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“Good afternoon, everyone, and welcome to Intro to Drawing.”
Lauren wasn’t sure what she’d been expecting when she signed up for an art class as an elective at Ardhalis University, but she did know that she hadn’t been expecting this. The man who walked into the art studio was young, seemingly barely older than Lauren herself. He had black hair tied back in a neat ponytail and an easy, confident grin on his face. He couldn’t be further from her usual professors for her criminal justice classes, all of whom were older, well-established experts in the field, and Lauren's eyes narrowed in suspicion.
“Oh my god, what a hunk,” Kym whispered, elbowing Lauren in the ribs. “He looks a bit young to be a professor though, don’t you think?”
Lauren just made a noncommittal noise as the man at the front of the room continued speaking. He was handsome enough, she supposed, but she didn’t love the idea of their teacher being barely older than the students.
“I see a few familiar faces, but for those who don’t know me, let me introduce myself. My name is Kieran White, I’m currently a senior studio art major, and I’ll be your TA for this semester. Professor Redcliff will be the one teaching you most of what you need to know, but unfortunately an emergency came up and he couldn’t make it today, so I’ll be covering our first class.”
Ah, a TA. That explained why he was so young, why he looked the same age as the students—he was.
“I’d let him teach me anything,” Kym whispered, and Lauren just rolled her eyes.
“Now, for our first class, we’ll just go over the important dates and some basic drawing skills,” Kieran continued. “But I know this class tends to draw a mix of majors and experience levels, so I want to get a quick show of hands—how many of you have prior experience with drawing?”
Approximately two-thirds of the class raised their hands and Kieran nodded. “Now, keep your hands up if you’re planning on being a studio art major.”
Several students dropped their hands, but a sizeable percentage kept their hands up, and Kieran grinned. “Excellent. Well, let me be the first to welcome you to the major. I might be biased, but in my humble opinion, we are not only the smartest but also the sexiest major on campus.”
He winked dramatically, causing about half the class to giggle and swoon, but Lauren just rolled her eyes. Great. A TA with an ego problem that everyone else seemed to adore, that was exactly what she needed.
“I’ll let Professor Redcliff go over the syllabus in more detail when he’s here next week, but for now just keep in mind that your mid-term project is due October 15th and the final project will be due December 18th,” Kieran continued. “Now enough of that, let’s break out the easels and start with some warmup drawings! Go ahead and get your pencils and sketchpads out and set up in a nice little circle.”
“Do you think the TAs ever model for the class?” Kym whispered to Lauren as they went to go grab easels. “Imagine if we get to draw that fine specimen of a man. Especially since figure models pose nude.”
“Kym!” Lauren hissed. “Don’t be ridiculous. Besides, he’s not that handsome.”
“Girl, I know you’re woefully blind at times, but don’t tell me you’re that blind,” Kym scoffed. “That man is practically the definition of tall, dark and handsome.”
Lauren shrugged as she picked up her easel. “I guess that’s just not my type.”
“Uh huh, sure.” Kym narrowed her eyes in suspicion. “So, what is your type, then? Short, pale and ugly?”
Lauren couldn’t help but laugh at that, shaking her head as she carried her easel back to where the other students were forming a circle. “I don’t know, maybe I’m just more interested in focusing on university.”
“Ugh, you and your perfect grades.” Kym rolled her eyes. “You know, you can have fun and be a workaholic.”
“I know that!” Lauren protested. “Why do you think I agreed to take this art class with you? But we’re sophomores now and work is only going to keep picking up and I need to stay on top of it. Especially since Professor Hermann keeps making me do revisions on all my essays. I swear, nothing I do is good enough for him, he always finds a way to make me re-do it all, it’s like he’s determined to fail me if I don’t jump through all the right hoops.”
“Ugh, Hermann can suck my dick,” Kym muttered. Before Lauren could respond—with a mix of appreciation for her friend’s support and complaints that it was a mental image she really did not need—Kieran interrupted.
“Alright, as you can see I’ve got a basic still life scene set up,” he said, gesturing at a table in the center of the circle of easels. “I want to see where everyone’s baseline skills are at. Even if you’ve never picked up a pencil before, just dive in and give it your best shot.”
Frowning, Lauren picked up her pencil and looked at the still life, examining it thoughtfully. It was simple enough, just a vase with some flowers set on top of a lacy tablecloth, but she had very little experience with drawing, and the idea of just… diving in intimidated her. Next to her, Kym had no reservations as she eagerly started to sketch.
“Laur, this class doesn’t matter for your major, just have fun,” Kym said as she looked up and noticed that Lauren still hadn’t drawn anything. “I swear, your perfectionism will be the death of you. It’ll certainly be the death of me.”
“I know, I know,” Lauren muttered. Slowly, she started to sketch out a few basic lines, getting so engrossed in the drawing that she didn’t notice Kieran approach until he spoke.
“Not too bad.”
Lauren startled at the voice and looked up to find him standing next to her, looking over her shoulder at her easel with a lazy grin on his face.
“Thanks,” Lauren replied, voice icy as her eyes narrowed. She got the distinct impression that he was mocking her, with that smug grin of his and his condescending comment.
“I see you’ve gone for an… interesting interpretation,” Kieran said as he shifted his attention to Kym’s drawing, which had a rather wonky perspective, the vase all squished and skewed at a weird angle. “Ms. Ladell, was it?”
“Oh please, Kieran—can we call you Kieran?” Kym asked, barreling on before he could answer. “Just call me Kym.”
“Please call me Kieran, I’m a student just like the rest of you,” he said with a laugh. “I don’t think I saw you two raise your hands earlier when I asked about the studio art majors. What are you majoring in?”
