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The Waitress

Summary:

Violet's first day of working at her boyfriend's family restaurant.

Notes:

Fanart belongs to Shadowofjustice123.

9:The characters in a tale shall be so clearly defined that the reader can tell beforehand what each will do in a given emergency.

10: Say what he is proposing to say, not merely come near it.

11: Use the right word, not its second cousin.

12: Eschew surplusage.

13: Remember to include the necessary details.

14: Avoid slovenliness of form.

15: Use good grammar.

16:Employ a straightforward style.

(See the end of the work for more notes.)

Work Text:

 

 

 

violet

 

 

Violet Parr, known to the world as the superhero 'Invisible Girl ', stood in front of the bathroom mirror. She was fixing her raven hair into a French braid. Her reflection showed her in a waitress outfit with the logo of the 'Happy Platter.' 'Vi! Are you almost done? You don't want to be late for your first day of work!' called her mother, Helen, from downstairs.

"I'm almost finished, Mom. I only need a few more minutes to finish braiding my hair!" the fourteen-year-old called downstairs. Five minutes later, the teen raced down the stairs to find her parents waiting. Her mother had a camera with her. Violet flushed, knowing that her mother was going to take her picture.

"Mom! Is this really the time?" Violet questioned as her mother raised the camera.

"That's my girl! Oh, I can't believe my baby girl is now a working girl! Isn't it so precious, Bob?" Helen asked her husband, who nodded. The family's support and pride were palpable.

"Yes, it is exciting when your child gets their first job! I couldn't be prouder!"

"Oh, please!" gagged Dash, "She only got the job because of her boyfriend. Plus, how hard is it to wait tables?"

"Dashiell Robert Parr! You'll show your sister some respect! Any job is important and builds character. You could be a paperboy as long as you didn't use your super speed," his mother admonished him.

"It would do you good, Dash if you deliver the papers! Might teach you some responsibility and help improve your work ethic," Violet retorted, to which her little brother looked annoyed.

"Okay, this will be a topic for another time. Right now, I've to get Violet to work. Come on, Vi!" Bob called her as they headed out to the car. She couldn't hide her nervousness as they got closer to the restaurant. "Now remember, Vi. You can't use your superpowers. Plus no fooling around with Tony. Your mother and I expect you to work hard."

"I understand, Dad. But, besides? How would my invisibility or force fields help as a waitress?"

"Well, if the restaurant gets robbed, it might. But let's hope that doesn't happen. Also, again, focus on your job. Not trying to fool around, alright?" Bob emphasized.

"Yes, Dad. Again, I understand. You can let me out here!" as they entered the parking lot.

"Okay, now remember I'll be back to pick you up at 8:30. Call us if anything changes, okay?"

"Okay! Got it! See you later!" as Violet hurried into the restaurant for her first shift. She quickly ran into Tony.

"Wow there, Vi! You don't have to be in such a hurry! But, again, I've got to train you first, remember?"

"I know, Tony," she replied nervously. "I'm just so excited to be at my first job!"

"I know the feeling, Vi," as he kissed her cheek. They both blushed before Tony became serious again.

"Mom and Dad told me it's my job to train you. So you'll be shadowing me for your first week. Then we'll see how well you do on your own. Ready?"

"Ready!" Tony said as they made their way to the main room. Tony approached a table with a small family. Violet paid close attention to his posture and mannerisms, noting every detail and his ability to write in shorthand. She said people seemed to respond better when you smiled and looked cheerful.

He then asked her to get the following table. Taking a deep breath, she approached an older couple in their fifties. She made sure to smile and politely ask them for their orders. She made some quick chit-chat before going to another table to get their order.

After getting three table orders, she placed them above the kitchen window. Twenty minutes later, she was given the food. Taking another deep breath, she made sure everyone got the correct order. She made sure to ask if they were anything else they needed. Again, remember to smile and have a cheerful attitude.

It wasn't easy, but she seemed to adapt quickly. Tony followed her to help with a few orders. But all in all, her first day of work went well. She got some excellent tips that left her beaming when her dad picked her up. Her success was a testament to her determination and adaptability.

'So, how was your first day of work?' Bob inquired, to which Violet smiled, 'I think I'll do just fine as a waitress. But I can't help but worry about how my superhero duties might interfere. It's a delicate balance I'll have to maintain,' she confessed.

"Well, don't jinx yourself. Crime has decreased since the Supers were allowed to be public again. However, we still have to be careful. Plus, ensure we balance our normal lives with our hero ones."

"You and Mom already warned me that its not going to be easy. But I'll make it work!" Violet replied confidently.

'I'm sure you will, sweetheart,' as her father hugged her. 'Remember, we're here for you, both as your family and your biggest fans.'

Notes:

You've crafted a relatable and engaging story about Violet's first day at her new job, blending elements of everyday life with her superhero identity. Here are some thoughts on your piece:

Strengths:

Character Dynamics: Violet's interactions with her family, particularly her parents, feel authentic and realistic. Each character's personality shines through in dialogue and actions, adding depth to the story.

Character Development: Violet's growth and adaptation to her new role as a waitress are well portrayed. From her nervousness at the beginning to her confidence by the end of her shift, readers can see her progression.

Realism: You've effectively depicted the challenges and responsibilities of a first job and the supportive environment provided by Violet's family. This adds a layer of authenticity to the story and makes it relatable to readers.

Balance of Genres: By incorporating elements of slice-of-life and superhero genres, you've created a unique and compelling narrative that appeals to many readers.

Areas for Improvement:

Conflict Resolution: While the story focuses on Violet's first day at work, there isn't much conflict or tension to drive the narrative forward. Introducing a minor obstacle or challenge for Violet to overcome could add depth to the story and create a more engaging reading experience.

Description: Adding sensory details and descriptive language could help immerse readers in the setting and enhance their understanding of Violet's experiences. For example, describing the restaurant's sights, sounds, and smells could paint a more vivid picture for the reader.

Dialogue Variation: While the dialogue effectively conveys the characters' personalities and emotions, adding more variation in speech patterns and expressions could make it feel more dynamic and natural.

Foreshadowing: Hinting at potential conflicts or challenges related to Violet's dual identity as a superhero and a waitress could create anticipation and intrigue for future chapters or developments in the story.

Overall, you've created a charming and well-written story that explores responsibility, growth, and family support themes. With some tweaks to conflict resolution, description, dialogue variation, and foreshadowing, your story could become even more engaging and immersive. Keep up the great work!