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I screamed.
Behind my squeezed shut eyes, all my conscience knew was darkness… pain. Agony crawled outwards from my chest, a shattered, broken feeling. It seeped through my limbs like an infectious disease, pulsing through and gripping every inch of my skin: my skin that shouldn’t be able to feel.
A distressed moan ripped free from my lips, my mouth letting in the taste of dust. I breathed it in before I knew better and my chest seized sharply. I broke into a coughing fit, wrenching my lungs until it was finally able to pass, my distressed breathing calming as much as it was able to. I swallowed.
Where did all of this dust come from? I thought dizzily. How much… how much time had…
I didn’t know how long I’d been asleep.
Terror struck me. I hadn’t passed out. Did I? I instantly knew that wasn’t good, wasn’t acceptable.
My face tensed as my mind stirred back into consciousness. I forced my eyes to peek open but realized that they were blanketed in a thick layer of dust as well. I squinted, trying to keep the dust from falling into my eyes, but the fine powder still managed to sting my sight. My eyes overwatered, clearing the dust away as tears carved paths down the grime on my cheeks.
The ceiling above me had reduced to collapsed wooden beams, the once sophisticated structure closing in threateningly. A dark shadow bled through the area, only interrupted by a few strands of dim light, the last rays of the setting sun. Much of the faint light had been blocked out by the crumpled wood that had seemingly decayed under the weight of years. My eyebrows drew together uncertainly, nearly not recognizing my surroundings. The room looked nothing like the last time I saw it.
The small observant movements of my head were enough to make my chest seize in agony. My head fell to the ground again as I bit down, grinding my teeth.
I needed to see what was wrong with my chest. Every wave of pain began there, and every wave became more unbearable, more unearthly. I couldn’t take it.
I raised my wavering arm, trying to reach the neck of my robe. That’s when I saw fractures crawling down my artificial skin, a dainty line like a spider’s web leaving splitting chips and cracks in it’s wake. My mouth parted in agony and horror as I watched my porcelain skin. My jaw trembled. My every move, however slight, made the cracks threaten to dig deeper down my limb. Panting, I forced my arm to keep moving as slowly as it could. I squeezed my eyes shut, trying not to succumb to the splitting pain. My fingers felt at the cloak that was still wrapped around me. The fabric was in the way of the wound. Feeling around, I finally found the edge of the robe, and I tried pulling it up.
My arm gave out and fell limp on top of me, and I bit back a cry. Another tear streaked down my face.
Useless. The scarring word echoed in my head.
Breathing heavily, I opened my eyes. I gazed into the consuming bleak environment, the few strands of light having already left.
“Ei?” I called out. My voice cracked. It strained my throat to even speak. I shallowed, growing frustrated with myself.
Through the murky stillness, I waited, praying that she heard me. Please… I didn’t want to scream again. My throat couldn’t take it if I screamed again. I waited a long time, but there was nothing. The eager call of her voice couldn’t be heard, just the scratchy echo of my own, like the voice of a ghost was whispering my words back to me. There was nothing I could do.
USELESS, my mind called me again. I shuddered, ridding the word from my mind.
Where was she? She had to be here somewhere. She had to be in this building. Maybe she was trapped in a different room. I imagined her trying to tear through the walls, doing everything in her power to get to me… but that image was nothing similar to the last time I saw her. Cold, disappointed, turning away. It’s not like she…
No…
“EI!” The floor was hard and uneven beneath me as I shifted desperately. I instantly froze, my mouth gapping at what I had just inflicted: I was overcome by the fiery crawling that split through my body. I seized, dropping back to the ground, a moan tearing free from my lips.
She didn’t come.
That’s when I started to panic.
Do you know your purpose? She had asked.
I sat on a stool, looking up into her stoic purple eyes. I felt overbearingly small in her presence, but not afraid. I loved her too much to be afraid.
I swallowed. I was created to hold your heart, I recited.
She nodded. Yes. Although I do not yet have need for you, I’ve created you for the time when I can no longer dwell in this world. You are to be a balladeer, the continuation of my life when my time comes to an end. Do you understand this task?
Yes, I answered her. She was the goddess of eternity. My creator. My mother. If this was what she wanted from me, if this was my purpose, I would obey her.
Ei gave no response to me. Rather, she turned away.
I watched her patiently, seeing only her back as she took a few steps into the room which was lit only by a few candles. The folds of her silk dress trailed through the air as she moved. Her lovely hair was tied back in a thick braid, the cascading purple locks nearly reaching the floor. There was a weight to her actions. Purposeful, beautiful, haunting. The tip of her braid swayed like a tail in her strides, all until she finally stilled. She raised her hands to her chest and lowered her head down.
A faint purple glow began to seep through the dim room. Within seconds it became bright enough to darken Ei’s whole silhouette, shining out in powerful pure rays. Violet sparkles swirled into the air in calm flurries around Ei as she turned back to face me, the sparks casting a glow on her sharp, focused face.