“Well, I’m technically still undecided,” Kym admitted with a sheepish grin. “But I’m thinking something in STEM, because there honestly aren’t enough women in STEM, y’know? Maybe I’ll do engineering. Or biochemistry. Ooh or computer science! Anyways, Lauren here is doing criminal justice.”
“Oh?” Kieran arched an eyebrow as he looked at Lauren. “That’s very noble of you.”
Lauren couldn’t tell if he was being sarcastic or not. “My parents were both lawyers, it runs in the family.” She forced out a smile.
“Very impressive,” he said. The words didn’t register as a lie, and yet there was something about it that made her feel like she was being mocked—maybe it was just that he gave off the impression of never taking anything seriously.
“Anyways, I’ll leave you two to your drawings,” he said, nodding in farewell before he walked off.
“Byyeee!” Kym said, wiggling her fingers in a little wave. She turned to Lauren after he was out of earshot. “He seems cool! And what a hunk.”
“Ugh.” Lauren rolled her eyes. “No, thank you. I do not get the appeal.”
Kym reached over to pat Lauren on the shoulder. “Suuuuure. Of course not.”
Shaking her head, Lauren re-focused her attention on her drawing. Kym was constantly trying to set Lauren up with people, telling her that loosening up a little would be good for her and that it wasn’t healthy to devote her entire life to getting perfect grades, to already be stressing about law school and career prospects. And maybe she had a point.
But Lauren was not even remotely interested in Kieran, and no amount of Kym's teasing would change that.
Two weeks later and Lauren found herself in the library, up to her eyeballs in law textbooks. She had a paper due for her class on the history of the death penalty in Ardhalis, and it was the class taught by Professor Hermann, which meant she was stressing about getting it perfect. At least Professor March, her advisor and favorite professor, had given her an extension on the paper due for his class on ethics, because he knew Hermann was giving her a hard time.
And then she also had to create a drawing of a scene that represented her past, present and future, and she had no idea what to do for it and why oh why had she chosen to take such a time-intensive elective? Maybe she’d just do a drawing of the books currently spread out on the table, she thought with a little half-smile. Past: Principles of Ardhalian Law, 5th Edition because she was the daughter of lawyers. Present: Policing and Criminal Justice because it was the textbook for Hermann’s class and Hermann’s class was occupying all of her present time. Future: Ethics in Law: Lawyers’ Responsibility and Accountability in Ardhalis because damn if she wasn’t going to succeed and accomplish her dream of being a lawyer.
Somehow, though, she had a feeling a rough sketch of her textbooks for other courses wouldn’t go over too well as an assignment for her drawing class. As she stretched in her chair, trying to relieve some of the tension in her shoulders and neck, she saw a flash of black hair tied back in a neat ponytail and she scowled.
What was he doing here? The library was her space—and okay, part of her brain knew she was being unfair, anyone could use the library. And it’s not like Kieran had done anything to offend her personally, but he was arrogant and overly flirtatious and always seemed to know exactly what to say to get under her skin. And everyone else seemed to worship the ground he walked on.
Every time she’d bumped into him over the past two weeks—which had been a lot, unfortunately—she’d left the encounter feeling pissed off. The first time, she’d actually come to him, intending to ask him about an assignment for the class. But she’d had to wait while a wide-eyed, giggling freshman girl hung onto his every word, clearly infatuated with him. After, Kieran had apologized for the delay, claiming that he just couldn’t help how attractive he was, or the effect he had on other people.
That was when Lauren knew her initial impression of him was completely accurate, that he was nothing more than a smarmy, arrogant asshole, and the less time she had to spend in his presence, the better. Unfortunately, they kept bumping into each other, as it turned Kieran was good friends with Bella, whose girlfriend Neyra was a casual friend of Lauren’s. Which meant Lauren had been dragged into multiple conversations with Kieran, and each one just furthered her dislike for him and her desire to avoid him, but no such luck. Ardhalis University was the largest in the city, but it had never felt smaller.
As if he could sense her eyes boring holes into the back of his head, Kieran turned around, his signature lazy grin spreading across his face as he saw her sitting there.
“Well, hello there,” he said, sitting down at the table across from her and leaning forward on his elbows.
Lauren’s scowl deepened. At least he had the decency to speak quietly and respect the space they were in. “What are you doing here? Shouldn’t you be off in the art studio, or entertaining your crowds of adoring fangirls?”
“My, my, is that jealousy I detect in your voice?” Kieran said, his grin growing.
“Don’t be ridiculous.” Lauren rolled her eyes.
“As for what I’m doing here, in this public library on the campus of the school that I attend, same as you, I imagine. Studying.”
Lauren just raised an eyebrow. “Studying what? ‘A narcissist’s guide to making everyone like you’? ‘Flirting 101: how to make impressionable young girls fall for you’?”
“You know, I’m only 3 years older than the youngest students here,” Kieran mused, his eyes still sparkling with infuriating mirth. “And those ‘impressionable young girls’ are the ones coming to me. I simply can’t keep them at bay.”
“Uh huh. Sure.” Lauren’s voice dripped with sarcasm.
“Anyways,” Kieran continued, drawing a textbook out of his bag and putting it on the table. “Studio art isn’t just creation; I study the history behind the techniques as well.”
Lauren glanced down at the book on the table. Art History as Cultural History. Okay, she had to admit, that did sound somewhat interesting, but damn if she was going to admit that to Kieran.
“Hmm,” was all she said, stumbling as she tried to think of a snappy response and failed.
Kieran leaned back in his chair, clearly satisfied. “What? At a loss for words? I never thought I’d see the day.”
“I don’t have time for this,” Lauren muttered, gathering up her books, her cheeks flushed with anger. He came into her space, and he mocked her? What gave him the right? “I have an incredibly important paper due, plus about half a dozen other assignments so if you’ll excuse me, I’m going to actually get work done since not all of us can just create doodles for homework.”
