Chapter Text
Teresa observed Chicho behind the wheel on their way back from a meeting at the Mayor's offices. All had gone smoothly, and she felt relieved. In a few minutes she forced her mind off the meeting and back to her pressing concerns about the Judge and the ramifications of his corruption coming out in the open.
She felt tired although it was hardly noon. Last night she had finally decided to lay down and not overthink things, in the hope that she would get some shuteye because with the standard 4 hours she slept each night, she had to put make up to hide the circles under her eyes and she hated it. Her nightmare of the daybreak light engulfing her and her heart stopping, had come back with a vengeance and neither night caps, nor chamomile tea seemed to help.
Chicho hit the brakes suddenly and Teresa got out of her trance to find herself staring at the back of the Jeep they had almost rear-ended.
“Sorry Jefa, he broke so suddenly!” Chicho explained, but all Teresa could see was the Jeep in front of them, its familiar round back, charcoal color, the Jeep James had driven off into on that fateful night in Phoenix, just the license plate was not the familiar WQ08644, the numbers branded in her numbers' prone brain...the memories of Phoenix... when she should have felt like a Queen, on top of the world, but all she had felt had been profound emptiness. Javier’s words “There he goes…the second best shot in Texas!....He’ll be hard to replace!” were still fresh in her mind.
Actually first best shot in everything, carajo!...And irreplaceable!, she caught herself thinking and suddenly she had this epiphany of what she could do, something that stood a tiny chance of being interpreted as the “I’m sorry!” she so wanted to say…something that could possibly bring him a sliver of joy, or any positive emotion to soften the seriousness that had been marking his face in the past week.
She ran a search on her phone, then looked up at Chicho and said: “Please turn left at the next light. We’re going to the Chrysler Jeep Dodge dealership on Service Road, it’s 20 minutes out”.
“Si, Jefa’, came the brief answer and she felt her heart would burst out of her chest with anticipation.
This year's model in charcoal like the one James had driven, was not in stock, but as the sales rep walked Teresa around the parking lot, her eyes got stuck on the same SUV in the shiny and proud burgundy that looked as soft as it was bold.
She made arrangements, texted Kelly Anne the details of the payment that needed to be wired immediately without even remembering the final price or if she even handled the insurance details. All she could remember was her heartbeat in her ears when she was filing the ownership paperwork in his name.
“The car needs to be delivered at the address I provided this evening”, she said and turned contently on her heel.
It was late afternoon when Teresa finally summoned the courage to text James asking him to come to the front door. In less than five minutes he emerged from the back of the house where the technology room was.
“I have something I want to give you,” she said slowly, not sure if she should smile or not. They hadn’t spoken to each other since last night, the night of Gamble’s termination.
He raised an eyebrow, and she noticed his eyes didn’t look troubled, actually his posture and expression seemed relaxed.
She extended her hand and plopped the key fob in his, which he had also extended in response to hers. He made an incredulous face when he realized what she had given him, then he briefly looked in the direction of the parking lot. His eyes widened, then he squinted, opened his mouth to say something and closed it with an ‘ahh’.
“It’s for you”, she said hesitantly, pointing at the window with her chin and then looking at him and searching his face.
He obviously had recognized the Jeep ignition fob with the logo on it. His head turned to the window again and he couldn’t hide the gentle expression that took over his face. The fleet didn’t have any other Jeeps and the brand-new shiny SUV in deep burgundy stood apart from the several black Fords and GMs lined up.
He finally turned and said with a spark in the eyes and a smile that lifted the corners of his mouth: “Thank you…really…I don’t know what to say…You know I can drive anything?”
“I know,” Teresa smiled at him now. This is an apology, James! Please please take it! she thought: “ But you gave up yours a year ago and I felt like I needed to…to...”, she didn’t have time to come up with a word because the smile had creeped all over his face and he saved her the trouble of having to verbalize any more details. His acceptance of the gift and the apology was what she needed to hear and him jumping in accomplished it without a glitch:
“It’s perfect, I love it!…Wanna go for a ride?” head cocked at her, smile lingering on his lips, as good as he was, always attuned to her better than anyone had ever been, she knew he was telling her ‘apology accepted’.
Teresa took a small breath of relief, trying to ensure it didn’t sound like the deep sigh it felt like and said: “Like old times?”
“Sure, like old times!”, he chimed in, his eyes searching hers, then added nodding nonchalantly: “Only in the old times….you wouldn’t be wearing…”, he hesitated and his hand made a vertical gesture pointing at her outfit: “...suits and heels and …ahh…formal dresses for an afternoon ride...in the sunset,” he finished hesitantly.
She was caught off guard as she had never heard him make a comment related to attire, neither to her, nor to Camila, nor to anyone else. But the thought of her wearing running shoes, jeans, and a simple top, wearing her hair down and going for a drive with him seemed like a longing come true, so she quickly said: “Gimme a minute,” and was up the stairs before he could say ‘yay’ or ‘nay’.
