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Language:
English
Series:
Part 3 of Expected Arrival
Collections:
Shoujo Kakumei Utena, Polyamorous & OT3 Fics, Focus on Female Characters, Female Characters Deserve Better, The Annual Femslash Kinkmeme
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Published:
2022-11-04
Completed:
2022-11-18
Words:
21,508
Chapters:
12/12
Comments:
25
Kudos:
21
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623

Question Perpetual

Chapter 12: XII

Summary:

Teaser:“To ‘expected arrivals’,” said Anthy. She was seated next to Juri in the hot tub, having arrived the way she often did, so quickly or secretively or silently or magically that you didn’t even see her move. Juri had gotten used to it, gotten used to magic. How strange …

“What do you mean?” Juri asked Anthy, stroking Utena’s hair as Utena nuzzled into her neck. Anthy raised her champagne glass a little and even winked at Juri. When she spoke, she purred:

“Whatever do you think I mean, Arisugawa-san?”

Chapter Text

At the holiday cabin the three-of-them lounged naked in the three cornered hot tub, glasses of champagne ready for toasting. It was evening.

“What are we celebrating?” wondered Utena, successfully keeping ChuChu from stealing her champagne by holding her palm up against his face. He ran-in-place against it, not seeming to realise that this wasn’t a good way of defeating the obstacle …

“The champagne is a gift from the owners,” said Juri logically. “So we’re making good use of it. Besides, it’s traditional to toast with it.”

Anthy smiled approvingly. Utena scratched her head, then yelped because ChuChu had gotten free and was now swimming in her champagne flute, slurping madly:

“Oi, no! ChuChu, cut that out!”

Utena grabbed him by the tail and hoisted him out, then deposited him gently over the side of the tub onto the cushy bathmat. He was hiccupping and snoring alternatingly, apparently (already) in a drunken sleep. Utena stared mournfully down at her flute glass which was almost drained.

Juri reached over and gracefully refilled her partner’s glass:

“All better.”

Utena smiled widely, then wrinkled her nose:

“But he was swimming in my cup.”

“That’s never stopped you before,” said Anthy, sotto voce.

Utena scowled. Juri grinned and raised her glass to her endearingly quirky partners:

“To throuples. Ah … is that the right term?”

“Triad?” guessed Anthy, her wry humour obvious to Juri. “Sans the ‘V’.”

“Triangle?” guessed Utena, getting in on the fun. “Three-way? Threesome? Oh wait, that’s when it’s just sex, right?”

“A regular wholesome relationship,” said Anthy, and she was definitely in teasing-mode now, her eyes sparkling with mischief. She outright smirked at Utena. “We’re just three normal girls.”

Utena blushed yet smirked back. Juri smiled with deep satisfaction and drained her champagne.

“You’ll get tipsy!” Utena warned Juri, before doing the exact same thing.

I won’t,” said Anthy, and she drained her glass dry.

Juri poured them all more champagne. She wasn’t tipsy at all: she could hold her alcohol far better than Tenjou Utena … which wasn’t that hard to do.

“To our holiday,” toasted Utena, already slurring, just a little. “And to freebies.”

“Come here,” Juri ordered her partner, knowing full well that when Utena was tipsy she became girly and eager.

Juri not only found it cute, she enjoyed taking advantage! As she had anticipated, Utena sloshed over. When Utena was close enough Juri reached out to scoop her partner onto her lap, facing forward into Juri’s chest. Utena was resting on her knees, and she grinned at Juri happily. Juri wrapped a hand through Utena’s hair at the back of her head and pulled her partner in close, kissing her lips passionately. Utena melted into Juri.

“To our holiday,” Anthy repeated Utena’s toast, “hear, hear.” Anthy was watching the two-of-them intently from her side of the tub. Her eyes simply simmered.

“Where’s my champagne?” wondered Utena, then she seemed to forget all about it since Juri was kissing her again.