Shoving her books into her bag, she stormed out the door of the library, not looking back to notice how Kieran’s expression softened, a flicker of regret crossing his features.
Three more weeks passed after the library encounter, and midterms were fast approaching. With midterms on the horizon, she at least had a valid excuse to decline any events Neyra invited her to, but it didn’t stop her from seeing Kieran in art class, nor did it change her unfortunate luck with running into him elsewhere on campus.
He was as arrogant and irritating as always, but Lauren tried to push all thoughts of Kieran White out of her mind. Her midterm paper for Hermann’s class was nearly finished, she just needed to go over it again and do some final revisions to make sure it was perfect. It had to be, Hermann wouldn’t accept anything less, and she needed to get a good grade on the midterm.
Unfortunately, Hermann’s class wasn’t the only one she had a midterm for, which was why on a chilly October afternoon, Lauren found herself trudging over to the art studio. Professor Redcliff’s midterm assignment was to create a still life scene from the various objects and props kept in the studio and then draw it, using no fewer than five different objects. At least this time there weren’t any irritating requirements like choosing an object to represent her past, or other bullshit like that.
Lauren was so caught up in her thoughts that as she walked into the warmth of the studio and unwrapped her scarf with a weary sigh, she didn’t notice the other figure sitting at an easel until he opened his mouth and spoke.
“My, my, look what the cat dragged in.”
Lauren’s gaze snapped up at the sound of the voice she’d become all too familiar with. Sure enough, there was Kieran, perched on a stool at an easel in the center of the room, his stupid arrogant smirk illuminated under the bright fluorescent lights of the studio.
“Ugh,” Lauren groaned. “How do you keep finding me? Are you stalking me?”
“Ah yes, because the art studio major couldn’t possibly have a reason to be in the art studio,” he said, his smirk growing. “You’re right, you caught me. I’ve been stalking you all along.”
Lauren rolled her eyes, even as her cheeks flushed slightly in embarrassment—of course he was in the art studio, where else would he be when preparing for midterms? Her midterms took the form of essays and exams, but his were likely project-based, just like the one she had for the introductory drawing class.
“Hmmph,” was all Lauren said as she claimed an easel—one as far away from Kieran as possible.
He didn’t say anything else, and Lauren stole a brief glance at his easel as she walked past him to the prop closet. She had to admit, reluctantly, that he really was a quite talented artist. He was working on a painting of a field of flowers and even in its unfinished state, Lauren could appreciate the delicate details of the blossoms and the vibrancy of the colors.
It was just a shame that such talent had to come from someone so goddamn infuriating.
But she was getting distracted once more, so she did her best to forget about the headache named Kieran White and continued into the prop closet, grabbing items at random—an interesting wooden sculpture, a plastic purple flower, a leather-bound book, a fake apple, and a geometric-patterned cloth to place them all on.
Mercifully, Kieran didn’t say anything else as Lauren dragged her haul back out into the studio space and began to set them up. Professor Redcliff was always going on about how to create interesting, dynamic still life scenes, and how he didn’t want to see static, lifeless set ups. But quite frankly, none of that meant anything to Lauren, and it was only the worry over her grade that made her re-arrange her scene a few times, struggling to find a good way to connect the objects.
Why oh why had she let Kym convince her to take this class? She could have taken a much more interesting elective, like psychology or philosophy. Surely even something like creative writing would be better than this. But it was too late for that now, so it was all Lauren could do to switch the positions of the flower and the apple yet again, never satisfied with how it looked.
“Try putting the flower on the book,” Kieran piped up from behind Lauren and she jumped. She’d nearly managed to forget he was there.
“Just putting your objects all side-by-side makes it look dull and lifeless,” he continued, when she didn’t say anything. “If you put objects on top of each other, or otherwise touching, it connects them and creates a more dynamic scene. You create a focal point, and it draws the viewer’s eye in better, rather than having the attention divided amongst separate objects.”
Frowning, Lauren picked up the flower and placed it on top of the book. “Hmm. I guess that works.”
Kieran grinned. “Move the sculpture as well.”
“Are you just going to dictate to me how I should do my assignment?” Lauren snapped. “I’m perfectly capable of doing it on my own.”
Kieran held his hands up. “By all means, then, go right ahead.”
It took Lauren less time than she cared to admit to swallow her pride and cave. “Alright, fine. How would you suggest moving the sculpture?”
“I’m glad you asked!” Kieran hopped up from his stool and crossed over to where Lauren was set up.
“The sculpture is the tallest item you have in your scene,” he explained as he started rearranging her display. “And the eye is naturally drawn to it because of that, so if you have it in the center and the other objects breaking away from it, it creates a natural flow for the viewers’ eyes. It’s also important to balance the scene and make sure it’s not too congested in any one area, or with too much empty space in another area.”
By the time he was finished re-arranging her scene, the wooden sculpture sat in the center of the scene, like he’d suggested. The book was propped open, resting against the base of the sculpture, with the flower on top of it, acting like a bookmark. The apple was on the other side of the sculpture, to create the balance he talked about.
Lauren had to admit that it looked far better than any of her attempts to set up a scene.
“Well? How’s that?” Kieran glanced up at her with that ever-present smirk on his face, and under the bright studio lights, she could see a few flecks of paint that he’d somehow managed to get on his jaw. Maybe it was the sleep deprivation or maybe it was just her gratitude for the help that would undoubtably improve her grade, but in that moment, Lauren came to a sudden, startling, and altogether unwelcome realization—Kieran White was exceedingly handsome.
“I… thank you,” she said, finding her throat rather dry all of a sudden. “I appreciate the help.”
“Now you just have to draw it,” he said. “Hopefully I didn’t make it too hard for you, you sure you can handle it?”
