Chapter Text
The next few days are a string of what Sora would call Good Days. He eats well, attempts a halfway decent sleep schedule, and Yen Sid even teaches him a few tiny housekeeping spells. Mostly, he doesn't think about the exam. Contemplating a near possession and its consequences feels beyond him, just now, when downtime with Riku is a possibility for the first time in nearly two years. Whatever mission Yen Sid has for him, it seems not to involve Riku leaving immediately. Sora finds himself spending so much time with Riku that he almost feels embarrassed about it until he tries to give Riku a break and Riku seeks him out on his own.
Sora's halfway through rolling out some cookie dough when Riku peeks into the kitchen, immediately hovering over Sora’s shoulder to snoop. “Since when do you cook?”
“I’ve been cooking for ages, Riku!” Sora paused to smack Riku’s fingers away from where he’d been attempting to pinch off some dough. “Wait until they’re done!”
Riku shakes out his hand in mock hurt, chuckling. “Sure thing, you girl.”
Sora sticks his tongue out at him in response before flipping over a teacup to use as a cutter. A drawer bursts open, checking Sora lightly in the hip, and a swarm of little cookie cutters fly out onto the counter to start stamping their shapes into the dough. Sora spots a little wizard hat among them. “I thought Keyblade Masters were supposed to be patient.” He sasses as the cutters wait patiently for Sora to roll the spare dough back out again.
When he gets no reply, Sora turns to see that Riku has gone pink at the reminder. Its so unlike the Riku he used to know – before, Riku would have gloated at least a little bit. He was used to being the best at everything and winning had seemed like a foregone conclusion. Now, Riku looks like he can’t believe he’d even gotten to take the test at all.
Sora lets Riku eat his share of the cookies, poking fun at the way the sugar crystal sprinkles change his tongue to different colors every few seconds.
They train some, finding it weirdly easier than talking some days. Often, Sora gets worn out much sooner than normal. He expects to feel sad or frustrated when this happens, but he tells himself that its better than waking up a year older in a whole new body. At least this time he remembers what happened! If Riku notices that Sora is weaker than he should be, he doesn’t mention it; just asks him about his different keychains and their various uses. Even when Donald and Goofy make it back in time to practice with them, he listens politely to their explanations on team attacks or castle battle strategy and only rolls his eyes where Sora alone can see him.
Lea only shows up for the occasional mealtimes, mentioning that he hadn't had a vacation in ages. "I'm using it to get some shut-eye."
Sora gets several nights straight free of nightmares. He isn’t sure whether to chalk this up to sleeping in a real bed for the first time in ages, Riku’s continued presence in his room, or if its the effect of whatever magic his Meow Wow Medal might have. After that first night, Riku shows no inclination to return to his own space, following Sora up (down?) to his room after dinner as though it were the most natural choice. Sora’s room has already conjured a bed for him when they arrive, magically extending the size of the room just to the point where it feels cozy. Sora treats the whole thing like an extended sleepover, thrilled. They hadn’t had one of those since Riku turned 13 and started behaving like he was too old for that kind of thing. Riku seems to have changed his opinion on the matter entirely in the years since, happily throwing covers over their heads to read by flashlight or stay up late eating snacks and talking gossip about the various worlds they’d visited in common. If Riku is a little more touchy-feely than before, Sora doesn’t say a word.
One week goes by in this way. Sora knows that their break is extremely temporary, but when Riku and Mickey are eventually sent out on their new mission to the Realm of Darkness Sora surprises himself with the way his heart twists when it’s time to say good-bye. He stays sitting out on the lawn long enough that his butt hurts, staring up at the spot the King’s little gummiship had twinkled out of sight until the stars blur.
