Chapter Text
“Jeremy”
Jeremy gasped awake, a fire burning in his skull. Someone’s hand was on his forehead, burning and freezing him in some impossible way. The callouses on it were familiar.
“Lud?” He mumbled, confused, searching blearily for his lover in the dead darkness of the room.
“I am here, liebeling,” came the hushed voice of the Medic- Ludwig, as Jeremy was given the privilege of knowing- that rumbled through Jeremy and caused the tension of his shoulders to bleed away. “You have a fever. It must have cropped up in the night.”
“Ah, God.” Jeremy shook his head- lolled it back and forth, it felt more like -and tried to keep his words in his mouth. “You sure? I-I wasn’t feelin’ bad last night.”
“I know. These things can happen,” Ludwig whispered. “I will get you a fever reducer. Stay put.”
Jeremy blinked slowly, but Ludwig’s hand was gone and he was gone before Jeremy really registered what he’d said. He saw that he was alone, when he thought, just a second ago, that he wasn’t. His head hurt.
“Lud?” Jeremy tried to call, though his voice was scratchy and unpleasant, and couldn’t get loud enough. “Ludi…?”
No response. It seemed that Jeremy was alone in the room, but he swore Ludwig had been there. He groped at the sheets he was tangled in, which were damp with sweat and scratchy on his over-sensitive skin. Gracelessly, Jeremy managed to free himself from the covers. He swung his legs over the side of the bed, and a shiver jolted up through him when his feet hit the freezing wooden floor.
He tried to push himself up from the bed. It took more effort than it should have. His head was swimming, and felt like it weighed a hundred pounds, and his feet shuffled like they were filled with lead.
Jeremy managed to get himself to the door of their bedroom and he caught himself on the door’s frame. His hands were so sweaty he started to slip. He ended up leaning his whole weight up against the door frame while he waited for his head to stop spinning.
Ludwig appeared suddenly, a bottle in his hands, and nearly ran into him when he came back through the door.
“Jeremy!” He fumbled with the bottle when he jumped forward to hook his hands under Jeremy’s arms to hold him upright. “Dummkopf, what do you think you are doing?”
“I..” Jeremy started. “I was…tryna…f-find you.”
“Find me? Häschen, I told you where I was going,” Ludwig chastised, and led the two of them back to the bed. “Lay back down. You are very sick, liebling.”
Jeremy let Ludwig ease him back into the sheets, Jeremy’s hand lingering on Ludwig’s arm as he pulled away.
“Why’d you…leave?” asked Jeremy, half-asleep. “You-you went and…and you went somewhere. Why’d you-?”
“I told you, I went to get you a fever reducer.” Ludwig lifted the bottle for him to see. Jeremy couldn’t quite make out the words on the label because his vision was blurred, and it was probably in German anyway. “Now, please, stay down while I get you some water. Do not move.”
That meant he was leaving. Again. Jeremy panicked and flailed his arm in the direction of his bedside table.
“I-I got somethin’. You-you don’t gotta- you don’t gotta go nowhere,” Jeremy expressed.
Ludwig followed the direction of his flailing, and did not look impressed at what he found.
“Liebeling, I am not going to allow you to take your medicine with Bonk! at this time of night. It won’t take me a moment.”
“But-but I...” It seemed there was nothing that Jeremy could do to stop Ludwig from bowing out, no matter how much it made his stomach twist when he was out of sight.
Jeremy sat stock-still for at least a minute, a record on his part, before he shakily began to shift out from under the covers to find where the man had gone. He went through the same motions to stand up, notably less steady than before, and only made it halfway across the room before he was caught again.
“You- What did I just say?” Ludwig snapped, though he kept his voice low. “Bed, now! Shoo!”
“Where’d you go?” Jeremy let himself be pushed back to the bed by Ludwig’s firm hand. “I-I thought you-”
“I went to get water for you. You know this.” Ludwig’s face pulled into slight concern, and he moved his hand up to Jeremy’s forehead. "We had a conversation. Do you remember this?"
Jeremy blinked slowly, and took the glass of water Ludwig offered to him, along with a pour of the medicine Ludwig had brought in with him earlier (Jeremy remembered that part. He wasn’t sure what was going on in his head, but it was getting fuzzier by the moment). The bottle indeed had a German label that Jeremy couldn’t read, but he trusted Ludwig to know what he was doing and choked it down with minimal whinging. Lud was smart to get the water first. He must’ve known how foul some of his concoctions were.
“Did you hear me, schatz?”
