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Kiana wanted peace and quiet. Despite the past few months, it had been anything but peace. On the one hand, she had the herrscher of the void, constantly looming over her and always on the verge of taking over her body. One slip-up from Kiana could spell the death for her friends… like what happened with Himeko. The other consciousness with her would be the class monitor… She betrayed her to Otto. Kiana isn’t that angry toward her anymore, but it is still difficult for her to trust Fu Hua.
Oh, how she misses Mei…. Her heart and body ached from the loneliness Kiana had to endure. It had already been almost three months since she last saw her, but this was for the best… Everyone would be safer if they were not with her….
Kiana laid down on the bed and tried to shut her eyes to sleep despite knowing she wouldn’t get any decent sleep. The Herrscher of Void made sure of that. There was knocking coming from her hideout door as Kiana quickly stood up on her feet. She couldn’t even afford a moment of rest…
She peeked through the hole to see who it was, and her heart almost dropped. Raiden Mei was standing outside the door. How was she able to find her that quickly?! Kiana made sure this hideout was well-hidden. It was an abandoned Schicksal base on the outskirt of Arc City. She had thought about meeting Mei a thousand ways but was unprepared to reunite with her in person.
“No… I can’t face her….” She turned to leave. Kiana couldn’t risk her loved ones getting hurt because of her.
"Don't even try to leave this time." Mei's voice spoke up, and Kiana could hear her making her way toward the entrance to the hideout. “Try to leave, and I'll hunt you down again."
It was Mei. She did come for her, although her fear of losing control overwhelmed her. “No, stay away from me, Mei!” Kiana raised her voice as she opened the window, climbed out of it, hoping to get to the roof, and ran from there.
‘Kiana, you should go to her. She can help.’ Kiana ignored Fu Hua’s words. Not because she detested her but because her fear blocked out her words.
"I'm not leaving you this easily!"Mei yelled and chased after her.
Kiana did her best to lose Mei trailing her. She jumped down from the roof and went through the alleyways. She was more familiar than Mei with her way around here.
"Kiana, all I want to do is help you out! I promise no one else knows I'm here!" Mei continued to yell. "Please don't leave me again..."
Kiana bent down behind one of the trash containers to catch her breath. She hoped Mei would give up and leave her alone to save herself from danger. She was prepared to say crueler words if that is what it took for her to leave her be. I’m sorry, Mei….
"This isn't all on your shoulders, idiot!” Mei shouted.
‘You can easily leave her and keep her safe if you use your power,’ The herrscher whispered in her mind.
‘I won’t be running away like this if it wasn’t for you!’ Kiana snapped back, trying to silence the voice.
Even the slightest tap of her power could cause her to lose herself. The drifter stood up and began to try to move farther away from Mei. It was beginning to rain as Kiana ran through the streets. Was the current weather affected by Mei’s emotions or was the sky crying for both of them?
"Idiot!"Mei was quickly catching up to Kiana. The void drifter was caught off guard by fast as she was tackled to the ground.
"Please, stop running!" Mei shouted.
“Ah!” Kiana fell to the ground as Mei tackled her. She noticed the past few months hadn’t been kind to Mei either. Kiana turned away from her, covering her own eyes. She was too ashamed to face her directly. “Why… Mei… just leave me alone, please… I’m begging you…” She pleaded. Tears were streaming down her face, although the rain washed it away.
"And sit on the sidelines while I force myself to watch you push yourself, Kiana?! I don’t want to be useless! Please… I just want to help…" Kiana didn’t expect Mei to release all of the thoughts that had been tormenting her mind… It must have been bothering her a lot…
“You shouldn’t blame yourself…. I’m the one who screwed everything up… I made everything worse… Miss Himeko…. she….” Kiana still couldn’t bring herself to say it. No, Himeko must be alive, sleeping somewhere…. She couldn’t be… Her last memory of her was her lifeless body plunging through the Imaginary Space…
“She died because of me! Himeko died because of me!” She finally admitted it. The grim truth stabbed her heart every time she was reminded her own hands did it. “What if I lose control and kill you, Mei?! What then?! I can’t bear that thought…” She continued to cry harder. Kiana had never felt that powerless… She was more terrified of herself than anything. “Maybe I should just kill mys-
A slap stung Kiana’s face as Mei held the collar of her clothes. "She died… trying to save you, Kiana! So please stop trying to throw away your life like that! You saved me on that day, and now I want to be the one to help you. Please…” Her voice was quickly beginning to break up from the tears alone, leaving Kiana uncertain what to do… Mei’s safety was her top priority, but she would always be in danger as long she was with her.
“But it’s always the people closest to me… First, it was my old man, then Miss Himeko, do I have to see you sacrifice yourself for me too? I’m getting tired of seeing my close ones sacrificing themselves!” Kiana didn’t want to see that anymore… She was supposed to be a Kaslana that protects others from danger… It made sense now she learned she was simply a clone of a girl named Kiana Kaslana…
"I don't know…" Mei shut her eyes and shook her head, "I just want to live a normal life with everyone..." Her body collapsed on top of Kiana’s with sobbing, still heard along with a voice that continued to break with the tears. "I don't want to be alone anymore...."
In the past, Kiana would have immediately hugged Mei to comfort and reassure her but did she even have the right to? Could she hug Mei as she used to after all she had done as the Herrscher of Void? She was afraid of even touching her, fearing she could harm her. Kiana had no clue how long she would have control of this body before the herrscher would take over again. She remained silent, shaking from the cold and her emotions overwhelming her.
It took half a minute for Mei to get off of Kiana. "Just let me stay with you this time...at least I can help or care for you." Kiana slowly sat up, and Mei looked away, knowing what answer to expect already.
"I'll leave you alone if you want me to go..."Mei offered a choice for her, with her tone now quiet.
Kiana remained silent for a moment. She wanted Mei to be away from her, but she was uncertain. “I don’t know…” She admitted, but the class monitor was right. She couldn’t pretend nothing had happened. “I can’t put you in danger again, Mei. It’s best if you go…” She felt horrible for saying that to someone who sincerely cared for her, but this was for the best.
"If...that's what you want...then fine..."Mei mustered up that sentence and stood up from where she was sitting, and began walking away, the rain didn't make it better. Watching Mei turning her back on her, it felt like someone had twisted a knife into her heart.
“Mei…” Kiana whispered to herself and raised her hand toward her back when she walked away. She stopped herself. She wanted nothing more than to grab her hand and apologize, begging her to stay with her. She wanted to say the pain of being lonely was unbearable.
It hurt so much that Kiana wished to tear out her heart instead. Tears rose in her eyes again, and she fell to her knees. She cried, but no matter how many tears she shed, the pain didn’t get any better.
“I am stupid for listening to you…when you hardly listen to me.” Kiana looked up at her. “Mei…” She still came back for her even after she pushed her away. She didn’t deserve Mei. The tears still wouldn’t stop, but it was for a different reason this time.
Was it alright for her to be selfish this once to be with her again? At least even for a bit. “I'm sorry... I’m sorry for saying all those terrible things… Please stay with me for a bit. Don’t leave me. I can’t bear being alone…” Kiana felt vulnerable, but at the same time, it was relieving that she didn’t have to put up a tough act all the time…
"I won't leave your side this time...even if you try to get me to leave," Mei reassured and wrapped her arms around Kiana tightly. "Let's get out of the rain, okay?" For the first time in months, Kiana felt warmth, something she desperately needed after all these months.
“Yeah,” Kiana nodded. Times may be tough for them, but perhaps they could get through it together.