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Wasted Prayer

Chapter 5: Memories and Forgiveness, Can you Imagine?

Summary:

Mary sucked on her teeth, might as well do this now, “Philip”
“Mary”
“With Henry gone we can… we don’t have to be-… he’s going to be gone soon” damn this was a lot harder than she thought, “There’s nothing keeping us together anymore”
“No, there isn’t,”

Mary should learn to steer clear of hospital hallways.

Notes:

Memories, breakups, and forgiveness. Let's just say this is not how Mary expected the day to go.

(See the end of the chapter for more notes.)

Chapter Text

“You’ve died three times, it’s my turn!”

“Wait, I’m about to beat the level”

“You’re literally on your last health bar, you’re not making it”

“You’ve both had your turn, quit hogging the game!”

Mary exited the bathroom, now in new clothing and fresh makeup, quickly making a beeline to the young group crouched on the hospital floor and snatched the handheld game from her younger sister.

“Hey!” the three whined. Mary spends a few seconds pushing buttons on the console before turning it to her siblings, showing the victory screen to their bewildered faces.

“How did you-” started Fritz

“Either learn to share or learn how to play the game” Mary said before returning the game to her youngest brother.

“Quite the gamer, are you” joked Cleves as Mary made her way to the other side of the hospital room, ignoring the constant beeping of the respiration machine.

The 25-year-old woman chuckled as she took her seat with the other seven women, “The number of times I’ve had to confiscate that thing is astounding, I thought I might as well see what the hype was about” she takes her hair out of it’s bun, letting the long braid sling down her back, “Not my cup of tea, but it is definitely useful for when I need to destress.”

“Eddie tries to get me to play with him, but I just can’t understand the controls” sighed Jane, followed by a nod of agreement from Anne, “Same here, Lizzy did her best to explain it to me, but I’m a lost cause.”

“The games nowadays are just so violent, I don’t see the appeal” Katherine spoke, making a face that made Mary giggle.

“I agree”, said Catherine, “What happened to playing outside, in the sun with fresh air!”

“If you ask me, I think a nice book is better than any video game,” said Cathy.

“Now you all sound like a bunch of old hags!” laughed Anna. That caused the six women to start another conversation amongst themselves.

Mary watched as they “argued”, and gave a small smile, it was a nice view.

Lauren, standing behind Mary in the line of chairs, bent down to whisper into Mary’s ear, “Your stepmums are much nicer than how you’ve described them,” she said gently.

The older woman quietly laughed, “They have their moments,” she admitted, “Though I assume it has to do with their common enemy being slain.”

Lauren shrugged, “They seem like friends.”

“Death brings people together, I suppose,” Mary stated, “But I agree they do seem close”

Lauren shook her head, “No, I mean I think they’re actually friends”

The other woman hummed as she stared intensely at the group before her, “Hm, they might be” her words fazed out as Katherine turned towards their direction, “Ladies, we need your input,” she exclaimed, “We are in the middle of a very important discussion.”

“Is that so,” chuckled Lauren, “How can we help”

“Very important, Cabernet or Chardonnay?”

Lauren suck on her teeth, “Oh neither, I’m a tequila girly through and through”

That got a large cackle out of Anne and Anna.

Katherine gave a little giggle, “Looks like it’s up to you, Mary. You’re our tie breaker.”

Mary gave a teasing smile, “Don’t put me in the middle of your shenanigans, Ms. Howard”

“Why Ms. Mary, there’s only one right answer, whether you pick the right one is up to you” she teased back.

“God, I feel like I’m back in secondary school,” joked Cathy.

“I bet you were popular, weren’t you?” Jane jeered with a smile.

“I’ll have you know I was quite the charmer,” she flipped her curly hair in a mocking manner, “And a rebel, believe it or not.”

“Don’t tell me you were bending corner pages of books, Cathy!” Catherine gasped, placing her hand over her chest in an exaggerated manner.

Cathy barked out a heartly breath, “I said I was a rebel not a monster,” she exclaimed, “I used to sneak out my window to meet up with my mates. We would drive to abandon parking lots and just wait to watch the sunrise. My parents hated it.”

Anna sneered, “That’s what you call a rebel? Babes I was everywhere when I was in school, my parents didn’t know where I was half the time.”

“Can you imagine how I was? In the streets of France with hardly anyone watching over me?” stated Anne, “It’s a miracle how proper I’ve turned out” she said twirling her hair teasingly.

“I can imagine it actually,” said Jane, “I went to countless parties when I lived in France, got my first tattoo at 15” a mischievous twinkle in her eye shining.

Anne’s eyes went wide, “You lived in France and have a tattoo!?”

“France, really? I’m impressed, life must have been interesting” Lauren smirked.

“I did, I do, and it was. My family lived there for three years, and I fully took advantage of it” Jane finished with a smile of remembrance on her face.