“Yeah, I…” Jeremy swallowed thickly around the terrible taste that lingered inside of his mouth. “I remember, I was…just…I…Jesus, my head.”
“Lay back down now. It’s still very early,” Ludwig soothed. “Now, you aren't doing yourself favors getting up and walking around. What you’re going to do is lay back, rest, and not get out of this bed another time. Do you understand me?”
Jeremy didn’t even remember agreeing with him before he fell back asleep.
Jeremy woke slowly, painfully, to a white light filtering through the window blinds.
His eyelids were sticky, and peeled apart when he opened his eyes. At the back of his throat was the coppery, stinging feeling of acid, and the taste of it made him nauseous- moreso than he already was.
His head was throbbing. Every joint and bone in his body had a deep, stiff ache to it, like he should be creaking as he moved. Jeremy smacked his lips and blinked his eyes against the pale light that assaulted his senses and only made his headache worse.
“Lud?” he croaked, and wormed his arm out to feel the other side of the bed.
There was no one there, and the sheets were cold. Jeremy was alone.
“L…Ludi?” he coughed out to the empty room to no reply.
Jeremy was still feeling like pure shit. He was certain he looked it, too. Would Ludwig really just…leave? That didn’t make sense.
Jeremy wondered if he’d annoyed him last night, getting up twice after being told not to. Or maybe it was before then, when he’d bothered Ludwig while he was trying to do some paperwork yesterday and ended up getting kicked out of the laboratory for several hours. Or even before that. How long had he had to have been irritating Ludwig to force him to just up and abandon Jeremy when he needed his help the most?
He had to find him. He had to ask. Make sure Ludwig hadn’t just left, abandoning Jeremy to his own devices while he could barely sit up straight.
Speaking of sitting up straight…
Jeremy heaved with every ounce of strength he could muster to get himself into an upright position, but it proved to be a tremendous mistake. Immediately his stomach roiled, fighting his position, and bile crept up the back of his throat to burn him and make him taste the iron and acid in his mouth. He gagged, slightly, but he bit back the sick feeling in his gut and shoved the blankets off of him.
It was freezing in their room. No fan was going, no windows were open, but the chill that swept over Jeremy was like none other. Goosebumps scattered over his skin and gave it the texture of sandpaper, and the shivers that wracked him from the cold had his stomach tensing for another round of heaving. His feet hit the floor, practically numb against the frigid wood.
“L-Lud?” Jeremy called again, for the last time, just to make sure he wasn’t getting out of bed for nothing. Again, there was no response. Jeremy pushed up off the bed and stumbled into standing.
His world teetered sideways, and he stutter-stepped to brace himself on his bedside table while he gathered his bearings. It took a moment. Jeremy watched with a quaking stomach as his vision stopped swirling with colors and eventually evened out into something more manageable. Less likely to trip him and make him dizzy.
Jeremy lifted his hand from the table, and lumbered to the closed bedroom door where he caught the door frame with one hand, and eased the door open with the other. It let in even more freezing air to shake his resolve, but Jeremy refused to be deterred. He stumbled into the hallway, and began his long, torturous trek in a directionless way to find where Ludwig could have possibly gone.
After several unsteady, wobbling hallways and a few absent-minded turns, Jeremy came across a pale light emanating from the kitchen doorway. It was quiet, but he could hear some sounds coming from it, so he trudged on, drawn to the light like a sickly old moth
When Jeremy turned the corner into the kitchen, he found only one person there. Not Ludwig.
It was the Engineer, seemingly divided between finishing a bowl of grits and making notes on a grease-stained blueprint he had laid out. He looked up when Jeremy stumbled in, his eyebrows jumping to his hairline.
“Well, hey there Scooter. What’re you doin’ outta bed?” He put down his pencil and his spoon, and moved to get up. Jeremy flinched at the horrific screech the chair made across the tile floor. “‘s the Doc know you’re out here?”
“I-I, uh…” Jeremy shook his heavy head, propping himself up on the wall while Engineer approached him. “N-No, he, I, uh…c-can’t find ‘em. Can’t- don’t know where…I-I was by myself.”
“By yourself, huh?” Engineer repeated in a soft amused voice. “Well, I reckon he was off gettin’ something to help you feel better. He leave you any kinda note?”
As Engie took his arm and slung it over his shoulder to lead him to the table, Jeremy mentally paused. He didn’t even check for a note. Didn’t think to check. He couldn’t really think of anything, other than the fact that he was by himself, and he had no idea where Ludwig was, and that he needed to find him.