Getting a gummiphone makes the whole affair a million times easier though. Now, Sora doesn't have to worry about searching the vastness of space to contact his friends - somehow, many and more of them are suddenly immediately reachable with the press of a button! Learning to message his friends is a slow, tentative process - he spends a lot of time thinking about what his life could have been like if he'd been able to do so even a year ago. For one thing, going on another world hopping trip to save the galaxy is far less daunting with messages from Riku, Kairi, and many other friends waiting for him in his pocket. Yen Sid ships him out with Donald and Goofy one week after Riku and the King leave. Sora thinks the old wizard is a little tired of them being underfoot – in Riku’s absence Sora had been pestering the venerable old sorcerer for more magic lessons while Donald jealously listened in, under the guise of scolding him for his lack of respect. Even the tower seems excited, packing Sora’s suitcase all on its own and making neat little to-go breakfasts that stay piping hot until they’re eaten.
>>[Sora] posts: Off to visit Herc! #juniorheroes<< posts to the gummiphone public network with a little ping!
>>[Mickey] replied: Good luck out there! <<
>>[Aerith] replied: Try the moussaka. I hear it’s delicious! <<
Careening around Thebes is familiar, at least - though Sora wishes he could visit when the town was a little calmer. Its good to get out and explore again, but less good is the way his body feels through it all. No amount of mental coaching seems to convince Sora's brain that where his body was a month ago is no longer where it is now. He's slow and clumsy, like a long-underused muscle, and he grows sore and tense as the fighting wears on. Worse is his spellcasting - his once robust magical reservoirs are downright pitiful, and he keeps blowing through them on instinct. Many of his spells are inaccessible. Fights feel like wading through sludge inside and out, especially after the ease of the dream world.
Its as much a blow to his esteem as it is his energy, and Goofy and Donald share a glance or two they think he doesn't notice when the latest scrape leaves him bent over, hands on his knees, gasping for breath. They don't have time to stop, of course - Thebes is literally on fire and Hercules needs them. Sora takes a huge gulp of air and tries to pretend he doesn't feel like he's been walloped by a Hot Rod.
On instinct, he reaches up to fiddle with his necklace and his hand knocks into the medal carefully pinned inside his vest. He's worn it constantly ever since Meow Wow gave it to him, mentally adding it to his small collection of tokens like Kairi's charm. Looking at it makes him feel calm, but so far he’s kept its existence to himself. It private for some reason. Explaining who or what Meow Wow is or why he's here feels impossible, mostly because Sora doesn't quite understand it himself yet. He would much rather focus on figuring out how to climb the next roof! Maybe that burning column?
Before he can contemplate his options too hard, he takes another blow to his ego when Maleficent and her flunky Pete show up.
Other people can tell, Sora grumbles to himself. Hes starting to wonder what it says about his life that someone like Maleficent apparently knows him well enough to spot the difference between him now and him before. Does he have a sign on his forehead or something? That's fine! He'll show them all. Give him enough time and he'll have twice the skill as before!
It turns out to be true. Every world visited, every villain taken down, every challenge navigated sees Sora grow a little more into his power again. Sora pushes his body and magic relentlessly, forcing both to the absolute limit in order to meet the suddenly overwhelming pressure of an impending war. Suddenly, there’s room to fail in a way there hadn’t really been room for before. At every turn he feels the pressure to be better build, and build, and build, and even when his friends point out just how far he still has left to go he takes it in stride because honestly they're right. He wasn't chosen by the keyblade in the way they all were, and hard work and luck are the only things keeping him here among the ranks.
In retrospect, not having been named a master is a huge relief. He knew that it wasn’t really about who was better – it was about who was more ready for the responsibility. Sora would do anything for his friends, had literally ripped himself apart for them, but being responsible for the safety of all the worlds all the time was another thing entirely. Yen Sid was right – he just wasn’t ready for that. He wasn’t sure if he would ever be ready for that. It had taken a whole new journey – had taken Xigbar, really – to come to terms with it.
Sora had known, when he was younger, that there wasn’t anything particularly special about him. He wasn’t the best at fighting, or the best at school, or the best at swimming, or the best at….well, the point being was that Sora was surrounded by a lot of extraordinary people. Sora had been okay with that, and these days he mostly just feels pride at all the amazing people he gets to know.
Master Aqua turns out to be one of these people herself. She’s every inch the type of person Sora imagines masters must be, and the possibility that he could join her ranks seems a little silly in comparison. She and Riku look regal, next to each other, as they meet for a briefing at the tower for the first time in weeks. Riku and Mickey are haggard but in high spirits; Aqua is a different story altogether.
