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Tubbo's voice shakes as he holds close the small dead body of who was once his child. Micheal. Oh, his sweet dear boy, cold to the touch; breathless. Grief overfills his entire body as he mourns for his entire family. Why must he be the remaining one alive out of his family members that deserve to live? Why can't the Gods treat him with mercy? They took everything from him! When he granted permission for his husband to work with the God of time, only to come back home missing memories and bits of himself, losing his sanity that he ended up taking his own life. Leaving him with their adopted son to take care of. He watched as his stepfather to fall in love with the God of War and time, only for him to end up cursed to solitude. He even prayed to them to grant his child protection! The Gods can't even do the simplest task of all.
Tubbo cries as he nuzzles his face to Michael's head of hair, hugging his limp body tightly. Ignoring the snow beneath his knees as it starts to burn from frost bite. Nothing could compare to the pain in his heart as he has lost his last remaining family member.
His only wish was for his child safety. Why must he, Tubbo Underscore-Beloved suffer a faith such as this? Suffer a faith worse than limbo, worse than death itself?
And he breathes in the cold air, alone in a world of selfish God's who ignores prayers of desperate people.
Tubbo was not one to be faithful to the Gods. It was always Tommy who gave everything and yet his life meant nothing even if he devoted himself to them. But he prayed to whatever Gods Tommy puts his faith on as he still begged for Michael to live.
"MY CHILD," He screams, body trembling in both the cold and in grief. Hoping to see his son open his eyes once more and continue to grunt out a conversation he does not understand. But as Tubbo continues to stare at Michaels face, he notices Michael's pink skin colour fading to something pale and his heart drops. Tubbo curling closer to Michaels body tight, "my baby," he cries softly, his heart deep into the cold realization. Michaels gone. He's gone and he's never coming back. A hand settled on his shoulder, and he screeched. Pulling Michael closer to him, expressing denial of letting Michael go. "No!" his voice raspy and desperate, "You can't! You will not take him away from me! Not now!" Tubbo cries, struggling to breathe through the grief. "Not ever..." he softly whines.
"Tubbo..." a cautious voice calls out to him. "GO AWAY!!" Tubbo screams." He cracks into more sorrowful sobs as he rocks Michael. Kissing his forehead and playing with his hair.
Phil watches as Tubbo clings to Michaels dead body smothering him in affection that Michael will no longer feel, Michael's blood covering both of them. Tears streaming down his face as he feels a phantom ghost of Wilburs body in his arms. He knows the unimaginable.
Quiet sobs continued, showing no signs of stopping. All Tubbo knows at this moment is grief. Nothing can help him escape from this abyss. Not even the ghost of his husband that watches in the air. When Tubbo was left with hiccups, Phil carefully attempts to pull Tubbo away from Michael and to his surprise, he did.
The poor boy must've accepted that there will be no God to answer his prayers.
Phil turns to look at Technoblade and gave a nod. Techno's face written with sorrow as he took Michaels dead body away to be buried. Tubbo sat there silent, tears falling as he succumbs himself to the void.
"Tubbo," Phil sniffs as he kneeled in front of the boy. Glancing at Tubbos face that was staring at his bloody hands, noticing his trembling. He lightly holds both hands to stir Tubbos attention away.
"Let's get you cleaned up alright?" Phils voice cracks as he slowly helps Tubbo stand up. Walking him to his cabin where Tubbo could get some heat to warm his frozen body and as they entered his home, Tubbo's sobs stopped, only leaving tears streaming down his face. Phil walks Tubbo to his couch in front of the fire and sits him there.
Tubbo stares at the fire, empty, numb. The sun has sets and it was blue outside, all he could feel is the emptiness of depression, the heavy dead weight of grief. And as he sits there, hearing background noises of Phil preparing a hot meal, he ponders. Voices of his lost love one's echoes in his ears and the memories flashed in his vision. As those memories disappeared, he had wished and prayed for a final time for the Gods to take him too. Hoping that when he dies, the pain dies along with his physical body, and he is reunited with his loved ones.
The sound of a bowl landed on the coffee table, cutting him from his thoughts, noticing Phil kneel in front of him once again. Phil gives him a light smile as he takes the bowl from the coffee table and towards him. Tubbo takes the bowl and places it on his lap, staring at the porridge. Phil rests his hand on Tubbos and smiles yet again once he knows Tubbos eyes are on his face.
"Tubbo?"
The cabin entrance door slowly opens. Niki's usual cold stare, replaced with a frowned confusion. She closes the door behind her and stands there, almost as stoic as Technoblade. The result of trauma she faced in the server. She turns to look at Technoblade, who came inside the house with her.
"I heard what happened," she starts, fidgeting with her fingers as she noticed that wasn't the greatest conversation starter as Michael's reported death hasn't even been longer than an hour.
