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i'll find a new place to be from

Summary:

Nao decides to turn the wedding into a beginning instead of an ending.

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Daichi is the one that finds her first, even though he told her he wasn't coming.

Nao's surprised she isn't more surprised.

"What are you doing out here?" He asks.

It reminds her of the time they played hide and seek in the park, and Nao, in an effort to finally beat Daichi at the game, had climbed a tree for the first time in her life. Daichi had ended up finding her when she started crying because she didn't know how to get back down. "What are you doing up there?"

Nao misses being a kid. Misses how simple things were then, how easy her relationship was with Daichi. Even though they're in a better place now than they were when they were fresh out of high school, it's still different in a way that stings. Different in a way she can't hope to fix.

"Just thinking," Nao answers.

Daichi sits down on the bench beside her, following her eyes to a car in the distance. "About?"

"No one told me brides could get cold feet too." Nao says a bit wryly.

If Daichi is surprised, he doesn't show it. He just hums a bit, as if in thought.

She's always loved that about Daichi. How calm and steady he is, how he always makes her feel safe enough to say whatever's on her mind. Even now, even though it's been three years since they last saw each other face to face, she thinks she could tell him anything. Everything.

Nao involuntarily thinks back to her high school days, when she'd been so sure about everything yet so confused at the same time. "I missed you," she confesses.

She doesn't turn to look at his face, knowing she won't like what she finds. Maybe it's a terrible thing for her to admit, especially now, but Nao's held it back long enough. She's been careful for so long, tip toeing over what they used to mean to each other, mostly for Daichi's sake. She's gotten tired of looking away.

"I'm sorry." Daichi's voice is quiet. Familiar yet strange at the same time. "I wish I could've been what you needed."

This time Nao doesn't say it's not your fault. She doesn't say I'm sorry too. Somewhere, deep down, she blames him. She blames him for not being able to look her in the eye anymore, for taking years of friendship and staining it red. She blames him for falling in love with her, and for making it feel like everything was her fault when things fell apart. But even still, she is only angry because she wants him back, because he's left a Daichi shaped hole in her life and nothing and no one else has been able to fill it.

She'll blame him for that too.

"I think I might—" go "—be making a mistake."

Daichi turns to look at her. Nao finally meets his gaze.

He looks like Daichi, like she's always remembered him looking. Years later and all that fondness is still there, all that history, all that love. She understands why he said he wouldn't come, and also why he ultimately showed up anyway.

"Are you happy?" He asks. Not why, not are you sure? Just a simple, cutting, are you happy?

Nao smiles. "I think I could be happier."

"Okay," is all he says in response. It's not an encouragement, but not an argument either.

High school Daichi might've asked more questions. Might've asked her to run away with him even. But this Daichi, now, is sitting back and letting her make the choice, or the mistake, without offering her any outs. Nao misses him with such a force that it aches.

She doesn't say goodbye, when she gets off the bench. She heads towards the car park without looking back.

 

-

 

Natsume is standing by the car, smoking.

It's not a habit he picked up until after her, Nao's pretty sure. She might even be why he picked it up in the first place.

He stops when he sees her, his entire person going stiff. He used to do that all the time, back when they first met. At the time she'd thought it was funny, now she just wishes she didn't know what it meant.

"Shouldn't you be in the chapel?" Natsume stamps the cigarette out under his feet and shoves his hands into his pockets. He used to do that a lot too, back in college, when his hair was more colourful. Now it's as black as hers.

Nao grips her dress tightly. "Yes."

When she doesn't say anything more, Natsume pauses once again. Nao watches in slow motion as the realisation sinks in. He pulls another cigarette out of the carton and places it between his lips, but stops short before lighting it. Then he runs his hand through his hair, exhaling hard. Nao remembers thinking once that Natsume was the most put together person she'd ever known. When had that changed? Is that her fault too?

"Runaway bride, huh?" He smiles a little bitterly.

She wonders what he'll say next. If he'll tell her she wouldn't be running away if she had only agreed to date him all those years ago, or if he'll open up the car door to the passenger's seat and tell her he'll take her anywhere she wants to go.

Natsume doesn't say any of those things. He removes the unlit cigarette from his mouth and looks back towards the chapel doors. "I'll have to be there for him to pick up the pieces, you know."

Oh.