“To ‘expected arrivals’,” said Anthy. She was seated next to Juri, having arrived the way she often did, so quickly or secretively or silently or magically that you didn’t even see her move. Juri had gotten used to it, gotten used to magic. How strange …

“What do you mean?” Juri asked Anthy, stroking Utena’s hair as Utena nuzzled into her neck. Anthy raised her glass a little and even winked at Juri. When she spoke, she purred:

“Whatever do you think I mean, Arisugawa-san?”

Juri stared. Then she did the only thing she could do. She grabbed Anthy with her free arm and pulled her lover in close, pressing their lips together hungrily. Juri was a little angry, a little awed, just a tad scared … and a touch amused. Her lust was stirring, and all of this verdant mix was warring with tolerant affection. 

“I love you,” she whispered against Anthy’s lips.

Juri felt the reply first in Anthy’s arms wrapping powerfully around her and Utena, and next in the way that Anthy’s mouth surrendered to Juri and invited her in.

To Juri, Anthy didn’t fully surrender: their dyadic sexual encounters often turned into passionate fighting-for but not-giving control … or else mutual flow. Their triadic encounters were about sharing control of Utena or flowing with Utena. Sometimes Anthy dominated Juri, which Juri secretly loved … for all that she resisted it fiercely (much more so than Utena who seemed to delight in giving in). Juri suspected that outright submission was hard for Anthy now, perhaps even impossible (understandably) - at least to anyone but Utena.

Juri had often witnessed Anthy open to Utena like a flower to sunshine. But that was Utena. It was easy to trust Utena who was so damn trusting herself; it was easy to give everything to Utena because she gave herself fully. Juri found that she could surrender easily to Utena, when that particular mood took the two-of-them … and Juri had never been able to do that with any other lover. She’d never wanted to. Yet with Utena, Juri didn’t even want to resist!

Not so with Anthy, who Juri (still) didn’t fully trust (truth be told), and maybe never would. Yet it turned out you didn’t need to trust someone to love them: who knew? Not Juri. Not until now …

So at Anthy’s unexpected surrender within their kiss, Juri felt something icy in her heart cracking and melting. Maybe she could risk trust … maybe she would, someday. If Utena trusted Anthy (and Utena plainly did), maybe Juri, could trust Utena … and so trust Anthy too. Regardless of whether that eventuated, Juri loved Anthy. Who would have ever seen that coming?!

“Tell me again,” whispered Anthy, drawing back, her hands still entwined loosely around Juri’s neck. Her face wore one of the most seductive looks that Juri had ever seen on any face, ever. Again, she hated-loved-feared-wanted Himemiya Anthy. (Maybe this was an … appropriate reaction for sane people? Utena clearly wasn’t sane, God love her!)

Utena had drawn back a little so that she could see them better. She was watching with the kind of pure glowing happiness that Juri and Anthy both thrived under (no question – just look at the past few years). Utena was watching the two-of-them with the kind of unknowing innocence that had Juri wondering if Utena had a screw loose. Did she really not see? How could she not?!

Himemiya Anthy was so evidently still a … witch, for all that she claimed to have changed. She was some kind of … not-human, who was so far beyond them that Juri really didn’t know what Anthy was doing, toasting champagne with them in a hot tub …

Who did Utena see when she gazed at Anthy with lovesick puppy-dog eyes? Or at Juri, for that matter?

Anthy was watching Juri carefully, in that way that stirred up Juri’s latent fear and distrust … yet simultaneously stoked her lust and longing.

Anthy smiled at Juri, a small and supremely knowing smile.

“I love you, Juri,” Anthy said gently, “because you see the parts-of-me that our beloved Utena can’t see.”

Juri gasped. Utena did too.

“Also,” said Anthy, with just a hint of humour, “because you love me in spite of yourself.” Juri breathed out, against her conscious will (it was true). Anthy was smiling at Utena tenderly. “You, Utena, love me because of who you are.”

Utena blushed. Juri’s heart was racing. She felt … unbearably seen. Anthy could see Juri back, in a way that Utena never could, since her princelike naïve nobility was a kind of (beautiful) blindness. It was feeling hard to breathe …

“Tell me again,” Anthy ordered Juri, but gently. Juri saw that Anthy’s seductive expression was tender yet a little cruel, all at the same time. Juri squared her shoulders and took the fall like a would-be prince. Nothing else to do …

“I love you.”