Throughout her experiences in the server, she has known death. But she could not believe that the next in line would be a child, she felt sympathy for Tubbo. Knowing she has not only lost two but three people. She vaguely remembers Tommy and Ranboo, two important figures of Tubbos life. There was once a time where she had watched the boys enjoy their time as kids does but that time no longer exists.
Things had changed like the Tommy's empty shell after exile and Ranboo's enderwalk episodes. Shroud was still alive; lost but still alive. She could not believe Michaels dead. Niki walks closer to Tubbo and he looks away from her, staring back at the bowl on his lap.
"I'm sorry, I shouldn't have started with that." Niki pauses. Phil stands up, patting Tubbos shoulder before heading back into the kitchen. "I know its been tough—"
"You don't know shit." Tubbo says with conviction. Niki looks at him in shock, confused on why she was being cursed at. "Tubbo-" She tries again but Tubbo cuts her off by slamming the bowl on his lap onto the coffee table in front of him. "Where was this sympathy when Tommy died? When RANBOO died?" Tubbo glared at her and Niki winces. "You never cared. Get the fuck out," Niki tries to step closer, ready to argue but Technoblade holds her shoulder, she turned to look at him and watches as he shook his head. She sighs, she opens her mouth again to say something, but the front door opens once again, and slams shut.
Everyone in the room turned to look at the person who just walked in and there Quackity stood, nose red from the cold with empty but worried eyes. Tubbo looks at him in shock, seeing Quackity for the first time in years after his solitude. "Quack-"
"Leave us," Quackity commands with a deep voice, Niki leaving with a sigh and Technoblade following after. Tubbo takes his stepfathers appearance, unsure if what he is seeing is real.
Quackitys hair was long, a red beanie sat on top with a matching red scarf on his neck. His wings were full on display and although tattered, it looked the healthiest it has ever been.
"Quackity," Tubbo breathlessly calls out with wide eyes. Quackity quickly puts his bag down and quickly walks over to Tubbo, settling on sitting next to him on the couch.
"Tubbo," Quackitys voice filled with worry, taking his hands onto his on his lap. "It's been so long," Tubbo reminds and Quackity nods, "I know. I'm so sorry," Tubbo dismisses his apologies with a hug. "It's okay, it's okay," Tubbo tears up when Quackity hugs him back. "It's good to see you, little man," Quackity says with a smile and Tubbo chuckles wetly, the first smile he has made after finding Michael.
The let go of each other and Quackity notices a bowl of porridge and takes it, offering to spoon feed Tubbo, to which he didn't complain like he would in the past. They sat in silence for a while, Quackity feeding Tubbo who had no complaints and after he finished his food, Quackity slowly puts to bowl on the coffee table. They stare at each other for a moment before Quackity cut the silence. "How are you feeling?" Tubbo swallows and looks at him with sad eyes, "Like dying," Tubbo answered honestly.
Quackity nods with a sad smile, understanding. He reaches out Tubbo's hair and starts playing with it to provide comfort. Tubbo leans on his palm. "It'll pass," Quackity whispers and Tubbo tears up. They both experience different kinds of grief but the two understood each other very well. "Grief can be so burdening, but I promise you, little duckling. It will get better." Tubbo cries yet again, "What if it doesn't?" his voice cracks and Quackity had nothing to say.
But as he takes his hand and looks into his eyes, there's a quiet understanding between them. "It will, have faith," Quackity kisses his forehead. "My faith has died when the Gods did not hear my pleas," Quackity softly chuckles, "And yet here I am, still alive."
Tubbo scrunches his eyes as tears continue to fall and Quackity comfortingly hushes him. "Its going to be okay, alright?" he says as he brings Tubbo onto his chest, hugging him and patting him at the back. Tubbo wraps his arms around Quackity and holding tightly.
"Ok."
He simply says. Not sure if he believes him but he will try to have faith. Memories of Tommy's loud personality echoed in his head and Ranboos corny jokes, but voice filled with pride. Michaels little grunts of joy in the background as his hooves clapped onto each other. He mourns for what used to be and he cried harder onto Quackity's chest.
"Oh, little duckling."
Tubbo chokes on his sobs, tightening his grip. Quackity's tears fell as he hears the grief from his stepson's heart.
"The burdening grief would come to be comfortable in time. Memories would never hurt but would soon aid you. A broken heart is never truly broken for those who care." Quackity attempts to provide wisdom, "I can't live without them," Quackity lifts his face, staring at his eyes. "And I, with you," He smiles and Tubbo cries even more. Going back to nuzzling his face on Quackitys chest as he continues to comfort the grieving boy.
"I missed you too," Tubbo says with a smile and Quackity's eyes warmed. Standing up and taking the boy with him, wiping off his tears.
"Now, there are still people who worry about you," Quackity hints Tubbo at the other three in the cabin and Tubbo laughs, sniffs and wipes his eyes.
"Yeah, let's go," They both walked out of the living room and towards the kitchen where everyone is, hoping for a better future. Where grief has come of comfort than of agony.
And the memories of those who are lost remained easy in their hearts. Forever and always.