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Xie Lian sits in the director’s office at his art gallery job, and wonders if perhaps he has finally cracked and taken things too far.

He’s not done anything wrong, no. He’s not here for a disciplinary, or for any inappropriate behaviour at work, no, he’s just going through the perfectly normal process of having his vacation days signed off.

Completely normal.

“Are you going anywhere nice, Xie Lian?” She asks, inputting his days into the system as he sits in the chair and tries not to look incredibly suspicious. She pulls up Hua Cheng’s calendar right after, and inputs the same days.

“Ah, we haven’t booked it yet. It’s a surprise, so please don’t mention it to him.” She doesn’t notice how his smile is tight and a little guilty, and her own smile is gentle when she hands him back his request form.

“A romantic getaway then? What a lovely plan for Christmas.” 

Yes, Xie Lian thinks, a lovely romantic getaway that he plans to spring upon his best friend and his roommate, who everyone thinks he’s dating. A misconception, of course, because only in his greatest fantasies is he dating Hua Cheng, but he’s not above using that misconception if it scores him points when he’s trying to get them both approved for vacation days. 

After all, I’m taking my boyfriend on a surprise trip for Christmas sounds a lot more romantic than I want to take my best friend away for a week and see if I can finally seduce him whilst we're there.

She hands him the form that Xie Lian filled out for Hua Cheng as well, both of them signed off with her signature, and Xie Lian tucks them into his laptop case with a smile. She waves him away with a comment on how they’re so cute and she hopes they have a lovely Christmas, and Xie Lian shuts the door behind him with a guilty exhale, his heart pounding in his chest.

Now he’s got a rural cabin to book, and ruse to come up with to convince Hua Cheng to go with him on a Christmas break.

How did he get here?

Well.

They’ve known each other for years now, since Xie Lian first got his job at the art gallery, and Hua Cheng was interning there before he went to college. Xie Lian had been twenty-three, Hua Cheng eighteen, but they’d clicked instantly, and have been joined at the hip ever since.

They’d moved in together when Hua Cheng finished college three years later, after Xie Lian’s landlord had evicted him and he’d had no other place to go, and Hua Cheng had offered to sublet him the spare bedroom in his apartment. They’d somehow managed to become even closer then, especially when Hua Cheng became the official artist-in-residence for the art gallery, meaning they could commute into work together, and often finished at similar times too. 

They rarely see each other at work, but that is simply a side effect of being in two completely separate departments. Xie Lian is the art and sculpture conservator, whilst Hua Cheng has his own private studio on the other end of the site.

And this is what helps Xie Lian understand.

See, years ago, when Hua Cheng had left college and Xie Lian had moved in, Xie Lian had asked Hua Cheng if he’d had any significant other who would be put out by Xie Lian’s presence in the apartment. Hua Cheng had confidently told him that his beloved wouldn’t mind, and, well.

Xie Lian has spent years agonising over that ever since.

Because it only took a few weeks of living together for him to realise that he was totally, utterly, head over heels in love with Hua Cheng.

And he’d stewed over it, this mysterious beloved, tried to find out information without trying to make it obvious that he was jealous. He must have succeeded, though Hua Cheng was and remains incredibly vague about this person’s identity.

But the thing is, Xie Lian may lack his own self confidence, and he may have spent years devastatingly disappointed that Hua Cheng loved someone else, but he’s not actually as unobservant as some people seem to think.

And oh, how he has observed.

(And really, can he blamed? Hua Cheng is just so beautiful, even if he doesn’t think it, and he’s the sweetest, kindest person Xie Lian knows, even if he’s a menace to everyone else. How could he not have fallen in love with him?)

So far, these are the facts that Xie Lian knows.

One, Hua Cheng has a beloved who he has loved for several years now, but whose identity he is keeping secret.

Two, that Hua Cheng has admitted he is yet to win this beloved over, but that he’s trying.

Three, Hua Cheng almost literally does not spend time with anyone other than Xie Lian.

He’d asked about this, about a year after he’d learned about Hua Cheng’s beloved, but Hua Cheng had brushed the question off, confidently saying that his beloved would not mind. 

But there are only so many hours in a day. They leave the apartment together every day, arrive home together, cook dinner together, walk the dogs and settle down for the night together, sit on the sofa all night together. Occasionally, he leaves to go out with Yin Yu and He Xuan, but he texts Xie Lian through the night, and there’s no way he’s lying about who he’s out with because Shi Qingxuan always ends up visiting Xie Lian whilst her boyfriend is out with Hua Cheng. He may have a beloved he’s trying to win over, but he’s not actually doing anything to win them, if what Xie Lian has observed is correct. Hua Cheng turns his phone off when he gets home, so he’s hardly texting or emailing them, and when they’re at work he rarely leaves his studio.

When he does, he’s always found in the gallery’s cafe with Xie Lian.

So, either Hua Cheng has a beloved that he’s not actually making much of an effort to win over, or…

…or -and Xie Lian has really, genuinely struggled to think of this possibility without rebuking himself for being big-headed and hopelessly optimistic - Xie Lian is Hua Cheng’s beloved.

And so, Xie Lian has spent the last six months really watching Hua Cheng, ever since he got the inkling that it could be him.

He’s almost certain that it is.

He can see it in every interaction that they share, in the cool evening walk home from the gallery, when Hua Cheng checks his scarf is pulled tight and his top button is pushed through, how he makes Xie Lian wear his scarf if Xie Lian has left his at home. 

He thinks he can see it in the way Hua Cheng smiles at him on a Sunday morning, when he’s brewing their coffee and Xie Lian has burnt the toast again, or in how every meal is made for two. It’s in the mid-morning text when Hua Cheng has seen something funny or something that he thinks Xie Lian would like, or in the soft fleece of the blanket Hua Cheng wraps around him when he falls asleep on the sofa.

He sees it in the way Hua Cheng has only one photo on his desk in his office at the art gallery, and it’s not even a photo of the two of them, no, it’s a summer photo of Xie Lian kneeling down at the local duck pond, grinning at the camera as a swan eats some salad leaves from his palm.

Xie Lian has seen it all, a hundred daily acts that are so tender and domestic, that he knows are the little ways Hua Cheng shows his love. There aren’t enough hours in the day for him to do even half of what he does for Xie Lian for anyone else.

It has to be him, and Xie Lian knows he has to try and do something about it. They’re on the precipice of something greater, something new and beautiful and wholly theirs, but Hua Cheng will likely never take the first step if he’s certain Xie Lian is happy with how things are.

And so, Xie Lian starts to plan.

He tries to be subtle about it, at least.

Xie Lian knows perfectly well when he books the cabin that it only comes with one bed, a spacious double, but he’s willing to pretend he had no idea when they get there.

“I’m booking us a week away.” He says, tone utterly nonchalant, one evening when Hua Cheng joins him on the sofa after loading the dishwasher.

“Oh? Where is gege dragging me off to?”

“There’s a cabin two hours north of the city. I thought it would be nice to spend Christmas there, since we don’t really celebrate it? Apparently you can see the stars without light pollution, San Lang!” Xie Lian tries to appear his usual level of excitement, even as he peers down at the credit card in his hand and inputs his details into the booking on his laptop screen. 

He feels, rather than sees, as Hua Cheng drapes his arm over the back of the sofa, resting his head in his hand and smirking at Xie Lian.

“Aw gege, this sounds almost romantic.”

Got you, Xie Lian thinks to himself.

“Mn. It does.” Is what actually comes out of his mouth, as he lets his lips curl up into a knowing smile. He doesn’t say anything else, doesn’t get flustered or tries to backpedal or deny, which leaves him with the very comical sight of Hua Cheng’s mouth falling open in shock.

“When do we leave?” Hua Cheng sounds as though he’s struggling not to choke, his usual teasing nature seeming to have completely fled in the face of Xie Lian’s forthrightness. 

“Two weeks on Friday. I already asked the director if we could take the week off.”

Which was, admittedly, a little cheeky, but everyone at work already thinks they’re dating, so she hadn’t hesitated to grant his request.

“Gege is spoiling me.”

Perhaps, but Hua Cheng has always done so much for Xie Lian, and he just wants to give him something back, as well as finally shatter that last barrier between them. They’ve waited long enough, after all. 

Xie Lian closes his laptop and gently places it on the ground, ignoring the buzz from his phone that tells him the confirmation has come through to his email.

“San Lang deserves to be spoiled.” He says with a smile, fighting against the blush that flares up his neck. 

“Gege.” Hua Cheng collapses sideways with an embarrassed groan, landing with his head between Xie Lian’s arm and the side of the sofa. He shuffles in response, raising his arm and letting Hua Cheng fall into his chest before he settles his arm back down and around him.

“They had an option for an empty tree, San Lang. We can decorate it together.” Xie Lian says, squeezing Hua Cheng as he does. In his arms, Hua Cheng seems utterly stunned at this turn of events, the raising of the bar in how physically affectionate they can be with each other.

They’ve always been tactile, trading soft touches and a casual arm thrown over a shoulder, giving each other the comfort of a solid hug when it has been needed or letting the other bury their face in an arm, the bony tip of a shoulder. Hua Cheng has carried him back to his room plenty of times after long nights on the sofa.

This feels different somehow, as though Xie Lian’s refusal to dispute Hua Cheng’s romantic comment has acted as a statement, a declaration that Xie Lian is standing there ready to knock down this final wall. 

And, almost as if he knows this, Hua Cheng lets his hand rest on Xie Lian’s shirt, just above his abdomen. Those long fingers curl in his bedshirt, separated by a layer of clothing, but Xie Lian imagines he can feel the burning trail left behind by them.

Hua Cheng doesn’t respond to his earlier words, seemingly rendered quiet by the sheer fact that he’s laying on Xie Lian. Feeling bold, Xie Lian lifts his hand a little and begins to run his fingers through Hua Cheng’s mass of inky black hair.

After a moment or two he looks down, curious to see what expression is on Hua Cheng’s face. His amber gaze meets a mismatched one, which furiously looks away before Xie Lian can do anything other than blush at the intensity in Hua Cheng’s gaze.

Neither of them shift, though. Hua Cheng appears as pleased as a kitten when Xie Lian resumes running his hand through his hair, fingertips lightly scratching along his scalp. 

They remain that way for the rest of the evening.

The fortnight passes quickly, their lives a blur of meetings and emails and joint sessions in the studio at the gallery, where Hua Cheng works on his latest piece of art whilst Xie Lian works on cleaning an old marble sculpture that had been donated straight from someone’s attic.

They don’t really mention the trip that Xie Lian has booked. It’s as though Hua Cheng is worried Xie Lian might change his mind and cancel it, or Xie Lian is worried that Hua Cheng will back out at the last moment, discover that Xie Lian is using the whole thing as a ruse to profess his love and immediately back out in disgust.

No one backs out, and on the day before Christmas Eve they finish work at lunchtime. Hua Cheng’s car already has their suitcases in the back, and they’d driven to work that morning to save them having to go back to the apartment. Xie Lian waves to the gallery steward who is sitting at the front desk as they leave, as Hua Cheng busies himself with making sure Xie Lian is properly wrapped up for the cold weather.

It had attempted to snow in the city, Xie Lian knows. He’d woken up this morning to see the sad, slushy grey remnants of it on the roads, with the only trace of it on the footpaths being the grey streaks of ice. 

When they step out of the glass doors to the gallery, Xie Lian notices that it’s snowing again. Little white flakes fall to the ground, too small and too slow to lay on the already-wet ground, but it’s nice to see, to watch them come down knowing that they’ve likely had a better chance at laying outside the cabin where they’re going.

And then they’re in the car, Xie Lian’s terrible music playing through the speakers as Hua Cheng drives them, chatting about everything and nothing as the city fades to the suburbs and the suburbs disappear into the vast, empty countryside.

He’s excited, and the two hours pass very quickly.

The cabin is…impressive, Xie Lian thinks as they drive up to it. It stands out starkly in the white landscape, the warm dark wood peeking through the trees, backlit with streaks of red from the setting sun. He stares out his window like a little kid as Hua Cheng parks up, eyes flicking over to the tiny pier with a little row boat tied to it, to the strings of multicoloured fairy lights leading to it from the cabin, and to the warm icicle lights hanging on the deck that he can just see the corner of.

“Wow.” Xie Lian breathes, glancing across at Hua Cheng before breaking out into a grin and leaving the car first. Hua Cheng startles at the sound of the door opening and shutting, but he’s out and at the trunk before Xie Lian is.

Xie Lian gives him a look of mock exasperation when Hua Cheng smirks and shrugs his shoulders, apparently incapable of letting him carry the suitcase and carry-on when Hua Cheng is there to do it for him.

Xie Lian grabs the backpack, leaving the icebox with their food in the car for now, and laces his fingers through Hua Cheng’s own.

