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Dear Min Yoongi (or Should I Call You Suga?)

Summary:

Min Yoongi receives letters from a fan in a weekly basis. He doesn't realize how much he cares until he finds himself impatiently waiting for them every week.

Notes:

this was no suppose to be so sad
i hope you cry
i did

(See the end of the work for more notes.)

Work Text:

'Dear Min Yoongi (or should I call you Suga?),

I've never done this before, so I'm not too sure what most people write on here. I'm sure you receive a lot of these every day, maybe you aren't even reading this...

Anyways, in case you do read this; you're really amazing and I love your music. Although I don't do producing myself you really inspired me to continue my love for music and have started taking dance lessons!

Maybe I'll become an idol myself some day as well hahaha... I hope to meet you if that's the case, you're really cool.

Please keep eating and stay hydrated! 

With love,

from Busan,

Park Jimin'

Another fan letter after another, Yoongi reads basically the same lines over and over. He recognizes some of the writers as fans who've been around since debut and reads their letters quickly. From the giant box that was left for him next to his bed he takes out packages of expensive gifts.

How can these kids even afford this?, he thinks as he takes out a box with the latest Beat headphones in it. The other gifts include clothes from stores that are way out of his range with his humble idol wage, many different arrangements of toys and silly hats and carnival prizes, and the ocasional sex toy. He wish he could keep it all, but his room isn't infinite and some of his precious gifts must be sacrificed for the sake of having enough room to walk around in his own bedroom.


'Dear Min Yoongi (or should I call you Suga?),

It's me again! Although you probably don't remember who I am, hahaha. So I thought I would write again because I have nothing else to do really and, why not?

I'm pretty happy since I was able to make it into my university's dance crew. Since I'm a freshman I only get to be in the club, but next year if I'm good enough I'll be able to compete!

Isn't that kind of cool?

Will Yoongi come to see me? Hehehehe...

Please keep eating and stay hydrated! 

With love,

from Busan,

Park Jimin'

Yoongi has to admit he didn't expect the kid to write again a week later. He seemed to be one of those fans who writes once and never again. He congratulates Jimin in his mind for getting into the school dance group and throws the letter away. Forgotten in a corner of the dorm with all the other fan's.

 


'Dear Min Yoongi (or should I call you Suga?),

I bet you didn't see this one coming! (It's okay neither did I.)

I'm still not sure why I keep writing letters to be honest, this is the third one in less than a month, maybe I'm falling in love with you? Hahahaha.

I started in the dance club and it seems I'm not the only new one so I'm not the only one that cannot dance for their lives. It makes me feel better, this way I won't be embarrassed by myself.

I hope this will also help me loose some weight, I like food a little too much it seems hahahaha.

Please keep eating and stay hydrated! 

Anyways,

With love,

from Busan,

Park Jimin'

Yoongi throws away the letter without care.


 'Dear Min Yoongi (or should I call you Suga?),

This is the fourth letter in a month that I have written. Weirdly enough it has almost become routine for me now to come back home and write you a letter. I really don't have much to do with my time.

Nothing much happened this week around, I'm learning how to dance slowly but you have to start from somewhere, right?

I started going on a diet! You can't loose weight if you only exercise but still eat a lot! It's a little painful not being able to eat my favorite foods but that's okay~

I'll get nice and fit and meet Yoongi one day???? That would be fun~

Please keep eating and stay hydrated! 

With love,

from Busan,

Park Jimin'

The manager calls Yoongi to the stage before he can think about the letter.


'Dear Min Yoongi (or should I call you Suga?),

A girl confessed to me yesterday! Okay, not really, she was just dared by her friends to do it, but that's okay, it was funny.

Anyway I saw your comeback performance and it was sooooo cool. I screamed so loudly my roommate threatened to kick me out...

Your rap is really cool! Your lyrics are very meaningful and I understand them greatly, I really really love it.

I hope you continue to deliver cool performances like that!

Please keep eating and stay hydrated! 