“...uh…” Jeremy murmured. “I…Uh…”
They reached the dining table, and Engineer pulled out a chair before Jeremy collapsed on the floor. Jeremy sat down hard, getting a headrush and having to splay his hands out on the table so he didn’t fall over sitting up. Engineer took his ungloved hand and pressed the back of it to Jeremy’s forehead, freezing against Jeremy’s clammy skin, then to his neck, and tsked.
“Feelin’ pretty hot right there, kid,” Engie huffed. “How th’hell you make it all the way down here without anyone seein’ you?”
“I just…walked.” Jeremy shrugged. “I couldn’t find…I had…I had to find ‘im.”
Engie hummed. He pulled a chair up next to Jeremy so he could sit down next to him, and held a comforting hand on Jeremy’s back. “Don’t much like bein’ by yourself like this, do ya?”
Jeremy shook his head miserably. All the pain was beginning to seep back in, the soreness sinking right back into Jeremy’s bones. It hurt to even keep his eyes open. His shirt was sticking to him in a way that was just gross, and rubbed against his skin like wet sandpaper. The nausea had not abated in the slightest, either. He was thankful that Engie sat him down, else he would’ve ended up throwing up all over the floor. Maybe leaving the bed wasn’t such a good idea.
Still. He’d had to find Ludwig.
Engie continued to rub his back when Jeremy buried his head in his hands, blocking his eyes from the kitchen light, and kept at it for a minute before he started standing up. Jeremy dropped his hands from his face, panicked, and tried to reach for Engie’s arm, a whimper caught at the back of his throat.
“Easy there, stringbean,” Engie soothed him. “I ain’t leavin’. I just need to get one’a the guys to find the Doc for you. That alright? I’m stayin’ right around here.”
“Y’gonna find him?” Jeremy didn’t even have half a mind to be embarrassed for how out of it he was, and murmured, “I dunno where he…I-I dunno…”
“That’s why I’m gonna send someone to find him, Scout. Just sit tight. I ain’t goin far.” Then, the next moment, Engie was gone. Jeremy was alone, again, soaked in his own sweat, again, fighting an uphill battle with his stomach and generally wishing he were dead. Again.
“E-Engie?” Jeremy squeaked, and tried to get a good look behind him.
“Still here.” Engie’s voice came from the hallway, echoey but not too far away. That allowed Jeremy to relax some, knowing he wasn’t left by himself.
Engie spoke in murmured words to someone Jeremy could not see nor hear, but he sounded firm and rushed. He came back into the kitchen not a few moments later and dropped right back down at Jeremy’s side, his hand replaced at Jeremy’s back and rubbing in gentle patterns.
“He comin’?” Jeremy couldn’t help but ask.
“I’ve gone and sent Demo to go and fetch the good doctor, wherever he may be,” Engie affirmed. “He’ll come and get you and get you right back into bed rest, where you’re s’posed to be. That sound about alright to you?”
Back in bed, Ludwig by his side, hopefully with more meds and a nice cold pillow to pass out on. It sounded perfect. Jeremy nodded, blearily, to Engie’s question.
They sat in silence for just a few moments, but were both startled out of it by a booming voice ricocheting down the hallway.
“Scout? Scout!”
“I know who that sounds like,” said Engie with a parting pat to Jeremy’s back. He pushed up from the kitchen table, and Jeremy turned to see him go and nearly collide with Ludwig as he came running through the entrance.
The frantic fire in Ludwig’s eyes fizzled out right when he laid eyes on Jeremy sitting at the table, and he didn’t hesitate to approach him.
“Dummkopf, you are going to kill me,” Ludwig griped with no small amount of relief. He pulled Jeremy’s chair out and knelt in front of him, pressing his hands up against Jeremy’s neck and forehead much like Engineer did. “Why must you do these things? Why in the hell did you get out of bed?”
Jeremy started to keel forward, and Ludwig caught him soundly, and let Jeremy press his forehead into Ludwig’s shoulder. Ludwig’s hand moved to Jeremy’s back and took over where Engineer had left off, rubbing small, soothing circles over the ridges of his spine.
“Scout? Schatzi?” Ludwig whispered into his ear. Jeremy had forgotten to respond to his question.
"I-I don't…" croaked Jeremy, even as he relaxed into Ludwig's arms. "...I don't f-feel good, Ludi."
"I know, häsechen. Certainly not with these adventures you seem keen to take. Come. Let’s go back to bed, ja?”
With a soft, relieved smile, Jeremy pushed himself out of the chair with the help of Ludwig, and the two shuffled out of the kitchen in small steps. As they passed Engineer, Ludwig nodded and whispered, “Danke, my friend.”
