Chapter Text
“Dee?” Leo’s voice was muffled through the metal door, a few resounding knocks being felt against Donnie’s shell.
He had run into his room, slamming the door. He plopped himself down on the floor, bringing his knees up to his chest and curling around them.
He wasn’t… he wasn’t supposed to be doing this.
He doesn’t know why Leo is just sitting outside, when he could easily get his sword to portal in- as demonstrated before.
As soon as the thought crossed his mind, he heard footsteps walking away.
“I’ll be right back,” Leo called out.
Donnie curled further around his legs, expecting the worst. Expecting his assumptions to be true. Expecting to hear the tell-tale sound of a portal being created, to hear Leo stepping into his room. Then looking up at his brother to see-
Donnie’s thoughts pause at a louder knock on the door, higher up on the surface. It was resounding, but trying not to be. It was Raph. As that thought crossed the currently much younger turtle’s mind, a voice came echoing through the door.
“Dee? Are you okay in there, bud?” Mikey was there, too.
Leo wasn’t getting his sword- he was getting their brothers.
Donnie felt his chest ache at the sentiment, curling further into himself. Emotions are exhausting.
“Hey, Don,” On the other side of the door, Leo sat on the ground similarly to Donnie, but facing the door, “I got Mike and Raph, I uh, I hope that’s okay.”
He fidgeted with his hands, squeezing one with the other. Raph put an arm on his shoulder, sitting next to him.
Mikey followed the action, leaning against the wall near the doorframe, his head facing the metal so the turtle on the other side could hear him clearly.
“We just want to make sure nothing bad’s goin’ on,” He spoke, “You there?”
Donnie quickly realized he should respond, but didn’t trust his voice. He decided to knock on the door, uncurling from the position he was in. He put an arm on top of his legs, resting the side of his head on it like a pillow, giving two taps on the metal with the back of his other fist.
“Oh that- Donnie, was that you?” Mikey asked for confirmation.
Two more taps, a bit louder, were given in response.
“Donnie, I was-” Leo began, then cut himself off, “Earlier, I didn’t mean to trap you, that was an accident, I swear. I didn’t mean to… to..”
He took a breath, “Whatever.. Whatever this is, whatever’s going on, I just want to help, okay?”
“We want to help,” Raph chimed in, leaning towards the door.
“Dr. Feelings is proud of you guys,” Mikey adds, clasping his hands together.
“No- We’re not turning this into a family therapy thing,” Leo whispers, albeit loudly enough to be heard through the door.
“I’m trying to be supportive!” Mikey shoots back, in a sort of whisper-yell.
Raph shushed them, louder than the two combined, and that sent Donnie over the edge- suddenly snorting and muffling childish giggles with his arm. He realizes how much he’d missed this- his brothers. Everything had been far too melancholy, too distant after… Well, it doesn’t matter.
“Okay- okay, anyway,” Leo continued, leaning further towards the door, “Donnie? You still listening?”
Two taps on the door.
“Earlier,” He continued from before, “I was going to say that… I uh,” He cleared his throat, “Donnie- I’m sorry.”
“I was- I know I’ve said this like, a million times, but I was worried about you,” Leo put his forehead against the metal in front of him, “I… I messed up, because I did what I thought would be best. But it wasn’t. And- And made it worse, even. So I’m sorry.”
“Raph and I might not really know what’s going on, but we’re here for you,” Mikey spoke up, “Both of you.”
Leo moved his head to look at Mikey, and they had a moment of understanding as they looked into the other’s eyes.
“We want to make sure you’re okay,” Raph picked up where Mikey left off, “We want to know what’s going on.”
“You don’t have to tell us what, uh, whatever this thing is!” The orange loving turtle quickly added, “We mostly just want to make sure it’s not, like,” He searched for the right word to say.
“We want to make sure it’s not… hurting you or something,” Leo continued.
“Yeah,” Raph and Mikey agreed at the same time.
“We’re just here to help, or- or just talk even,” Leo put his hand on the door, “If you’ll let us.”
There was a pause where nobody spoke. The silence filled the hallway and inside of Donnie’s room, causing anxiety to rise in the three turtles sitting outside.
Leo lifted his head off the door, daring to take a peek at his little brother, who shrugged solemnly at his gaze. They both looked up at Raph, who didn’t give much of a reaction other than pressing his lips together into a lopsided frown.