Her energy is chaotic and restless, despite how well she tries to hold herself. From what Sora can tell, she’s spent ten years alone in the dark and has returned to the Realm of Light only to discover that neither of her closest friends are safe and one of them is missing entirely. Sora aches for her. She stands posed like a dancer set to take stage; every movement is graceful as she tosses her head back. She won’t listen to any suggestions that she take some rest.
“Thank you for all your help so far, but I must go wake Ven! He’s waited long enough.”
Right. About that. Sora shares a look with Goofy and Donald before nodding. “Actually…” He starts, feeling awkward as everyone in the room turns to stare at him. “Ven is right here.” He places his hand over his chest.
The others make various noises of surprise. Sora catches Riku’s eyebrows knitting in concern as Aqua takes a few steps in Sora’s direction, giving him her full attention.
“Sora, please explain. What happened?”
“In Monstropolis, we met someone named Vanitas.” Aqua startles badly, losing some of that poise as her teeth grit.
“You fought him?” She practically growls.
Sora laughs, remembering the way Sully had taken Vanitas by surprise. “We didn’t have to. Our friends there took care of him. Wish I could have seen his face, he sounded pi-“ Sora cut himself off as Goofy knocked into his shoulder with no subtlety. “Anyway! Before all that, he said Ventus has been hiding in my heart. I didn’t know anything about it.” Sora paused, unconsciously rubbing at the scar over his heart and frowning. That had hurt. “He tried to pull him out but didn’t get the chance.” Sora looked up to face Aqua fully. She looked exhausted, but her eyes were full of tentative hope. “I felt Ventus, Aqua. He’s here, or at least his heart is. I think he's been trying to find you too.”
Aqua thinks it over, searching Sora over before seeming to come to a decision. She reaches out a hand suddenly, stopping just shy of Sora’s head.
“May I?”
Sora nods immediately, not at all sure what she wants but desperate to see the lines of sadness sunk in all over her ease somehow.
He flinches slightly when her hand lands in his hair. “…Ven?” She calls softly, her voice trembling.
Her hand moves back and forth through Sora’s hair, comforting, in a way Sora hasn’t experienced since the last time he saw his mother. Within him, suddenly, sadness and worry bloom; he really, really misses her. Sora rocks back on his heels, the feeling of loss growing stronger until, unbidden, his mouth opens of its own accord. Faintly, a voice spills out that is not his own. “Aqua!” The keyblade master immediately gathers Sora into her arms, sobbing, which is good because the emotional backlash quickly grows intense. If that had been Ven, and it must have, he had faded away nearly as soon as he’d spoken. Sora groans, putting a hand to his forehead and trying to suppress a shiver. Ven hadn’t felt like an invading presence exactly but having his body puppeted that way was uncomfortable in more ways than one. He has a raging headache.
“Golly! Guess there's our answer.” Mickey looks pleased as Aqua stands back, taking a moment to collect herself.
“Indeed, Mickey. We must free Ventus and return his heart.” Yen Sid’s gaze sharpens. “Sora, have you had any success developing the Power of Waking? Now is the time.”
Still staving off the after-effects of friendly possession, Sora nervously wipes his hands down the front of his jacket. “I uh…figured I’d just play it by heart to be honest. Maybe it’ll know what to do when its time?”
Yen Sid sighs, long suffering. “Your instincts have gotten you far, this cannot be denied. I thank you, for finding Ventus. But!” he slaps his hand firmly against the wood grain of his desk. “We must take this matter seriously. All 7 lights must be gathered if we have any hope of defeating Xehanort.”
Sora flushes, his shoulders creeping towards his ears.
“Yeah Sora! You can’t goof off this time.” Donald jokes from his right. It falls flat. Maybe it was the lingering emotional whiplash but Sora feels his temper unexpectedly flare, bright and hot, until hes forced to stare just over Yen Sid’s shoulder. Hasn’t he already been taking this all seriously? What exactly do they think hes been doing? He grits his teeth into what he hopes is a smile.
"Yes, sir.”