He added on a wink at the end, and just like that, the moment was ruined as Lauren felt her anger resurfacing. Okay, so he was hot, but he was still a condescending, smarmy asshole. It changed nothing.
“I’ll be fine,” she snapped, settling down on her stool and pulling out her pencils and sketchpad. “You’re not special just because you’re a studio art major.”
“My, my, it seems I struck a nerve,” he chuckled. “Is Little Miss Law too proud to accept help?”
“I accepted your suggestions, didn’t I?” Lauren asked, biting back the urge to say something more incendiary.
“Touché,” Kieran admitted, still smiling, which only served to irk Lauren more. Did he take anything seriously? “I’ll leave you be, then.”
He retreated to his own easel and Lauren started work on sketching her scene, but she couldn’t stop thinking about Kieran and she found herself glancing up at him periodically, unable to stop herself from stealing glances of him working. There was a quiet intensity to him when he painted, a softness that she usually didn’t associate with him, and she couldn’t keep herself from noticing the messy raven locks that fell in those stupidly blue eyes, or the quiet humming noises he made to himself as he worked.
Why did he have to be so damnably hot? Lauren groaned internally as she did her best to focus on her work. He was an arrogant jerk who made everything into a joke and seemed to think he was better than anyone else. He had a literal fan club, mostly of underclassmen girls, all because he was apparently popular on campus, and he acted like it was right that they worship the ground he walked on.
He was infuriating and obnoxious, he was frequently condescending and always riling Lauren up and she should loathe him so why was he so attractive? She’d never been the type to fall for bad boys before, she’d always prized herself for being rational and level-headed. So why now? What was it about Kieran White that got under her skin so much?
“So anyways, there I was, telling Neyra about the kickass watermelon sorbet they just debuted at the ice cream shop down the street, and guess what happens? Willame has the audacity to say that he tried it and didn’t think it was very good. Can you believe that? I swear he’s always such a stick in the mud, it’s like he’s allergic to fun and—Lauren, are you listening?” Kym broke off her rant to wave a hand in Lauren’s face.
“Hmm? Oh yes, sorry, continue,” Lauren said, glancing up from the salad she was absentmindedly picking at. It had been two days since the unwelcome realization that she was kind of into Kieran, and she couldn’t get it off her mind. “Will was disrespecting watermelon.”
Kym leaned forward, squinting at Lauren as she peered into her eyes. “Okay, something’s up. Tell me.”
“What? I’m fine, Kym, it’s just—”
“Uh-uh.” Kym held up a finger to interrupt. “I’ve been complaining about Will for the past fifteen minutes and you haven’t said anything. Usually, you’re annoyingly quick to jump to his defense and try and convince me he’s not too bad. Plus, you’ve barely touched your lunch.”
“Okay, I… might have a problem,” Lauren confessed. “I really hate Kieran.”
Kym just blinked. “Well yeah, I mean you’ve been complaining about him literally all semester, that’s nothing new.”
“I really hate Kieran,” Lauren continued. “But… I think I’m attracted to him.” She groaned as she said the last part, burying her head in her hands.
“Ha! I knew even you couldn’t be that blind!” Kym shouted, leaping up from her chair in excitement. Several heads in the dining hall turned to look at them and Kym cleared her throat and sat back down. “Ahem. What I mean is… I’m sorry to hear that? Actually no, that’s a lie, I’m not. What’s so wrong with being attracted to him?”
“Did you not hear the first part of my problem?” Lauren asked, waving her fork at Kym. “He’s always so full of himself and he never takes anything seriously and he acts like he’s better than everyone. He knows he’s good looking and he acts like we should all be grateful just to be in his presence. It’s infuriating.”
“Mhmm,” Kym said, not looking even remotely convinced. “Are you sure, like really really sure that you’re not being unfairly harsh on him? I mean, you had a bad opinion of him from the moment he walked into art class as our T.A. on the very first day. Have you even given him a chance?”
“I’ve given him plenty of chances!” Lauren protested. “Every single conversation we’ve had has come back to him making condescending remarks or being full of himself, or it’s been interrupted by that infuriating fan club of his. Seriously, why does he even have a fan club?”
Kym just shrugged. “I guess he’s a popular senior. Though you can hardly hold the actions of others against him.”
“He encourages it, Kym,” Lauren said. “He could easily shut it down if he wasn’t interested, but he thrives on the attention. And all it does is inflate his already over-inflated ego.”
“Okay, I can tell nothing I’m going to say will convince you.” Kym sighed. “You’re determined to hate him, but you’re also attracted to him. So, the question remains… what are you going to do about it?”
“I… am going to do nothing about it,” Lauren said, her words more confident than she felt. “We have midterms coming up, and then after midterms, classes keep progressing towards finals without any reprieve. I have more important things to focus on and besides, he’s not even that attractive. All I need to do is ignore these ridiculous feelings and I’m sure I’ll be over them in no time.”
“A fantastic plan, everyone knows you can just turn feelings off like a faucet,” Kym said with a roll of her eyes. Lauren poked her with her fork, and she yelped. “Hey! What was that for?”
“Some supportive best friend you are,” Lauren muttered, which only caused Kym to grin beatifically.
“You know you love me.”
“Yeah yeah whatever,” Lauren grumbled. “Now anyways, where were we? Something about Will and watermelon sorbet?”
“Right! So anyways, he started going on about how it was too watermelon-y, as if such a thing existed, and I swear I’ve never been more offended in my life…”
As Kym rambled on with her story about her latest conflict with Will—one of many, the two were always at each other’s throats—Lauren listened eagerly, laughing at all the right moments, and interjecting with questions and complaints as she finished off her salad.
This was what mattered to her, these were the kinds of memories she wanted to build while at college—fun times laughing with her best friend as she ranted about their mutual friend who drove her crazy and who she most definitely did not have any feelings for.
