Work Text:
Tubbo tore apart each of his chests, piece by piece, in search of materials to finalize his plan. A single voice in his head tried reasoning with him that this was absurd –that he needed to stop ; meanwhile, a louder voice convinced him that there truly wasn’t any other way. As if this dilemma had manifested Conflict itself, an apparatus appeared behind him. He needn’t turn around, as their aura was something Tubbo could never forget.
“Don’t try to stop me, because it’s not going to work.” Tubbo deadpanned as he hastily alternated between workstations.
Silence .
That’s all there was: silence . Somehow the lack of response was worse than one at all. It was deafening and painfully ringing in his ears. He tried to count his heartbeats to the rhythm of blank thoughts, but he couldn’t bear counting any higher.
“I know what you’re doing, and it’s pointless. I’ve already made up my mind.” Tubbo reassured.
Silence .
There it was again: silence. That damn blankness drew upon his skin. It swallowed him whole and withered his spirit away, molecule by molecule. He hated it so much . Despite how much he despised the feeling, somehow he could never hate the person responsible for it.
“I’m being serious for once. Nothing you say or do can affect me anymore.” Tubbo reasoned.
Silence.
In its entirety: silence .
Whole, yet hollow.
“ God fucking damnit! ” Tubbo shouted as he slammed a wrench into his table. It clashed painfully against the metal platform, “Won’t you just fucking say something ?!”
His head fell into his hands as he tried recovering from the outburst–he needed time to collect himself once more, one last time .
“Is there something you’d like to hear?” The gentle voice of his late husband spoke from behind him. It wasn’t enough, and yet it was too much. Tubbo could cry if he had any tears left.
“No- I mean- I just - I don’t know,” Tubbo let out a deflated sigh. He rubbed his hands over his eyes and took in a deep breath. Without daring to turn around, Tubbo solemnly asked, “Why are you here?”
“I could ask you the same thing.” Boo countered.
“I’m doing what is best for Tommy and me–for the entire server.” Tubbo defended himself with feigned courage.
“Is that so?” Boo mocked and Tubbo’s courage quickly diminished.
“Yeah, it is,” Tubbo nodded timidly. “And I don’t care if you think otherwise.”
Boo hummed in acknowledgment before slowly moving toward a shelf sporting dust and old pottery creations. He traced his fingers lightly over the display but didn’t dare disrupt the peace of its beauty.
“If you asked me, I wouldn’t be able to tell you the color of my eyes or be able to describe the sound of your laughter, or remember the chilling feeling of the wind against my skin. Yet, if you asked me to tell you what Wilbur Soot told me on a rainy afternoon mining in a cave, I’d gladly tell you,” Boo reminisced. Tubbo listened closely and Boo repeats the phrase once told to him, “He said, ‘Failure is only failure if you learn nothing from it.’”
“Why are you telling me this?” Tubbo asked with slight anger. He turned around to face the ghost of his former husband–the ghost of his former life. In front of him resembled a man Tubbo once was and will never be again.
“Have you learned nothing , my beloved?” Boo tilted his head in pondering.
“ Don’t call me that,” Tubbo winced at the nickname. “You’re not him.”
“I’m more him than you’ll ever know,” Boo insisted. “I have his memories–the ones he held and the ones he forgot. I have his secrets, his passions, his ideas; I have him as a whole–something you never experienced, and perhaps that’s why you don’t like me: I am whole .”
“ Just leave me alone .” Tubbo gritted through his teeth as he turned back around and continued to work. He’d rather busy his hands than busy his mind.
He crawled under a cupboard with some pliers in his hand. He connected and severed wires after dusting away the nuts and bolts. He double-checked that everything was in place before crawling back out and closing the doors. He shifted to the right corner and began filling a rocket with gunpowder.
“If you do this,” Boo began. “You’ll be starting all over.”
“That’s kind of the whole point.” Tubbo clarified with annoyance.
“And those who don’t get that second chance?” Boo tilted his head with frustration. “What about them ?”
“What are you talking about?” Tubbo scoffed as he collected more gunpowder.
“ You really don’t know ,” Boo whispered in realization before releasing a sad chuckle and shaking his head. Tubbo froze in fear and turned around harshly.
“Know what ? What are you talking about?” Tubbo urgently asked.
“Everyone who lost their last life on this server? They’ll stay that way forever: dead. They don’t get to ‘start over’. No one will remember them ever again. No one will come to revive them. No one will lose their last life to come to join them. They will stay there for eternity . Ranboo will stay there for eternity.” Boo explained with a solemn look.
Tubbo’s eyes glossed over and he took a moment to fathom everything at once. He hadn’t thought that far ahead. Everything was happening so fast that he didn’t bother to take a moment and breathe. Although, he supposed it was too late now, wasn’t it? Tommy was relying on him. He needed to do this; but, at what expense?
“Better there than here.” Tubbo frowned and turned around to continue shoveling gunpowder into the compartment–less motivated this time.
Silence hung in the air once more as Tubbo finished putting the gunpowder in and closed the metal hinge. He shuffled over to a panel nearby and flipped on a handful of switches and lights. He paused at the final button, hidden under a glass box and glaring at him with bright crimson colors. He lifted the taunting glass and took in a sharp breath.
“You never loved me, did you?”
He closed his eyes and pushed the button. Time was ever so kind as to allow one last tear to slip down his cheek before the air around him was engulfed in flames.