With love,

from Busan,

Park Jimin'

Yoongi sighs at the letter. The fan writing clearly had some kind of emotional investment in him, which is stupid, who can be emotionally invested with someone they don't actually know?

Still, his letters were entertaining enough to scan over them.

He has the spare time when he was taking a break from producing and he didn't like to throw away letters before even being opened. That was shitty.

He sighs again, leaves the letter next to his keyboard, and continues producing.


 Dear Min Yoongi (or should I call you Suga?),

I'm wondering if this is appropriate for me to talk about, but I don't really have anyone else to talk to so I guess I'll go for it.

When I got the university today the same girl who fake confessed to me the other day gave me a letter which  I thought was going to be an apology (frankly that would have been nice) but really it was just a drawing of a pig with my name on it.

It's not like I'm not trying to loose the extra weight...I've already lost 6 kilos in the past month which isn't too bad. It just takes me time to get used to the diet.

I'll admit to sneaking a snack here and there but I didn't think it was that bad.

Sigh, well I'm sure your diets are much worse... Being an idol and all...

Ps: your performance was really cool (like always)

Please keep eating and stay hydrated!

With love, 

from Busan,

Park Jimin.'

Yoongi chuckled at the little story. The girl was a total bitch, obviously, and all Jimin really needed to do was teach her a damn lesson.

Too bad idols aren't allowed to respond to fan mail, Yoongi would have sent this guy a cool one liner like "She can go to Hell." or "You do you."

Yoongi put the letter in his night stand and went to sleep.


'Dear Min Yoongi (or should I call you Suga?),

I've been practicing my dance a lot more lately. I even skipped a class to practice the new choreography (but don't tell my teacher hehehehe.)

I actually really love it, I kind of forget about everything else around me, the girl and her letter, and stuff like that, you know?

Next semester I'm going to suggest we do a choreography to one of your songs! 

It's been three months since I've entered university but I still don't have any friends really...I get a little lonely but whenever I feel really bad I just listen to your music. It makes me feel way better!

It's already the third week of promotions!

Please keep eating and stay hydrated!

With love, 

from Busan,

Park Jimin.'

Yoongi looked over the letter a couple of times before leaving it with the previous one in the bedside table.


 'Dear Min Yoongi (or should I call you Suga?),

I'm not feeling very well today...I fainted during our dance practice so I had to go to the nurse.

She said I am not eating enough carbs to keep up with the exercise I do.

I mean I do eat less than before, and I do stay up after everyones gone to practice in the studio, but these are sacrifices I must make.

I've lost nearly 20 kilos as of now (i stepped it up in the past couple of weeks) which is a big step and I'm really proud of myself!

This marks the second month I've been writing to you and the eight letter!

Time flies~~~~~

Please keep eating and stay hydrated!

With love, 

from Busan,

Park Jimin.'

Yoongi really wishes he could send back a letter to Jimin something worse than fainting happens. But all he can do is wait for a week and trust Jimin will make the right decisions.

He really hopes Jimin will make the right decisions.


It takes two weeks for the next letter to come.

'Dear Min Yoongi (or should I call you Suga?),

Sorry I haven't written lately, I was concentrated on my diet~

By the way, I think I've forgotten to tell you that I'm a guy. With a name like Jimin and the majority of your fans being girls, I'm sure you assumed I was a girl!

Sorry to disappoint.

Anyways, I'm a little scared, Yoongi...After last week I feel like everyone is watching my eating habits.  It's like their eyes are on me constantly. Even my parents watch me eat every night.

I don't why I'm writing this, I just need a way to get it out and I don't have anyone to talk to.

I guess I kind of hope you're reading these, although I probably seem pathetic if you actually are.

I'm probably bothering you...

I'm sorry.

Please keep eating and stay hydrated!

With love, 

from Busan,

Park Jimin.'

Yoongi groaned reading and rereading the letter. Now he really wishes he could write back. Park Jimin, whoever the kid actually was, was clearly having a tough time and reaching out for him out of all people.

