Chapter Text
Keigo felt absolutely terrible.
There he was, in the middle of a diner, having just been told off by his ex-boyfriend.
It served him right, though. Everything, from Touya’s words, to the man’s voice, to the way he looked at him, burned into his memory, branding the flesh of his heart and soul.
This isn’t what he wanted at all.
He didn’t want Touya to just be a dying memory for him. One that was distant, inevitably lost. Touya was always something more than that to him.
Touya was tender mornings spent in bed, laced with soft kisses and sweltering bodies pressed against one another. Touya was a calm voice that constantly reassured him and pacified his undying, racing mind. Touya was a good movie and a bucket of fried chicken after a bad day. Touya was a life that Keigo never would’ve thought he would yearn after.
Touya was the other half that completed him. Touya was his normal.
Why did Keigo ever try fooling himself?
He spent all this time running. Running from something he wanted, deeply, but was too afraid to take. Running from the one person that made him happy, and for what?
He was a coward. A sell-out. Nothing that the screaming fans or ass-kissing news outlets had made him out to be.
He wasn’t a role model. He was simply a selfish mess.
And it was time to give up the act.
X
Keigo took a deep breath as he stepped towards the front door of Touya’s apartment. He knocked, twice. Nobody answered. He knocked again, a bit more persistent this time.
He quietly sighed, pressing his ear up against the door only to hear the faintest sound of footsteps shuffling nearby.
He knocked again, but this time, he spoke. “I know we’re not talking, but I need to grab my stuff, and then I’ll be on my way out.”
He heard a scoff, but successfully, the doorknob turned and there stood Touya.
Keigo stepped in, and without a word, Touya turned around and began trudging upstairs towards his bedroom. But before he could take his second step, the blond latched his hand onto his wrist and stopped him.
Touya didn’t look at him, but he also didn’t try to pull away from him.
Keigo took another deep breath.
“Please. Listen?”
Finally, he felt Touya’s eyes slowly gravitate towards him, and with a sudden jerk, he tugged himself out of Keigo’s grip. The blond felt as if a dagger was being held to his own heart.
Touya grunted, “Sit down.” and Keigo’s breathing could steady itself again.
They both sat down near the dining table, at each end, facing one-another. Keigo twiddled his thumbs in his lap, worrying his bottom lip between his teeth.
He cleared his throat.
“I know I haven’t been— the greatest person to you.” he started. Touya arched a brow at him with a gaze that went ice cold.
Keigo reiterated, “Okay, I haven’t been a great person to you.”
Touya’s eyes softened.
“I’m inconsiderate, I’m greedy, and you absolutely have every right to hate my guts.” he continued.
A fond smile spread across Keigo’s face, “But, one thing that I wanna say is…” he paused, leveling his gaze with Touya’s,
“…Thank you.”
He could see the crack in the raven’s stone cold expression. The way his eyes widened, blinking at him in confusion.
And, without even realizing it, Keigo could finally breathe again. The blond leaned back in his chair and proceeded to speak.
“You know, I always blamed you for everything. For our fights, for the break up— I always told myself that it was you who left me. You were always the one that gave up on us.”
Keigo clenched his jaw, then relaxed it. He shook his head,
“But that was so far from the truth.” he said, exhaling a wet chuckle. “You always supported me. You were always the one who would take me to my auditions, and always welcomed me back after I had totally bombed every single one of them.”
He squeezed his eyes shut with a wince as he recalled that memory, his smile widening as he heard the whisper of a chuckle come from Touya.
He opened his eyes back up to see the man desperately trying to mask his smile and terribly failing at it. “Remember when we hauled my giant ass keyboard across the entire city because your car was getting repaired and we had no money for a taxi?”
“Yeah, and it started raining halfway through.” Touya tacked on, “—Which made you freak out and we ran into the nearest café we could find. Then the owner got pissed that we tracked so much mud in, so you decided to play live music as payment.”
Keigo laughed, “It worked though! I remember he tried hiring me after that, but I had to tell him the commute would be too long.”