“My friends and I used to cross state lines in Spain,” Catherine started, “We’d be gone for two or three days at a time, hardly any money in our pockets, but heads filled with dreams. No doubt some of the best days of my life”

  Katherine continues, a sparkle in her eye very prominent, “Have you all ever partied in Liverpool? Wild, I’ll tell you that, completely lost track of time”

  Mary lightly shook her head, “Scoundrels, all of you”

Anne waves a finger up, “No more deflecting, choose, Cabernet or Chardonnay?”

A small chuckle escaped her lips, “If I had to choose only one, I’d have to go with Chardonnay”

A groan of disbelief came from Anna, Catherine and Cathy, while cheers of delight rose from Anne, Katherine and Jane.

“Victory is ours” said Anne grasping Jane and Katherine’s hands, raising them to the air

Anna turned to the women in gold and blue, “Looks like we’re drinking alone tonight.”

“And I’ll be in the corner with my tequila,” joked Lauren.

“I’ll be sure to send bottles to your hotel rooms” said Mary, crossing her ankles as the women settled back into their chairs.

As the women fell back into comfortable conversation, Mary felt her phone buzz in her pocket. Swiftly pulling it out, her heart drops at Philip’s name on her screen.

She clears her throat, “E-excuse me, ladies.” Mary said, standing from her chair to cut through the group. She chooses to ignore the worried stare from Lauren and the judging stare from Fritz across the room.

---------------------

Stepping outside the hospital room to the hallway once again. She takes a breath before answering the phone, “Hello”

“Mary…” Philips voice rang through the other end, “I’m so sorry”

Mary closed her eyes, suddenly realizing how much she missed his voice,

“I know,” she started, “Where are you?”

“I’ve just landed back in London, are you still at the hospital?"

“Yes, I’m here with… well, everyone, I suppose”

“I’ll get a car to meet you there”

Mary sighed out, “N-no, I uhm… I think it’s better if I meet you at the hotel, when all of this is… done with” She holds her breath, expecting her husband to protest.

There’s a moment of silence between them, then Philip's soft voice spoke again, “I understand.”

Mary sucked on her teeth, might as well do this now, “Philip”

“Mary”

“With Henry gone we can… we don’t have to be-… he’s going to be gone soon” damn this was a lot harder than she thought, “There’s nothing keeping us together anymore”

“No, there isn’t,” his voice cracks, “Is this really it? It’s been you and I for so long”

“And now it doesn’t have to be. Instead of Mary and Philip, we can just be Mary and Philip”

The sniffle from the phone causes her eyes to well. She can imagine his red rimmed eyes in the middle of the airport, probably hiding in an isolated corner.

“Darling,” Mary felt a tear run down her face, “I am so sorry”

The brunette gave a sad laugh, “You’ve said that already”

“No, I mean I am sorry for everything. For how I acted before I left. For the fights, the misunderstanding, and all the pain I caused you” another tear ran down, “You’ve been by my side all these years and I never once had your back”

“It’s not your fault” she admitted, “And it's not mine either. Our fathers never our future in mind, just theirs.”

“That’s the truth isn’t it. It’s just… I didn’t think we would end like this.” His voice is quieter now, no doubt an attempt to hide the lump in his throat.

“I didn’t either,” Mary choked out, “But it is not fair to either of us to keep pretending.”

There's a shuffle on the other end, and for a moment all Mary hears is the rustling of fabric. Seconds pass without answer, “Philip?” Mary calls.

“I wasn’t pretending, not the whole time,” the sudden response startles Mary, and the despair in his voice causes her heart to ache. “I love you, Mary. I always have. From the beginning to now, I love you. I can’t take back my actions or my words, but my feelings have always remained the same. If there is a small hope, we can fix this then I will take it, but if not…” he swallows before continuing, “Then I just need you to know I have always loved you.”

Mary’s back hits the wall behind her as she shuts her eyes, feeling the salty drops of water hit her upper lip. “I love you too, Philip. Just not the way I am supposed to.”

The conversation goes into a tense silence, both parties basked in the debilitating tension. There wasn’t anything that needed to be said for now, but Mary knows that a phone call should not be a way to end a marriage.

“We will talk more about this later, I promise.”

“I can book another hotel if that’s what you’d like”

Mary shook her head, “No, it's alright. I think we need to see each other. I’ll have Lauren send you all the hotel details.”

“If you say so. Take your time, send my regards to the others.” She takes that as a cue to end the call, but then Philip speaks again, “And Mary.”

“Yes?”

“I’ll be here. No matter what, I will be here waiting for you.”

For the first time since their conversation started, Mary smiled, “Goodbye, Dear”

“Goodbye, Sweetheart”

Her phone beeps twice, indicating the end of their call. She stood against the wall, staring into an abyss, processing what had just happened.

She waited for a hit of hard emotion to hit her but… nothing came. No more tears or sobs escaped her, not in the wave of discomfort that she expected. Instead, she felt relief. Well damn , she thought to herself.

 She’d imagined this moment for years, the day where she could finally proclaim her freedom. In her mind there had been more yelling, insults, threats even. There were scenes planned in her head. She’d pictured them at their home fighting over a bottle of wine that would end up smashed against the wall. Or perhaps they’d be in front of Henry, telling him of their separation and ending in Mary being slapped in the face while Henry degraded Philip.