He hides his own smirk well as he drags Hua Cheng down the little path to the front door.

Xie Lian is immediately glad he picked this place.

The snow is untouched around the cabin, and when they enter the lights are warm, even if the room is not. It’s a huge, one-roomed cabin, the kind with a ridiculous floor-to-ceiling window on one wall but with the rest of the interior decorated in that charming winter-wonderland way. There’s a huge fireplace in the middle of the downstairs room, with plenty of faux-fur rugs spread out on the ground in front of it. There’s a television just off to the side, a coffee table near that and plenty of blankets on the sofa.

In the middle of the living area there’s a Christmas tree, laid flat but clearly tall enough that it will need to be moved out from under the mezzanine. There’s a stand next to it, along with a box full of Christmas tree decorations, an awful-looking CD with bad Christmas tunes on it, and a bottle of red wine with two deep glasses.

In other words, perfect for Xie Lian to make this as romantic a week as possible.

Ideally, he’d like to get the romantic confessions out of the way with as fast as he can, so that they can make the most of the peace and the quiet and enjoy each other’s company in a more… intimate way than they ever have before. Once they go back to the city, between Xie Lian’s friends watching them too closely and Hua Cheng’s tendency to spoil him, he thinks they would probably regret not taking the opportunity to enjoy this getaway.

He’s pulled from his thoughts when Hua Cheng squeezes his hand, and when he turns to look up at him he finds the other man cocking his head at the mezzanine above them.

Ah. 

Xie Lian hadn’t thought this far ahead. From where they’re standing, it’s obvious that there is certainly no two separate bedrooms up there. He can get away with that, he thinks, if he pretends that he knew it was a twin room, and oh did he forget to explain that? 

He tries not to visibly wince, because he knows very well that it’s not a twin, and he never intended it to be.

Oh god, what is he doing? How could he do this to Hua Cheng? What if his friend is made highly uncomfortable with the thought of having to share a bed with Xie Lian, his creepy best friend who thought it was slyly romantic to put them in a situation with only bed!?

Forcing down his panic, he gives Hua Cheng an exceedingly false smile and tugs him up the stairs that are by the entry door.

When they emerge onto the mezzanine, Xie Lian releases Hua Cheng’s hand, immediately misses the warmth of it, and promptly raises his brows when he sees the nice, big, plush double bed.

“Oh wow. I was sure it was a twin.” Xie Lian says, cocking his head at the bed as he unwinds his scarf from around his neck.

He’d hoped, at the very least, that the spacious double would actually be two twin beds pushed together and covered with one duvet, because at least that way he could save some face and play dumb. Unfortunately, which he’d somehow missed when looking at the photographs, the mattress sits on a large, custom-carved wooden bed, in which there could be no possible way that Xie Lian could ever mistake it for two twin beds.

On his right, Hua Cheng turns slowly to look at him. He’s wearing the same expression as he did the night Xie Lian told him about this vacation, eyes a little wide and his mouth a little open. Xie Lian can practically see the gears turning in his mind, mismatched eyes glancing between Xie Lian and the bed.

When he speaks, it’s slow, cautious, and definitely confused.

“Gege can take the bed. I’ll take the sofa, or the floor-“

“No, no!” Xie Lian interrupts him, and sees the terror of his plan derailing right before his eyes. “If San Lang is comfortable, I don’t mind sharing. We’ve shared before and it was fine.”

Which is only partially true. Xie Lian had woken up before Hua Cheng and been witness to how the younger man seemingly turned into a koala clinging to a tree in his sleep, if Xie Lian’s torso and legs were the tree. Hua Cheng had been wrapped so solidly around him that Xie Lian had nearly died right there in the bed from bliss.

He’d gone back to sleep, Hua Cheng snuggled up against him, and woken to a cold and empty bed and a Hua Cheng who wouldn’t meet his eyes. Xie Lian had felt so guilty then, taking advantage of Hua Cheng when he’d known he had a beloved.

He knows, now, that it was likely Hua Cheng feeling guilty for taking advantage of Xie Lian.

Ah, what a silly dance we’ve been playing, Xie Lian thinks as he looks at Hua Cheng with a dimpled smile.

It works, and Hua Cheng nods in agreement, though he’s clearly a little confused at Xie Lian’s strange mood.

“If gege is sure.”

“Of course I’m sure!” Xie Lian affirms, grinning at Hua Cheng, and feels a little of his guilt leave him at the smile Hua Cheng gives him in return.

The first evening goes well.

By the time they’ve brought everything in from the car and compared the contents of the fridge to what they’ve brought themselves, the sun has long since set. Hua Cheng cooks them a light meal as Xie Lian prods the fireplace for several minutes and nearly sets the rugs on fire before he gets a flame going. All the while, the album of Christmas songs is playing, bouncing from dulcet tones of older classic songs to the upbeat tunes of more recent ones, which Xie Lian hums along to when they’re cleaning the dishes.

All the while, Hua Cheng watches him with a fond smile, and adoration clear on his face.

Xie Lian is certain his cheeks never fade to a colour lighter than a deep pink, but he doesn’t care and he doesn’t even try to hide it. 

They split the wine before they decorate the tree, and the music is ridiculously loud in the background as Hua Cheng puts the red paper hat from one of the crackers onto Xie Lian’s head and Xie Lian climbs on his back to put a sad-looking gold star on the top of the tree.

It’s an hour filled of soft touches, hips bumping as they move around each other to wrap lights and tinsel and put colourful baubles up. Neither of them celebrate Christmas, but Xie Lian recounts tales of how his parents would follow certain traditions, such as letting him stay up late to watch cheesy Christmas films and giving him something on Christmas Day just so he could join in with his peers in school when they returned and talked about Christmas. 

Hua Cheng had grown up in the system, so he’d never really got the family side of Christmas, and though he’d received presents from social workers they were often impersonal. He does, however, admit for the first time that he has a faint memory of his mother bundling him up and giving him a hot cocoa before taking him to see the Christmas decorations that everyone had decorated their houses with, on that last Christmas before she’d died.

There’s almost a moment, after that, when Xie Lian drops the bauble in his hand to turn to Hua Cheng and hug him tightly, swearing to him that from now on they’ll make their own Christmas traditions and they’ll spend it together every year, that Xie Lian thinks he could confess right now. But it’s too raw a moment, Hua Cheng too moved by his words if the iron-tight grip around him is anything to go by, and Xie Lian wants to savour this moment for the sincerity of it.

So he lets it pass.

And then finally, the time to unpack everything and get ready for bed comes.

“I’ll get changed and then we can start unpacking the suitcase?” Hua Cheng asks him, as Xie Lian snaps a photo of the tree for Shi Qingxuan and nibbles on a chunk of cheese that he definitely did not steal from the cheeseboard in the fridge.

He nods at Hua Cheng, and tries not to watch like a pervert when he turns to go up the stairs.

Xie Lian does a check of the bottom floor, turning the lights off in the open-kitchen and switching everything off but the lights on the tree. He turns them down a little so that the twinkling doesn’t keep them awake, and is almost about to head to the stairs before he notices Hua Cheng’s backpack is on the sofa.

It’s Hua Cheng’s travelling backpack, one Xie Lian has seen plenty of times. He knows that Hua Cheng will sometimes put t-shirts in it to save space in his carry-on bag or their shared big suitcase, so Xie Lian doesn’t think twice when he pulls down the zip and opens the bag to check.

For a moment, he stares inside, not quite comprehending what he’s seeing.

There are clothes in there, a rolled up red jumper, Hua Cheng’s woollen hat, a warm pair of gloves.

His toothpaste, too, and his toothbrush.

And a bright red bottle of lube.

Xie Lian shuts the bag so violently that he nearly yanks the zip off when he goes to zip it up.

Heat floods his cheek and shoots down his spine, as his stomach erupts in the familiar fluttering sensation that only Hua Cheng can invoke in him. He can feel his cock hardening even as his heart races, anticipation and awe and terror battling it out inside him.

Why does Hua Cheng have this in his backpack? There’s no reason it should be there unless Hua Cheng has also been wanting to take advantage of this week away. After all, when was he planning on using it?

Xie Lian covers his face with his hands, hearing the paper crown crinkle as he moves his head. His cheeks are hot to the touch, a pleased embarrassment creeping its way along his skin.

What does he do with this information? Does he mention it to Hua Cheng, confident in the knowledge that Hua Cheng must have plans to have brought lube on a trip where Xie Lian is the only person present?

The thought makes him smile in the direction of the mezzanine, a pleasant giddiness settling over him at the idea of all the things he could do with this knowledge. Sure, perhaps Hua Cheng could have simply brought it in case he wanted some quiet time to himself, after all Xie Lian does have a smaller bottle of his own in his skincare bag, but given his certainty that he’s Hua Cheng’s beloved…-

Xie Lian’s thought process comes to a halt as abruptly as if he’d ran face first into a brick wall. Utter terror and mortification descends on him, sends a chill down his spine colder than any bucket of ice water, as he retraces his thought process.

A smaller bottle of lube.

In his skincare bag.

His transparent skincare bag.

The one in the suitcase that Hua Cheng is unpacking.

The one that he hides his condoms in, too.

Fuck! 

Xie Lian bolts for the stairs, his erection totally disappearing as the warm sweat on the back of his neck turns cold with fear, nausea rising in his stomach.

He hadn’t even thought about his skincare bag! He’s always kept the bottle of lube in there, because the bag is usually beneath his bed with his sex toys, and he only has the condoms for the nights where he’s been unable to go to the bathroom to clean the dildo that he intends on using.

Which, fair enough, he’ll admit it’s lazy, but in their apartment it’s impossible to get to the bathroom without passing Hua Cheng’s room, and Xie Lian thinks he would actually die if he got caught post-orgasm in the hallway with an eight-inch vibrating dildo in his hands. Sometimes, Hua Cheng isn’t even in bed when Xie Lian slips off to his room feigning tiredness, desperate to fuck himself after a particular touch or a look from Hua Cheng.

He certainly isn’t going to risk being caught on the way to the bathroom if there’s a chance Hua Cheng is in the living room.

But when he'd packed, so stuck in fantasies of how this week could go, he hadn't thought twice about putting the lube and the condoms in the bag, and had just put his moisturisers and serums into it without actually registering that he was putting it in their shared suitcase, and now Hua Cheng is unpacking that suitcase.

What if Hua Cheng sees it and thinks he’s some sort of sexual deviant? After all, who goes on a friendly vacation with a bag of condoms and lube if the only other person is your best friend? If he’s asked, Xie Lian either has to admit that he’s a virgin and that the condoms are for his sex toys, at which point Hua Cheng may ask why he brought them on a totally platonic trip, or he has to pretend that he’s just left them in the bag from a previous trip, at which point Hua Cheng might be heartbroken at the implication that Xie Lian has them and has been using them, presumably with another person.

Fortunately, Xie Lian’s luck is working for him tonight, because he reaches the top of the stairs just as Hua Cheng is unzipping the case and lifting the lid. Xie Lian rushes over, slamming the lid shut and draping himself over it, his heart pounding in his ears.

“San Lang!” He half-shouts, grinning in a somewhat feral manner at his roommate, who takes a step back in surprise.

“Gege?”

“Ah, San Lang, I just, I was so sure I forgot my toner this morning! I’m just going to- aha-“ Xie Lian slides a hand into the suitcase without lifting the lid too much, eyes widening when he reaches the edge of the little bag with the incriminating evidence inside. Once he has a grip on it he looks up, takes in the exact position of a very confused Hua Cheng in relation to the stairs, and plots his escape.

Throwing his best friend one exasperated smile, he grabs the bag and holds it close, hiding what’s inside, and rushes back down the steps.

He doesn't even notice that one of the condoms has fallen out, dropping onto the bed where it’s left for Hua Cheng to find it.

Nor does he realise that Hua Cheng had been a little pinker in the cheeks than usual, that he had looked at Xie Lian with a heat in his gaze that is not usually quite so obvious.

Neither did he notice that those long fingers had been zipping the suitcase closed in a hurry, not opening it.

Xie Lian had figured he’d have to try and do some tactical manoeuvring the next morning to get the chance to cuddle Hua Cheng, especially after how badly the last time they’d shared a bed had gone.

He needn’t have worried. 

It turns out they just naturally drift towards each other, if the way he’s woken up this morning is any indicator. 

Xie Lian awakens wrapped firmly in Hua Cheng’s arms, a large palm lying heavy on his back and tucking him in as he burrows into Hua Cheng. His nose is pressed into the crease of Hua Cheng’s armpit, his arm slung low over his hip and his hand curled in the shirt at the small of his back.

His heart swells, feeling almost unbearably fond.