The pair wistfully sighed, remembering the day like it was yesterday. That was before everything had happened. Before Keigo got the call that would change not just his life, but Touya’s as well.
“Hey, Takami!”
Keigo popped his head out from behind a shelving unit at the sound of his manager’s voice. They had just gotten a new shipment of produce in and like usual, he was the one in charge of making sure they got to their respective places safely.
He blinked as she pointed towards the wall phone with a puzzled expression.
“You have a call from someone. They said something about Commission Entertainment, I think?”
Keigo’s eyes widened and he nearly knocked over a box from how fast he sped towards the phone.
“Hello?”
“Hi! Is this Keigo Takami?”
“Yeah.”
“Wonderful! So glad I could get a hold of you! I’m a recruiter here at Commission Entertainment— Not sure if you’ve heard of us—”
As if they weren’t the number one idol agency in the country. Birthing legend after legend, dominating every avenue of the arts from modeling, to music, and even acting.
“—We saw a video of you performing in a coffee shop and would love to offer you a deal.”
A million dollars.
A million dollars was all it took.
To abandon his friends, and the one he cared about the most. To sell his soul in exchange for a dream.
“The point is, I wouldn’t be here without you.” Keigo said, “You’ve done… so much for me. So much for us. And I just— left you once I got to the top.”
Keigo looked at Touya with the most sincerity he’s had towards anyone in years. His heart ached at the sight of him, but he felt the beginnings of a closing wound.
“So… yeah. I know it’s been long overdue, but thank you. For everything.”
The blond slowly rose up from his chair, and the ground beneath his feet no longer felt like it was trying to swallow him whole. His heart was finally healing from the war that everyone called love, and it would continue to, for the rest of his life. Except now, he was okay with shouldering the burden, both the good and the ugly parts of it.
His shoes echoed as he stepped through the silent apartment, picking up his bag and any scattered belongings that may have been floating around any surfaces. He was cleaning up his own mess, as he should.
And right as he was about to leave, standing in the doorway, he looked over his shoulder towards Touya, still sitting at that dinner table.
A moment passed where they just stared at each other,
“And I know you’re not the biggest fan of apologies, but I’m sorry for being a terrible boyfriend.” Keigo said with a wretched glint in his eyes.
Closing the door felt a lot like him closing a chapter in his life. He wished he could’ve done it all differently. If he could go back in time, he would rewrite every single event with a steady hand. But he couldn’t. And he would just have to live with that.
At least he knew that, maybe in another life, they both got their happy endings. And that would forever propel him into this next chapter. One that seemed brighter. And one that he was in control of.
As Keigo got in his car and turned on the engine, he winced as a ray of sunlight beamed right over his eyes, shielding himself from any further damage. Then, he carefully backed out of his parking spot, and was on the open road yet again. Just like how he started this journey.
“Hey Siri, send a message to Rumi.”
I’m on my way. Be there in a little under two hours.
X
Keigo parked in the driveway of Rumi’s family home, completely spent from enduring all the traffic on the way there.
He was expecting it to be bad, but not that bad. People are crazy. Switching in and out of lanes, honking, tailgating, he’s surprised nobody just straight up crashed into each other out of impatience.
He ran his hand over his tired face and yawned. He did a lot today, and the day wasn’t even over yet. Maybe he could sneak in a power nap or something, Rumi is always telling him he should get more sleep—
“KEIGO!!” A voice from outside his car captured his attention. He looked up and there was Rumi, waving frantically in the doorway of her house, as if she wasn’t in clear view from his car window.
Keigo felt a grin spread across his face, and he immediately unbuckled his seatbelt and got out of his car.
But before the two of them could embrace each other in a hug where Rumi would squeeze every last bit of air out of Keigo and Keigo would wheeze in excruciating pain, another voice interrupted them.
“Keigo!”
The blond turned around, and saw Touya sprinting towards him from across the street of the small cul-de-sac.
And for some reason, Keigo found himself meeting him right in the middle.