Kym’s inability to stop talking about Will—and the feelings for him that she was willfully blind to— were far more interesting, anyways. Who even needed unfortunately hot, arrogant art students?
It was almost two weeks later, on a particularly cold day in late October, when Lauren found herself unable to sleep. She was hardly a stranger to insomnia, but that night, it hit harder than it had in a while. When she first couldn’t sleep, she’d gotten a head start on some of her homework, but the semester was in a lull between midterms and finals prep and there honestly wasn’t much to do. But she still couldn’t sleep.
With a sigh, Lauren closed the law textbook she’d been studying and rolled out the kinks in her neck that had come from spending too long hunched over a textbook. She needed something calming, something to help her settle down and sleep. With that thought in mind, she grabbed her laptop and opened it up to a popular streaming platform.
It was a bit of a routine of hers, whenever she couldn’t sleep—there was something about watching other people stream that was oddly soothing and comforting. Sometimes she’d join streams where people were just chatting, sometimes she’d watch streams on a particular topic, like obscure parts of history. She watched music streams, she watched art streams, she even watched gaming streams if it was a calming game. Anything to help quiet her mind.
Lauren scrolled through the “popular in your area” section, looking for something to catch her attention, which was when she saw an art stream with a few hundred viewers, channel name The Purple Hyacinth. Raising money for the Ardhalis Foundation for Disadvantaged Youth, the stream title said.
“Sounds intriguing,” Lauren said to herself as she opened up the stream, ready to settle in with something relaxing, something to help get her mind off of her current stresses. But then the stream loaded, and she was greeted with the face of none other than Kieran White.
What the fuck.
“It’s been a nice break from midterm stress,” he was saying as he drew. The drawing on screen was a scene between two people, their heads tipped back in laughter, the joy evident in their expressions. “I’ve been working with acrylic paint for so long now, and while I love it, there’s a simplicity to digital art that I’ve always found soothing.”
Lauren watched in stunned silence for a few minutes as he responded to questions from the chat and thanked donors, amiable and relaxed as he sketched. There was no hint of the smug arrogance she was used to from her interactions with him, it was like he was an entirely different person.
Well. Maybe not entirely. She’d seen a glimmer of this side of him that day in the art studio when he’d helped her with her midterm project, it was just that the moment had been ruined as he turned back to his usual smarmy ways a moment later.
“There, I think that should be done,” he said, finishing the last strokes of the drawing before pulling back with a satisfied nod. “Just a simple sketch, but I’m pleased with how it turned out. Don’t forget that if you donate, you’re automatically entered to win a custom drawing from me. Speaking of donating, I see we have a handful of new viewers who just joined the stream, so let me introduce myself and the charity.”
“My name’s Kieran White, I’m a senior studio art major at Ardhalis University and an art streamer on the side,” he continued. “And tonight, we’re celebrating the successful completion of my last ever midterms with an all-night stream to raise money for a very worthy cause.”
The image on stream shifted as he opened a browser window, already set to the home page of the charity mentioned in the stream title.
“The Ardhalis Foundation for Disadvantaged Youth offers scholarships for children who lack the financial means to access academic or extracurricular programs that can help them gain essential skills,” Kieran said. “Now, as my regular viewers know, this is a subject very dear to my heart. As a child who grew up in the foster care system, I lacked the resources and opportunities that my peers in stable home environments had. Many children in foster care never get adopted, and when they age out of the system, they’re left with a lack of necessary skills to help them adjust to the outside world. The AFDY seeks to change that.”
Lauren’s heart clenched in sympathy. He grew up in the foster system? She was suddenly painfully aware of how privileged she’d been, to have been immediately taken in by her uncle and godfather after her parents’ death. To have had a loving family to take care of her, even when her own parents no longer could. As hard as her parents’ death had been on her, as hard as it still was, how much harder would it have been if she hadn’t had the unconditional love and support of her uncle and godfather?
“… hit our first goal, then I’ll break out my super special Halloween costume and wear it for the rest of stream,” Kieran was saying. “So, all the more incentive to donate! You support a great cause, you’ll be entered to win a custom drawing and if we reach our initial goal of $1000 raised, you get to see me make a fool of myself.”
Lauren laughed, genuinely laughed, surprising herself. The man on stream was almost unrecognizable from the one she’d gotten to know over the past several weeks. Had she perhaps judged Kieran White too harshly, too soon? As she glanced at the donation count on stream—currently sitting at $800—an idea came to her.
All it took was a click of the link in chat to take her to the donation page and then it was just a matter of entering the amount she wanted to donate and supplying her card information. She paused for a moment as she contemplated what to put for her name—she didn’t want to use her real name, but she liked the idea of leaving a little hint. As she absentmindedly fingered the daisy charm on the necklace she always wore, inspiration struck her, and then all she had to do was sit back to wait for the donation to go through.
“You regular viewers know I like drawing out little scenes I see happening in real life,” Kieran continued. “Sometimes life is the best inspiration for art. For this next drawing, I drew inspiration from someone I saw on campus—”
He cut himself off as the incoming donation flashed on screen. “Wow, thank you so much to Daisy for the incredibly generous $200 donation! I thank you, and the vulnerable children of Ardhalis thank you. That is truly amazing of you. Aaand that puts us just over the $1000 mark, which means it’s time for me to break out my Halloween costume! I’ll be right back.”
Lauren sat back in smug satisfaction, watching as the chat flooded with messages of thanks for 'Daisy' as well as messages wondering what Kieran’s costume would be, and expressing their excitement to see it. It felt good, doing what she could to help kids who needed it, and it felt good being able to witness it anonymously.
And, if she was being honest with herself, it felt good watching Kieran stream and being a part of that. She liked this side of Kieran, liked seeing the charm mixed with a more serious demeanor. This side of him seemed more real, somehow, more genuine.