It’s early. The interior of the cabin is only faintly lit by the twinkling lights of the Christmas tree on the level below, but it’s enough that he can see Hua Cheng’s face when he leans back to look at him. Xie Lian shuffles a little, careful not to jostle Hua Cheng, and leans up with his weight on one elbow to look over the edge of the wooden rail that runs around the mezzanine.

As he’d thought, the sky is still a deep blue, with only the earliest streaks of red on the horizon.

Smiling, for it can’t be any later than eight, he settles back down in the bed. If he’s a little closer than he was when he woke up, well, Hua Cheng is the one who unconsciously puts his hand firmly on Xie Lian’s thigh, long fingers curving around to his ass, not the other way around. As Xie Lian shuffles in a little closer, that hand tugs his leg right over Hua Cheng’s hip, squeezing once as Hua Cheng mumbles in his sleep and slowly lets his hand wander back up to where it started.

Xie Lian tries very, very hard to control his breathing.

It’s difficult, though. Hua Cheng’s hand is warm on his thigh, and the weight of it pulls Xie Lian’s body down onto his. Xie Lian is laid on one arm with his other curled between them, but that distance is shortening. They’re on the same pillow, Xie Lian’s nose mere inches from his, and he feels as though he’s waiting for Hua Cheng to wake up and tell him off for taking such liberties.

Until he does, though, Xie Lian is content -and a little guilty- to drink in the sight of him. He lies there admiring the shapely curve of Hua Cheng’s jaw, the way his dark lashes fan out against his skin, the solid strength of him and the lean muscles that are visible because of his bedshirt. His tattoos are visible, a rare sight outside of summer, a spray of finely-tattooed flowers and butterflies that creep up his arms and over his shoulders. He wants to lift his hand and trace his fingers over them, and he’s long dreamed of mapping them out with his lips.

Perhaps he finally can, if this week goes how he hopes.

Xie Lian lies there and admires Hua Cheng, dozing lightly in short spells, before the tell-tale shocked hitch of a breath drags him out of his doze.

The hand on his thigh tightens.

Xie Lian blinks into awareness, noting immediately that the room is a little brighter, and Hua Cheng is a lot closer.

They’re mere millimetres from each other, and at some point in his dozing Xie Lian seems to have reached out to grab Hua Cheng’s shirt in his hand. His fingers are curled in the soft fabric, but he doesn’t let go.

Opposite him, Hua Cheng stares at him, almost frozen in place.

His eyes are wide at the sight of Xie Lian laid so close, but he doesn’t move, doesn’t shift away or let go of Xie Lian’s leg. It’s not…awkward, but the atmosphere is a little tense, both of them staring at each other as if waiting to see what the other is going to do.

Unfortunately, or fortunately depending on if Xie Lian is asked now or later in the week, they’ve both woken up hard. 

Xie Lian is painfully, wholly aware of something pressed hard against his thigh, and he is absolutely certain that it is not Hua Cheng’s phone in his pocket. They’re so close and so hard that Xie Lian can feel the ghost of the tip of Hua Cheng’s cock against his own, separated only by their layers of boxers and sweatpants. If he shifts even a little, then that feeling will almost certainly turn into a brushing together of their cocks, and the thought is enough to make his brain fizz. 

His cock twitches in interest, and Xie Lian clamps down on his blush before it can rise up his neck.

Releasing his grip on Hua Cheng’s shirt, he lets his hand rest on Hua Cheng’s forearm instead. Hua Cheng doesn’t even look away to follow the movement.

“Good morning, San Lang.” Xie Lian whispers, not daring to speak any louder and shatter the atmosphere that has sprung up between them. He doesn’t miss when those mismatched eyes flicker down to his lips, nor does he miss the swipe of Hua Cheng’s tongue when he licks his lower lip in anticipation.

One of them moves closer, though he’s not sure which. He thinks it might not even have been him.

“Hey, gege.” The tips of their noses touch, and the air between them is stifling with the heat of their breaths mixing. It is an absolutely, utterly undeniable fact that they’re both hard, because their shifting has pushed them right up against each other, and Xie Lian thinks it’s impossible to hide an erection when said cock is pressed right up against the solid cock of your best friend.

Xie Lian wets his lower lip and then pulls it between his teeth, completely on instinct, and Hua Cheng inhales sharply.

“Did San Lang sleep well?” He asks, though it’s a silly question. Hua Cheng nods, the movement letting him slip a little closer. His nose brushes against Xie Lian’s, no longer tip to tip but side by side, and Xie Lian’s nose is nearly touching his cheek.

If he tilts down, they’ll kiss.

“Mn. Gege is very warm.” Hua Cheng murmurs, every word blowing little puffs of air onto Xie Lian’s lips. Xie Lian can barely breathe, his chest rising shallowly as they lie there, waiting for the other to make a move. “How did you sleep?”

What can Xie Lian say to that, honestly, when he’s desperate to lean even closer and kiss him? There’s no suave answer he can say that will surprise Hua Cheng, surely, when Xie Lian is already allowing his eyes to slip shut. The hand on his thigh slides up to settle on his hip and pull his body closer, and the only sound that Xie Lian is aware of is that of his own heartbeat thundering in his chest.

He parts his lips, ready to finally close that gap, and -

-and a long, loud vibration shatters the tension, so sudden and loud that they jerk apart in confusion. There’s a moment of panic, wondering what the fuck it could possibly be, before Hua Cheng groans in realisation and leans back to scramble for his phone to turn his morning alarm off.

He’s too fast, too confused and agitated at the interruption, and the phone drops to the floor beneath the bed at the same moment the disgustingly cheery morning tune begins to play.

It’s still vibrating.

Xie Lian flops back down onto his side of the bed with a laugh, covering his eyes with his arm and fighting the frustrated blush that rises to his cheeks.

For their first day there, they don’t do too much, content to finish putting things away and plan what they can do for the rest of the week they’re here. Xie Lian makes a congee for breakfast whilst Hua Cheng plans what they can make from what they have, and they quickly head into the closest town for some extras.

Over lunch, Xie Lian proposes that they use the boat that night to go out onto the lake.

“We don’t see the stars in the city, so I thought it would be a nice idea to use the boat and go out into the lake to see them.” Xie Lian says, turning from where he’s leaning on the wooden rail on the veranda to look at Hua Cheng, who is stood next to him with his arms folded on the wood. 

He looks nice here, with his red woollen hat and his ghostly-pale skin standing starkly against the black of his long hair. The cold has made his lips go a deep cherry red, and Xie Lian is frequently taken by the urge to dip down and kiss them. They look so soft and kissable that the urge is a difficult one to resist.

“We could go on the pier and watch them? Unless gege knows how to row.” Hua Cheng smirks at him as he replies, raising an eyebrow in question. 

Xie Lian laughs, shaking his head. “How hard can it be? I’m sure we’ll figure it out. You can’t view the stars from the shore when there’s a lake right there.”

“And if I tip gege out the boat by accident?” Hua Cheng asks, looking curious as to why Xie Lian seems to want the boat so badly. 

“It’ll take a while, but I’d forgive you.” He says cheekily, darting out the way when Hua Cheng goes to dig his fingers into his waist with mock horror on his face.

“Gege would put us through such risks, and then treat me badly for an accident. Gege is so cruel to his San Lang.” He bemoans, giving chase when Xie Lian leaps down the steps to the veranda and into the snow-covered grass below. 

Xie Lian giggles, reaching down quickly to grab a handful of snow and throwing a spray of it into Hua Cheng’s face when he catches up.

Time freezes for a moment, as Xie Lian stares at Hua Cheng in shock at his own actions, his hand wet and tingling from the coldness of the snow. Hua Cheng slowly wipes the snow from his eyes, and Xie Lian feels his stomach swoop when that gaze drops back down to him.

And then Hua Cheng leans down, scooping snow into both hands and shaping it into a snowball, and Xie Lian screeches with laughter as he flees.

"Are you warm enough?" Hua Cheng asks later that evening, looking adorably anxious as he grabs Xie Lian's woollen hat from the coat rack and tugs it down over his hair for him. Their snowball fight lasted for nearly an hour, and ended when Hua Cheng caught Xie Lian and shoved a giant scoop of snow down the back of his sweater. They’d traipsed back inside freezing and soaked to the bone, and both of them had been in the shower for nearly half an hour each to warm up.

Xie Lian wishes he’d made some sort of joke about showering together to save water, but despite how cold he’d been his cock had felt harder than it ever has in his life after he’d collapsed giggling into Hua Cheng’s arms, and he’d known he needed the privacy to sort that out.

He blushes when he wonders if Hua Cheng also took so long for the same reason.

Xie Lian smiles up at him now, barely visible because of how far down Hua Cheng has pulled his hat, and he adjusts it with one hand whilst impulsively grabbing Hua Cheng’s hand with the other.

"San Lang can keep me warm if I'm cold." He says boldly, dragging him to the door of the cabin and out into the dark night.

The air is cold and sharp when they emerge into it, the temperature so low that they can see little puffs of air when they breathe. It's dark, and so quiet that the only sound they can hear is that of the lake lapping against the shore and the humming of the generator out the back of the cabin. The path down to the dock is lit with pretty multicolour string lights, but the moon offers enough brightness that Xie Lian is confident they'll be fine on the lake.

He's got a large torch anyway, just in case, and the lake isn't so big that they could lose sight of the shore when it's lit up so prettily.

Xie Lian loosens the rope keeping the boat docked whilst Hua Cheng climbs in, and when he reaches the edge Hua Cheng is ready to help him into the boat. His hand reaches out, steadies Xie Lian as he stumbles into the boat, and softly touches his waist before Hua Cheng sits down and takes the oars out from under the seat.

“Don’t knock me into the water.” Xie Lian jokes, and Hua Cheng smiles, soft and bright.

“You can’t say I didn’t warn you.”

They don’t row far from the shore, just far enough out that they can get an unobstructed view of the stars without being blocked by any tree cover, and Hua Cheng rows smoothly enough for someone who has never done it before. Xie Lian leans forwards with his arms resting on his knees, staring up at the sky in absolute wonder.

It’s so pretty.

He hasn’t seen a night sky without light pollution since before he moved to the city, and Hua Cheng may never have seen it at all judging by the soft gasp he can hear from the other man. It’s not a complete dark night, but they’re rural enough that the view is impressive, a shock of purple and pink and grey painting a streak across the sky, surrounded by so many stars it’s almost overwhelming.

“It’s pretty, isn’t it.” Xie Lian whispers, looking back down at Hua Cheng. He looks…happy, sitting opposite Xie Lian and looking up at the stars, a smile tugging at his lips when he looks back and fixes that gaze on him. Xie Lian feels his heart speed up in response to just looking at him, and he’s never wanted anything, anyone so much in his life.

“Mn. I’ve never seen them like this.” Hua Cheng leans forward and mirrors Xie Lian’s position, still watching him, and Xie Lian can’t tear his eyes away to look up at the sky.

They're close, so close that Xie Lian can smell the cinnamon spice of the lip balm Hua Cheng only ever wears in winter, their knees pressed tight together as they lean forward and talk quietly. Xie Lian feels mesmerised, captivated wholly by the sight of Hua Cheng illuminated by the pale light of the stars. 

And, well, considering they came out here to stargaze, they're not looking at anything but each other.

"Gege." Hua Cheng’s voice pulls him from his thoughts, his hand reaching across the distance between them to intertwine his fingers with Xie Lian's. It’s bulky because of their gloves, and Xie Lian has never wanted skin to skin contact more than he does now. "Why did gege really bring me out here?" 

He doesn't know which one of them leaned in first, but there's wisps of warm air fluttering along his lips as Hua Cheng breathes so slowly, carefully controlled and clearly wound tighter than a coil. 

"San Lang, you…" So close, Hua Cheng's eyes flicker down to his lips,  head tilting just a little, and Xie Lian…

Xie Lian loses his nerve.

"I wanted to show my best friend how much I appreciate him." 

What? 

What?! 

The words break the entrancing spell of the moment, and Xie Lian sees it slipping from his fingers, tries to catch it but it's like trying to hold water in his hands, useless and doomed to failure. Hua Cheng’s brow furrows and he flinches away, clearly confused.

Xie Lian panics.

"Wait, no, I mean -" He jerks forwards fast, desperate to restore that suspended moment, and only succeeds in moving so quickly that he accidentally headbutts Hua Cheng in the chin.

If they were on solid ground, that would be bad enough.

Unfortunately for Xie Lian, he decided a boat ride beneath the stars was a potentially perfect romantic moment, and the ground is far from solid beneath them.

The sudden movement sends the boat rocking dangerously from side to side. The unsteadiness means Hua Cheng tips backwards to land between the seats. Xie Lian tries to follow, only to stumble as the boat rocks to the left, and he falls forward to land right on top of Hua Cheng.