Really he should get a better coping mechanism than writing to an idol who can't respond.

He keeps Jimin in his mind when he goes to sleep that night.


No letters come for the next three weeks and Yoongi has never had a more stressing week during promotion period.

He was so used to receiving Jimin's weekly letters it was difficult to not let the boy invade his thoughts at ungodly hours of the night in the studio.

Yoongi couldn't believe himself but he actually worried for the kid.

The last letter had been a little alarming, and not receiving anything after that made Yoongi think it wasn't going too well for Jimin.


'Dear Min Yoongi (or should I call you Suga?),

It has been three weeks since I've written, I wonder if you've noticed.

Probably not.

Still, I feel like I should explain myself.

I was taken to the hospital a couple of days after sending you the letter because I collapsed again at dance practice. Apparently eating one meal a day and staying 3 extra hours for dance practice is not the healthy thing to do, who would have thought? (Me, I knew it wasn't healthy but I did it anyways because people kept calling me fat and a pig and I couldn't stand it anymore) 

It feels so good to loose weight, Yoongi.

It feels so good I could stop writing letters to you and starve myself to death and I would be happy.

Are you reading these? I'm so pathetic, aren't I?

I'm sure you have other things to do.

Please keep eating and stay hydrated!

With love, 

from Busan,

Park Jimin.'

Yoongi reread the letter more times that he could count; enough to recite it without struggling to remember it.

He crushed it in his hands and took out a pen and a notebook from his night stand, where he had kept the other letters.

'Dear Park Jimin,

Keep yourself together.

Please keep eating and stay hydrated.

With love,

From Seoul,

Min Yoongi'

Yoongi dropped the pen and looked at his own letter.

He ripped it out of the notebook, crumbled it, and threw it into the waste basket.

He put Jimin's letter in the night stand.


 'Dear Min Yoongi (or should I call you Suga?),

After being a week out of the hospital I still feel horrible, but at least I'm not hooked up to machines and get blood tests every few days.

I returned to school and I was able to return to the dance club, but they won't let me practice for more than an hour. 

Everyone watches me eat.

This is stupid.

Please keep eating and stay hydrated!

With love, 

from Busan,

Park Jimin.'

Yoongi can't help but feel saddened by the short letter he had received this week. Although none of the others were specially long, this one was one of the shortest.

He hope Jimin was alright.


 

 'Dear Min Yoongi (or should I call you Suga?),

I did something really stupid last night. 

I don't really want to tell you.

I guess that's me being an asshole.

Sorry.

Please keep eating and stay hydrated!

With love, 

from Busan,

Park Jimin.'

Yoongi would never admit it out loud, but the safety of this Park Jimin actually concerned him. 

He wished more than anything he could reach out to Jimin and comfort him properly.


 'Dear Min Yoongi (or should I call you Suga?),

I lost count on hoe many months it's been since I've started writing to you.

Although  I don't know if you read these letters just sending them every week makes me feel a little better. 

No one will listen to me but at least I can pretend that you do.

You're probably throwing these away without even reading them.

That's okay, I understand.

Please keep eating and stay hydrated!

With love, 

from Busan,

Park Jimin.'

Yoongi folded the paper in half, noticing a crumbled spot on it.

Jimin must have cried.


 'Dear Min Yoongi (or should I call you Suga?),

I noticed I always talk about myself in these but never ask you about yourself.

The life of an idol must be hard...So much work, so much practice, plus all the producing you do.

I admire you for being able to withstand all that stress.

You're great, and I can honestly say I love you.

Although  that's extremely creepy because you don't know me and I don't know you.

Please keep eating and stay hydrated!

With love, 

from Busan,

Park Jimin.'

Out of all the "I love you"s Yoongi had received, Jimin's was the most touching.


A whole month passes this time, before Yoongi receives the next letter.

In the mean time he looks up Jimin on Facebook and finds him easily. 

