Chapter Text
February 19, 2019
I acknowledge that I don't have some superpower. Today I had another lucid dream, but I know it's just a lucid dream. I acknowledge that it's a dream. I acknowledge that there is no superpower at play. I'm feeling better.
"If you keep an expression like that, how will others cheer up?" Seungcheol asks him, squeezing Jeonghan's arm with the hand Seungcheol has around him.
"Mhm" Jeonghan says, watching and listening as the snow crushes beneath his feet as they walk.
Two in the afternoon is the most random time to take a walk. But the snow has ceased to fall just then, and the wind is not as biting as it is on other times of the day. The crunchy snow and the afternoon breeze helps Jeonghan get rid of his hangover, but oh, Jeonghan is sad.
"You know you will meet them again," Seungcheol says. "They are going to come back, after all,"
"I know," Jeonghan says, sighing. "But once they come back, it won't be the same again. We— We had the perfect time period since August, no? All of us have been together for half a year, and it's been perfect, but now…"
"I understand…" Seungcheol mutters. He must be feeling sad too, after all.
The Boo, the Seok and the Soon are enlisting this year. Or rather, tomorrow itself. If taking in the trend for enlistment age among students, people born in 1997 should enlist, but because Booseoksoon are inseparable, Soonyoung had decided to wait an year and Seungkwan had decided to enlist an year earlier. Which is exactly at this time period. Jeonghan has himself experienced the enlistment, and he knows Booseoksoon cannot live without each other, so it makes sense. But ah! What about Jeonghan? Jeonghan is going to miss them so much. Not even one of them is going to be here. Jeonghan realizes he is acting like a father or mother, but honestly, it feels like Jeonghan's smile is going to the military.
Jeonghan groans and stops walking.
"It will be alright, Jeonghan-ah" Seungcheol says. Jeonghan doesn't reply, but bangs his head against Seungcheol's shoulder. "Trust me"
"I know," Jeonghan repeats, "But still. It's them. It's Joshua. Why does it feel like everything is falling apart?"
Joshua is not enlisting, of course, but Joshua is graduating this February. He had given a series of interviews at various schools, and finally got accepted into two of them. It's complicated to get a job with his foreign status, but he managed. Jeonghan is proud of him. Jeonghan is going to miss him. They are still staying in the same city, but aren't things changing too much?
"I understand," Seungcheol repeats as well. "I wish we could do something about it,"
"I know, right? At least Mingyu and the others are not going."
"Yeah,"
Mingyu, born in 1997, and Wonwoo and Jihoon, born in 1996, completed their military time before entering college. They were high school friends with Seungcheol, and while Seungcheol graduated, attended a year of college, and realized how disrupted his college time was going to be, advised them all to finish enlistment before entering college. Soonyoung became a friend in college, but if he had known them and had advice, would he have finished earlier as well? Jeonghan doesn't know. Maybe it was good only. Else, Booseoksoon would not have been formed.
Thinking of Soonyoung, Jeonghan's thoughts come to this other person now. "How's Jihoon doing?"
Seungcheol just sighs. Jeonghan sighs with him.
"It was really the perfect time for us to be together, wasn't it?" He muses.
Jeonghan is worried about Jihoon. He already has this habit of shutting away from other people, but now, he doesn't know what else will happen with Soonyoung leaving. He wishes he could help. But Jihoon is exactly like him, hesitant and stubborn at the same time. Sometimes he thinks they had the same situation before, but Jeonghan took a leap and his life has changed, but Jihoon is rooted on the same spot.
"Taking a leap…" Jeonghan mutters, and then pulls his mobile from his pocket. "Taking a leap…"
"Mhmm?"
Jeonghan has hung out with Jihoon for months now. They stay in the studio, or listen to songs, or talk about whatever interests them, so Jeonghan has almost forgotten one of their first conversations ever.
'What…can we do about it though? How do you overcome such personal barriers? It’s not the same as diving in a pool, then how?'
With time, Jeonghan has realized that this was about Soonyoung. This was about Jihoon not being able to take a step towards Soonyoung, because of his own personal issues. And what had Jeonghan replied? That he didn't know. He really didn't. But now, remembering this conversation, and remembering what he himself did two months back, Jeonghan knows a reply now.
He texts Jihoon: Jihoon-ah, it's alright if you don't reply to me but please read this. Remember we had a conversation a few months back? About the fear of diving in the pool and how it's different from the fear of… you know… the fear due to personal barriers? I think I have found the answer.
"What are you typing?" Seungcheol says, peeping into his mobile.
"No!" Jeonghan shouts, sending the message and wriggling away, "Don't look!"
"Okay okay sheesh," Seungcheol says, backing away and deciding to loiter behind as Jeonghan types.
By this time, the yellow '1' in the message disappears, indicating that Jihoon has read the message, and is patiently waiting for him to continue. Jeonghan can picture him right now, in the studio, nursing a hangover as he tries thinking about the enlistment. Yesterday, when they celebrated Seokmin and Hansol's (and Chan's belated) birthday, Jihoon had been off, despite it being a joyful occasion. Of course he was off. Jeonghan was off too, but he didn't show. Jihoon had left early in the morning then, ready to hide in the university studio, and Jeonghan had not thought of him since.