Shuffling from the other side of the door immediately caught their attention, and all three of them turned their heads to listen.
Something started to slide under the door, hitting Leo in the foot.
“Oh,” He exclaimed, scooting backwards.
It was pushed the rest of the way, revealing itself to be a piece of paper with the words “Leo only” in messy handwriting. It was unlike any previous writing they had seen from their intellectual brother, but none of their minds ended up dwelling on that part.
With his own name looking up at him, Leo was momentarily confused, “...Me?”
Donnie repeated his action of knocking twice, and the other twin imagined the sound as nodding; a confirmation. He didn’t have time to let his thoughts continue, questioning why, when he was the one to cause all these problems, that he would continue to be trusted like this. He didn’t have time, because a few moments after the paper was slid under the door, a subtle “click” was heard from the handle.
The three turtles sitting outside all scrambled to stand, getting out of the way, then the door was hesitantly opened.
Through the small crack, Donnie’s right eye was visible, darting around the hallway. Leo took a step forward, and Donnie hid behind the piece of metal, not visible as it opened further.
The slider looked to where his brothers had stood next to each other. Mikey gave two enthusiastic thumbs-ups when eye contact was made.
Taking a deep breath, Leo walked forwards into his twin’s room. Right after he got in, the door was shut behind him. He turned around to look at his brother, who’s shell was facing his direction. Leo didn’t need to have Donnie’s genius to know how nervous he was.
When Donnie finally moved his hands away from the doorknob, he fidgeted with them for a moment before looking down at how shaky they were. He stared at his quivering arms, having an internal debate about if he should try to be big right now, or if his efforts would be fruitless. He knew it would make this conversation easier if he could think like how he usually does; however, he was so solidly in his headspace he could barely imagine trying to maintain being 16 at the moment.
He took a breath, heart beating loudly in his chest and what felt like a storm in his stomach, and turned around. He only looked at Leo for a second before immediately avoiding eye contact.
He decided to sit back on the ground, sliding against the door. Leo followed suit, sitting across from him, trying his best to convey that he was willing to listen.
Donnie sat, thinking through how he wanted to explain this, debating whether he wanted to speak, when he had an idea. He held a finger up to Leo, grabbing his phone and the notebook he had used to pass the note under the door.
All of this was confusing for Leo, but he stayed as patient as he could, for his brother’s sake.
On the piece of paper, Donnie hesitated, then wrote the words “Age Regression” as neatly as he could at the top of the page. He stared at it for a moment, as if admitting it to himself just as much as he was to the turtle in front of him. He stared, because this was happening. It wasn’t just something he could glaze over. It would be so much more… real. The words he wrote, he couldn’t take them back. He didn’t want to.
He peeked over the page at Leo, who looked from a poster he had up on the wall, to the movement that came from Donnie. They looked at each other for a few seconds until the soft shell brought his attention to his phone. He had the definition, starting to copy it on the paper.
It took about 10 minutes for him to write what he felt was adequate, a few-sentence definition couldn’t describe very much about such a complex thing. He stayed away from getting too into detail about his own experiences. There was still a level of embarrassment with this that he couldn’t seem to shake. So he mostly used examples from other people online, but tried his best to make it clear that this did relate to him.
He shut his phone off, then re-read what he wrote a few times, trying to prolong the inevitable. He tapped his fingers on the sides of the notebook, anxiety rising quickly, and ripped out the sheet of paper he wrote on. The loud tear pierced the quietness of the room, causing Leo to suddenly look up from where he was tapping his fingers on his legs.
Donnie looked up to meet his gaze. Then pushed the paper towards him as fast as he could manage. Making sure he wouldn’t get too worked up about it and freeze. He then curled back into the same position he was in when Leo was outside of the room, wanting to hide as much as he could. He didn’t know if he wanted to see Leo’s reaction.
Leo was a bit startled, but recovered quickly, picking up the piece of paper.
This time he paid more attention to the sloppy handwriting, carefully reading the words at the top. The words that held so much importance and sensitivity in them.
—------
“You think everything’s okay?” Mikey asked Raph, once they both relocated to the kitchen.
“Ah, well, I don’t really know,” Raph put his hand to his chin, “But Raph is sure it’ll be worked out!”
Mikey dug around in the fridge, pulling out various foods and lining them up on the counter, probably going to start cooking.
