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On [date and time omitted], Ryder, and four other dog owners gathered for another interview with Hello Adventure Bay about their pups. Here is how the interview played out.
"I am glad all of you could make it," began the interviewer.
"So am I," replied Ryder sarcastically.
"So, shall we begin with the questions?"
"I guess," replied Ryder, who clearly just wanted to get this over with.
"It has been made clear that each pup's name has a meaning behind it, what are they?
"Fire marshal, rubble should be obvious, police chase, Rocky begins with an R like reduce, reuse, recycle, Zuma is named after a beach in Malibu, and Skye should be pretty obvious too," elaborated Ryder.
"How are Everest/Tracker not obvious as well?" interjected Jake and Carlos simultaneously.
"Rex's name is a reference to T. Rex, and I think Jura's is a geography joke, " clarified Dr. Turbot.
"Xochitl is an Aztec name meaning flower," explained Maria.
"Anyway," began the interviewer, "which of your pups' sexu…"
"NO!" interjected all five humans simultaneously.
"But… whose habits are the easiest and trickiest to deal with?"
"Let's just say they're both mine," interrupted Ryder. "Moving on!"
"Have any of you ever had to discipline any of your pups?" asked the interviewer.
"Put it this way," interjected Dr. Turbot, "It would not be believable for any of them to be beautifully behaved without a break, so when they haven't been good, it is our reluctant responsibility to confer consequences," explained Dr. Turbot. After the doctor's speech, the whole room was silent.
After a few minutes, the interviewer asked, "is there any time you regretted how you disciplined your pup?"
Dr. Turbot crossed her arms and said, "No, I am not answering that."
"I beg your pardon?" asked the interviewer?
"I don't see any reason to disclose how I dole out discipline because that is none of your business to begin with."
The room was silent again for another 30 seconds.
Then suddenly, Jake spoke up and said, " Nah man, Everest has never done anything bad enough to warrant anything more than our cabin talks."
Carlos then stood up, crossed his arms, and gave a solid, "No, I do not."
"But what about that strict punishment you gave Tracker for lying to you?"
"As I told Tracker, I am not sorry for having done it, he knew better, and had to face up to the consequences of his actions. I did what I felt was best: teaching him just what it felt like to be lied to because this seemed like a fitting punishment, and because it would help him see the error of his ways."
"But did you have to use chili peppers?"
Maria then looked back at him in horror. Upon seeing this he rushed over to calm her and reassured he hadn't done what she seemed to think he had.
"So why did you?" asked the interviewer.
"As I said, I felt Tracker needed to learn what it felt like to be lied to, and I decided on tricking him into eating a chili pepper because that ultimately would not hurt him and only cause temporary discomforts."
"Why didn't you just ground him?" criticized Ryder.
"How would that even work? I don't know if you've noticed this Ryder, but the jungle is not exactly the cushy, suburban life of Adventure Bay," retorted Carlos.
"Fair point," conceded Ryder, "but before you go on about how this is so much easier for me to do, let me remind you that Tracker, as far as we know, wasn't abused, and isn't on the spectrum, so you don't have to be careful about that," countered Ryder.
Dr. Turbot, meanwhile, was completely silent upon hearing Ryder's words.
"Touché, Tortuga," responded Carlos.
"Can you two cut it out with your concurso de medir pene," interjected Maria.
"For what it's worth Carlos, a certain Shepherd dog's owner, not to mention a certain Westie's, do a notably worse job with their pups," stated Ryder as he offered the olive branch.
"Gracias," responded Carlos as he accepted it.
"How about you, Ryder?" asked the interviewer.
"When I punished Chase for lying to me, I didn't make sure that he understood that I was trying to push him toward self-reflection, and the resulting misunderstanding had some nasty adverse effects on him. Additionally, one detail of Skye's five-pronged punishment was meant to address something that we later learned wasn't what was actually going on," explained Ryder.
"How about you, Maria?" asked the interviewer.
Maria nodded guiltily. "That time I came down on Xochi for lying to me, I bone-headedly thought that I needed to follow through, or rather trick her into thinking I followed through, with my threat to spank her if she ever crossed the line she just did. I should've listened to my instincts that she had learned her lesson from being guilt tripped to infierno and back, but let's just say she wasn't the only one who crossed the line, that day" confessed the florist guiltily.
"Wow! And I thought my screw up with Chase was bad," blurted out Ryder
"Hey! I apologized to her and gave her the opportunity to take her anger out on me if she chose to."
"Sure," thought Ryder as he remembered his damage control with Chase.
The interviewer was about to ask another question when Ryder interrupted. "Can we please move to a different subject? This is an interview, not the pup pup punishment show."
"Our producers can make that happen," informed the interviewer.
"Hell no!" responded Ryder.
"Okay then," began the interviewer, "which of your pups are medicated?"
"Just Marshall and Rocky," answered Ryder.
"And Rex," added Dr. Turbot.
"Are there any medications the pups used to be on, but no longer are?"
"Zuma used to be on an anti-UTI drug, and me and Katie had to switch out Rocky's antidepressant at one point," explained Ryder. "Oh and, we have unsuccessfully attempted to put Chase on an allergy pill a number of times," he added.
"Why did you have to switch out the antidepressant?"
"Because it was interfering with… stress relief," said Ryder uneasily.
"Also," interjected Dr. Turbot, "both Jura and Rex were on painkillers following their accidents."
"Anyway, what are your pup's greatest passions?"
"Marshall has always had a great interest in fire safety/prevention and medicine but is also fond of reading books. Rubble's primary interests has always been construction work and food. Chase is mainly interested in police or spy stuff. Rocky's main obsessions are, of course, recycling, engineering, and mechanics. Zuma is obsessed with anything water related. Skye is primarily interested in aviation. Also, Chase, Marshall, and Skye all take their romantic relationships very seriously, and Rocky and Zuma have always had a close connection."
"Everest has always been primarily interested in outdoorsmanship and things like that, but she also likes to read, and, of course, cares a lot about Marshall," explained Jake.
"Tracker has always had a love for the jungle, ecology, and zoology, but he also cares deeply about Xochitl," stated Carlos.
"Rex has always been crazy about dinosaurs, and Jura's main passion seems to be Rex," conveyed Dr. Turbot.
"Xochi's always been fascinated by botany, and she is, of course head over paws for Tracker," finished Maria.
As the five owners walked off set, Ryder was eternally grateful, both for the fact the interviewer hadn't been the same schmuck from last time, and for the fact this interview wasn't as unpleasant as the previous one.