There was a small object in her hand, the source of the light. A sculpted item that stood no taller than a chess piece.
She began to approach me.
I blinked, looking from the object then back to her. Is that the gnosis?
Yes.
I looked unsurely at her as she stepped before me.
Before I could voice a doubt, one of her hands held the back of my head in a delicate motion, her fingers dragging softly through my short hair. My breath caught in my throat as I stared straight ahead. Her other hand disappeared like magic into my chest, placing the Gnosis into the empty space within me where a heart should go.
It was set in place and we waited anxiously.
It pulsed.
My eyes flashed open.
Something happened right then. Something changed.
Ei stepped back, her pensive eyes observing my reaction.
For the first time, I… felt. I was only capable of emotional feelings before, but this… It was like life I had never known was blossoming within me, unfurling through the depths of my being. A sensitivity pulsed through me, even to my toes and to the tips of my fingers I could sense things. My senses were heightened in ways I had never imagined were possible.
The unknowable power of the Electro Archon pulsed through me. With every second it grew.
Power…
I shuddered, gripping the stool, my nails bitting into the wood.
Something was wrong. I slumped my head down and strained my neck, willing whatever was wrong to go away.
The gnosis surged again.
Burden…
My fingers twitched. I started to hyperventilate. What is this? I whispered, staring wide eyed at the floor. What’s happening?
Feeling…
A cry escaped my lips. That addictive sweetness of feeling suddenly soured, replaced by something poisonous. A throb choked me, and I couldn’t breath in. Before I could stop it, tears swelled in my eyes and streaked down my face, coursing down my trembling chin.
Pain.
Get it out! I shrieked.
The pain seized in my chest and grew, twisting me unnaturally from the inside.
Get it OUT!
I dug my arms around my shoulders, folding in on myself.
She did nothing.
I panted. Please…
I could feel my chest breaking, like glass almost.
Mom, PLEASE! Take it OUT!
Spider legs crawled through me- the glowing shocks of lightning splintering through my body, tearing me at the seams. I let out a harrowing sob.
TAKE IT OUT!!!
A hand tore inside of me and ripped the gnosis from my chest.
The stool collapsed with a crash as I crumbled onto the floor, bashing the back of my head. The chair snapped in pieces under me.
The only sound that came after was the dying whizzing of electricity. Static dissipated from the air, leaving nothing behind.
I stared up at the ceiling. I was in shock. I breathed, my quivering shoulders rising and falling. I made no attempt to get back up.
The world swayed above me. The gnosis was gone but the pain wasn’t leaving. Tears blurred my vision as I lifted my throbbing head, looking to my mother. My eyes pleaded, expecting her to drop to the floor and help me.
That was not what happened.
Her face was hardened with disappointment. Grief almost. She let out a frustrated sigh, accepting a sense of failure. But, despite everything, she never lost her composure.
Needs a better exoskeleton, she muttered out loud, as if making a note to herself. She turned away, closing her eyes and returning the gnosis to her own chest. The scene she turned her back to didn’t effect her in the slightest. At least not in the way I expected.
Preferably a less fragile material, she continued, holding her temples. But what can I use?
Mom, I choked out. Help me. Make the pain go away. Please.
She turned back, almost like she forgot I was still there. It almost looked as if she was sad. This wasn’t the way this was supposed to go, she stated blankly. I’ll have to do better next time to avoid this from happening again.
Her hand reached into the air in my direction, and my consciousness slowly shut down.
Once again, I looked around the room. No one came. I shuddered, realizing I was alone. No one was coming.
Just like before, tears swelled in my eyes before I could stop it. They carved clean streaks down the dust on my face. I couldn’t stop them from falling now, just like I couldn’t stop them when it counted. They were a mark of weakness.
I laid silently in the dark for a long time, the quiet only interrupted by the occasional creaking of wood, or a stifled moan coming from my own self. In time, I found that the more still I laid, the less my shattered skin shifted, the less pain I felt. That didn’t matter though, because I knew that nothing could console the echoing, heartless emptiness inside me. A purpose left unfulfilled. That fact swirled within me, hurting in a different kind of way.
Ei said she would have to do better next time. Next time. That meant she was coming back. She was going to come, and I was going to try again for her. Just the thought made me shiver. I never wanted to see that Gnosis again, but I wouldn’t allow that to stop me. I would take it again for her without a question.
I waited.
She said that in order for me to hold the gnosis, she would have to use… what was it? A stronger exoskeleton? I sometimes forgot I wasn’t a human like her. But that comment still meant she was going to fix me. Judging by the decay of the wooden structure, years have passed. She’s probably already fixed me.
A single strand of moonlight fell over me, just enough for me to see my hand still laying on my chest, right on top of my dust-ridden robe. I bit at my lip as I tried to move again. My fingers cracked as I finally pulled back the fabric.
There was a hole in the center of my chest. A dark hole within a pale, gapping ring of shattered porcelain. She left me here like this.
That’s when it hit me.
She left me here to die.