Work Text:
Tsukasa would usually like to think that he’s very much on top of his own health. He doesn’t have Sena Izumi as a senior for nothing, after all.
So why on earth is he being blinded by hospital lights, of all things?
He blinks, slowly beginning to hear the beeping of the heart monitor next to him and hearing the near-quiet whirring of other machinery keeping him company. There’s something warm clinging uncomfortably onto his arm. He wiggles it once, twice when he gets more feeling back.
Then he turns his head, only to be met with a (cutely) disheveled mop of bright orange hair that he would recognize anywhere.
Tsukinaga Leo.
Why is Leo here with him? How long has he been here? The questions race through Tsukasa's still sleep-addled mind like a storm.
Eventually, he opts to start wiggling his arm a little more, in an effort to wake Leo. He does try to say something, but the way the noises rasp against his dry throat only heightens his discomfort, so he keeps his mouth shut for the most part. It only takes a little more wiggling before Leo stirs, a slight grumble leaving him as he raises his head to blink blearily at Tsukasa. When Tsukasa blinks back at him, it’s as if his energy is suddenly restored, and he shoots back up, Tsukasa's hand still held in his own.
“Suo! you’re finally awake, you big dumb idiot!”
A quirk of Tsukasa’s eyebrow. He certainly does not appreciate the name-calling in this situation.
“…… Leo-san.” His voice must hint at something, for Leo lets go of him to pour a much-needed cup of water. There's a slight struggle as Tsukasa allows himself to be propped up, but all that is forgiven when that glorious hydration coats his throat and gives him the courage to try to speak again. “What happened…? Why am I here?"
“You really don’t remember?” There's a strange look on Leo's face that Tsukasa cannot decipher at the moment. He must bear the same expression in turn, because Leo sighs, grabs his hand again, and presses a kiss to his knuckles.
“You suddenly froze in the middle of a concert. We tried to get you to respond to us, but you just suddenly sagged to the ground all wide-eyed for a while before you actually passed out. It was…" Leo falls silent, his grip on Tsukasa's palm going tighter. " I was scared. No one could understand what happened to you.”
Tsukasa tries his best to recall the events that Leo is telling him about, but his mind simply draws a blank. Either he hit his head on the way down, or he somehow repressed those memories into a deep crevice in his brain.
“I'm sorry for worrying everyone.” A generic response, and one that Leo does not take very kindly to.
“You didn’t just worry us, you nearly gave us a heart attack! I thought something worse was happening to you but then the doctors said it was your body shutting down right there because of malnutrition and overworking and stress and why didn’t you say anything to us?! Are you actually trying to die?!”
Leo’s outburst is… terrifying, to say the least. Tsukasa can’t recall a time when he looked so mad at him, glaring at him with bright green eyes brimming with anger but also with worry and exhaustion.
“… how long have I been out for…?”
“Two days.”
Two days. Two days' worth of missed work, of failed expectations, of effectively lying useless in this hospital bed while everyone else worried about him and the world moved on. Two days where efforts to prepare for that concert had just gone down the drain because he was weak and couldn’t handle it and his body gave out on him. He should have done better. He should BE doing much better than this.
Tsukasa hates it like this.
But it seems that Leo hates it even more.
“Stop thinking! You’re too obvious when you scrunch your face up like that. You shouldn’t even be thinking of work, you need to rest and actually recover! When was the last time before that concert that you had an actual meal?”
Tsukasa's mind only blanks more at that, expression falling flat as he tries and tries and fails to conjure up the exact date of his last meal.
All he knows is that he had gotten stressed and started eating more desserts and then cut out parts of his meals, which slowly evolved to cutting full meals because he felt guilty for eating all that sugar but he needed the sugar or else his mind would continue running off thinking of all the bad things without him being able to control it and he would have crashed even further and then it would still be for nothing and people would be disappointed and Knights would be disappointed and Leo would be staring at him in an even worse way than he's doing now and he can't let that happen please don't look at him like that please don't be upset because he's trying and-
Leo forces him to stop thinking by squeezing his face with calloused hands, and hard. Tsukasa feels his breathing hitch, feels the warm stickiness of tears as they leave cold streaks on his cheeks before tracing over Leo's hands.
“… how long, Suo?”
“How long have you been suffering?”
Tsukasa shakes his head with a whimper. He doesn’t know. He's always suffering. It’s always there at the back of his mind poking and prodding him to keep moving on even if he’s scared and even if he feels all alone and it hurts. The tears come faster and they don’t stop and before he knows it, he’s doing everything in his power to stop himself from sobbing but it’s useless as Leo pulls him into a tight, tight hug that feels so right and Tsukasa lets himself go, letting the dam shatter into little pieces.
There's so much going on at any one point in time and Tsukasa always has to stay on top of things as the acting heir and as a unit leader, everything demands his attention all at once, and not once had anyone stopped him to ask how he was holding up. Granted, he himself wasn’t doing a good job of it either, but look where that landed him. In a hospital bed hooked up to an IV and being hugged by his boyfriend who certainly has gone through similar things in the past and yet Tsukasa still thought it was better to hide it instead of telling the truth and letting himself be vulnerable for once.
Leo lets him cry for as long as he needs to, lets him dig blunt nails into his back as he clings to Leo for that sense of grounding, lets him continue holding on as sobs diminish into little hiccups.
“Even if you feel like you can’t talk to the others, talk to me at least.” His love’s voice is gentle, though it trembles with tears of its own. Leo's hand strokes a path through red hair, the gentle motion further comforting Tsukasa, further grounding him. “I will kiss your tears away, just as you did for me back then. I will always come running. So please, don’t feel like you’re all alone up there on the throne. I'm with you. We’re all with you. but you need to trust us for you to be able to fall backward from time to time.” Leo pulls away to squeeze his hands tightly once again. “Please, just rely on us. Just as you asked me to do.” Soft kisses are pressed to still-wet cheeks, words of love and affection murmured against his skin as Leo bundles him in the warmth he so deserves.
At some point, Tsukasa falls asleep again, but it is not from forced exhaustion.
He is safe in the arms of the one he loves and under the watchful eyes of those he considers his family. With their support, with their love, he climbs back up to the throne, stronger, better, and ready to take on his crown once again. It is not easy, to let go of harsh thoughts. He is still plagued by them, still weighed down by their implications and the wild thoughts that join them in invading his mind. Thoughts of never being good enough, thoughts of letting Knights down, thoughts of falling down. But Tsukasa knows. He knows he is not alone. He knows he is loved. He has his knights by him.
They would not let another fall from shining grace for no reason, and so he shall place his trust and love in them in return, to carry them higher as they have done for him. Always together, the five of them against the world.
Yes, that would be nice.