Work Text:
One day that first spring of poison, I seized in my garden.
Caught as valiantly as Ginger Rogers
My surprise of tender green and blue sky and apple blossoms
so was close to Van Gogh’s flowers for his nephew
I got it
Seizing there beneath the trees, our reverse tango
I fought for breath and thought of everyone
Who fought and ran and screamed to catch the dying, living light
The moment the world ran green
Ruffled with a thousand flowers
Defiant yellow dancing across a hill
Tender blossoms against a blue sky for a new life.
Hope.
They ran toward light and green and hope.
I wrote about it.
Fought some more.
And some more.
And then
More.
(They always want more of my tattered soul.)
(Why?)
I have run my race. I have fought the good fight.
I have won my prize.
But.
I must wait.
I was given a branch of hope to sit on.
Thin.
Bendy.
In the heart-catch bite of winter, I must wait.
I was given a branch to sit on.
It is hard
I was given a branch of hope to sit on.
Bare.
Rough.
Always on the edge of pain.
Always on the edge of falling.
It feels dark out here.
It is hard.
I was given a branch to sit on.
Sometimes
my branch is in the stinging cold
Hand, legs numb though I can see the sky
caw back to ravens
I was given a branch to sit on.
It is hard
I was given a branch to sit on.
Sometimes my tree is not in the yard
Not in a forest
Not in anything my mind can weave at will
But
Crammed into
a cellar.
Shoved into
a coal bin, and
the metal clangs shut.
Why is my mouth filled with ash?
I was given a branch of hope to sit on.
Why, because I know
That when the world runs in Vincent’s colors again
We could blossom into hope
And help
And maybe in a few months more,
(Should the stars align?)
But in maybe half a year
(When is Limbo on the calendar?)
I will have the full measure of help.
To walk steady one day on my own
To look up and see that hope.
Maybe in a half a year.
They can untangle my brain from that accident that shattered my arm
From the junk code it left
And took the last decade away.
It is hard
I was given a branch of hope to sit on.
I was given a branch.
For half a year.
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