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Togata has lived a long time, long enough for him to have seen it all. He's done everything there is to do, he's heard every story over and over again echoing all over inside the chambers of his brain, some have lingered and some have decayed only to be replaced by new ones. He often projected scenes from these so called movies inside a darkness plaguing his head, out of nothing, that's the only way he could ever preserve a mind long gone. Without his movies togatas nothing but a shell of what used to be someone qualified to deem a human. Without his movies, he's hollow and empty, such as the once starry night sky obscured by countless clouds, bringing a cold cruel feeling, accompanying that of togatas.
But that's just yet another one of those unimportant thoughts of his. Something like that would be miniscule in the face of anything else
He tries to think again, he closes his eyes and he sees a dreadful yet intriguing view, he sees a flame with the ever so rare red hue that accomapines it complimenting the silvers and occasional blues of a past life and a doomed future forever preserved inside the freezing cold of snow as he knows it, a fire warn and comforting even if just for a small amount, no matter the uncanniness of it all. and he can't help but wonder if he'd ever be a flame so similar one day, if he could just burn like the stars buried inside the sky, always looming, always watching, if he had one wish it'd be for him to be something as beautiful.. It was as warm as it is eerie
Its chocking. He wants to vomit up his soul
The haze the shapes grow to resemble his "home", well, what he was tought was a home, togata grew up in a family but it didn't actually feel like one. To him his supposed home was but a proof of belonging, and it felt more taunting than comforting. Anyone wouldn't wanna be a part of something that wouldn't last and him especially is not ready for that. Enduring his regeneration 'blessing' is enough hindrence for him.
And that's where movies come along. With acting he realized he could be anyone, he could finally survive in an unforgiving world. He could finally be what he always longed for, doesn't matter if it's though the means of lies and manipution right? After all, everyone spins lies for the sake of spinning them so what's really the bother. So no, lies wouldn't hurt, he's not doing anything wrong, he's trying to survive in a world set for his demise. With acting, with putting on a facade he could finally get to live in a picture perfect world of his if only for a breif moment, the times where he's acting are the only time where he can ease off things, where he could finally ignore the crushing weight of his lonesome, and that's when he realizes; why was he always so lonely?
Togata recalls a face, engulfed in fire partially with a motivated strict look with his sharp featsures and a small figured girl with hair as dark as the night skies and black pearls for eyes so pure it disgusts the man to be looking at his reflection inside of them.
Togata always looking out for those two. Even if he wasn't as determent to survive as the ladder, or as motivated for some overly heroic feat as the former, but he took care of them nonetheless. Was that what you'd call a family? He does recall the flame engulfed man saying something along the lines of "will you be my brother?" That's what people do when they're close to one another, he thinks. He however did not feel anything, he was so alone, he was so crushingly alone, with acting he covered a self loathing hopeless little boy. He's no longer who he used to be, the remains of that togata has burnt up to ash and buried deep into the frozen grounds. He can never go back. He's no longer a person. He's but a mere hollow shell of what he once used to be. He's a lying fake asshole. Now he realizes why he always felt so alone.
He looks over, deep lifeless eyes setting on the roaring flames again. He realized they were much like the fire man's. It must be impossible to be enduring all of his agony. He's not like togata, he has soenthing to live for and he deserves to. Togata looks over again, he might aswell just jump in the fires and destroy the remains of his once carefree and optimistic self.
The fire man wasn't always as carefree or as optimistic, but he cared for togata. And something about it shakes the hollow eyed man. Maybe he was wrong about his own self? Maybe he isn't really as alone as he believed. Maybe he is deserving of some comfort. Should he have said yes to the fire man's offer? He can't help but just mourn his make up family, he gazes at the flames again as a snowflakes dues to his presence, and he realizes he was always burning from the start.
"Live"
He doesn't really feel petrified or anything of that sort, he's just happy he got his hero ending, he didn't die alone.