Yoongi swears he sees an angel as soon as he sees the precious cheeks. Jimin's profile is public (really he should change it to private but Yoongi is not concerned about that at this point) so he looks through some of his pictures while everyone else is practicing their choreography.

As he looks through the pictures he can't help but think about the beauty of Jimin's smile, and feel heart broken over the letters he had been receiving.


 

As soon as he saw the contents of Jimin's letter, Yoongi opened it nervously.

The paper was crumbled, and one of the corners had dried blood on it.

 'Dear Min Yoongi,

I did it again and I'm scared.

I'm scared of my parents, my classmates, Im scared of myself.

I don't know what to do 

I don't know why I keep writing.

Park Jimin.'

Yoongi gulps after reading and re-reading the letter. 

If only he could send a letter back.

If only he could reach out.

If only.


 'Dear Min Yoongi (or should I call you Suga?),

I heard you're having a fanmeet at Busan!

I made sure to buy all the albums I could in order to get into the lottery.

I used all of my money because I really want to give you something in person.

You probably won't recognize me but that's okay!

Please keep eating and stay hydrated!

With love, 

from Busan,

Park Jimin.'

Yoongi feels strange when he realizes the change of tone from the previous two letters. 

This one is clean and near perfect, with Jimin's signature beginning and ending.

It was weird.

Now he couldn't wait for the fan meet.


 'Dear Min Yoongi (or should I call you Suga?),

I got into the fanmeet!

I will make sure to hand you what I've wanted to for a while now.

Are you excited? I am~

I hope you won't think I'm creepy thought, I'm sorry if I've been bothering you.

I just needed to talk to someone since I have no friends. It's a little sad that I had to send letters to an idol but you're the one who I trust the most.

I wish I could say that I could justify my feelings for you, but I'm just a fan who's in love with the idea of you more than you yourself (since I don't actually know you)

Kind of like Gatsby and Daisy (have you read that book?)

I still think that no matter who you actually are, you know, the real Min Yoongi, I would still hold you dear.

Even if you haven't read any of my letters and you're just throwing these away.

I would still hold you dear.

Please keep eating and stay hydrated!

With love, 

from Busan,

Park Jimin.'

 

The feelings Yoongi feels after reading the letter were weird.

It wasn't love, he can't  possibly love someone he doesn't know, but something closer to adoration.

He wants to see Jimin happy; a smile on his face which rose up from his fluffy cheeks to his eyes.

He wants to see Jimin.


The day the fanmeet was scheduled Min Yoongi was not able to sleep more than two hours. Between practice, producing, and the raw nervousness he felt for the simple fact that he was going to meet Jimin prevented him from sleep.

When they finally arrive at the location they wait backstage while the fans enter the location and sit down. He breathes deeply, making sure to keep his composure; it was nothing, just another fan, Jimin was just another fan.

As soon as they come out the fans screamed and cheer, cameras start to click away. 

They greet and talk for a while, introducing themselves and generally entertaining their fans.

Without hesitation Yoongi looks around the crowd for the boy with the full cheeks and bright smile he had seen on Facebook. He is unsuccessful.

Finally they take a seat at their respective spots and let the fans start walking up to the table with the albums and their questions.

Yoongi looks at every fan and interacts with them as much as he could, but whenever he gets a break he scans the crowd looking for Jimin.

It isn't until half an hour in when he finally sees him.

Jimin walks up the stage, his album in hand and a smile on his face. Yoongi tries to concentrate on the fan in front of him, but Jimin's voice reaches his ears and he finds himself distracted by it.

The closer Jimin comes, the more nervous Yoongi gets.

Why did I have to be at the end of the table today, damn it. He thinks to himself.

Jimin finally reaches Yoongi, and he was finally able to observe him from close up.

Unlike the pictures he had on Facebook Jimin's cheeks were sunken, and he had dark eyes around his circles worse than Yoongi's. Jimin smiles lightly, the smile not reaching his eyes.

"Hello." Jimin says nervously. He avoids looking at Yoongi, and hands him his albums for him to sign. Then he looks for his present in his jacket, finally taking out an envelop.