Splash!

Xie Lian jerks up, hands braced on Hua Cheng's chest as the other man coughs and rubs at his jaw.

"Oh fuck, San Lang, the torch!"

The torch that Xie Lian had decided to rest on the lip of the boat, because the boat was nice and still before they were wrapped up in that delicious tension, has apparently rolled off the side of the boat and into the lake.

Xie Lian peers over and glimpses the faintest flicker of light before it is swallowed by the depths of the lake.

With a groan, he collapses back on top of Hua Cheng.

And then, when he registers a throbbing on his forehead, he remembers the headbutt-

"San Lang! Are you okay?" 

The stars and the moon provide enough light that he can see Hua Cheng isn't bleeding, but there's a funny expression on his face that Xie Lian can't quite decipher. He leans in to get a better look, his whole body pressing down onto Hua Cheng’s, and -

-oh.

Hua Cheng grabs his hips and lifts him up, off and far away from the length of his erection that Xie Lian has just gone and draped himself across like a cat in the sun.

"Gege," he says, voice strained as Xie Lian stares down at him with wide eyes, "please get up." 

He could ignore him. His own cock is beginning to harden in interest at their proximity and the obvious interest Hua Cheng is trying to hide from him. He could lean down now and kiss him, take him by surprise and taste that cinnamon spice on his lips, kiss him filthily and grind down his own erection against Hua Cheng's, like he does in some of his milder fantasies. 

But Hua Cheng looks embarrassed and a little uncertain, and Xie Lian knows it's because of his stupid choice of words earlier. With a sigh he gets up, seating himself back on one of the benches and feeling dejected and silly as he waits for Hua Cheng to do the same.

"Are you okay?" He asks when Hua Cheng is seated properly, reaching out to gingerly trace his fingers over Hua Cheng's jaw.

"I'm fine, really." Hua Cheng’s smile is warm and forgiving. Xie Lian drops his hands and feels his shoulders slump as Hua Cheng unhooks the oars from the oarlock.

"We should probably head back now that we've lost the torch." Xie Lian doesn't intend it to, but his voice comes out sounding utterly miserable.

Hua Cheng looks back down at him, concerned at the sudden change in Xie Lian's demeanour. "Mn, we probably should."

He begins to row them slowly, heading in the distant direction of the lights at the shore. He hesitates before they start moving properly, though, and presses the chastest of kisses to Xie Lian's temple. "I had a great night with gege."

It's cold out, and the chill is beginning to seep through his scarf and his cream coat, but Xie Lian feels warmth radiating through him from that point of contact, all the way down to his toes.

He's so distracted by it that he fails to notice the way Hua Cheng is staring at him, utterly captivated by the content smile on his lips.

When they return to the cabin, Xie Lian makes the fastest mug of spiced apple tea he’s ever made and all but flees to the deck out the back, pink-cheeked and barely able to respond to Hua Cheng when he tells him that he’ll be out with him in a few minutes.

With a heavy sigh, Xie Lian tightens his grip around the warm mug and sinks down onto the chair on the deck.

It’s one of those big wicker swing chairs, wide enough for two people and packed full of cushions, wide enough for even Hua Cheng to sit with his legs stretched from end to the other. It moves a little when he settles on it, but the gentle swaying is soothing, and it offers him a pretty view over the lake. 

It feels cosy too, though he will admit that is mostly because of the abundance of warm icicle lights dangling down over the deck.

Inhaling some of the steam from his tea before taking a sip, Xie Lian tucks his legs up beneath himself and tries to think back on the boat trip without instantly combusting from embarrassment. 

He’s a little frustrated by his failed attempts at confessing his love today, but he tries to tell himself that it’s fine, he’s still got a few more days. They’re here for a week, after all, and it’s only their second day here. Sure, Christmas Eve would have been ideal, and he’d snuck away a bit of mistletoe in his coat pocket if he was really in need of the help, but he’d never imagined he could have made Hua Cheng think he only thought of him as a friend and throw their only source of light off the boat in one simultaneous moment.

Xie Lian tries to think of Hua Cheng as he fiddles with the hem of his sweater, wonders what he could be doing in the cabin. Is he pacing in there, equally as frustrated as Xie Lian? He knows him too well, knows that Hua Cheng is likely to be worrying that he had made Xie Lian uncomfortable, is probably in there telling himself that Xie Lian asserted their friendship as a polite way to tell him to back off.

He knows he could go in there and stop this, march up to Hua Cheng and kiss him until this silliness passes. He imagines how it would go - would he get the chance to stun him and back him up against a doorframe before kissing him senseless? Or would Hua Cheng know, as he always seems to know Xie Lian’s thoughts, and kiss him first, lift him up and hold him steady with those strong hands gripping his thighs, keeping them pressed flush together?

Blushing furiously, Xie Lian lowers the mug of tea and clears his throat, letting the cold breeze sting at his hot cheeks until the red fades to pink.

He’s just about to consider returning inside when he hears the slide of the door opening, and a thick, warm blanket is draped over his shoulders.

This must have been what was taking Hua Cheng so long, starting the fire and warming the blanket near it to make sure it was nice and warm for Xie Lian.

Oh, how his heart melts. How had he truly not seen this before?

“Gege looked a little cold.” Hua Cheng explains as he sits down next to him. He’s seated just far enough away that they could remain like this and Xie Lian would still feel as though the atmosphere was intimate.

But he’s frustrated, and a little annoyed over the failed attempt at confessing his feelings, and he just wants a cuddle. 

Pretending to take a sip of his tea, he looks across at Hua Cheng. He’s always been warm, and his hugs are excellent, and Xie Lian wants to be burrowing in right there. If asked, he’s sure Hua Cheng would say yes.

A heartbeat later, Hua Cheng looks up and meets his gaze head on, as though he’d known Xie Lian’s game. He ends up blushing when Hua Cheng raises an eyebrow at him, though he seems more curious than anything else.

Xie Lian clears his throat.

“San Lang, could I…?” 

Hua Cheng opens his arms without Xie Lian needing to finish his sentence, because this is how they are, able to figure out the other’s needs without having to speak them aloud. 

With a grin that is far too jubilant for something so simple, Xie Lian lowers his mug of cooled tea onto the deck and shuffles across, winding his arms around Hua Cheng’s waist and laying his head down on his chest. His body settles between Hua Cheng’s legs far more easily than it should, given their earlier awkwardness.

His sweater smells clean, with that wind-dried smell and the pinewood scent of his cologne. Xie Lian buries his face in it, snuggling close as Hua Cheng takes the ends of the blanket and makes sure that Xie Lian is covered as much as possible. His hand finally settles on Xie Lian’s back, and the feel of his fingers moving in little circles is almost unnoticeable, if only he were not so hyperaware of Hua Cheng’s every movement.

Xie Lian turns his face into Hua Cheng’s chest, closing his eyes against the lights on the deck.

“I’m sorry our try at seeing the stars from the lake ended so abruptly.” He mumbles, barely audible and still so utterly mortified. The sight of the torch sinking to the depths of the lake will be imprinted forever in his mind, followed by his ridiculous response to Hua Cheng’s question.

The hand on his back trails up, tucks his hair behind his ear and exposes the side of his face to Hua Cheng’s view. He feels rather than hears Hua Cheng’s amused hum as he threads his fingers through Xie Lian’s hair, and then his heartbeat nearly stops when he feels the whisper of a kiss on the top of his head.

“If it makes you feel better, I thought it was funny.”

Xie Lian groans and tightens his fingers in the fabric of Hua Cheng’s sweater.

“I’m glad you think so, San Lang.” 

Hua Cheng’s laughter shakes Xie Lian gently, and he finds himself joining in with it, already feeling lighter and more secure.

Of course he hasn’t ruined this. How could he? Hua Cheng often knows him better than he knows himself. He tilts his head back to look up at him, and finds him already looking down at Xie Lian with a soft smile.

Xie Lian returns it, wider and with a huff of laughter.

They have plenty of time to be upfront about their feelings. They’ve been having such a lovely time so far that Xie Lian has only become more certain about Hua Cheng’s feelings. Even as he thinks about it Hua Cheng shifts below him, moving so that Xie Lian is nearly wholly atop him and he can wrap his other arm around him.

What on earth was he worried for?

They stay on the chair for a few more hours, warmed by the heat of the other beneath the blanket, as Hua Cheng’s heartbeat lulls him into a gentle sleep. Xie Lian is only awakened when Hua Cheng carries him back inside, quietly checking the doors are locked before taking a sleepy Xie Lian up the stairs and setting him down beneath the covers.

For a moment, Xie Lian is worried Hua Cheng will sleep elsewhere after their near-kiss this morning, but Hua Cheng settles behind him without hesitation. Xie Lian is nearly fully asleep, but he’s aware enough to smile when a strong arm wraps around his waist and pulls him in to that strong, broad chest, and Hua Cheng tucks his chin over the top of Xie Lian’s head.

It brackets him in, keeps him firmly in Hua Cheng’s hold, and Xie Lian has never felt safer in his life.

Xie Lian wakes to a world blanketed in silence, still tucked in tightly in Hua Cheng’s arms and so warm and cosy that he almost falls asleep again. 

He could stay here forever, he thinks, Hua Cheng’s arm around his waist, his back pressed into Hua Cheng’s chest, with their legs tangled together beneath the duvet. The whole world could melt away and he’d never care, and he takes a moment to cherish the nearly overwhelming feeling of belonging that overcomes him.

He stays there basking in the warmth of Hua Cheng for a few minutes longer, before he gently sighs and begins the process of trying to disentangle himself without waking Hua Cheng up.

He’s quiet as he moves around downstairs, well aware that although Hua Cheng can and does sleep through almost anything, he’ll wake at the slightest loud noise that Xie Lian makes.

And Xie Lian wants today to be perfect.

He makes two big mugs of hot cocoa on the stove, letting the milk go all nice and frothy before he takes it off. It’s not amazing, since he’s pretty sure he burned the milk and the actual powder of the hot cocoa hasn’t fully dissolved in the mug, but the cream is out of a can and the marshmallows are fine, and it looks decent enough.

He debates for a moment whether he should put the Christmas CD in and blast it loud enough to startle Hua Cheng awake, and perhaps next year he might just do that, but for today he's aiming for soft, so he heads straight back up to the mezzanine.

Hua Cheng is still asleep, though he's shifted around on the bed to Xie Lian's side as though he'd unconsciously chased his warmth after the bed had been vacated. 

Smiling to himself at the sight, Xie Lian places the mugs down on the bedside table and slides back in, sitting up against the oak headboard and laughing quietly to himself when Hua Cheng sleepily snuggles in closer, nuzzling his face against Xie Lian's thigh.

Carefully, he lets his hand settle on Hua Cheng's hair, softly playing with the strands in the hope that the movement will be enough to wake him up gently. His hair is so pretty and soft, curling easily around his fingers.

He sees the moment that Hua Cheng drifts into awareness, the tension in his shoulders that appears for a brief moment before it dissipates fully and Hua Cheng settles into the natural comfort that their presence provides each other.

“Morning gege.” He sleepily mumbles, lifting his arm a little to rest his hand on Xie Lian’s calf. It’s sweet, he thinks, as he runs his fingers down Hua Cheng’s temple and over his cheekbone. His red eye blinks open and peeks up at Xie Lian, who smiles down at him with what he knows must be an utterly lovesick expression. Hua Cheng smiles at himself, before closing his eye again.

“San Lang.” Xie Lian taps his fingers along Hua Cheng’s cheekbone, trying to get him to return to wakefulness. “You have to wake up.”

“Mn. Or gege could come back to bed.”

Xie Lian nearly chokes when those words register with his brain, and he’s certain he can feel a blush coming on. They’re so suggestive, likely unintentionally, but Xie Lian thinks he can finally see what Shi Qingxuan has meant all these years when they say that Hua Cheng and Xie Lian are the furthest thing from platonic that they’ve ever seen. 

“But I’ve brought you hot cocoa.”

That works. Hua Cheng rolls over and stretches like a cat after a pleasant nap, and Xie Lian fights to stop himself from blatantly staring at the strip of skin that shows when Hua Cheng’s bedshirt rides up at the movement. When he sits up, he leans forward and rests his chin on Xie Lian’s shoulder, and suddenly it is a struggle to breathe.

“Did gege make it for me?” He’s so close, Xie Lian thinks it could be the most natural thing in the world to turn his head and kiss Hua Cheng’s cheek.

“Yes.” He swallows thickly, chewing at his bottom lip for half a second, before he turns and gives Hua Cheng’s cheek the lightest, barest of kisses. He doesn’t get the chance to see how his eyes widen at the action, because Xie Lian then shifts away, leaning over for the hot cocoa and putting it in Hua Cheng’s hands before he can say anything to fluster Xie Lian further.