It made her question all her interactions with him previously, made her wonder if this was hiding beneath his overly flirtatious and aggravatingly self-assured behavior the whole time. If maybe the arrogance that got under her skin so much was a shield he hid behind. She knew that feeling all too well—how many times had people accused her of being cold, or commented on her resting bitch face? It was easier to project that image to the world and only let in those who she felt comfortable around.
These were the thoughts that filled her mind while Kieran was absent from the stream but then he returned and suddenly all serious contemplation fled Lauren’s mind as she took in the sight, for Kieran White was dressed in none other than a giant, inflatable hot dog costume.
He looked deeply weary as he sat down again, his head framed by the hot dog while lines of mustard and ketchup ran down his chest. His arms stuck out to the side somewhat, hindered by the buns that ran down the length of his body, from shoulders to just past his knees.
“Alright, alright, I see you, spamming those laughing emotes,” he told his chat with a sigh. “Let it never be said that I don’t commit to the cause. I fear my dignity shall never recover, but if it inspires more people to donate, it’s worth it.”
Lauren laughed at the absurdity of it all. The Kieran she thought she knew never would have done something so silly, so outrageous, just to help a charity. The Kieran she thought she knew was a proud, arrogant man, one who valued himself above all others and never would have been willing to make a mockery of himself.
In the end, she watched him for hours, staying up until the wee hours of the morning as he chatted with his viewers, thanked donors and drew little moments he’d seen in daily life that he wanted to capture—a professor feeding scraps to the ducks in the campus pond; two people sharing a loving gaze over coffee; a young girl and an old man sat at a chess table in the park, their breaths rising in puffs from the chilly air.
By the time she finally went to sleep, Lauren realized that her preconceived notions of Kieran White had been very, very false, and she found she had never been happier to be wrong.
For all her previous misfortune of running into Kieran wherever she went, Lauren found that the one time she actually wanted to see him, she was unable to find him. It took three days until she saw him again, three days during which he didn’t stream, nor was he in the art studio whenever Lauren went there. He didn’t even show up to art class the day after the stream, and he never missed art class.
She was on the verge of summoning up the courage to ask Bella if she knew where Kieran was—despite knowing that Belladonna Davenport was hardly to be trusted and would likely pry far too much—when she entered the art studio on a Wednesday afternoon and found him in there, working on a painting that was taller than he was.
He glanced up as Lauren entered, that usual easy, self-satisfied grin on his face. “Ah, it’s you. You know, for someone who frequently talks about how studio art is less ‘serious’ than criminal justice, you sure do find yourself in the art studio a lot.”
“I have homework to do, you know,” Lauren snapped. “For the class you’re a TA in. You’d know that if you were in class on Monday.”
“My, my, you noticed my absence?” Kieran said, his grin widening. “I had no idea you missed me so much when I wasn’t around, darling.”
Lauren ignored the way her heart stuttered at the sound of Kieran calling her darling and crossed her arms. “Just wondering what you were up to, Purple Hyacinth.”
Kieran raised an eyebrow. “Ah, I see you discovered my alter ego.”
Lauren wasn’t sure if it was just her imagination, but she could have sworn he looked bashful, could have sworn there was a hint of a blush creeping up his cheeks.
“Well, the secret’s out now,” he said with a playful shrug. “Ardhalis University’s hottest, most eligible bachelor is actually a massive nerd.”
“Oh, come on, I wouldn’t say that,” Lauren said, brows knitting together as she frowned. “That’s hardly fair.”
“Very kind of you to defend my honor against being a nerd—”
“What? No no,” Lauren cut him off with a shake of her head. “That part I agree with. I just meant it’s hardly fair to call yourself AU’s hottest, most eligible bachelor.”
Kieran blinked, then threw his head back in laughter. “You wound me, but touché.”
Lauren chuckled as well, finding she rather liked this new dynamic between them. “That hot dog costume was quite impressive, I have to admit I didn’t take you for the type to do something like… that.”
“Oh?” Kieran arched an eyebrow. “Like what? Do tell, I’d love to hear what type you did take me for.”
“Something so silly,” Lauren admitted, nervously biting her lower lip. “I… I must confess, I thought you were rather arrogant and obnoxious, I didn’t expect you to do something like put on a hot dog costume to raise money for charity.”
“Me? Arrogant? Will these attacks on my character never stop?” Kieran clutched a hand to his chest in a fit of dramatics, but he dropped it a moment later, a genuine smile creeping onto his face. “It’s for a good cause, one very near and dear to my heart. There isn’t much I wouldn’t do if it meant helping a cause like the AFDY.”
“I admire that,” Lauren said, a soft smile playing at her own mouth. Kieran’s gaze narrowed and it was only as she followed his line of sight that she realized she’d been toying with the daisy charm on her necklace again.
“That’s an interesting necklace you’ve got there,” he said, his tone conversational. “Daisies are beautiful flowers.”
“Mm, they’re my favorites,” Lauren said, trying to suppress a smile at the hidden knowledge she possessed.
“There was a donor from last night’s stream named Daisy,” he continued, tilting his head to look at her. “It’s funny, they were careful to tick off the option to make it anonymous and hide their contact information, but they took the time to put in a pseudonym.”
“How strange,” Lauren said, pressing her lips together to hide her mirth. “Whoever they are, it sounds like they were quite generous, donating so much.”
“Oh? And how do you know they donated a large sum of money?” Kieran asked. “All I said is they were a donor. They could have donated a single dollar, for all you know.”
“Well, I was watching the stream, of course,” Lauren said smoothly. “I saw the donation when it popped up on screen.”
“And you just happened to remember a donation someone else gave?”
