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Beautiful Cinnamon Roll Too Good For This World, Too Pure
 SCOTTSDALE, AZ—Citing the pastry’s sublime, inviting aroma and the alluring glint reflecting off its glaze, sources confirmed Thursday that a beautiful cinnamon roll was simply too pure for this world, too perfect. “Look at this angelic confection. Never in my life have I laid eyes on such an immaculate swirl, nor glimpsed a crust as delectably golden brown in hue,” exclaimed bakery customer Kristen Garding before realizing that perhaps such a flawless, delicate work of art was not meant for this earthly realm. “Alas, we toil in far too cold and dark a world for such cinnamoned purity as this, such perfection, whose rich, buttery brilliance conjures the divine.” As of press time, the cinnamon roll had been purchased along with a medium cup of coffee. |
This is the story after the newspaper article (2 columns).
(Original article from The Onion)
This is the story before the newspaper article (3 columns).
I Came, I Saw, I Ate Bacon
 Bacon ipsum dolor amet brisket spare ribs flank ham pork belly, corned beef leberkas meatloaf. Filet mignon sausage swine ball tip meatloaf t-bone andouille drumstick. Pig doner jerky kielbasa tri-tip sausage. Brisket meatloaf swine landjaeger kielbasa boudin venison cupim alcatra drumstick chicken pig pork chop beef ball tip.Salami venison pastrami turducken fatback sausage alcatra meatball cupim t-bone landjaeger. Corned beef landjaeger jerky tail. Pig ground round chuck pork belly frankfurter short ribs alcatra flank landjaeger leberkas andouille shankle cow pork loin. Porchetta shoulder leberkas kielbasa, pork loin frankfurter ribeye pastrami venison shank. Brisket kielbasa ground round pork pig. Ground round frankfurter spare ribs pork belly fatback swine pancetta turkey tail venison shoulder corned beef doner. Pastrami frankfurter cupim andouille alcatra short loin. Pork belly tri-tip shankle meatball kielbasa t-bone brisket flank. Pork loin meatloaf rump tail, picanha strip steak doner ham hock andouille pork chop pork belly kevin sirloin chuck capicola. Bresaola cupim shankle beef ribs kevin leberkas kielbasa fatback. Landjaeger meatloaf doner venison sausage chicken short ribs ham pork pastrami shank kevin. |
This is the story after the newspaper article (3 columns).
(Text provided by the Bacon Lorem Ipsum Generator)
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