“All of you are in danger because of my choices.” Aqua begins, having composed herself while they spoke. “I can’t keep letting people suffer over my mistakes. Let me go and bring him back here.”
The suggestion is immediately vetoed, Aqua unwilling to argue with every warrior present when her fatigue is so obvious. She is convinced to take a single night of rest and let Sora, Donald, and Goofy accompany her in the morning to at least retrieve Ven’s body if not restore him fully on the spot. All through dinner, Aqua gives Sora special attention despite herself. Sora catches her lost in thought, gazing at his face, spoon halfway to her mouth. Shes out of practice with eating entirely, something that might have been hilarious in other circumstances.
He tries not to let it rankle him. He gets it, really he does – but hes sick and tired of people looking at him and hoping to see someone else. He stays light-hearted and cheerful throughout the entire meal, making extra sure to rocket peas into Donald’s feathers when he isn't looking, but retires early; its easy to get away with, because Aqua really is anxious to get an early start. Sora pulls out his phone to shoot Kairi a small update and ask about her day before neatly stacking his dishes.
Just as he had months ago now, Riku follows Sora back to his – their?- room. It might be Sora’s imagination, but his Meow-Wow medal is hot against his side. Hes feeling cranky and tired, muscles screaming for rest. All Sora wants is a shower and a good long night of sleep.
Riku seems to have other ideas.
“So, do you wanna talk about what all of that was?” Sora cocks a hip, wrong-footed and genuinely confused.
“Come again?”
“All of that.” Riku waves a hand through the air to indicate ‘that’. “The ‘yes, sirs’ and the smiling.”
Sora shakes his head, smile already on his face, but he knows it comes out shaky. “Mad? Riku, I’m not mad!”
Riku shrugs, nonplussed. “You can tell yourself that, and you can sure tell everyone else that, if you want. But I know you, Sora. I know you’re mad. Somethings bothering you.”
Sora wants to be done with this conversation. “Its just…its just been a long day.” He sucks in a breath, surprised to find his eyes have welled with tears. He might truly be developing a migraine. Riku startles a little, like he hadn’t expected this reaction. He probably hadn’t. Immediately he reaches out to put a hand on Sora’s shoulder. “Hey, I’m sorry. You’re right. It really isn’t my business. Ignore me. Just…” Riku ducks his head, embarrassed. “You would tell me if somethings wrong, right?”
Sora scrubs his eyes with the heel of his hand, past feeling shame when hes this tired. It really has been a long day.
“No, yeah, of course!” He lies. Ready for a change of subject, Sora rifles through his pockets, finally pulling out a somewhat tattered poster. “Listen, do you remember that toy world? I grabbed this to show you.”
Riku ignores the obvious segue, probably just as ready to move on as Sora is. He takes the poster, which is a dashing composition of purples shading out a handsome game protagonist hovering moodily under a flashy logo.
“Verum Rex?”
“Yeah.” Sora chuckles. “All the toys kept going on about how cool this guy is, but he just looks like you to me. Well, aside from the eyes.” Sora briefly peers into Riku’s glass-green eyes but looks back to his poster so quickly he doesn’t see the way a blush springs across Riku's face, or notice the lingering hand on his shoulder.
He goes on, for a moment, about a silly argument he and Rex had had about which one of them was cooler; Sora had loyally argued in Riku’s favor the whole time. When he looks up again in the middle of his nervous rambling, worried mostly about making sure that Riku isn’t too mad, Riku is a lot closer than he was before.
Time seems to slow. Faintly, Sora wonders what’s going on. His brain doesn’t seem to be working right. Riku is leaning closer and closer into his personal space, seeming out of it, gazing into Sora’s eyes like he…Sora can’t finish the thought. His brain screeches to a halt when Riku closes his eyes and the distance between them entirely to press his lips against Sora’s.
A million lights zip up and down Sora’s spine at the sensation before crashing, all at once, to the floor in pieces.
He can feel Riku waiting for him to react, waiting for him to do something, but Sora can’t. Hes frozen. He feels numb.
