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Aaron feels his walls that he dedicated to his entire life building it perfectly and meticulously falls down with absolute ease at Alexander's prodding.
Myriads of emotions that he purposely kept out of reach and tried so hard to suppress for years all came to him instantly. All positive and negative feelings. He feels like he's breaking from the inside.
And embarrassingly, tears sprung to his eyes and fell down his chin. Alexander stops moving abruptly and jerked his hands away from Aaron's coat as if it burned him. His eyes widened and Aaron felt guilt amongst other million things, but he couldn't get a single word out, convinced and afraid that if he'd open his mouth, he'd choked on a sob instead.
"I-" Alexander suddenly says, hands holding out in what seems to be his effort to not reach out to Aaron as if one single touch would shatter the other. Although, Aaron supposes he is already crumbling.
For the first time in Aaron's life, he'd gotten Alexander to stop talking and he's not happy about it.
"..Aaron. God, I'm so sorry." The younger man bit his lips in frustration, the action Aaron had seen everytime Alexander was stuck on something he'd needed to understand. Which was a very rare sight and made Aaron feel even worse for the frustration to be directed towards him.
"I didn't mean to- I thought I read the signals right, but apparently I'm so dumb to be wrong and you didn't want to-"
"-Alexander.."
He quickly cut off the others ranting that he didn't quite understand with how fast the other man seemed to be talking. Aaron's voice was low and heavy with weighted emotions that barely made it past a whisper.
But, Alexander looked back at him as if he was slapped.
"You're right, I'm sorry." Alexander closed his eyes shut for a moment and he opened them to show the most saddest expression that screamed he was slowly trying to distance himself from everything, a look that Aaron sadly recognized in the mirror when he'd cut off himself from everyone.
And before Alexander walked away, Aaron's arm tugged at his sleeves, stopping the others movement. Thankfully, his hands didn't fail him like his vocal cords seems to be doing right now.
Suddenly remembering that he hasn't gotten past the door and that they were making a spectacle with everyone, forgetting momentarily that everyone was in the room. Aaron felt bare as if he'd been cut open even more.
So, he'd pull Alexander with him outside, not forgetting to close the door. Although, he didn't think that Alexander would stay quiet and comply with him this easily to go outside.
"Burr."
Aaron felt his heart shattered than it already has with Alexander's monotone tone and the use of his last name.
"Aaron." He's glad his voice didn't shake as much as his hand, still holding onto Alexander's wrist.
And he's absolutely glad to see emotion on Alexander's face even if it's him being stupefied.
"What?" The taller man softly asks. As if not expecting Aaron to say something, much more than the response 'Aaron.'
"Call me Aaron." And because Aaron's walls had already been knocked down, he added something his past self would definitely regret saying, "I like the sound of it coming from you."
Something crossed Alexander's face for a slight second, pulling his hands out of Aaron's. Aaron shamefully wanted to keep holding onto the other, but didn't do much to recuperate his feelings and instead let his still shaking hand fall to his side. It feels cold without Alexander's warm skin through his soft sleeve.
"What-" Alexander opened his mouth before closing it up.
Apparently Aaron wasn't the only one affected by Alexander as the other is also affected strongly by him. Aaron doesn't want to think further on what that means, though with how scrambled the state that his mind is it right now, he doesn't think he could even if he wanted to.
"I don't understand you."
Aaron wants to say that he doesn't either, but stopped himself from speaking as he patiently waits for Alexander to gather his thoughts since the other seemed to want to say more.
"One moment you're liking and taking everything I offer, the next you're refusing my affections. It's- the lack of better words, confusing."
"So, which is it Burr- Aaron? What do you want our relationship to only be? I'm willing to go further, but I won't if you truly don't want to."
Alexander took a breath before speaking again, which was a very unusual thing for him to do. The other man has always said everything in his mind. Yet again, Aaron had never seen the other looked more perplexed in his life, even with facing a very stressful situation.
"I won't push you again, and I'm sorry that I didn't think before I almost kissed you-"
Aaron didn't register what Alexander said next after he said those words out loud.
Oh, Aaron stupidly realizes.
Alexander also likes him. Aaron mentally berates himself for not noticing sooner, he's too stuck up in his own head, focusing only on himself to realize that Alexander is suffering too. All because of him.
He let out a laugh, he suddenly couldn't keep in his bursting feelings. It was more raw than self-deprecating and bitter than he'd expected it would be.
Alexander suddenly closed his mouth shut with an audible click. Looking bewildered beyond anything. And Aaron felt bad for making things get so confusing and out of hand.
"I like you." He bursts out saying. Because of course, like everything else, he couldn't keep his mouth shut around Alexander. Always seeming to pour everything he has to the other.
"I really do, Alexander. It's just- I don't know."
Aaron found himself looking at the ground as if it was the most interesting thing in the world when he'd opened his mouth.
"..I don't really know how to express myself. I'm sorry."
Aaron feels like he wants to cry for the millionth time in these few minutes. Not counting the time when a few tears did slip past. But, he buried that feeling deep down inside him, not wanting to embarrass himself and making things worse than it already is.
"Then I'm willing to wait for it."
Aaron quickly snapped his intense gaze from the ground to meet Alexander's burning, full of passion gaze.
"I'm willing to wait for you. So that you'd be comfortable enough to let me in."
"Alexander-"
He finds himself wanting to say that it'll be a waste of his time, that Aaron wasn't worth it, but Alexander cuts him off, almost as if the other had known he would say exactly just that.
"I promise I will, Aaron. Please don't shut me out."
Alexander had so, so softly held out his hands for Aaron's to take, wanting to be careful to not step into Aaron's boundary like before and instead giving him a choice to not overwhelm the other.
And Aaron couldn't take it anymore.
He fell forward into Alexander's welcoming and loving form, clutching tightly against the other. Almost clinging to the other as if he was a life line.
And Alexander had slowly embraced Aaron by wrapping his arms around the other, an affectionate touch that Aaron had apparently craved since he was a child and done a successful job at hiding his self-starved touch. Well, it's not like he could get it, he barely has interactions with other people.
And if Aaron was crying into Alexander's shoulder, muffling his sobs meanwhile Alexander was whispering reassuring words to him with such love, no one would know.