Work Text:
Kaito plays Peter Griffin
Meiko plays Lois Griffin
Rin plays Meg Griffin Megatron Griffin (Sorry)
Len plays Chris Griffin
Miku plays Stewie Griffin
Luka plays Brian Griffin
Gakupo plays Glenn Quagmire
Gumi plays Joe Swanson
Intro sonhg
Meiko: "It seems today that all you see
Is violence in movies and sex on TV."
Kaito: "But where are those good old-fashioned values..."
All: "On which we used to rely!
Lucky there's a family guy!
Lucky there's a man who
Positively can do
All the things that make us..."
Miku: "Laugh and cry!"
All: "He's! Our! Family guy!"
intro end
the camera cuts to the "griffins" house
cut to sofa as the credits fade in and out of the screen
len Rin and miku are seated on the sofa as they watch A Very Weak Father Let His Child Throw Tantrums Over Nothing (caillou)
Len: WOW THIS TV SHOW SUCKS!! I'm switching the channel!
Miku: "wat the deuce?! You fiend you shall NOT change my favorite channel!!
Len: "Why not?! It's so boring I can't take it anymore!!
Miku and Len fight over the remove as Rin watches silently
Luka walks in the room and breaks up the fight between Miku and Len "what the hell are you guys doing" Luka asks, "you guys are going to break the remote and your selvss" finishing her sentecne
"Hes trying to change the channel can you believe this son of a bitch"
Kaito walks into room wearing instead ofthe classic white button up and green pants\ hes wearing a stereotypical hunter costume that hegot at a discount at a halloween store
"oh look the Fat Man is here"miku says
"hello guys i am going to hunt for food with this very dull arrow and bow"" blankly staring at hs children who are veryclearly still fighting
meiko overhears and comes in
"you arent going out like tTHAT are you????????????????????????????????? you look ridiculous right now'''
kaito undressds himself
meiko: "wait what are you doing"
kaito: "you;re right i cant go out like that its not natural"
he leaves the door butt ass naked and then goes hunting
"SHUT UP RIN!!" the entire famly says"
rin: but i didnt do anyth--
the entire family coems together lifts rin up and throws her in the backyard
cue tohunting forest or whatever
gakupo and gumi are seenin a forest while kaito makes his way back with onyl a leaf covering his crotch
"hey guys im back look at this cool thing i got"
gakupo andgumi examine the cool thing kaito has jsutgotten
"Wow thats a cool thing""/ they bothexclaim
"check out this cheap hooker i found and skewered" gakupo starts to show off his catch very proud and confident
gumi lets out alooooong sigh "even for a police officer i couldnt find anything out of luck huh" she laughs at her statmenet and kaito and gakupo stare at her insilence
"haha you are handicapped" they laugh at gumis misfortune
"hey by the way you;re naked" gakupo ssays clearly talking to kaito
kaito: yeah wife problems
gakupo: ok
cue to len and rin school
rin is being severely bullied because she is supposed to be meg
len does nothing
at home cue it is night
meiko is seen getting ready for bed as kaito walks in
meiko: "you didnt seriously go out like that right"
kaito: what do you mean
kaito turns away from meiko and faces amirror
kaito: whys that guy over there naked
meiko: Thats your reflection
kaito: oh:"
cyue to mikus room
miku is Screaming because her mother is not reading her a bedtiem story
mikU: meiko meiko MEIKO MIEKO MEIKO MEIKO MOMMY MOTHER
luka overhears this and walks into the room
"miku wats going on you should be asleep by now"
miku: "i cant sleep right now wheres the woman i need her to read me a bedtime story"
luka: shes sleeping how about i give you a bedtime story
luka picks up a dictionary that was in the pile of books next to mikus bed and starts reading away
luka: did you know annual starts with "A"? it took 10 years to figure it out
miku: ok ive had enough nothing works
luka then decides to feed miku cyanide and then she falls sleep
cue to kaito and meiko bedroom
lukas mouth foams asshe stares at meiko wow it never gets old it is becoming a ritual
something about gakupo being typcial gleen quagmire
kaito falls down the staris (and breaks his neck severely)that meiko decides to poloish a classic and then strangles himself on accident
miku dies
gumi is in a wheelchair
rin runs away from home
len stays up at night in the kitchen waiting patiently for the magic man to bring some magic snacks
meiko is smoking hot
luka writes a shitty novel