Fortunately, he’s saved by the fact that the hot cocoa looks like a veritable mess. He’d put too much cream in it, and it’s melted over the sides of the mug. They both struggle to catch the drips, laughing at each other’s efforts, and when they’ve stopped themselves from turning the sheets into a sticky mess Xie Lian leans against Hua Cheng’s shoulder and grins up at him.

“Happy Christmas, San Lang.”

Hua Cheng grins down at him, and it’s probably one of the most content smiles Xie Lian has ever seen on his face.

“Mn. Happy Christmas gege.” 

Xie Lian leaves the bed first to get changed, telling Hua Cheng to meet him downstairs by the tree when he’s ready. 

He’s wearing his nice outfit that Shi Qingxuan had commanded him to wear, an oversized soft cream jumper with a boat neck (to show off a bit of skin, Shi Qingxuan had said, it’ll drive him crazy!) and a pair of warm, black cotton leggings. He has to admit, he looks nice, almost soft. 

He grabs the little present he got for Hua Cheng from the bottom of his backpack and heads downstairs to wait by the tree. He’s a little nervous about giving Hua Cheng something, not because it’s an overly intimate gift, but because they’ve never really celebrated Christmas together before. They always celebrate the Lunar New Year, and Hua Cheng often spoils him, but Christmas has always been just a convenient, shared day off that they could spend together.

He doesn’t want Hua Cheng to feel guilty if he hasn’t also bought him a gift. He doesn’t want Hua Cheng to have thought ahead and surely spoiled him, because then he will feel guilty.

But then he turns at the sound of socked feet padding down the stairs, and comes face to face with Hua Cheng, who holds a lumpy present in his hands, and Xie Lian laughs.

“I brought you a gift, San Lang.” He says, holding up his badly wrapped little box. Hua Cheng smiles at him, and Xie Lian admits to himself that he looks lovely in the glow of the Christmas tree lights. Like Xie Lian, he’s opted for soft and comfortable, with dark fitted lounge pants and a deep red sweater that looks so cosy that Xie Lian wants to curl up in it.

“I brought a gift for gege, too.” Hua Cheng sits down on the floor by the tree, pulling Xie Lian down with him. The heat from the fireplace reaches them, keeping them warm, and Xie Lian thrusts his gift out to Hua Cheng before he can change his mind and flee.

Hua Cheng takes it, but makes sure Xie Lian takes his gift first, and both of them stare at each other in a battle of wills over who will open theirs first, until Xie Lian leans forward and gives Hua Cheng a pleading look.

“Would San Lang open his gift first? I want to see what you think.”

There’s a moment of quiet before Hua Cheng acquiesces, and Xie Lian watches in anticipation as he unwraps the slender black box. He’s nervous, wondering what Hua Cheng will think of it. It wasn’t expensive, but it wasn’t cheap either.

Hua Cheng lifts the lid, and Xie Lian holds his breath at the same moment that Hua Cheng looks inside and inhales sharply.

The wooden comb that sits inside is pretty, decorated with little butterflies engraved by hand. There’s a matching hairpin, with a much more elaborate butterfly decorating the tip. Hua Cheng stares at it in wonder, and Xie Lian feels his cheeks turning pink. 

Neither of them are strangers to what the exchange of this kind of gift can mean.

“Gege, I…” Hua Cheng seems to struggle internally for a moment as his eyes look down to the comb again, and when he looks up at Xie Lian there is an intensity in his gaze that makes the atmosphere feel heavy and warm. Xie Lian watches as he removes them from the box, and then he reaches out and carefully takes Xie Lian’s hand.

A spike of terror nearly lances through Xie Lian when he places them in his hand, terrified that this is it, this is a rejection of all the things Xie Lian could be implying with such a gift. But Hua Cheng is quick to squeeze his hand and smile at him, and Xie Lian finds the worry leaking out of him.

“Will gege do my hair for me?”

Grinning, Xie Lian obliges, leaning across and being careful not to squish his own present. He loves Hua Cheng’s hair so much, and the strands are so soft and silky and he brushes it and twists it up into a chignon. He slides the butterfly pin in, feeling warm and happy when Hua Cheng takes the comb back and carefully puts it back inside the box as though it’s a treasure of great importance.

Xie Lian smiles at him, and then begins to open his own present before the tension can get any heavier between them.

“Oh, San Lang. Did you make this?” Xie Lian’s voice is an awed whisper as he pulls out the softest scarf he’s ever seen. It’s made from one of those yarns that simply looks expensive, and it’s very, very red. There’s a matching hat too, and Xie Lian runs his fingers over them in wonder.

“I learned how to knit. I had to hide it in my desk at work so gege didn’t see.” Hua Cheng admits, and Xie Lian feels warmth flood through him at that knowledge. 

Hua Cheng made this for him. He learned to knit, and then he made something in a colour that is undeniably his, and then gave it to Xie Lian. He picks the scarf up and runs a finger over the stitches, feeling full of wonder that Hua Cheng did this, likely poured his love into them for Xie Lian, who is never warm and only owns cheap scarves and hats. They're perfect, without a single dropped stitch, evenly made and almost certainly the softest items he’s ever owned.

Grinning, he moves forward and traps Hua Cheng in a hug.

“Thank you, San Lang.”

The rest of the day is spent intimately, playing some of the Christmas board games left under the TV before they shift to the kitchen to make dinner. Hua Cheng makes the main dish on Xie Lian’s insistence, as he doesn’t want to ruin dinner on today of all days. Hua Cheng gets the pork all sticky and crispy without burning it, and Xie Lian has rice that isn’t undercooked for the first time in weeks.

He makes their soup and the dumplings, though, and he thinks they’re okay. (A little chewy, Hua Cheng says, and perhaps a bit too heavy on the spices for the soup, but delicious as always.) He catches a lovely photograph of Hua Cheng in the middle of cooking, followed by a hilarious photo of Hua Cheng looking bewildered, a long streak of flour visible on his cheek from Xie Lian’s hand after he’d leaned over and prodded his cheek with a grin.

And now, the atmosphere is nice and cosy, the light in the kitchen warm as Hua Cheng washes the dishes and Xie Lian dries them and puts them away. The quiet is companionable, Xie Lian deep in thought and admiring the view of Hua Cheng, his hair pulled up into a messy bun with the butterfly hairpin shining prettily in the low light.

Should he say something? 

They’ve had such a lovely day that Xie Lian can’t bear to ruin it, even though he knows there’s no possible way that he could. He’s Hua Cheng’s beloved, he knows he is. There’s a home for him in those arms if he just reaches out for it, and even if there wasn’t Hua Cheng would never be cruel to him about it. 

He’s distracted when he agrees with Hua Cheng’s suggestion that they put a movie on, and he flops down onto the sofa in a heap of limbs as Hua Cheng chuckles at him and grabs the remote from the fireplace. He spends a minute stoking the fire and adding another log, before he unexpectedly lifts the corner of the blanket that Xie Lian is trying to wrap over his legs and slides in beneath it.

Xie Lian’s heart nearly stops beating in his chest, as every nerve in his body springs to life, keenly aware of every inch of Hua Cheng that is pressed against him.

“Traditional Christmas movie or crappy Hallmark?” Hua Cheng asks, as Xie Lian stares at him, not quite comprehending that a question has been asked. It takes a moment before Hua Cheng squeezes his knee, trying to prompt a response, but all that succeeds in doing is drawing Xie Lian’s attention back to their close proximity.

“Hallmark.” He rasps, voice a little strained, and his stomach swoops pleasantly when Hua Cheng takes a moment longer than necessary to turn away. He looks back almost immediately after, and the small smile on his lips gives Xie Lian the confidence to lean down against him, resting his head on his shoulder.

Fortunately, the TV has a streaming site, so Hua Cheng picks the latest Hallmark Christmas movie and puts it on without even indulging in their usual ritual of laughing and mocking the summary.

Unfortunately, they’re about ten minutes and twenty seconds into the movie when Xie Lian realises that this may possibly have been the worst film to watch, ever. Xie Lian sinks down a little on the sofa, his cheeks burning bright red, because the plot? 

It’s hitting a little too close to home.

Gay roommates? Check.

Said gay roommates devastatingly in love with each other, and wishing desperately to be together? 

Check.

Neither of them acting on their feelings because they’re worried they’ll ruin their friendship? 

Fucking check.

He wonders if this was really a good idea. Hua Cheng is tense beneath him, and he hasn't moved since the movie started and Xie Lian slotted himself into his side. They've done this before, once or twice in the apartment on days Xie Lian needed comfort, and Hua Cheng was always soft and warm beneath him. The stiffness is wholly unfamiliar, Hua Cheng's body tightening like a bow string with every little movement Xie Lian makes, even if it's just to look up and comment on the movie. 

And Xie Lian aches with the weight of his worries and his wants. Hua Cheng smells good, a mix of his cologne and his shampoo, and the laundry powder that they share, and it's enough to send Xie Lian dizzy with want when it's combined with the warmth of Hua Cheng against him, but the tension between them is so thick that Xie Lian worries. 

Why is Hua Cheng so tense? Xie Lian wonders if he's figured it out and is horrified with Xie Lian for creating such a ruse in the first place. Or worse, perhaps he’s gone through all of this in total confidence that he is Hua Cheng’s beloved, but what if that’s not actually the case, if he’s missed something and Hua Cheng really does love someone else? 

But then, Hua Cheng lifts his arm to slide the butterfly hairpin out of his bun and runs his fingers through the glossy strands. Xie Lian is weak watching it, and oh how he longs to pull Hua Cheng’s hand away and do it himself.

He glances at Hua Cheng's face, only to freeze when he sees that Hua Cheng is watching him with such an intensity that it burns. 

Embarrassed, Xie Lian lowers his head back to Hua Cheng’s chest.

The atmosphere crackles, as Hua Cheng lowers his arm around Xie Lian and carefully, oh so carefully, lets it settle around him with his hand coming to rest on Xie Lian’s hip. He becomes immediately aware that if Hua Cheng lifts his hand a few inches he’ll find bare skin from where Xie Lian’s sweater has ridden up.

Oh. Oh dear.

“Is gege enjoying the movie?” Hua Cheng asks, lowering his head a little so that he can murmur the words directly into Xie Lian’s ear. He’s still tense beneath Xie Lian, but far less than he was only minutes ago. His breathing is too carefully controlled to be natural, and Xie Lian struggles to swallow as he tries to think on what on earth the movie is even about. 

“I do! I just think it should be obvious to them that they’re in love with each other.” The words are out before he can stop them, and his raging blush returns once they’ve registered in his ears. Hua Cheng’s breath hitches, and Xie Lian hears the sharp inhale and only burrows closer.

He’s hyper aware of how close they are the longer that this movie plays. He’s sitting with almost his entire upper body pressed against Hua Cheng’s, tucked under his arm with his head resting back on Hua Cheng’s shoulder. Hua Cheng begins to idly play with the ends of Xie Lian’s hair with his free hand, and he doesn’t know if he’s imagining it or not but something heavy and weighty settles between them, the knowledge that only one of them needs to be the spark that lights the flame.

If Hua Cheng knows, then why isn’t he acting on it?

The movie continues, but Xie Lian isn’t paying attention, too aware of how Hua Cheng’s fingers are lazily drawing patterns into his skin above the waistband of his leggings. His fingers are cool, making goosebumps erupt wherever he touches. Hua Cheng’s touch is a gentle tremble, at times firm on his skin and then ghosting further down, across his thigh.

Xie Lian is shifting too much, feeling hot and needy as those fingers keep dancing along his body, until Hua Cheng turns a little and curls a finger under Xie Lian’s jaw, tilting his face up to look at him.

“Gege,” he murmurs, his gaze warm. “You’re not watching.” The hand on Xie Lian’s hip flattens, and the heat from his hand feels like fire on Xie Lian’s exposed skin. Xie Lian struggles not to squirm as Hua Cheng curls his fingers again, so tantalisingly close to his waistband. They stare at each other, the movie long faded into the background, and that delicious tension snaps back into place.

"I am," Xie Lian protests weakly, his voice strained, and Hua Cheng's eyes flicker down when his lips part. A soft blush works its way up Xie Lian’s cheeks as he inhales shakily, anticipation coiling hot and sweet in his belly. He stares in awe as Hua Cheng's beautiful mismatched eyes widen, biting his lip at the sound of Hua Cheng's sharp gasp, nervous and giddy all in one.

Hua Cheng is looking at him as though he’s not quite convinced Xie Lian is real. If Xie Lian had thought he looked like a tightly-wound coil on the boat the night before, it’s nothing compared to now. He’s tense, eyes wide and pinning Xie Lian in place, and the finger curled beneath his chin is trembling as Hua Cheng tilts his head. 