She came back down almost running, taking the steps two or three at a time, like a schoolgirl going on a date. That same thought made her slow down, but the pure simple joy overflowing her heart at his subtle acceptance of her apology, made her spirit soar, even only with the insignificant pleasure that a ride in the new Jeep would bring. That was compared to the pleasure she craved for, the pleasure she knew he could and would give her!
She was down before the thought had expired and she smiled at him shily again. His eyes took her in, top to bottom in one look, her soft blue jeans and striped red and white top; then his head nodded in approval before he turned to the door.
James circled the SUV a couple of times, then kept commenting on the new features of the newest model, while opening the doors, then the trunk, then like a boy with a toy caressed the dash and checked the contents of the glovebox.
Teresa watched him with the satisfaction of a mother watching her child and felt humility for the first time in a long time.
“You like the new model better?” she finally ventured.
“Oh…I love it”, he repeated still gliding his hand over the shiny hood. “I love red…on a car…and on a woman…”, he didn’t finish his thought, but she knew the ice had melted.
When he turned to her with a ‘hop in’, she heard herself say with the same ease: “Promise not to drive like a pendejo?”
“Hmm?” he made a funny face: “When have I ever driven like one?” came the answer. But his tone couldn’t disguise the humor in his voice. They looked at each other and smiled again as both remembered when she had accused him of that.
Teresa buckled up in the plush seat thinking she never ever would have imagined joking with him about the fateful airport job that had been a defining moment for their relationship.
She couldn’t see his eyes because of his sunglasses, but she could feel the tender expression on his face and the lightness it created in the air as he turned the radio on, adjusted the seat and the mirrors, then expertly maneuvered the car out of the lot, then through the gate, turning the wheel solely with the pressure of his left palm while his right arm rested on the console.
As he was slowing down behind a car for a red light, he turned towards her and said: “How did you know that I would love the red one?”
A second later he was looking back at the road and Teresa felt like they were on one of the many rides they had taken together back in the day, which feeling gave her courage and she said simply what came to her mind: “I know you…and what you like…”, he briefly turned his head to her and then back to the cars in front of them that were moving now.
She was sure a smile was again curving his mouth, so she went on: “I know you like burgundy red…I know you take two cream and two sugars in your coffee…I know you like your steak medium rare and prefer ‘Boro lights…”. She couldn’t hide the tease in her voice as she was now plainly enjoying the smile on his profile. Then she just finished exactly as it came to her mind:
“And I'm sure you won’t say ‘no’ to a burger and a beer at that pub …down by the bayou park entrance…”, she eyed him gingerly in expectation of a response. It was a date because it felt like one!
He chuckled shaking his head and said still looking ahead at the road: “Can’t go wrong with a burger and a beer…you got that right…”.
The warmth of his tone warmed her heart, made it skip a beat, and she sighed at the thought that sprang in her head: You’re the one I can’t go wrong with!
She stared through the window feeling comfortable in his presence, feeling any past uneasiness dissipate.
Then he suddenly extended his hand over the console and took hers in his: “You ok?” he said in his deep comforting voice, briefly glancing at her. How many times had he said this to her? she wondered. Always caring about how she felt, always trying to make her feel better even when he questioned her decisions.
She nodded and said: “I’m fine…the question is ‘Are we ok?’ “, she underlined the ‘we’ and held her breath in anticipation as he shook his head: “Oh, yeah…we're great!”
Teresa felt her breath come out in a profound relief. Her stomach decided to gurgle right then, which immediately brought the smell of burgers to her imagination. James chuckled softly, let go of her hand and picked up the speed on the curvy road to town.
She smiled and closed her eyes, leaning back again in the plush seat of the Jeep, inhaling the smell of ‘new’ that came from the car’s interior.
A few minutes of the slow song on the radio and her mind had conjured up the sight of his hand expertly maneuvering the car out. Teresa felt her heart melt. James's hands, smooth, strong and well maintained, with their buffed nails, and as she remembered always very warm!
She exhaled deeply and welcomed the memories. His hands, always hot on her skin, no matter if his fingertips were just skimming her jawline, or sliding under her top, or his palm was grinding her center! Por dios, the things these hands could do to her!
She knew she was daydreaming, but she let herself sink in the velvety feeling: All things she had observed him do with these hands: assemble and dissemble guns and rifles, handle techy gadgets of all sorts, or caress the wheel of any vehicle he had driven her in!
Her desire for this man flooded her whole being, filled her heart with the pain of denial, which felt physical as much as she knew it to be mental. She had to swallow hard to avoid the sting reach her eyelids.
“Teresa, you’re very quiet…You sure you’re ok?”, James said again.
Good that he's not a mind reader!, she thought. She just needed to tell him to pull over and climb him! She knew he would respond in a heartbeat.
But what would he do, what would he think? Then she knew he'd fuck her senseless, but how he'd feel and what he’d think were questions she didn’t dare answer.
Should I make him pull over? Can I cross this line with him again and now? Carajo, Am I seriously considering it?!
