to try and diffuse the tension in the air, “I’m surprised you even knew how to do that.”
He glared playfully. “Hey. I’m not that sheltered.”
“But you said you’d never done this before!”
Rolan looked to the ground, clearly pouty about having to confess this. “My mom owns a bunch of cheesy romance novels. I steal them sometimes.”
Rand immediately lost all pretenses of an uncomfortable conversation and broke into a laughing fit. “Dude— are you serious?” he managed to say through the giggles.
“Hey!” he shouted in his defense, but he couldn’t stop himself from laughing too as he spoke. “Do you realize how boring it is in that house?! And I’ve already read all of my books like a dozen times!”
“I get that! I just— romance novels?!” He cracked up again; the lighthearted teasing left both of them a lot more relaxed. This was normal. This is how they talked to each other. Things didn’t need to be weird.
Soon enough, Rand settled down again, enough to look out the windshield on his truck. “Wow,” he said, looking at the completely empty lot, “that worked.”
“What did?”
Rand looked down at the floor, seeing the blunt he had dropped, the thing that started this whole mess, next to the gas pedal. He picked it up before putting it back in the glove box; he felt high enough already. “We killed the time.”
Rolan laughed again and buckled his seat belt. “We should probably get going, huh?”
He also picked his sunglasses from off the ground and put them on. “Yeah, yeah that’s a good idea.”
The drive to Rolan’s didn’t take long. Rand thought about what would’ve happened to him today if Rolan had just walked home. He wasn’t one to believe in fate, but luck was definitely a real thing. Maybe he had gotten a good roll on that today.
“I’ll see you later,” Rolan said as he unfastened his seatbelt.
“See ya, man.”
Right before he pulled on the door handle, he turned back, “Oh, and, um, Rand?”
“Yeah?”
“I’m gonna need a ride to and from school tomorrow, too.”
“Yeah, I know?” Was it just a reminder of something that Rand already knew, or was he trying to get at something?
For the nth time that afternoon, both of their cheeks dusted with pink. “Well maybe after school we could… kill some more time.”
Rand sputtered for a moment before he could force out the semi-cohesive sentence of, “Yeah, we can— we’ll probably need to— bad parking lot, y’know?”
“Yeah. See you tomorrow, then.”
Rand watched carefully as he walked up to the front door of his house and shut it behind him. As soon as he was out of sight, his head slammed against the steering wheel. This whole afternoon had to have been a wild trip that he was just about to wake up from, right? There’s no way all of that just happened.
Just to make sure he wasn’t crazy, he pulled his sun visor down and opened up the mirror. He traced his fingers lightly over all of the marks on his mirror image’s neck, mostly red, though some had already started to fade into purples and blues. He laughed shakily, a few tears even rolling down his cheeks, before he shifted his car into reverse and hit the gas.
There were many things Rand liked. Rolan, tinted windows, and killing time were three of them.