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‘‘Before we do this, I need you to look at my medical records and know what you’re getting into.’’
‘‘Mulder, I wouldn’t offer my services to you if I didn’t think I could handle the job.’’
‘‘Please just read them, Scully.’’
Begrudgingly she took the folder from his hands and flipped it open. He patiently watches her as she looks through his medical records. He’s watching for any reaction but her face stays serious as though she was looking at an autopsy report. He knew all would be revealed to her, and he couldn’t bring himself to actually say the words to her, so this seemed the best alternative. And he really did need to have a doctor to fill his prescription. He didn’t want it to change anything between them, but he had lived through too many bad experiences to hope for her to understand.
After his doctor decided to change postcode a few weeks ago, Mulder had been nervous about needing a new doctor, and one that would prescribe him what he needed. Even in the nation's capital, it was hard to find someone who didn’t think he was crazy and would actually help his condition. Scully offered her help when he explained the situation, although she didn’t know just how much information he was leaving out. He never told her, he didn’t want her to know, to look at him differently. People always looked at him differently once they knew. Things had been good between them, he didn’t want to screw things up but he needed a doctor. He couldn’t find a reasonable excuse to refuse her offer, so now they find themselves in Mulder’s apartment, with a few beers in them and a medical file.
She was on the last page and still, her expression was professional. He thought that maybe she was trying to hide her disgust from him. He had seen her put on that front many times, he never could quite tell what her true emotion was when she wore that face. His fear grew with every second that passed. A sinking feeling inside him told him that he made a mistake he shouldn’t have accepted her offer. He should have found another doctor, anybody but her. He could take rejection from a stranger, but not from her, never from her.
She closed the file and looked at him with a reassuring smile. ‘‘Okay, you’re pretty healthy and you should watch your sugar intake but apart from that Mulder, I don’t know what you’re worried I’d find in there.’’
He was shocked by her reaction, or more precisely lack thereof. Did she somehow skip that part? Or did she choose to purposefully ignore it to make the situation less uncomfortable? He needs to know that she knows. He can’t let her be his doctor if she’ll refuses to give him the prescription he needs.
‘‘Did you not read the part about my current prescriptions?’’ He asked dumbfounded.
‘‘Well, I have to be honest, I don’t know much about hormone therapy so I’ll have to do my recherche, but if what you’re taking now works for you then I don’t see a reason to change it for the time being.’’
If he wasn’t in shock before he surely is now. Mulder had seen many different reactions, but this was the first time he saw someone having no reaction at all. People would either overcorrect themselves or immediately miss gender him out of spite for what he is. He needed to know what she thought, was she really okay with this or was this just a facade?
‘‘Scully, I’m trans.’’
‘‘I know’’
‘‘What do you mean, you know?’’
Finally, he got a reaction from her. But he couldn’t interpret her reaction. She was looking dead seriously at him as he finally vocalized his confession to her. But then she blushed, looking away from him. After taking the time to choose her words correctly she answered but still, she avoided his eyes.
‘I’ve… I’ve seen you shirtless.’’ she whispered.
Even out of the corner of her eye, she could see the gears turning in his mind. He was piecing together the information that she was giving him. Until finally it came to him. She knew before tonight.
‘‘Wait, you’ve known for a long time?’’
She turned to look at him, realizing he didn’t care she saw him shirtless. She shrugged saying ‘‘Well, yeah, I suspected it for a while now. I just figured you would tell me when you're ready. It didn’t feel right to ask. It’s not of my business, as long as you’re happy Mulder.’’
Relief washed over him. The tension in his body escaped letting him breathe again. ‘‘Really?’’
‘‘Was I supposed to react differently? I’m sorry if I offended you in some way’’
He wrapped his arms around her, burying his face in her hair whispering. ‘‘No, no, no, no. Thank you.’’ He punctuated those last words with a kiss on her temple. He had never felt so loved and accepted. ‘‘You’re too good to me Scully.’’
She squeezes him at his words. She knows he doubts himself, but she hopes he doesn’t doubt himself about this. ‘‘Mulder.’’ She said pulling away from him so she could look at him. ‘‘You are my partner and my best friend. I’m hoping you’ll let me be your doctor too. But you need to know that I wouldn’t want to be with anyone else tonight, or any other night for that matter. You’re my person. I wouldn’t do anything to change you.’’
Love. This is what he felt from her. The one way he didn’t think this night would end. Even if she didn’t love him the way he loved her, there was still love between them. A strong partnership and an even stronger friendship. He pulled away from her grasp but only to grab a pen and hand it to her.
Once the documents were signed they celebrated with a beer each and whatever movie was on that night. All the tension that he kept inside seemed to dissipate as she talked about her mother’s church group. He looked at her with attention, she was relaxed and genuinely happy. He loved her. He always had. And tonight he was reminded why. He knew she was his person too. But not if she meant it the same way he did.
He had enough confession for one night so he stayed quiet. Admiring her as she spoke.
Love. That’s really what it all came down to in the end. It was so simple for her to accept him, he wondered why anyone had difficulty with it, but she did make most things seem easy.
‘‘I have a secret to share with you.’’
He raised his eyebrows. ‘‘Humm?’’ Nudging her to go on.
‘‘I’m bisexual.’’
He smiled into his beer. She really was full of surprises.
‘‘Missy was the only one that seemed to get it. And I thought maybe, after tonight, you would too. I know it's not the same, and I'm not saying it's the same but’’ He cut her off.
‘‘Scully, who you chose to sleep with is non of my business.’’ Even though I would like to punch whoever gets the chance to sleep with you, he wanted to say. ‘‘But I’m glad you felt safe enough to tell me.’’
‘‘What if it was?’’
‘‘What?’’
She took a moment to compose herself, think about what she would say next.
‘‘I like you Mulder. No, that's not…’’ She paused. ‘‘I love you. And I would really like to go on a date with you.’’
‘‘Did you really think I wouldn’t like you because you're bisexual?’’
‘‘Did you really think I wouldn’t like you because your transgender?’’ she retorted.
‘‘I…’’ He tried to think of what to say. How to express what he was feeling. But before he could open his mouth to formulate a response he felt her lips on his. They were soft and sweet. They were the best thing he had ever felt in his life.