“Well, it was a quite large donation.” Lauren’s lips twitched with the effort of not smiling. “And it triggered the change int the hot dog costume, how could I forget?”
“Alright, fair enough,” Kieran said. “I believe you. Though of course, if it was you, then you would have my most sincere thanks for your generosity.”
“And if it were me, which of course it’s not, then I would say that it’s the least I could do for a cause that’s very near and dear my heart as well.”
Something in Kieran’s expression changed at that, and as he looked her over, Lauren couldn’t help but feel like she wasn’t the only one who had made an initial, perhaps rash, assessment of character that was starting to change.
“Why do you keep the streams a secret?” Lauren asked, suddenly wanting to change the subject, wanting to hide from the intensity in Kieran’s gaze.
He just shrugged slightly, looking vaguely uncomfortable. “It’s… easier, I guess. Easier to keep it separate from my everyday life, especially as my following has grown. It’s not really a secret, I don’t deny it when asked and plenty of people on campus know and follow my streams, but… I don’t want people to treat me differently because of my popularity, I suppose.”
“But why…” Lauren trailed off. What she really wanted to ask was why he hid the more vulnerable side of him, the softer side of him that she saw on stream, but what right did she have to ask that?
“Why?” Kieran prompted.
“You… come across differently in the streams than you do in person,” Lauren said hesitantly.
Kieran’s lips twisted into a wry smile. “I suppose that, too, is easier. When you grow up being mocked, being hurt for your sensitivity, for being too meek and soft, you learn to toughen up. It’s easier to pretend all I am is the suave, sexy charmer everyone sees.”
Lauren offered up a soft smile. She could relate to that, in some ways. Not for the same reasons, but she knew all too well how easy it was to put on a mask and hide your real self from the world. “Well, for what it’s worth, I like the soft, sensitive side of you.”
Kieran chuckled, but when he spoke, his words were genuine. “Thank you. Though of course, I must swear you to secrecy, no one can know that side of me exists,” he added on, his expression full of mock sincerity. “I fear it would ruin my image.”
“Of course.” Lauren mimed zipping up her lips. “Your secret’s safe with me. So long as you also don’t ruin my image of being a frigid bitch, I can’t have people thinking I watch art streams or, even worse, donate to them.”
“Ha! So, it was you.”
“Hypothetically speaking, of course,” Lauren tacked on with a wink. “I cannot confirm or deny anything.”
“Spoken like a true future lawyer,” Kieran said with a laugh. He looked like he was about to say something more, but the doors to the studio opened just then, and a group of students walked in.
“Uh… we have class in here in five minutes,” one of them said. “The studio’s supposed to be empty.”
“Ah, is it 3pm already?” Kieran glanced at the clock. “So it is. I lost track of the time, but we’ll clear out of here in a moment.”
Lauren packed up her art supplies, her drawing homework having gone untouched, but she didn’t care about that right now. Biting her lip, she glanced over at Kieran, who was packing up his own supplies. “Hey, um… do you want to grab a coffee sometime? I’ve really enjoyed our conversation.”
Kieran stilled his movements and looked up at her, a grin spreading across his face. “I’d love that. When are you free?”
“Um. Now?”
Kieran chuckled. “Sunds great, it’s a date.”
Lauren’s own face split into a grin to match Kieran’s. A date. She rather liked the sound of that.
“Are you sure you don’t want to come and spend the holidays with me?” Lauren asked Kieran. “I’m sure my uncle and godfather would love to meet you.”
“Darling, no offense, but meeting my girlfriend’s family for the first time over the Christmas break sounds like an absolute recipe for disaster,” Kieran said, pressing a kiss to her forehead when she wrinkled her nose up in irritation. “Besides, I’m sure your uncle would love it far too much.”
“Oh, come on, he’s not that bad,” Lauren protested.
Kieran gave her a disbelieving look. “Did he or did he not send you a text of a ring emoji next to eyeballs when you told him you were dating me? You showed me the text, Lauren.”
“Okay, true, I can’t deny that, but he wasn’t serious! … not entirely,” she amended as Kieran’s look of disbelief increased, one eyebrow arching higher. “He’s just… a little enthusiastic sometimes. And he’s happy that I’m happy.”
“Mhmm,” Kieran said. “No thank you. Introducing your boyfriend to your family is already a big event, but introducing your boyfriend to your family over Christmas just adds unnecessary pressure. But I’ll only be an hour away by train.”
“Fiiiine,” Lauren said with a slight pout. It had been 7 weeks since their coffee date. That day, they’d talked for hours, the conversation flowing easily after the initial ice had been broken. Kieran had told her of growing up in the foster care system, of drawing as a way to escape the misery of his life, and how he’d turned his skill with art into a full-ride scholarship at Ardhalis University.
He regaled her with interesting stories from his stream, told her of his passion for flower symbolism, and admitted to his first impression of her—closed off and rigid, but that he admired her take-no-shit attitude and loved teasing her because he could see her spark in the way she verbally sparred with him.
Lauren, for her part, told him about losing her parents in a car accident when she was ten, how the facts of the accident didn’t line up and she had never been able to shake the feeling that something suspicious was at play. She told him about her uncle and godfather, who had opened their home to her without a second thought, and how their unconditional love had saved her and pulled her back from the brink.
She told him how studying law and criminal justice at AU had given her a purpose beyond unraveling the mystery of her parents’ death, how it had given her something healthier to focus on. She told him of her childhood friendship with Will and of meeting Kym on the first day of orientation and how they’d been inseparable ever since.
And she confessed to him what she’d already hinted at in the art studio—that she’d thought he was egotistical and arrogant and she’d loathed him for the way he got under her skin and threw her off-balance, but how seeing that stream had made her realize there was so much more to him and she wanted to get to know him better.