A painfully awkward moment passes before Riku pulls away. Sora has never seen him look this nervous before. Riku is excited, and scared, red up to the roots of his hair and breathing just a little too fast. As soon as he catches sight of Sora’s face though, his expression drops and shutters.
“Oh.” He says. Just Oh. Sora guesses he wouldn’t be all that articulate either if his heart were breaking.
Another second passes as Riku stares into his eyes, and for the second time today Sora realizes that hes disappointed someone.
Riku turns abruptly, gathering the small items the tower has provided him for sleeping. Hes all business again, but his hands are shaking and curling into fists over and over.
Sora doesn’t know what to say, but he tries anyway.
“….Riku, I…” His voice sounds weak, flimsy, and it trails away into nothing. Riku doesn’t let him finish anyway.
"King Mickey and I have to go check in on some things in Radiant Garden tomorrow. After, we’re returning to Disney Castle. I’ll see you in a few days, Sora.”
“…wait, please, I-“ Soras crying for real now. His throat is so tight it feels like its on fire. Riku doesn’t answer. He pauses just before walking out the door, but seems to have nothing else to say. Its as though he can’t stand to spend even one more minute with Sora. The door shuts with a firm clunk behind him.
In the morning, after a night of restless tossing and turning, Sora studies his expression in the mirror dully. His eyes are puffy and red, so he splashes cold water against them until they look a little less irritated. He doesn't get the chance to see Riku at all; when he checks his phone, Riku has sent him one private message before setting his status to busy.
>>[Riku] posts: I’m sorry.<<
Sora, Aqua, Donald, and Goofy wake Ventus up. Sora definitely isn't on his game; Vanitas dismisses him entirely. The minute Aqua is in danger, however, already present loss wells within Sora until he can feel Ventus speaking to him again. Ventus guides Sora into unlocking the Power of Waking and together they send Vanitas running.
They get on like a house on fire; turns out, Ventus has been with him for nearly his entire life. "Uh, don't worry, though, Sora! I was asleep. I think I only ever saw little bits and pieces."
Ventus drops into their group dynamic seamlessly.
Goofy and Donald clearly know Soras upset. They pester him to talk about whats bothering him, but whatever thing is weighing on his heart Sora isn’t allowed to feel it. They really don’t have time – suddenly, a war is right on top of them. When Kairi hands Sora a paopu, he can see Riku staring at him from down the beach. Everything has felt so numb, except for the fear. Theres so much of it, and Sora just can’t stand to disappoint one more person. He takes the paopu.
In the end it doesn't help. When they really, really need him, Sora disappoints them all. They die. They all die, lost inside a swirling demon tower the size of a small world.
Each loss startles abrupt physical pain in Sora's chest, familiar and horrifying. He can't catch his breath - Riku swims into his vision, eyes wide and shouting, but Sora can't stand to see the desperation in his eyes.
He claws at his chest, trying to hold on to the draining presence of his friends, feeling all their links disappear and go out like stars. Hes nearly insensate. "Without them...I'm worthless."
Through the haze, he can barely see Riku clench his fist. Riku rises and walks away.
Run. Sora tells him, not sure if it makes it past his aching throat. He's shouted himself hoarse.
Riku doesn't run anyhow, stalking towards the demon tower in a final, deadly march.
Through the distance, Riku turns and finally meets Sora's eyes. They're so green they seem to pierce through all the darkness at once. Without warning, Riku turns and thrusts his keyblade forward into the mass of heartless, yelling, and Sora is yelling too - there's light all around Riku, shining in violets, blues, a meteor blazing brilliant defiance against everything in its path.
It isn’t enough.
Pain tears through Sora’s heart so deeply hes sure its ripped in two. He takes an instinctual dive, the descent of Riku's heart into the darkness lighting a path for him to follow.
He’s utterly senseless, thinking nothing of the power of waking or Xehanort or even the safety of the worlds. He chases his friends into death as fast as he can, demanding their hearts back by force, breaking himself apart inch by inch until each heart is shuttled back into the light.
I'm nothing, I'm nothing, I'm nothing. Every battle with the Lich drains his energy like a collapsing star.
Inside his jacket, the Meow Wow medal slowly starts to smoke.