And somehow, from the depth of her mind sprang the obvious harsh truth: she knew intimacy with him now would be crossing that same line she had drawn to protect them both. If she did that now, she couldn’t fool herself she'd not be in his bed that same night. No, she couldn't have casual sex, not with him! She had had one single one night stand in her life….and this man, the one who drove like an expert, shot like one too, made love with his soul as much as with his body, was the one after whom she lusted, for whom she worried, whose heat and smell she craved; so jumping him now wouldn't be casual; it would be soul delivering… and if he got targeted because it would become known they were together, she'd never recover from it, she'd better be dead!
“Could you just pull over for a second, please?”, she heard herself say: “I need to get out!”
She got out under his worried look and just stood there for half a minute, her back to the car, taking in shallow breaths and counting from 10 backwards in her head.
If he gets out of the car and touches me now, I will either fall apart…or more likely just lose it! Her mind screamed at her, and as she sensed he was about to do just that, she said loud enough for him to hear, barely turning to her side: “I got a little nauseous, haven't eaten today…sorry.”
“Take your time…”, James said softly and shifted in his seat. As expected, he gave her the space and the time by patiently waiting inside. Like always!
Her insides slowly stopped pulsating as she realized she had gotten herself wet. The thought that getting so aroused just daydreaming and not even looking at him felt a bit embarrassing, but she banned it and somehow climbed back in the warm SUV. The evening chill had given her goosebumps.
She felt like her body was playing mind games with her. But as she shut the door under his expectant look, she found her voice to declare that she was ‘really starved now’, which resulted in a screech of tires as he got them on the road again.
Suddenly she heard herself blurt out: "James...I have no cash on me...I just left like that...", and she lifted her arms.
At that he laughed out loud, a heartfelt laugh that seemed to top the emotions of the evening: "I'm buying...Don't you worry, Teresa...Just enjoy the ride!", and she laid back in her seat and did as told.
James and Pote had just entered the bar’s main entrance to find Teresa and Kelly Anne going over documents that required signatures. As it was barely noon Pote headed for the coffee maker behind the bar when the front door swung wide open and Chicho and Luis came in carrying a few bags each.
Everyone suddenly felt on edge. Just the other day they had averted a crisis and the view of bags of cash in the morning after the FBI had officially announced a judicial review into all cases presided by Judge Lafayette, gave everyone an unwelcome adrenaline rush. James felt his heart in his throat as after the relaxing 'burger & beer' drive, he had been feeling composed and relaxed the whole morning.
Boaz hadn’t been able to send the cash to the banker as the banker wasn’t taking their money in. They had too much! James realized the problem was not that grave as his intuition had suggested. He had handled bags of cash for Camila many times. This was just a minor glitch.
Then Kelly Anne got flustered and Teresa got uptight as their little conversation suggested one had missed to let the other one know of the banker’s call! How weird! Kelly Anne had been to the OBGYN and the banker's call had slipped her mind!
He wasn’t absolutely sure what the abbreviation stood for, but he had a faint idea it sounded like some sort of a doctor, a woman’s doctor. And the thought of what it could mean caught him so much by surprise, that he missed what Teresa was saying to someone on the phone.
Oskana, the Russian lady, Teresa’s newly found associate was on her way needing help and James stiffened hoping the day would not be as shitty as the one Gamble and Lucien had foreshadowed with their visits to the bar the day before yesterday.
While waiting for the Russian to arrive, he got soda from the bar and googled the abbreviation. Fuck! It was what he had thought it was! So, Kelly Anne was pregnant and that meant the game had gotten to a new level very fast!
He cast a glance at Pote and recalled the man’s words that kids had no place in this world! Really, man? And you just made one?! He shook his head with the incredulity of it all. Now, You Cabron, You are the one who has it coming!
James strode out for a smoke as he wanted to remain alone with his thoughts. As the nicotine was filling his lungs and giving him a soothing feeling, he realized that this pregnancy news would affect Teresa, possibly take her off center, no matter how strong she thought she was. She was off balance already… she had been wiping her eyes, on her way out of his room! He was sure as he had seen the recording three times!
What a spin! She pretended to be like stone but the story of them must be killing her …just as it was killing him ..and now this…a child in this Life…after she lost the boy Tony so tragically…another child that may take Pote and Kelly Anne away…which would be their ‘Other Life’….which Life she wasn't letting herself have…how would it be with Kelly Anne around here, sprouting a baby bump...and them separate and antsy…what a fucking mess!
A black luxurious sedan pulled in and came to a stop interrupting his train of thoughts. A Russian bulky man came out, nodded to him, walked around the car to open the back door for Oksana. She came out, dressed in black, hair glued to her head, make up heavy and not concealing her worried face. The woman took the steps to the balcony and headed in his direction.
What would the new day bring? He thought as he flicked the cigarette butt over the railing and nodded at the woman. Her face continued to give off worrisome vibes.
What is stopping us from heading into this new Life now ...What exactly?…Definitely ain’t the lack of cash…And as he turned to open the door for the Russian, he heard his own thoughts: Let’s just take it one day at a time!