Xie Lian averts his eyes, a little embarrassed as that heavy tension twists around them. His heart pounds in his chest from nerves and anticipation, because surely this moment is becoming too raw, too real.

The movie is still playing, but Xie Lian can’t hear it, too attuned to the heavy, steady breaths coming from Hua Cheng, the pink that dusts across his cheeks, and that look of sweet adoration mixed with a little terror in his eyes. He still hasn’t looked away, and Xie Lian feels like they’re on the edge of something beautiful and new.

And then it snaps.

Hua Cheng’s lips crash onto his, messy and uncoordinated, the hand under his jaw sliding along to cup one side of his face. His nose is squished against Hua Cheng’s cheek, but he reaches out, grasps Hua Cheng’s sweater in his hands and pulls himself closer, half crawling into Hua Cheng’s lap in a rush of needy desperation. Hua Cheng’s lips are soft against his own even though the kiss is far from it, and the hand on his jaw finally releases as Hua Cheng reaches out for him. A warm hand slides along the exposed skin of his lower back, lifting him and manoeuvring them mid-kiss so that Xie Lian is laid with his back to the couch, and Hua Cheng settles his warm weight over Xie Lian.

“Gege, you- fuck.” Hua Cheng leans back down and kisses him harder, swiping his tongue along Xie Lian’s lower lip and licking into his mouth when he gasps at the sensation. He opens his legs, lets Hua Cheng settle in better, closer, and finally touches all those places he’s been dying to touch. “You were up to something.”

“I wanted San Lang to finally tell me how he feels.” Xie Lian gasps between kisses, lightly running his fingertips up Hua Cheng’s neck before finally cupping his jaw with his hands. It gives him a bit of control, and Xie Lian can’t help it when his lips quirk into a smile, giddiness running through him because they’re here. Finally.

All these years of being hopelessly in love with each other, neither one daring to speak of their feelings for fear of ruining their friendship, when it had been obvious to everyone but them that they belonged together.

Hua Cheng must feel the same, because it’s a struggle to kiss each other when they’re both grinning like fools. Xie Lian peppers his face with kisses until Hua Cheng laughs in his arms, and then the hands on his waist lower, down to his hips, and something…switches.

Xie Lian’s giggles dissipate. He stares up at Hua Cheng, still gently cradling his face in his hands, and slowly swipes his thumb over Hua Cheng’s lower lip. It makes him inhale, sharply, and then Hua Cheng is leaning down again and kissing him deeply.

It’s hot. Hua Cheng’s hand slides down his thigh and grips it tightly, and Xie Lian follows the silent instruction and slings his leg over Hua Cheng’s hip, and oh.

They’re both achingly hard, and this new angle makes it breathtakingly obvious.

“San Lang.” He gasps, dizzy from Hua Cheng’s kisses, utterly delighted in the lightheaded daze that is settling over him. His blood burns with arousal, and though its intensity is surprising it is not unwelcome. 

He wants to lie here and be kissed into oblivion, until he’s so stupid with giddiness that he forgets the entire world exists outside of Hua Cheng. He wants to be spread apart and fucked deeply, thoroughly, until he’s glassy with arousal and want and so far gone in the pleasure Hua Cheng can bring him that he’s forgotten his own name.

Mercifully, Hua Cheng understands. He pauses his kisses, resting his forehead against Xie Lian’s and panting, struggling to catch his breath.

But then he smirks, wickedly, and Xie Lian swallows in trepidation even as he squirms and arches up into Hua Cheng, gasping when the other man rolls his hips and pushes their erections together.

“Shall I get gege’s lube?” Hua Cheng murmurs in his ear, lips clearly still turned up into a smirk. Xie Lian moans, horrified even as pleasure runs through him, the urge to hide his head in Hua Cheng’s shoulder strong enough to make him blush.

But unfortunately for Hua Cheng, Xie Lian has a response ready on the tip of his tongue.

“I ah, ah-” He’s cut off by warm lips descending on his neck, pressing a sweet kiss underneath his jaw before Hua Cheng works his way down the column of his throat. “I thought San Lang’s lube looked fine.”

Xie Lian can feel his face burning just from admitting to that discovery, but Hua Cheng’s lips still against his pulse point. 

“I wondered if you saw that.” Hua Cheng says as he lets his hand glide down the front of Xie Lian’s chest. He stops above the waistband of his leggings, planting another kiss to his neck before he lets his hand drift further, over Xie Lian’s leggings, and when he finally stops it’s to gently lay his hand over against Xie Lian’s erection.

A whimper escapes Xie Lian before he can stop it, his hips bucking up into Hua Cheng’s hand in chase of friction as he grips it ever so lightly through the fabric. Unable to help himself, Xie Lian wraps his arms around Hua Cheng’s neck and drags him down into another deep kiss, mindlessly rutting against Hua Cheng’s hand as he does.

Hua Cheng doesn’t move far when he pulls away a moment later, nuzzling Xie Lian’s nose and pressing a kiss to the tip before finally moving his hand and teasingly hovering at Xie Lian’s waistband. Xie Lian catches his lips in another kiss, this one slow and shallow with an almost playful brushing together of their tongues. Hua Cheng finally slips his hand inside Xie Lian’s leggings and boxers, making them both moan into a kiss when Hua Cheng finally wraps his hand around the silky skin of Xie Lian’s cock.

“Gege, I’ve wanted you for so -fuck.” Hua Cheng is cut off by Xie Lian kissing a path up his jaw and catching his earlobe softly between his teeth. Xie Lian can’t help the grin that lifts his lips when he realises that the action makes Hua Cheng grind down into him.

“I know.” He whispers against Hua Cheng’s jaw, too overcome to say anything else other than a gasping “me too.”

There’s a pause, and then Hua Cheng lets his cock go, fingers catching on the hem of his sweater and trying to tug it off over Xie Lian’s head. He smiles as it’s lifted over his head, and then Hua Cheng’s lips are back on his, his hands roaming over every inch of skin that has been exposed. His touch is warm, and when his hands settle on his back, lifting Xie Lian into arching up from the touch, Hua Cheng uses the leverage to begin kissing his way down over Xie Lian’s collarbone.

And then, he presses his lips to a dusky nipple, and Xie Lian feels the pleasure run through him as though he’s been zapped. It almost ricochets when Hua Cheng grazes it gently with his teeth and sucks, and Xie Lian starts squirming and panting in Hua Cheng’s arms like an animal in heat.

“San Lang, you’re so good, oh-” Xie Lian babbles nonsense at him, clutching at the back of Hua Cheng’s head with one hand and writhing beneath him, trying to hook a leg over his hips as Hua Cheng licks and sucks at one nipple before moving to the other.

Xie Lian feels dazed, trapped in a relentless cycle of pleasure and frustration as Hua Cheng takes advantage of this discovery that his nipples are sensitive, wanting more of it at the same moment as he wants Hua Cheng to just rip his leggings off and fuck him. 

But mercy comes, when Hua Cheng pulls off, leaving two very puffy and wet nipples behind. He looks pleased with himself, but before Xie Lian can pull him back up to his level Hua Cheng continues his downward path, sucking kisses and little lovebites into Xie Lian’s skin until he reaches the line of thin hair below his belly button.

Xie Lian feels actual euphoria when those long fingers sink into the sides of his leggings and slowly pull them off along with his boxers. Xie Lian can feel his cheeks getting even hotter when his cock springs out, heavy and hard and leaking.

Hua Cheng moans at the sight.

“Fuck, gege, I want to suck you off.” His breaths are shallow, and Xie Lian watches, mesmerised, as he leans forward, kissing the shaft and licking up the precum that is smeared around the tip. He looks so hot there, a pink flush high in his cheeks, hands spreading Xie Lian’s thighs open and looking at his cock as though it’s a delicious treat just for him.

“No, no I’m too close, San Lang, I-” Xie Lian grabs a handful of his hair and pulls Hua Cheng up to him. His heart is racing, so close to an orgasm that he’s almost tipped over the edge, and it takes a long, languid kiss from Hua Cheng to bring him back down.

“Lube?” Hua Cheng asks again, pulling off Xie Lian’s leggings completely and tossing them over the back of the sofa. 

“Please.” 

Hua Cheng swallows thickly at the tone of Xie Lian’s voice, staring at him for a second too long before he nods and gets up, looking for his backpack for the fastest way to get the lube. Xie Lian watches for a moment, appreciating fully that shapely ass clad in loose pants, before he grabs the blanket and gently tosses it to the floor, to the side of the faux fur rugs.

He stands, waiting for Hua Cheng to come back. He feels exposed, totally bared to Hua Cheng, but he doesn’t care, finds it hot, and when Hua Cheng returns with surprise on his face at Xie Lian standing in the centre of the room, Xie Lian makes the first move this time.

Slowly, with his fingers trembling more than they should be, Xie Lian slips his fingers beneath the hemline of Hua Cheng’s sweater and slowly pulls it off. He is watched with a heated, desperate gaze the whole time, but once that torso is exposed to him Xie Lian nearly loses his own control. The tattoos, the smooth skin, that burning gaze. He lets his fingers roam over the tattoos, up and over his arms and down his chest to the waistband of his pants, exploring the expanse of chest that has been exposed to him in an entirely new way.

He’s barely got the pants down over Hua Cheng’s hips before his lips capture his again, kissing him slow and unhurried as Xie Lian kicks them towards the sofa.

When he finally presses close, their skin warm and pushed together chest to chest, Xie Lian’s groan is swallowed by Hua Cheng’s kiss. It feels delicious, warm skin against warm skin, and even though he wants to hand over all he is to Hua Cheng, he could be equally content if they spent all night kissing without any clothes on, their cocks rubbing together between their bodies.

Hua Cheng lifts him then, strong hands beneath Xie Lian’s thighs as he wraps his legs easily around him. It’s even hotter, as Xie Lian wraps his arms around Hua Cheng’s neck and kisses and kisses, long slow swipes of their tongues against each other.

“Bedroom.” Hua Cheng eventually murmurs between kisses, when Xie Lian has rested his forehead against Hua Cheng’s and rolls his hips so slowly as to be criminal.

“No.” He sounds hoarse, desperate, and Hua Cheng pauses, cocking his head to the side.

“Oh? Where does gege want us to go then?”

And look, Xie Lian has fantasies, he does, and this isn’t even one of them! Not really! But, he thinks as Hua Cheng steadies him with a shift of his hands, he did not rent a cabin with a huge fireplace to get fucked in a bed.

“Here.” He says, feeling another flush of heat flood his already pink cheeks. He wants Hua Cheng, needs him, with a soft rug behind him and the fire lighting up his Hua Cheng’s every expression. He doesn’t think it’s a lot to ask.

Neither does Hua Cheng, judging by the way he lowers Xie Lian to the floor, still holding him tight and doing his best not to let go as he kisses him, desperate and searching. He settles between Xie Lian’s legs once they’re down, fingers rubbing circles into his inner thighs as he reaches for the lube. Xie Lian’s heart pounds in his chest at the sight of the bottle, his brain fizzing because it’s finally happening. 

The lube is cool with the slightest tingle when Hua Cheng spreads his legs and covers his ass with it. The tingle is nice, making him squirm as Hua Cheng slowly starts to rub around his ass, perhaps to get him used to the sensation.

“Gege, this could be uncomfortable.” He whispers, terrified Xie Lian will change his mind. Instead, Xie Lian bends the leg that’s still wrapped around Hua Cheng’s waist, using it to pull his body forward.

“You don’t - ah…” Xie Lian’s hips bear down onto Hua Cheng’s fingers, still massaging around his rim. “You don’t have to be too gentle with me, San Lang. I’ve had…stuff up there, before.”

Hua Cheng’s fingers fall away, his hands suddenly gripping Xie Lian’s thighs as he stares down at Xie Lian with something similar to wonder on his face.

“Oh? And what have you been putting up your ass?”

“My fingers. And toys. Ah.” Xie Lian gasps as Hua Cheng finally pushes in with one finger, starting slow but immediately moving around, as though testing Xie Lian’s tightness. Hua Cheng’s cheeks pinken when he realises that Xie Lian must have had his fingers inside him on this trip, because he’s pliant, easily opened without a hint of pain.

It’s so fucking hot.

Another finger goes in, crooking immediately and sending such a shockwave of pleasure through him.

“Naughty.” Hua Cheng twists his fingers, and Xie Lian nearly screams into his shoulder. “I’d have been happy to help, if I’d known.”

Xie Lian bites his lip so hard he nearly pierces it. “San Lang was taking too long to fuck me.”

