Chapter Text
What makes me? What am I made of?
I’d like to think I'm made up of spring and growth, glow in the dark stars, refreshing water, and sunshine but I think I'm made up of winter, mold, and the stench of old clothes. I want to be my own but I'm not. I lost everyone I've ever had and I was declared dead immediately after.
Tubbo left with Ranboo, it wasn’t a clear breakup but Tubbo handed you his bracelet. It meant he hated me, we weren't friends. I guess I understand.
Tubbo isn’t perfect but he’s summer, he’s that feeling you get when you stay up too late and you’re feeling so happy in the moment. He’s the breeze on a hot day. He’s my best friend, well was my best friend.
Ranboo. I hated them when we first met, I thought he would steal Tubs away from me… that obviously didn’t happen. They became my best friend as well. They are like fall, crisp leaves and hope. He’s cool socks and orange sunsets that make you feel like all the bad in the world is wrong.
My family, well my blood family is made up of a lot of things. I can’t tell what is true anymore about them. I’d like to think Phil is made up of bird feathers, gold twine and pie that mom used to make but he isn’t that anymore. He actually left a red mark on my face, I wish he left a bruise. Then, maybe, it would’ve sunk in more that he’s never going to change. I still have childish hope he will. Now he’s made of vodka, paperwork and glass.
Wilbur and Technoblade. They used to be the same person in people’s eyes, never mine though. Even if they had the same brown hair and the same eyes, they just weren't at all the same. Wilbur was made of music, grass and windchimes. He was music embodied, he was free spirited. Now he is made of rain, drugs and gasoline. I hope he doesn’t set himself on fire.
Technoblade was made of metal, warmth and piano. Now.. Now I don’t know what he’s made of.
I think he’s made of clouds, words and zoo animals. Wilbur can have coffee added to what he’s made of.
I don’t think I'll ever forget the kindness you extended to me, Puffy. I will never forget the gifts to keep me going or the safe place you gave me. I’ll never forget the fun times I've had with Dream and his friends. I loved skipping class to get lectured by them. Don’t be mad at them for that, some days it stopped me from hurting myself.
I don’t think I'll ever forget the day I went to the zoo or the diner.
I don’t think I'll ever forget when I met Tubbo or Ranboo.
I hope to forget the day Phil came home.
I hope I get to meet my mom again.
Thank you for making a piece of me Puffy. I hope they do what I asked and gives this to you. You were my favorite ‘teacher.’
Tommyinnit,
Out.
(P.S. Please don’t be mad at me. I just wanted to be happy)
Gone away hours from me,
Would you find my body in time?
Would you see my blood shed?
Staining the bathtub a dark shade of red,
Would you be able to help your father
scrub it out?