Touya’s arms felt desperate, as did his. As if neither of them felt that this was reality. Keigo buried his nose into the crook of the raven’s neck and breathed him in. Touya held him tight, like he was going to slip out at any given second. But he couldn’t. He didn’t want to.
“You’re a fucking asshole, you know that?” Touya muttered into his ear. Keigo let out a noise between a sob and a chuckle, pulling his face away from Touya’s neck to run his gaze over the man.
“Why did you come here?” he asked.
“Felt like it.” Touya answered, “Besides, did you really think I would let you walk out on me like that again? Especially after hearing you say all of that shit? I’m still pissed at you.”
“Huh?”
“Yeah, you were terrible. You’ve used me, you’ve lied to me, you’ve said the most unforgivable shit ever—”
“I don’t get your point here. Did you just come here to keep telling me how shitty I am?”
“No.” Touya said, pulling him closer. “I wanna tell you that you’re more than that. And I guess— Give my own thanks as well.”
Keigo tried pulling away again so he could look at Touya, but the taller male held him flush against him, sternly.
“As horrible as you were, you still showed me how it felt to be loved.” Touya continued, “And you were nothing but persistent.”
Keigo rolled his eyes at that one. “I had to be. I could barely get a word out of you the first month we knew each other.”
“Yeah, you annoyed the shit out of me.” Touya replied, “But, as time went on. You really started to grow on me, and before I knew it—”
He paused, finally pulling away from Keigo to look the blond straight in the eyes. “I had fallen for an idiot.”
Keigo jutted his bottom lip out in a pout, letting out a small whine as he tugged Touya back against him.
“I thought you hated me.”
“I could never really hate you. You should know that.”
“So, what does this mean?”
Touya paused for a second, “Whatever you want it to mean.”
And now it was Keigo’s turn to stop and think.
“…I wanna try this again. Us.” he said.
“Hmm.” Touya hummed, tracing his thumb along the nape of Keigo’s neck. “What was that?”
Keigo tilted his head up, brushing his nose against Touya’s as those teal eyes melted him from the inside out.
“I wanna be with you, Touya.” he emphasized, “I can’t do this without you.”
Touya smiled, raising one of his hands up to gently cup the side of Keigo’s face. “Selfish.” he stated.
Keigo chuckled, “Looks like I haven’t changed after all, huh?”
Touya shook his head. “No, you have.” he murmured, leaning down to capture the blond’s lips with his own.
The kiss in reality was quite short. But it felt like it went on for hours in each of their minds. Setting off spark after spark, welding their hearts together with ease. And as they pulled away from one another, it only left them wanting more.
“You wanna try this out again?” Touya asked.
“As long as you’re willing to try, then I’ll give it my best shot.” Keigo replied, “And then, realize my best isn’t enough and succeed past that.”
Touya scoffed, “You just being you is more than enough.” He embraced Keigo again in another hug. “You’re not worried about what your agency might do?”
“I can fight for us.” Keigo said with the utmost calmness. “I’ve been with them long enough that it’d be a bad move on them to try and mess with me. After all, I’m one of their most successful projects.”
Touya groaned, “God. Don’t call yourself a project. You’re a fucking human , with a life and feelings.”
Keigo laughed, “Yeah, yeah. I guess.”
“You guess ?!”
“Pffft— I know, I know. Okay, god. It was a joke.”
“Yeah, but still! You know, you have to stop letting those assholes control you so much…”
Rumi leaned against the frame of the door, watching the two bicker and banter with one another. She had a small, knowing smile on her face as they made their way back to Keigo’s car, arguing about who’s gonna drive. Touya had the winning argument, considering that he caught Keigo mid-yawn during their conversation and enticed him with a nap on their ride back.
Rumi’s mother shuffled up right beside her, shivering as she held a blanket tight around her frame. “Is Keigo coming inside? It’s freezing out here.” she asked, becoming even more confused as she heard the roar of a car engine and wheels rolling out of their driveway.
Rumi turned towards her mother and shook her head.
“Actually, I don’t think he’s gonna make it for Christmas this year.”