She would've been less surprised if he tried to convince her to stay. But Natsume, Natsume who told her once that he'd be waiting for her until she was ready for him, makes this about Uehara instead. Something unfurls in Nao's chest. Relief, maybe.

"Sorry," she says, without really meaning it.

Natsume grins, mouth slanted to the side in a way so nostalgic it gets a chuckle out of Nao. "You make a beautiful bride, Nao."

"Thanks, Natsume." When Nao smiles back, it feels a little lighter, a little more genuine.

She picks up the hem of her wedding dress and walks out of the car park, taking a moment to stare out at the afternoon sun, before taking a left turn.

 

-

 

Issei isn't there when Nao arrives at the shop, but his father is.

He takes one look at the state of her, hair falling out of her elaborate braid, bottom of her white wedding dress stained with dirt, feet bare, and ushers her into the seat near the back. Nao sits down, remembering when she used to take naps back here during her breaks. It's quieter, a little out of the way, so customers usually don't notice it. The familiarity is trickling in again, as Nao looks around.

Some things are different, of course. Some spots look cleaner, recently polished. Others look more worn.

A bowl of ramen is set down in front of her. "I don't have any money," Nao says.

Issei's father pretends not to hear her, moving to serve another customer before Nao can get another word in.

She watches him make his way around the store for a few seconds, before picking up a pair of chopsticks and digging in.

There's something different about the way the ramen tastes. She can't quite put a finger on what it is, but it doesn't stop her from practically inhaling the entire bowl. She almost starts crying, thinking about how hard she'd been struggling leading up to the wedding, eating less than usual because she wanted to fit perfectly into her expensive wedding dress. Even now she can already feel her stomach fighting against the tight bodice of her dress, and still she doesn't stop.

She only puts her chopsticks down when Issei finally shows up, appearing in front of her suddenly.

"Yoshikawa, you look like a mess," he says as he sits himself down opposite her. He pulls out a tissue and offers it to her.

Nao takes it a bit gingerly, wiping at her mouth before setting it down. "You cut your hair," she remarks. It used to be longer, growing out just a bit beyond the tips of his ears. Now it's short, a little neater, less shaggy.

"And you... are in a wedding dress."

Issei was never invited to the wedding. Nao was the one who made sure of it. Uehara had never asked why, probably thinking that Issei's presence in her life had been short enough that she'd simply forgotten about him. Nao couldn't say why she didn't want him at the wedding back then, only that she didn't feel right about having him there. She had convinced herself it was because they left things a bit awkward the last time they saw each other, but she knows now why she hadn't wanted him to come.

He would've known. Issei would've taken one look at Nao and Uehara standing at that altar and he would've seen through all of it.

"I was getting married."

Issei takes a breath in. "Was?"

"I left." Nao admits sheepishly. "I'm supposed to be walking down the aisle right now."

There's this look on Issei's face that she can't quite read. He stands up and enters the kitchen. Nao watches him work, waiting silently until he returns and slides a plate over to her. "Gyoza. On the house."

Nao beams.

 

-

 

Nao folds the wedding dress into a box.

"You're keeping that?" Marina asks, surprised.

"Yeah."

Marina doesn't ask any more, likely knowing there was a story there that Nao wasn't too willing to share. They move on to her living room, where most of her books and knick knacks have been shoved into open boxes. The only thing Mitsuishi hadn't touched was a framed picture of Nao and Uehara on the coffee table.

After all the boxes are all properly packed and taped up, that photo is still sitting there on the table.

Nao picks it up, marvelling at how young she and Uehara both look. It hasn't been that long since they'd taken the picture, only a few years, but it strikes her still how different they seem. She wonders for a moment if there had been signs, even back then, of the way things would turn out.

"Woah," Mitsuishi pipes up from over her shoulder, "you two look like babies."

Marina walks over, leaning over Mitsuishi to look at the photo as well. "Aw! You were so cute, Nao!"

Nao laughs a bit before eventually placing the framed picture into an empty box. She's not really sure if that's the wise choice, to keep a lingering reminder of them around, but it doesn't feel right to throw it away either. Marina and Mitsuishi don't say anything about her keeping the photo, distracting her easily with mentions of getting lunch with Abe, who's been badgering them about getting together again.

"What are you in the mood for?"

As Nao thinks about it, she marvels at the feeling of butterflies in her stomach, something she thought she was getting too old for. She's been learning a lot about herself though, these few months after the wedding.

"Ramen," Nao says decisively.