They gazed at each other heartfully, and beside them Utena was utterly beaming with happiness:

“This is SO great!” she announced tipsily. “It’s like all my birthdays came at once!”

Anthy smiled and rose to her feet, gracefully. For a moment it was as though a goddess had stepped out of the sea; water droplets cascaded down Anthy’s glorious naked body, her long (perfectly and unexpectedly dry) hair filled the room like foam; mystery sparkled everywhere.

Both Juri and Utena stared worshipfully. Then Juri arched an eyebrow.

“Now you’re really putting it on,” she accused Anthy wryly.

Anthy’s smile turned coy:

“Well, there’s no reason to hide any longer.”

“Of course not!” said Utena, rising hurriedly to follow after Anthy. Utena’s eagerness was obvious to everyone; she had never made any effort to hide it. Tenjou Utena simply didn’t seem ashamed of things that other people were (rightly? wrongly?) ashamed of. Juri sighed. It was part of her partner’s weirdness, otherwise known as her charm. “You shouldn’t hide, Anthy,” continued Utena. “You should just be yourself.”

“Yes, Utena,” said Anthy demurely, playfulness dancing in her eyes. She handed Utena a large fuzzy towel and glanced at Juri invitingly.

“Coming, dear?” It was a tease and Juri knew it. She almost glared but caught herself just in time. Two could play at that game! Still, Juri exited the hot tub as quickly as she could … while appearing not to rush.

She didn’t want to miss a thing.

~FIN~

Notes:

Aw, I feel nostalgic finishing this series! They love each other. 🥰 Somehow (how?!) they made it all the (loooooong) way from hate to love. Or in Utena's case, from denial to love.

It's been beautiful to revisit Revolutionary Girl Utena and all the themes I love so much about it. You know, I've only ever watched the anime one and a half times - I couldn't make it through a second watching. It was too emotional for me, just too fucking intense (especially the ending arc), brought up too much inside of my own personal 'duels'.

This hasn't stopped me from remembering what happened (very well indeed), especially with the help of reference to the original scripts and clips on youtube, etc. I reckon I could watch it again now if I wanted to (so many years later), because material that used to be Too Intense for me has become Just Fun instead. However I gave away my dvd set years ago and I don't feel any pressing desire to watch ...

... because it's become part of me. It's that way with all the experiences I've embraced in this lifetime, all the lovers, all the enemies (often the ex lovers 😉), all the jobs/play and mundane/magic. All the fanfiction I've read and written (so so soooooo much fanfiction, hahaha!).

On the back of suffering, I know what joy is ... and on the back of joy, I know what suffering is. They are both a duel that every human has to face, and they come around cyclically. At the end of our world, Akio waits in disguise as our One True Love or One Great Hope (take your pick), and in reality he's a delusion. Anthy is in her rose coffin and it turns out she was dead the whole fucking time! Yet she's alive (again). Utena is being a fool but it's So Damn Inspiring and she gives everything for her cause ... and loses everything to her cause.

I don't know who I'm going for any longer:
Akio?
Utena?
Anthy?
The hundred swords?
The castle of eternity?
The power to revolutionise the world?
The rose coffin?
The gossiping duellists i.e., the student council, talking about the outcome of the final duel?
Juri? Shiori? Ruka? Guy with brown hair that Shiori thought Juri was into? The yellow rose? The power of miracles?
A symbol of a symbol of a symbol?
A humourous creature named ChuChu?
A random faceless student in the crowd?
You? Me? Us? We? None of us? All of us?

Maybe the final duel has to happen. Maybe everyone has to face it, in their perfect timing. Maybe I'm full of it and maybe it's full of me. What I feel in this moment is full of love. For all of us. Including all the ones I've hated: I couldn't feel this love without the space they helped carve out inside of me: the rose coffin where all delusions go to die.

May all my delusions die. Yours too, if you want that.

Thank you for reading! 🎠 ✨ 💗

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