Like a starving man at a banquet, Hua Cheng looks down at Xie Lian as though he wants to consume him. “So you were thinking of me.” He murmurs, leaning down to kiss Xie Lian again. This one is brutal, Hua Cheng finally taking full control even as he is so careful slipping a third finger into Xie Lian to join the first two. He wastes no time in preparing Xie Lian, curling his fingers against that spot inside him that drives him crazy, as Xie Lian struggles to breathe and mindlessly rolls his hips down to find that friction.

“San Lang, please.” He pants when he’s released for air, feeling dizzy with arousal and the taste, smell of Hua Cheng all around him. “I need - I need you inside me.”

Hua Cheng stills, eyes going wide, still buried three fingers deep in Xie Lian.

“Fuck, gege you can’t just say-” Hua Cheng sits up, giving Xie Lian’s ass another curl of his fingers before he pulls out, helpless to ignore Xie Lia’s disappointed whimper. He looks around, spots the condom in his backpack, and reaches out for it.

“Are you clean, San Lang?” Xie Lian asks, knowing he already knows the answer. They’ve never spent a night apart in years, after all. Hua Cheng looks up at him from where his fingers are tearing open the condom wrapper.

“I’ve never - I haven’t done this before.” 

Neither has Xie Lian, who smiles as he takes the condom from Hua Cheng’s hand and flings it in the direction of the kitchen.

“Then I want to feel every inch of you inside me.” He murmurs against Hua Cheng’s lips, then pulls him back down into another kiss, resisting the urge to giggle at the wide-eyed, hungry look Hua Cheng gives him.

But then he wonders, perhaps Hua Cheng wants to use a condom? “Ah, unless you’d rather - I can go get it.” He says, a blush rising on his cheeks.

Hua Cheng laughs, burying his nose in Xie Lian’s neck as he lets out a nervous huff of laughter, kissing his skin and grazing his teeth over a lovely purple lovebite. Xie Lian can’t remember him putting it there, but it’s beautiful and tender, even when it’s given a soothing swipe of a tongue.

“You’re going to kill me, gege.” He sounds soft, like he doesn’t really mind that fact, distracting Xie Lian with another kiss as he reaches for the lube again. 

This time they both sit up, Xie Lian so he can finally touch Hua Cheng, gliding the lube over his cock and hearing himself moan in tandem with Hua Cheng, mesmerised by the silky-soft feel of it, the heaviness and how big it is.

He’s got some impressive sex toys, but he’s not sure any can compare in girth and length to this.

It makes his mouth water.

Hua Cheng notices, and kisses him senseless before taking the lube from his hand and moving it out of the way.

“You might want to go on top, to control how much you take.” Hua Cheng murmurs against his lips, and Xie Lian nods in agreement, in eagerness.

It’s a little awkward lining up, with the floor beneath his knees and Hua Cheng laying back so he can see better, but it does give him the control to sink down on Hua Cheng inch by precious inch. He feels tight around Hua Cheng, and for a moment he’s terrified that he won’t be able to take all of him, but Xie Lian shifts down that final couple of inches and takes him whole.

The moan that chokes them both is so obscene that his stomach flutters, anticipation running hot in his blood.

With him seated fully, Hua Cheng sits back up, eager to touch every inch of Xie Lian that he can. One hand settles on his hip, hot and encouraging, and the other winds into his hair and pulls him forward for a kiss.

Xie Lian’s hips move at the motion, and there’s another moan just as obscene as the first one. He squirms his hips as they kiss, mapping out Hua Cheng’s reactions, the way his breath hitches and his whole body tenses when he rocks his hips forwards.

Carefully, he lowers his hands to Hua Cheng’s shoulders, using them as leverage, and then he lifts himself up, nearly off Hua Cheng’s cock, before grinding down as fast as his hips will let him.

Hua Cheng nearly bites through Xie Lian’s lip.

Xie Lian repeats it, up and down, until he finds a rhythm, taking note of what makes Hua Cheng’s breath hitch, what makes him moan and groan and kiss Xie Lian harder, faster, his control totally and utterly gone. Hua Cheng pulls him in with every downward rock of his hips, kissing him, devouring him until his only thoughts are how hot this is, how good it feels, how it wouldn’t be half as pleasurable if it wasn’t Hua Cheng.

But then Hua Cheng’s hands settle on his hips, stopping him from moving.

‘Gege, gege, stop, you’re going to make me-”. Hua Cheng stops all movement apart from a soft, barely-there kiss to Xie Lian’s lips, letting his hand drift down from his hair to wrap around his waist.

His skin is burning from the heat of the fire and Hua Cheng’s touch, the hand in his hair as hot as a brand, and the hand on his thigh kneading fire into his blood. Xie Lian stops moving, entirely overwhelmed, and releases Hua Cheng’s shoulders to cradle his face gently in his hands.

Xie Lian leans down to kiss him, syrupy sweet and soft, feels the arm around him tighten even as Hua Cheng’s cock twitches inside him. Every part of him aches for this man, as he kisses him so deeply that his nose is squished firmly against Hua Cheng’s cheek. Xie Lian fully settles his weight down, taking Hua Cheng as deeply as he possibly can in this position, swallowing the whine that leaves Hua Cheng’s throat even as his own body shivers at the pleasure that courses through it. He rolls his hips forward without thinking, pushing Hua Cheng’s cock against that spot that makes his vision blur.

He feels full, so full, love bubbling up inside him and sending him crazy, full from the heat of Hua Cheng’s cock inside him, joined so easily with him that it’s as though they were made for this. His own cock is trapped between them, smearing precum over Hua Cheng’s belly and driving Xie Lian mad with every brush and bump against his skin.

Xie Lian pulls away a little, tongue darting out to lick the taste of Hua Cheng off his lips. The younger man seems dazed and half-feral, his breath coming in ragged pants as Xie Lian presses their foreheads together. He feels dizzy, their breaths mingling between them whilst those beautiful mismatched eyes stare up into his own. Hua Cheng looks as wrecked as Xie Lian feels.

In the light of the fire, with his skin burning up and their bodies already slicked with sweat, Xie Lian can’t hold back anymore. He traces the fingers of one hand up Hua Cheng’s cheek, over his nose and around the socket of his red eye, and tenderly brushes his hair back from his face with a happy, contented hum.

“I love you.”

He knows it’s considered bad form to confess his love in the middle of sex, but it feels right, as if there could never be any other place he would confess it than with Hua Cheng buried to the hilt inside him, so close it is impossible to tell where one ends and the other begins. The euphoria within him is so strong, so powerful, fuelled by the love in his heart and the unexpected pleasure of simply sitting here, straddling Hua Cheng’s hips, their lips separated by mere millimetres.

Below him, Hua Cheng’s eyes widen. His pupils are blown, so much so that his red eye almost seems black in the low light. The hand on Xie Lian’s thigh is removed, fingers skimming up Xie Lian’s side in feathery touches until he takes one of his hands, threading their fingers together and holding their joined hands between their bodies.

There’s adoration clear as day on Hua Cheng’s face, so clear that Xie Lian once again wonders how he ever missed it, and he closes the gap between them before Hua Cheng can speak, kissing him before he can hear his reply.

It’s soft and languid, entirely controlled by Xie Lian even as the grip around him tightens again, the arm still wrapped around his back tugging his hips down. His tongue glides along Hua Cheng’s, and he allows his lower lip to be gently sucked between his. There’s the slightest tang to their kiss that he only just registers, the taste of the expensive red wine they had with dinner, and when Xie Lian pulls back their lips remain joined by a string of saliva that Hua Cheng promptly licks from his kiss-swollen lips.

“Gege,” Hua Cheng pants, silenced briefly by another open-mouthed kiss. “I love you so fucking much, I can’t -oh.” Hua Cheng is cut off with a moan as Xie Lian tries to press even closer, the movement shifting Hua Cheng’s cock inside him just enough to send pleasure buzzing up his spine.

Xie Lian undulates his hips slowly, keeping the fire between them stoked, as Hua Cheng kisses wherever he can reach, his chest, his neck, smearing his lips across sweaty skin.

Before Xie Lian can set the pace again, visibly struggling from the burn in his thighs and the discomfort in the small of his back, Hua Cheng seems to finally get a hold of himself, pulling himself back from being beautifully taken apart. Xie Lian can feel the change in the atmosphere, that fiery pleasure twisting into something soft and gentle.

He whimpers when Hua Cheng pulls out, his ass tightening around nothing and feeling bereft at the loss. He’s so aroused, moving easily as Hua Cheng gets him to turn, guiding him with hands on his hips until Xie Lian understands what he wants and sinks back down onto his cock with a moan of relief.

It’s somehow more intimate and less so, seated in his lap with his back to Hua Cheng’s chest. He reaches around behind him, threading his fingers in Hua Cheng’s hair as he leans back, taking the strain off his thighs and rocking him sweetly into Hua Cheng. 

“You looked like you were getting tired.” Hua Cheng murmurs into his ear, softly kissing Xie Lian’s temple as his arms wind around Xie Lian’s waist. The entire front of his body warms with the heat from the flames, as Hua Cheng rests a teasing hand on the inside of Xie Lian’s thigh whilst the other roams over his chest, teasing his nipples and scraping lightly over his abdomen.

Xie Lian feels dizzy with lust, even though he’s hardly moving, his soft whimpers turning to moans when the hand on his thigh finally, finally wraps around his neglected cock. It’s slick with precum and so neglected that Xie Lian nearly comes from the touch alone, Hua Cheng’s thumb swiping teasingly over the slit as he sucks a bruise into Xie Lian’s shoulder.

When he finally begins stroking, his touch gentle and light, Xie Lian can feel pleasure and the beginnings of his orgasm slowly starting to build, the fire spreading through his body but not quite at enough of a pace to help him find release.

There are tears in the corner of his eyes, frustration at the infuriatingly slow pace of Hua Cheng’s hand around his cock, pumping away slowly as Xie Lian writhes in his lap. A low chuckle in his ear sends pleasure shooting down his spine, and Xie Lian pushes back against Hua Cheng’s chest and grinds his hips harder.

“Gege seems frustrated.”

Gods how he is. There’s no reason his completion should be so far out of his reach. He’s fucked himself silly in the shower enough times with just a dildo, thinking of Hua Cheng’s hands all over him. Now that he’s here, with Hua Cheng’s hands actually all over him, with his cock buried deeper than any toy ever reached, he should be a sobbing mess of pleasure already.

But instead, Hua Cheng is teasing him, refuses to move within him. The fiery passion from earlier isn’t gone, but Hua Cheng is letting it simmer sweetly, tormenting Xie Lian with gentle strokes on his cock and soft kisses down the knobs of his spine. Xie Lian whines when he feels teeth sink into the muscle on the side of his neck, feels the swipe of a hot tongue over the teeth marks before Hua Cheng traces long wet kisses up his neck and stops at the little hollow below Xie Lian’s ear.

He feels like he’s going to explode, and Hua Cheng is somehow composed enough to not react when he has Xie Lian in his lap like this, pathetically attempting to grind and roll his hips for some kind of friction.

“San Lang, please.” He pleads, fingers tugging on Hua Cheng’s hair. The hand on Hua Cheng’s thigh is digging in hard enough to leave nail marks, for all the good that trying to steady himself on Hua Cheng is doing him. 

Behind him, Hua Cheng slowly pushes aside all of Xie Lian’s hair, tenderly lifting it over his shoulder. It plasters against his chest, damp with sweat, and finally, finally Hua Cheng begins to rock slowly beneath him.

Each shift sends pleasure crashing into him in waves, and he struggles to breathe with each gentle rock of Hua Cheng’s hips. Xie Lian turns his head to the side, pressing desperate, frantic little kisses to the underside of Hua Cheng’s jaw.

“Yes, yes, San Lang please-“

Hua Cheng drags a hand up his cock, slow and with intent, and Xie Lian feels the smirk against his skin a half-second before Hua Cheng moves his hands, grabbing Xie Lian’s hips and holding him in place as he slowly, torturously, pulls out to the tip.

“How many times did gege think of me, when he was fucking himself in our apartment?” He asks, voice a pleased murmur against Xie Lian’s jaw. Xie Lian unconsciously tightens the fingers still wound in Hua Cheng’s hair, but he doesn’t so much as hiss, holding Xie Lian still even as he tries to push down. If Hua Cheng’s cock leaves him he thinks he might die. 

“Every- ah!” Before the word is fully out of his mouth, Hua Cheng forces him down, slamming into Xie Lian from tip to hilt in one fast, rough movement. There’s a smacking sound from Xie Lian’s ass hitting Hua Cheng’s hips, and it’s so lewd that Xie Lian nearly comes right there. 

“Hm? I didn’t hear you.” 