 She’d been prepared for everything. A quiet phone call in a hospital hallway was not on her list, but she appreciated it, nonetheless.

So lost in thought, Mary fails to hear the hospital door open next to her, nor does she see Anne step out to approach her.

----------------------------------------

 “Mary?” Anne asked in a small voice, no response came. “Hey,” she called out louder, “Mary!” The younger woman turned to concerned green eyes, suddenly being aware of her own red ones.

“Ms. Boleyn, I’m sorry. I didn’t hear you.” Mary turned away to lightly pat her eyes dry, careful not to ruin her makeup.

Anne stepped forward to gently grab her arm, “Are you alright?” Mary gave a shaky nod before turning back to her ex-stepmother.

“Yes, yes, Philip called, and we were simply talking about…well, let’s just say I got the Tudor gene when it comes to marriage”

Anne analyzed her for a moment before her eyes widened in realization, “Oh Mary…”

Mary gave a bitter smile, “It’s for the best, really. There’s no reason for us to be together anymore.”

“Do you want to talk about it?” The younger woman shook her head, “Not right now.”

Anne gave a sympathetic smile just before her gaze shifted down and reached her hands into her pockets. With nervous hands, she takes out a familiar orange bottle holding it out to Mary. “These fell out of your jacket earlier today.”  

Mary’s eyes widened, a flame of anger sparking in her, “How the hel- Why do you-” Anne placed her hands up in defense, “I picked them up when we left for the hotel, I assumed you didn’t want the children to see them. I should’ve given them back sooner, but there hasn’t been much privacy going on today.”

Mary’s anger subsided quickly, replaced with weariness. With shaky hands she slowly grabbed the bottle from Anne’s hand, “Thank you” She replied before rapidly placing the bottle in the pocket of her slacks.

Anne shuffled her feet for a moment. “Those are the same pill killers they gave you when you were first diagnosed, aren’t they? That’s a much higher dose”

Mary felt her body stiffen, her throat almost suffocating herself. She can’t have this conversation now, not like this.

“You’d think as I get older the pain would be more bearable, to my surprise it gets worse,” It’s not a total lie, “You’ve seen firsthand how bad my pain can be.”

The older woman looked down at the floor in what Mary could only describe as guilt, “I remember that day like it was yesterday.” She whispered as she looked into her ex-stepdaughters’ eyes, “I’ve never properly apologized to you”

Mary gave a lighthearted scoff, “There’s no need. If it wasn’t for you I’d probably be on that floor for hours. Really, I hardly rememb-”

Anne stops her halfway, “Not just for that. I mean apologize for everything I’ve done to you and your mother. She’s accepted my apology, but I think you’re the one who really needs to hear it.”

Mary blinked in surprise; Anne continued.

“I’m sorry for disrupting your life and not attempting hard enough to get to know you. You were just a child who needed help and I never gave that to you. Instead, I took whatever support you had left. I can never forgive myself for that. I am not proud of the woman I was. She was selfish and crude with no sense of respect for families. That was me until I had Lizzy”  

She puts her hand on Mary’s shoulders, “You have every right to hate me. You could’ve shunned Elizabeth the moment she was born. Instead, you’ve looked out and taken better care of her than I ever could. You raised her to be a beautiful girl and I cannot thank you enough for that. I know you probably hate me; I’d be surprised if you didn’t, but I just have to tell you, I am sorry and thank you for taking care of my little girl.”

Mary stared at Anne’s sincere teary eyes, her own tears threatening to escape her again, “Today is just full of apologies, I guess,” She joked in a cracking voice. She placed her hands above Anne’s, still on her shoulders, and took a deep breath.

“I don’t hate you, Anne Boleyn. I did for a long time, I’ll admit, but some recent events have shown me that life is much too short to hold onto the past. I was hurt, but I never gave you a real chance. I didn’t want you in my life, so I never accepted you as anything more than the woman who threw my mother out. But I have realized that if it hadn’t been you, Henry would’ve found another woman and the cycle would’ve all the same. If Henry says its, you than its you, we know that.” She watched as Anne let out a hum of agreement, she gave her hands a light squeeze “I’m glad it was you . If you hadn’t come around then there would be no Elizabeth, and I can’t imagine my life without her.”

Mary gave a small smile, “All that to say, Anne. I forgive you.”

Anne’s tears were now rolling down her face and in a sudden motion Mary was pulled into a crushing hug. “Thank you” Anne said in her ear.

Mary is surprised to find that she returned the hug with equal force.

“You’re welcome”

Notes:

Chapters are coming out quicker! We are almost to the end, maybe another two chapters and this fic is done.

This has certainly been a project, but I am satisfied with how it's coming so far. If things seem to clustered or fast paced, that is somewhat the intention. The point is to be as overwhelmed as Mary.

Notes:

Soooooooooooooo what do we think?

I have more ideas for this fic and kind of want to write another chapter for it. Let me know what yall want to see!