What she didn’t tell him was that even before seeing the stream, she’d started to fall a little bit in love with him, how maybe secretly she enjoyed their banter. And that seeing the softer side of him on stream had only made her fall harder.
By the time they left the café, their half-drunk, long-forgotten coffee had gone cold and the sun was setting, but they had each other’s numbers saved and a plan to get lunch together the next day. The next day, after many more hours of easy conversation, Kieran had confessed that he hoped he wasn’t the only one noticing the spark between them, and he’d really like to take her out on a proper date.
Lauren’s response had been to tell him this already was a proper date, and then kiss him.
The rest of the semester had flown by—Lauren and Kieran were both kept busy with homework as finals approached, but they made sure to take as much time for each other as they could. The usual lunchtime table of Lauren, Kym and Will expanded to include Kieran, and soon Bella and Neyra were joining in as well.
And now here they were. Finals were over, the holiday season was fast approaching, and the semester had come to a close. And Lauren was faced with the prospect of one month away from Kieran, and found she rather disliked the idea.
“We’ll still see each other,” Kieran said, as if he could read Lauren’s thoughts. “Like I said, only an hour by train, and my job is only three days a week. You couldn’t get rid of me if you tried, darling, I promise.”
“Okay, okay,” Lauren said, some of the tension easing out of her shoulders as Kieran reassured her. “Speaking of, I don’t want to miss my train, but we’re still on to celebrate Christmas together on the 27th, right?”
“Of course,” Kieran said, leaning in to kiss her softly. “Wouldn’t miss it for the world. Now, go catch your train, I’d like to stay on your uncle’s good side, and if you missed it because of me, that might ruin things.”
Lauren laughed. “Don’t worry, it’s easy to stay on my uncle’s good side. It’s my godfather you should be worried about.”
“Wait, what’s that supposed to mean?” Kieran asked, his voice rising in panic. “Lauren??”
Lauren just winked and blew him a kiss. “Gotta go run to catch my train. Talk to you soon!”
Kieran just stood there spluttering and Lauren giggled to herself as she jogged towards the pickup area for the shuttle that would take her to the train station. She’d text him soon to put him out of his misery and reassure him that Dakan wasn’t that bad, just a bit over-protective, but it was fun teasing him and leaving him hanging for a little longer.
It had been a long time since she’d felt this light and happy—and to think, she had her insomnia to thank for it. If she had a normal sleeping schedule, she might never have opened up that stream, might never have realized she was wrong about Kieran.
How strange, the way this semester had turned out, but how wonderful, too.
EPILOGUE:
Kieran White had never given much thought as to what his college graduation would be like. He’d grown up in and then aged out of the foster care system, he had no family to speak of. No one who had supported him during his college journey. He had a few classmates he was friendly with, and he imagined it might be nice to stand side by side with them as their hard work was acknowledged, but sooner or later, they’d go off to take photos with their families. And he would be left alone.
And he was fine with it, he truly was. He couldn’t pretend that it didn’t sting a little bit, that it wouldn’t be tough to watch all his classmates celebrating with their families while he had no one there for him. But he’d long since made peace with his existence as a loner.
Or so he thought. But then a certain redhead came into his life, and he found that suddenly he wasn’t quite so alone anymore.
A year ago, if someone had told Kieran that on the day of his college graduation, his girlfriend would be seated front and center, the biggest beam on her face, he would have laughed out loud. If they’d told him that next to her would be her uncle and godfather, who were there to celebrate him, he would have called them delusional.
And yet, that was exactly the situation he found himself in, his heart swelling with love as he crossed the stage to grab his diploma and heard Lauren’s enthusiastic cheering. He’d never dared to dream that he would find a love like this—someone who could understand the pain of not having parents, who didn’t judge him for who he’d been, but loved him for who he’d become. Someone who challenged him as much as she comforted him.
He was a lucky man indeed to have the love of Lauren Sinclair.
“Congratulations! I’m so proud of you, Kieran.”
Those little words, ones that Kieran had always assumed he wouldn't get to hear on the day of his graduation, were the first words out of Lauren’s mouth the moment she found him after the ceremony, her arms wrapping around his neck as she embraced him.
“Congratulations, son,” Tristan said, extending a hand. “It’s great to finally be able to meet you.”
Tristan’s eyes were kind, and his handshake was firm, and Kieran found the nerves he’d previously had at meeting his girlfriend’s family started to melt away. Next to Tristan, Dakan narrowed his eyes as he looked Kieran over, and Kieran found himself straightening up under the intensity of the gaze.
Whatever the Senator was sizing Kieran up for, he seemed to pass the check, as Dakan gave a slight nod of approval and then patted Kieran on the shoulder. “Yes, I’m looking forward to getting to know you better over lunch. Ren’s told us all about you.”
“All good things,” Lauren promised, and Kieran chuckled. “But oh, I almost forgot! These are for you. I hope I got it right.”
She handed over a bouquet of flowers, beautiful and vibrant, but Kieran knew it was so much more than just a pretty decoration. He recognized amaryllis for pride, both his and hers; yellow orchid for the new beginnings that came with graduating college; dandelion to symbolize all he had overcome to get to this point; basil to represent his success, both current and future. And jasmine for her unconditional love.
“You did perfectly,” he said, suddenly emotional. That she had not only listened to him all the times he talked enthusiastically about the symbolism of flowers but had learned enough to be able to present him with such a thoughtful gift was truly touching and it meant more to him than he knew how to articulate.
Once more, Kieran found the preconceived notions he’d had about what his college graduation would be like—bittersweet, lonely, isolating—being shattered.
It still felt strange, as Tristan started talking about the sushi place he’d booked for lunch, as Dakan started asking Kieran questions about his plans for the future and Lauren tried to shush him, telling him to stop putting so much pressure on Kieran. But it was strange in the most wonderful way.