“Ain’t no thing, Doc,” replied Engie. “Tell ol’ Scooter to start feelin’ better soon. And tell him to stay the hell in bed.”
“Believe me, I will do more than that,” Ludwig said with the undertone of a promise. "If he continues to disobey rest orders, I may resort to chaining him down.”
“Well, you know where to go if you need the chains,” Engineer chuckled. “Now I don’t wanna be seein’ you two ‘till he’s up and at'em. If you need to leave him alone for a reason, just holler. It don’t seem like he’s too keen on bein’ by himself right now.”
“So I have observed.” Ludwig adjusted his hold on Jeremy. “He will not be released until he comes below 38, I assure you. He will not be left alone again.”
Something about those words coming from Ludwig’s mouth swept a sea of relief through Jeremy’s body, making his legs weak and his eyes heavy. He leaned that much more heavily against Ludwig and let his partner take up more of his weight.
“Ah, if you’ll excuse us,” Ludwig said at last, bidding the Engineer one final goodbye and tugging Jeremy out of the kitchen and down the hallway.
Jeremy walked alongside him, trying to help keep himself from collapsing to the floor, but he wasn’t much help in stopping his feet from dragging and stumbling on the tile. Ludwig said nothing about it, but instead sighed, and squeezed Jeremy just a bit tighter.
“Whatever am I going to do with you, häsechen?” He muttered. “I was only in the infirmary. I left you a notice on the side-table. And yet here you are.”
Jeremy’s thoughts had to roll around in his head for a second before he could articulate them. “I didn’t see any note. I…I just got…”
“You what?” Ludwig prompted. “What made you so worried that you had to disobey my rest orders?”
“I was…I dunno…” mumbled Jeremy, flushing hotter than his fever could account for. “I guess I knew you weren’t gonna…gonna leave or nothin’ but I…I…I-I was ‘lone and I didn’t see…didn’t see no note. Just thought you left. Or somethin’. Thought you got…”
“Got what?”
Jeremy swallowed thickly, and they approached their bedroom door. He’d hoped to be saved from answering, but Ludwig had paused right outside when he neglected to answer and stood, waiting for his response.
“...annoyed. Or somethin’. I-I dunno.” Jeremy admitted, and tried not to say anything more. He turned his head away, because he couldn’t be sure if his face was more red from embarrassment than fever.
“Oh, Jeremy,” Ludwig sighed. He shouldered open the door. Jeremy could tell he’d upset him. “Häsechen, what more must I do to convince you of my devotion to our relationship?”
“Y-you don’t gotta-”
“Clearly it is not enough. I sleep in the same bed as you every night, and yet you have this subconscious fear that I am going to abandon you the moment you are undesirable?” Ludwig shook his head. “Verdammt, do I not tell you enough how much I love you? Do you not receive enough of my time? If you are feeling unloved, mein engel, I implore you to tell me at this instant. I will not allow it to stand.”
“No, no, no, I-I didn’t mean it like that,” Jeremy insisted. “I-I, I just know I can be…p-pretty irritatin’, right? So I thought…I dunno. I-I can’t think straight right now.”
Ludwig brought him to the bed and eased him back onto the pillows When he got Jeremy adjusted back under the covers, he placed his hand on Jeremy’s forehead, then leaned his head back so they could make perfect eye contact. Fever-bright and watery though Jeremy’s eyes may have been, they met Ludwig’s warm, cornflower-blue stare quite easily.
“You are precious to me, mein schatz. I do not love you because it is convenient, or because it is easy. I do not love you with conditions. I love you because it is natural to me, and that is enough,” Ludwig whispered, insistent. His hand moved from Jeremy’s forehead to nest in his hair and hold firmly. “And I do not know how many times I must remind you of this, but I will do it as long as it is necessary. I will not leave you. I do not want to leave you, regardless of what you may think. Ich liebe dich sehr, Jeremy, and I will say it a thousand times until you get it through your thick skull.”
Jeremy’s lower lip was wobbling, though he’d blame it up and down on the fever disorientation. He couldn’t speak German, but Ludwig had said that same phrase to him enough times that he could figure out what he meant.
“Love you too, big guy,” he whispered back. He leaned his head forward, and Ludwig met him halfway. They touched their foreheads. Ludwig didn’t seem to mind how hot he was. “How ‘bout a thousand and one times, huh? Jus' for me.”
Ludwig smiled, shook his head, and kissed him soundly.
Jeremy never did have to get out of bed again.