Thumbs hovering over the keyboard, Jeonghan wonders how to word it. Then he decides, fuck it.
Just leap. It's not the same, but it's the same. Be it diving into a pool, or a person, just leap. If fate is with you, it will work out. That's all I can say.
Because that is what happened with Jeonghan.
Sending this, he sees the little '1' disappear almost immediately. Considering his job is done, Jeonghan locks his phone.
"Are you done with your secret talk?" Seungcheol asks, and Jeonghan rolls his eyes. He can feel the pout before he sees it.
"Yes~" Jeonghan replies, turning to him.
"Quite cheerful, aren't we? Weren't you moping around a few minutes back?" Seungcheol deadpans, approaching him and then deciding to bypass him and continue the walk.
"Yah!" Jeonghan calls, catching up and slotting his arm into Seungcheol's. "It was a secret!"
"There's no secret about Jihoon that I won't know about"
Jeonghan rolls his eyes. "So you saw who it was."
"That's not an answer. What were you telling Jihoon?"
Jeonghan stays silent. Of course, everyone and their mothers (except Soonyoung) know about this situation, but that's not why Jeonghan won't show the chat to Seungcheol. Seungcheol is not this nosy actually, in his defense, but considering how Jihoon must be doing right now, Seungcheol must just be worried. Jeonghan can bet that Seungcheol must have sent messages to Jihoon this morning only for them to be left unread.
"He's not responding," Jeonghan says. A white lie. Jihoon reading his messages is enough of a response.
"Oh… that kid, honestly," Seungcheol mutters.
Jeonghan doesn't show the chat because of some other reason. If Jeonghan scrolls even three messages up in Jihoon's chat, everything will be out in the open. That secret will be in the open. That one.
Jeonghan knows this is not an optimal time for teasing Seungcheol but hey, serotonin! "But I won't tell you about it anyway~"
"What do you mean?" Seungcheol says, narrowing his eyes.
Jeonghan smiles at him. "It's a secret between me and Jihoon that I won't tell you. Only you!"
Seungcheol frowns, then pouts. "Tell me,"
"Nope,"
"Tell me, Jeonghan-ah"
"Nope"
"Tell—"
—Jeonghan slaps his head upside and runs off, stomping his feet into the snow.
"What the fuck, Yoon Jeonghan?" Seungcheol yells behind him, "Jeonghan-ah, wait, you little shit!"
Jeonghan waddles forward, slowed down by the snow. Great.
"Yoon Jeonghan the bane of my existence— Argh!"
Jeonghan turns back in alarm, worried because of Seungcheol's scream.
Seungcheol has stopped on his tracks, and is rubbing his nose. There is some paper in his hand and Jeonghan suddenly sees some kids waddling towards him from afar.
Seems like a paper plane has smacked Choi Seungcheol right on the face!
"Yah! Kids, is this a place or time to fly this around?" Seungcheol hollers and Jeonghan successfully runs away.
[Patient name: Yoon Jeonghan
Age: 25
Occupation: Student
YJHSession17.mp3
Jeonghan: So that was a grand average of five hours. Much better sleep than last week!
Dr. Kara: Good! Progress is good! Don't focus on absolute numbers, if it's better, it's better.
Jeonghan: Yes, seonsaengnim.
Dr. Kara: What else is up with you? Any updates?
Jeonghan: Sigh… just, my three friends are packing up for the military. And Joshua has yet to decide which school to join. Else… Seungcheol gave me a lego set for Valentine's!
Dr. Kara: Oh! Exciting! What did you give him?
Jeonghan: Free massage passes!
Dr. Kara: Oh! From where?
Jeonghan: From me! Made by me! Then he started pouting.
Dr. Kara: …Rightfully so.
Jeonghan: Don't judge me! It was a prank! Then I gave him his real present! A beautiful pair of earrings. He loved it!
Dr. Kara: Your ways… I swear, your ways…
Jeonghan: Don't judge me! You're my doctor, seonsaeng-nim! I'm supposed to trust you!
Dr. Kara: Okay, okay, my bad. As long as your boyfriend doesn't mind.
Jeonghan: Of course. You know the other gift for him? I'm going to give it to him on his birthday… but I have run my lyrics through Jihoonie. Gosh, even six months aren't enough for me.
Dr. Kara: The song you have told me nothing about?
Jeonghan: Yes! Are you pouting, seonsaeng-nim?
Dr. Kara: Maybe. At least tell me what it is about— stop shrugging and stop teasing me!
Jeonghan: Sorry, sorry. Hmm… okay… it's about… him
Dr. Kara: Hopefully, if it's a gift for him, you won't write about Joshua, right?
Jeonghan: Anyways. It's about him… and me.
Dr. Kara: You are blushing!
Jeonghan: I! Shush! It's about… um, it's sort of like a thank you song… and about our time together? Like… waking up together… afternoon walks… and all that?
Dr. Kara: Aww
Jeonghan: And uh… just… me… wondering if it's all true? Like whether I'm dreaming or all these moments with him are actually happening? That's about it.
Dr. Kara: Aww… What have you named the song?
Jeonghan: It's… hehe
Dr. Kara: Stop giggling! Tell me~
Jeonghan: It's…
Dr. Kara: It's?
Jeonghan: Dream! ]