"Uh, this is for you." Jimin hands Yoongi the letter as he finishes his message on the album.

Yoongi writes without asking his name, already knowing what to write.

'Dear Park Jimin,

I believe in you.

Please keep eating and stay hydrated.

With love,

From Seoul,

Min Yoongi'

When the staff is going to pick up Jimin's letter to put it in the stack of presents from fans Yoongi stops her, "No, I'll keep this one." He takes the letter and keeps it near him.

When he looks up from the album Jimin's eyes are bright with excitement and his cheeks red from the mere embarrassment of being in front of the one and only Min Yoongi.

"Uh, I'm not sure what to say I had a speech or something but I forgot." Jimin laughs at himself. He whipes his eyes, "Oh no."

Yoongi sees a small tear slipping down Jimin's eyes.

"D-Don't cry, please." Yoongi wants to reach out to Jimin and comfort him. Tell him he's been reading his letter and that everything will be okay.

"I-I'm sorry." Jimin hiccups and looks up at Yoongi, "This is so uncool." He giggles.

"You're Park Jimin, right?"

Jimin stares at Yoongi, unable to react.

Suddenly the line is being pushed and the staff is pulling Jimin out of the line. 

"Yes, I am." Jimin says.

Yoongi stands up and reaches out for Jimin, his hand on his wrist while the staff pulls Jimin away.

The whole world stops.

Yoongi feels Jimin's soft skin underneath his hands. There's bumps on his skin and Yoongi wonders if that's where the blood came from.

He wants to tighten his grip around Jimin's wrist and take him into his arms. He wants to hug him until Jimin cries all his worries out and there's nothing but happiness filling his heart. He wants to tell Jimin he's read every letter and he has to be strong.

He wants to do a lot of things, but he can't.

Everyone is staring at them.

Yoongi picks up the album from the table and hands it to Jimin, "You forgot your album." He smiles, pretending everythign is okay.

Jimin smiles and takes the album, "Thank you." The staff pushes him away and he leaves the fan meet immediately after.

Yoongi looks at him as he walks his way around the crowd and leaves.


 

'Dear Min Yoongi (or should I call you Suga?),

Thank you, for (maybe?) reading my letters.

I have lost track of how many I have sent, but probably no more than ten or so. You probably don't remember either.

I wish I could say I am better.

I wish I could say I have learnt from my mistakes, I wish I could say I've decided to be happy, to not care about other people's opinion, and to continue my path.

I wish I could be like you.

Brave and daring, leaving your home city behind to pursue a career people criticized you for.

I wish. 

I wish this wasn't my last letter to you.

I wish I could be strong and keep living.

I wish I could continue living this way but I'm destroying myself and it feels good and that is so wrong.

I'm starving my body, and I'm cutting my skin, and I wish I could stop but the pain feels so good.

It feels so good Yoongi, it's so fucked up but it feels so incredibly good.

You're probably wondering how that could feel good. 

I can't explain to you the rush that comes with missing a meal, or the rush that comes with cutting myself open.

I don't know what to write anymore.

 

There's a formation of islands that I used to go to when I was younger.

They're called the Oryukdo Islands because when there is a high tide you can only see five islands, but when there is a low tide you can see six.

Do you think I'll become the seventh?

Please keep eating and stay hydrated!

With love, 

from Oryukdo Islands, Busan,

Park Jimin.'


 

Yoongi doesn't receive another letter again,

 

 

Notes:

Ah, so I did start the uni AU but I'm not too sure about it tbh, we'll see, sorry to dissapoint (i dont really et paid for this so uh yea i write what i want when i want sorryyyy)
either way i thought of this and it made me really sad so I WROTE IT BECAUSE IM EVIL
also all the requests are saved, still no computer, so yeah ur gonna have to wait for those sorry guys
The Oryukdo Islands are the islands where Jimin did his Busan vlog btw.

PS: YOU CAN ALL BLAME YOONGOD FOR THE ENDING

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