“I wonder how long this is going to take,” He spoke with his back turned to Raph, cleaning off some vegetables in the sink, “You think he’ll tell us about, whatever this thing is, too?”
“He might,” Raph leaned on the table in the middle of the room, “We gotta be patient though.”
Mikey got quiet, focusing on the vegetables for a few minutes. Raph didn’t mind, simply watching him, letting his mind occasionally wander.
“He might… not tell us, either,” The younger said after he was done cleaning, putting the vegetables in a bowl, “We have to be okay with that, I think.”
Raph nodded, and breathed in deeply.
“Yeah,” He breathed out, “Just… hope it gets worked out.”
-
Leo read each word just as carefully, occasionally glancing up at Donnie, as if trying to put two and two together.
He was rather confused at first, pausing a few times to think. But after finishing the page, he’s pretty sure he understands. Even when he was young, Donnie was very well spoken when he wanted to be. So Leo understood the concept, and why it was beneficial.
And though it wasn’t written, he also understood why this was kept a secret. Leo regrets pushing so hard, but is glad Donnie could still trust him with it anyway. As he thinks about it, certain pieces make sense, and he-
He suddenly realizes something. Donnie is- he looks back down at the paper, making sure he gets it right- regressed right now, isn’t he? The handwriting, He thinks for a moment.
He looks at his twin, the way he’s stayed curled up this whole time.
“...Dee?” Leo speaks, hesitantly.
Donnie doesn’t move for a few seconds, then lifts his head up just enough to peek over the edge of his arm.
“Could I..” Leo rubs the back of his neck, “Would it be okay if I sat by you?”
The other is quick to nod. Just enough that Leo can tell, but is still able to hide most of his face.
The slider stood, making his way to his twin. He sits down, leading his shell against the metal door.
“So I, uh,” Leo clears his throat, “Okay, okay- first of all, I’m not judging you for this. Like at all. I promise.”
A memory relays in Leo’s mind, of him and Donnie. They were young. Maybe six or seven. They had just learned what a “pinky promise” was, and how, apparently, terrible it was to break. Donnie was strung up on the fact that he wasn’t really sure if their fingers fit into what a “pinky” was.
A few weeks later, Leo learned what swearing was. (Not cursing. You know what I mean.) And how swearing on something was even more serious.
Thus, Leo came up with the “P-Swear”. He called it the P-Swear so Donnie wouldn't keep having that internal debate of whether or not it was really a pinky finger. The P could stand for anything, really. Like… purple. Or Pizza.
The rule of the P-Swear is you have to connect your last finger, and then swear on something. Like Leo’s pet rock.
They hadn’t done that in years. Though, it crossed Leo’s mind that, maybe it would drive home his point.
Hesitantly, he reached out his hand.
“P-Swear?” He asked, holding out his last digit for his twin.
Donnie poked his head up further, staring at Leo’s hand, before he slowly reached out and connected their fingers.
“On my entire comic collection,” Leo whispered, as if it were a secret nobody else in the world would hear.
Donnie’s eyes widened, giving a childlike glint that sent Leo right back to that day he invented the swear. It was rather endearing.
The blue-clad turtle thought for a moment.
“Now that you know I’m fully serious about this,” He said, "I mean, comics on the line and all, I do have some questions.”
Donnie paused, looking away. He then propped his head up on arms, grabbing Leo’s hand further.
The other understood, giving his hand a quick squeeze before diving in.
—-----
It wasn’t an overly long conversation, Leo had many questions at first, but his twin had covered most of them in the paper. So by the end, they concluded that while he could control it sometimes, other times it just happened, he wasn’t ready to tell anyone else yet, and that Donnie could go to Leo if he needed to.
Leo had left Donnie’s room, giving him some space after… that whole situation. They both needed time to process. And after a little while he dropped Mikey's cooking off outside the metal door.
Then even later, when Raph, Leo and Mikey decided to have a movie night, Donnie plopped himself on the couch right next to his twin. To which Leo grinned at him, and he gave a soft smile back.
Because of course Donnie still trusts Leo. When he locked himself in his room, thoughts spiraling down to what his twin could do, all he could imagine was Leo’s worried face. Reassurance following after. Nowhere in his mind could he even think his twin could be anything but caring.
For the first time in a while, Donnie thought that maybe, things would be okay.