“Every time! A-ah-“ Hua Cheng repeats the movement when Xie Lian speaks, pulling out slowly only to push back in hard and fast, leaving Xie Lian a half-coherent mess. “Since we - since we moved in- oh-“ Hua Cheng stops, one hand sliding down Xie Lian’s hip and wrapping warmly around his inner thigh, his thumb just brushing against Xie Lian’s tormented cock. His other hand takes Xie Lian’s hair and turns his head to make him look at Hua Cheng.

He looks stunned, something even Xie Lian can notice through half-lidded eyes, but he doesn’t get to say anything before he’s dragged into a bruising, almost painful kiss. Hua Cheng kisses him as though he’s trying to devour him again, tongue gliding along his own as he shifts beneath him.

Xie Lian feels anticipation welling up inside him as Hua Cheng adjusts, moves his legs a little to better brace himself against the rug. It’s hot, too, to know his answer has had such an effect on Hua Cheng, knowing he’s about to be railed right here on the floor.

When Hua Cheng moves again, Xie Lian feels like crying from joy. He offers no mercy, fucking into Xie Lian like he’s no better than an animal in heat, rough and inconsistent thrusts of his hips sending Xie Lian woozy with pleasure and joy,

“Oh, oh.” Xie Lian’s thighs are burning, his moans leaving his lips in increasingly higher-pitches as Hua Cheng thrusts up to meet every roll of his hips. The hand wrapped around his inner thigh is holding him hard enough to bruise, dragging him down with every thrust to ensure Hua Cheng’s cock goes as deep as it can, and driving Xie Lian into utter incoherency as Hua Cheng keeps his head still with a hand in his hair. His lips are smearing kisses into Xie Lian’s neck, an assault of lips and tongue and teeth, marking an array of bruises into his pale skin. 

“San Lang,” he moans, utterly wrecked, “I love you so much.”

And then Hua Cheng shifts quickly, his face appearing panicked, as he tries to pull out. “Shit, gege, m’gonna-“

Xie Lian’s mind goes white with the sheer force of the no that he feels in his gut. He slams his hips back down before Hua Cheng can pull his cock out, keeping him in as he leans back and kisses him brutally. His hole flutters around Hua Cheng’s cock as though it means to milk him dry.

“Gods, please come inside me.” Xie Lian whines into his ear when he leans back, panting and looking so beautifully fucked. Hua Cheng groans into his shoulder as his orgasm shatters him, turns his bones to jelly as his cock paints Xie Lian’s inner walls with his cum. 

“Gege, gege-“ Xie Lian cuts off his breathy moan with another kiss, grinding his hips until Hua Cheng is done and he feels full, stuffed with the warm liquid of Hua Cheng’s cum. The sight of him behind Xie Lian, eyes half-lidded and his lips curled up into a lazy, happy grin as his orgasm turns him syrupy with bliss, is enough to send Xie Lian over the edge after him. 

His own cum makes a mess of his stomach and chest, but Xie Lian barely registers it as pleasure rushes through him, radiating outwards and hitting him with such a strong wave of emotion that he nearly sobs, happiness and pleasure and love, all wrapped up in Hua Cheng’s uncoordinated, wet kiss. 

They remain there until they come down from their high, messily kissing and struggling to regain their breath, and when they are finally coherent again neither of them wants to detangle even to make it over to the sofa. Hua Cheng slips out of him, grinning when Xie Lian whines at the loss, and carefully lowers them both down into the soft warmth of the rug.

Xie Lian rolls over so he’s facing Hua Cheng, leaning up to kiss him sweetly before he wraps his arms around him and snuggles in close. Despite everything they’ve done, Hua Cheng still blushes, holding him in his arms as though he still can’t quite believe this is happening.

“I love you gege.” He says, breaking the gentle quiet and tightening his grip, pressing a kiss down onto Xie Lian’s hair.

Xie Lian kisses his collarbone, humming as he does so. “I know. I love you too. So much.”

“When did you figure it out?”

Xie Lian hesitates for a moment, wondering how much he should reveal. Without his tongue loosened by arousal, he thinks perhaps the whole truth really will border on weird, but he can’t lie, not here ensconced in his arms after what they’ve just done.

“I’ve only known for sure for a few weeks, San Lang. But I- I suspected a few months ago.” He pauses, shifting up the rug so he’s face to face with Hua Cheng, receiving a gentle kiss for his effort. “I thought I was going crazy, thinking your beloved could be me. I was so - San Lang, I was so jealous, for years, thinking I could never have you. And then one evening we were just sitting there in the apartment, and I was burning with it, trying to figure out who it could be, when I wondered who else you spent so much time with, or any time at all. And it clicked.” 

Xie Lian remembers it well, the way he’d fled the living room feigning a headache, had paced back and forth in his bedroom having a meltdown, trying to tell himself he was crazy. He’d debated going out and confronting Hua Cheng, but had calmed down enough to commit himself to observing Hua Cheng, to see if there was any truth to his suspicions even as his stomach exploded with fluttering nerves at the sheer possibility.

Hua Cheng stares at him, trying to process every implication behind those words. When he finally speaks, his voice is rough, torn. “It was always you. I loved you from the minute I set eyes on you, on my first day at the gallery.” He hesitates, sure in his love but wondering how far he can go with the questions he asks. “How long has gege loved me?”

Xie Lian’s smile is soft as he leans forward for another soft, open-mouthed kiss. 

“I think I’ve always loved you, San Lang. But I couldn’t accept it until we moved in together, when you told me your beloved wouldn’t mind if I moved in. I was so bitter, for weeks, until I realised why I was reacting so strongly.”

Hua Cheng leans in to kiss him again then, hard and purposeful, and shakes his head when he pulls away.

“If I’d known, I’d never have let you think it was anyone other than you. I didn’t want to scare you away.”

“You could never.” Xie Lian kisses the cool tip of his nose, smiling sweetly. “What a pair of fools we are, San Lang. Would you have told me, if you’d known?”

Hua Cheng smirks at him then, a slow-spreading one that immediately makes Xie Lian flush without any good reason for it. 

“Are you asking if I’d have also concocted a plan to steal gege away from civilisation for a week so I could seduce him in a cabin in the woods?” 

“San Lang!” Xie Lian lowers his head and buries his face in Hua Cheng’s neck, flushing scarlet as Hua Cheng laughs at him, lovely and clear and bright. “When did you realise?” He mumbles, a little mortified he’s been exposed so easily, as Hua Cheng tightens his hold and runs his fingers through Xie Lian’s hair.

“I suspected when we arrived and there was only one bed, but I knew when I found your lube and condoms in our shared suitcase. I looked online for the cabin when you fled downstairs and realised it was obvious in the advert that it was advertised as a romantic, couples retreat.”

Xie Lian flushes again, but then he catches on to what Hua Cheng has said, and -

“You made me wait nearly forty-eight hours.” He grumbles into his neck, lips pursing in dismay. Hua Cheng laughs at him, leaning back and tilting his chin up to steal a kiss.

“But gege was so cute, and such a tease, setting me up to be kissed and then hesitating at the last minute. And the boat honestly made me think for a moment that I had misinterpreted it.”

“I panicked. I thought you’d think I was such a creep, luring you out here.” Xie Lian lets a smile return to his face, still a little mortified but overwhelmingly happy that their evening is ending like this, a perfect culmination to Christmas Day.

And then he remembers -

“You brought lube too!”

Hua Cheng chuckles even as his cheeks darken, and the kiss he gives Xie Lian is hungry, dark and promising far more than what they’ve already shared.

“I had hopes, gege. I wondered if I could finally win you over. And then I saw the condoms, and realised gege had a plan of his own.”

Xie Lian has to admit, it is funny in hindsight, and if anything all it shows is how pathetically in love with each other they are, to dance around each other for so long whilst wanting so much.

“Mn.” Xie Lian leans closer once more, and this time their kiss is long and slow, a gentle exploration of each other, and he can’t help grinning into it again. When he pulls back, he cradles Hua Cheng’s face with his hands and makes him look at him.

“Just so it’s clear, San Lang, I love you. I’ve always loved you, and I’ll never love anyone else but you.”

Hua Cheng smiles at him, bright and full of a wonder Xie Lian has rarely seen, and he pulls Xie Lian in to the tightest hug he’s ever received.

“I love you too. I never…gege, I never thought I’d have this. I love you so fucking much.” 

Xie Lian smiles, a little overcome, and hugs Hua Cheng back just as tightly. It’s nice to lie here, safe and warm in his embrace, content with the knowledge that he loves Hua Cheng and is loved in return. 

They spend the next week in such an animalistic way that Xie Lian will look back on it later and flush at the thought.

Xie Lian had planned for them to fill some of their days with activities, out on the lake or hiking through the surrounding countryside, but he hadn’t counted on the snow, and Hua Cheng insists that they should use the cabin for the purpose in which Xie Lian initially rented it for.

If there’s a surface he can be laid out on, Hua Cheng fucks him on it. The sofa, against the kitchen counter, in the shower and spread out on the dining table like he’s a feast. One memorable time, they at least try to make it to the bed, but quickly discover that the wide steps up to the mezzanine provide excellent angles and leverage. 

They get through Xie Lian’s bottle of lube in less than two days, as Hua Cheng takes advantage of their rural location to test how loudly he can make Xie Lian scream, how quickly he can drive him to sobbing in pleasure. They learn quickly what makes the other fall apart, and find that their stamina and their sex drives are evenly matched. They’re gentle and loving, frenzied and half-feral. One night, Hua Cheng drags Xie Lian’s pleasure out for hours until he falls to pieces and orgasms hard enough that he nearly blacks out - the next, Xie Lian fucks Hua Cheng so hard that his legs and hips are covered in hand-shaped bruises, to his own mortification even as Hua Cheng proudly walks around in nothing but his boxers with a obvious limp.

Xie Lian fucks him again beneath the Christmas tree, just because the sight is so hot.

By the time they pack their bags at the end of the week, they have to throw Hua Cheng’s empty bottle of lube away as well.

Xie Lian erupts into ridiculous giggles at the devastated expression Hua Cheng gives him when he tells him they’re out, and that they’re going to have to wait until they get home.

“I’m going to miss this place once we’ve left.” Xie Lian admits, curled up in Hua Cheng’s arms in front of the dying embers of the fire. They’re waiting for it to fully die before they leave, and Xie Lian is relishing the last of its warm heat against his skin. 

Hua Cheng is wrapped around him, and the heat of his body keeps Xie Lian warm and cosy, even as his fingers keep slipping teasingly into the waistband of Xie Lian’s pants. When he leans his head back against Hua Cheng’s shoulder, however, he stops, leaning down to press a kiss into the skin below his ear.

“I could buy it for gege, if you wanted.” He teases, only half-joking. Xie Lian huffs out a laugh, shaking his head in disbelief.

“Don’t joke, San Lang.” 

“I’d give you anything you wanted, if it would make you happy.”

Xie Lian smiles, letting his thumbs run gently over Hua Cheng’s cheekbones. He slides one hand into Hua Cheng’s hair, and tugs at his earlobe with the other. The arm around his waist is the only thing keeping him upright, and it feels so intimate, a wholly different kind to the intimacy they’ve shared the past several years.

“And if the only thing I’ve ever wanted, the person who makes me happier than I’ve ever been, is you?” He asks, voice soft. There’s something to this moment, something special and significant that Xie Lian is content to sit and enjoy.

Hua Cheng’s eyes are so mesmerising, the heterochromia so striking and beautiful that Xie Lian’s breath stutters at the sight of them widening.

“Gege!” He groans, cheeks darkening with a lovely blush, and leans down to pepper kisses on Xie Lian’s cheeks and forehead.

A tender silence falls, Hua Cheng’s face buried in Xie Lian’s neck. Xie Lian plays with the ends of his hair, so long now compared to how it was when they first met. 

“You’re the only person who has ever made me happy.” Hua Cheng whispers into the quiet, clutching at Xie Lian like he’s unwilling to ever let him go.

Xie Lian hopes he never does.

“Then it’s a good thing I plan on being by your side forever, hm?” 

“Mn.” Hua Cheng is quiet for a moment longer, and when he smiles up at Xie Lian it’s soft, vulnerable. “Thank you for bringing me here, gege.”

Xie Lian hums into his hair, pleased and content. He holds Hua Cheng, grounds him as he needs him to, until the last embers of the fire have cooled down, and it’s finally time for them to leave.

“I think,” Xie Lian says, as he winds Hua Cheng’s scarf around his neck and tucks it into his black woollen coat, “that we should come back next year.” 

He leans up on his tiptoes, tugging Hua Cheng down by his lapels to kiss him, soft and open-mouthed. Hua Cheng teasingly flicks his tongue against Xie Lian’s before he pulls away, tying the scarf that he made Xie Lian around his neck and tugging down the matching hat over Xie Lian’s chestnut hair.

“Already booked it, gege."