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"Wait- slow down. Where's this part supposed to go?" Dean said, slightly slurring his words, while leaning a bit more into Cas' space, trying to get nearer to Charlie and understand where he went wrong. Cas just looked at the scene, everything slightly blurry because of the copious amounts of alcohol he's consumed. He looked down to see his own work in his hands, but was instead distracted by how close Dean's hand was to his.
"C'mon, Dean. You can do it! Look at Cas, he's doing great!" Said Charlie, laughing and patting Cas' shoulder. "I've always been good at following orders." Cas claimed, and there was a beat of silence before they all exploded in a big laugh. They could all see the irony of it, even Cas. "Okay, see? You have to fold this part, and then-" explained Charlie, as she was showing Dean how to do it. "And then, voilà! Paper ring!", she shouted as she raised her new creation in the air, to show it off to the world.
"Goddamn it." Dean tried to fold the piece of paper again, but something just didn't seem to work. Cas tried his, and surprisingly enough, there it was. A perfectly well made paper ring. When Dean saw this, his face went red, Cas didn't know if it was because of anger or embarrassment. "Are you kidding me?" he sighed in defeat. "Do you need help?" Cas asked, a smile forming on his face when he saw the hunter's grumpy expression.
"No, there ain't no way I kill monsters on a daily basis and I'm being defeated by a goddamn paper ring. Y- Son of a bitch!" He said, as his hands were still on the paper, still trying to put it in its desired shape. He tried so hard that he let it slip under the table, something that Charlie apparently found hilarious, since she started laughing like a crazy woman.
Dean stumbled under the table, hitting his head numerous times both on the table and Cas' legs. Meanwhile, Charlie and Cas couldn't stop giggling. Cas' ears turned a bit red when Dean put his hand on his knee to steady himself, but he quickly forgot about it when Dean appeared from under the table, still swearing off the piece of paper. "Do you want mine? I can just make another one." Suggested Cas, trying to make Dean stop pouting.
"Hell nah, man. I gotta do this on my own. I'm a grown ass man, I can make my own damn paper ring." Dean declared, and Charlie laughed. "And to think that you killed Hitler." Said Charlie, making fun of him, to which Dean just replied to with a dirty look. Cas was just smiling at the interaction, watching them lean over him again to get closer and work on the paper ring. They really were the best of friends. He thought about his own life, and how he didn't have anyone like that. Sure, he had Dean, Sam, and maybe even Charlie herself now, but it was nothing compared to what they had.
But he remembered that he did once have someone like that, long ago, when he was still an angel. Gabriel and Balthazar were not only his brothers, but his best friends. He remembered Gabriel teaching him about the world, making fun of him when he didn't get things, and protecting him from their other siblings. And Balthazar, always being by his side, following his orders even if he made it seem like he didn't want to. He remembered fighting alongside them, the good and the bad. And it was all gone now, they were gone.
"Okay bitches, I'll leave you two alone for a minute, I'll get some more margaritas." Charlie suddenly proclaimed, exaggerating on the last 's' and waking Cas from his trance. She slowly got up and stumbled to the door. "Stop it with your girly drinks and bring us the real stuff, where's the beer?" Said Dean, and Charlie just flipped him off and said: "Those 'girly' drinks are the reason you can't even hold that piece of paper right, Winchester. If you want a beer, come and get it yourself, who do I look like? A 1950s housewife?" And they all laughed as she got out of the room.
Cas watched Dean struggle with the paper again, and finally sighed. "Here, let me give you a hand." Cas said, feeling brave and putting his hands over Dean's, surprised that he didn't pull away. He must be really drunk. "You just… and then you fold this and… there you go!" Finally exclaimed Cas, still dizzy from the sensation of Dean's skin on his own. Dean smiled and held the now finished ring closer to his face, inspecting it, as if it was some kind of illusion. After a few seconds, he must have realized that it was real, since he started laughing and laughing, holding onto Cas' shoulder. "Thanks buddy! Wow, what would I do without you, am I right?" And that made Cas' ears red and his hands tingle.
He looked at Dean's green eyes, and found that Dean was doing the same, which - to be fair - was nothing new, but this time it just felt different. He couldn't quite put a hand on it. Then, he saw Dean trying to get up, and wondered if he did something wrong. When Dean finally got up, he got right in front of Cas, looked him into his eyes, giggled and got down on one knee. "What are you doing?" Asked Cas, genuinely confused, but still laughing. "Shh, don't ruin the moment." So Cas shut up, and waited for Dean to speak, after a few hiccups and some giggles.
He then cleared his throat and he began to speak. "Castiel- wait, what's your last name? Is it fucked up that I don't know my own best friend's last name? Do you even have one?" Dean seemed to completely lose his train of thoughts, as he asked these questions with a smile on his face. Cas was more confused than ever. "Technically I do not. God doesn't really go for last names, I think?" Cas tried to explain, as he himself was thinking about the answer.
"Well that's depressing. Uhm-" He stopped to think. "Okay, I got it! Castiel Novak!" He stopped and waited for Cas to approve, which Cas did, even if he would have liked Claire's approval before using something so important to her and her family. "Castiel Novak, you are my all time best friend - which I know doesn't mean a lot since I don't have many friends - but you've always stuck with me, throughout everything, even when you probably shouldn't have, so thanks." Dean laughed, clearly intoxicated, and Cas could feel his whole face getting hot. What was happening?
"So, uhm. Since you've helped me make this, I think it's just right to give it to you." He continued, and Cas tilted his head in confusion. "What I'm trying to say here," He chuckled. "Cas, will you accept this ring and stay with me, forever?" Dean said, and Cas knew he was joking. Of course he was. This was Dean. The same Dean who never talks about his feelings, the same Dean that looks physically uncomfortable every time the factor of them is even mentioned jokingly. He's clearly drunk, he doesn't mean a word he's saying, and he won't remember it tomorrow. But Cas will, and he will forever cherish this moment, these words, pretending as if they were real. This was his only shot at that.
So he did what seemed right, in his intoxicated state of his own, and basically yelled: "Yes! Of course, Dean!" With the biggest smile on his face. Dean looked enthusiastic as he struggled to put the ring on Cas' hand. They were both laughing and laughing. Then, Dean looked serious for a moment. "With this, you promise to never leave me, right buddy?" He seemed so serious that it was almost out of character, those green eyes looking for something in Cas'. He took a moment to take it all in, and then put a hand on Dean's as he replied. "Of course. I promise I won't."
Deep down, there was a deep understanding that this was a lie. With the type of life they lead, there was no saying in who would stay and who wouldn't. They had learned that Death doesn't make exceptions the hard way. But in that moment, that blissful moment, they pretended it was real, that it could be. That one day, they could be sitting on a beach, with matching Hawaiian shirts and a drink in their hands, enjoying the sunset and each other's company. They smiled at each other like idiots, and then Cas took the ring he made and offered it to Dean.
"Seems only fair to ask you to honor the promise too, right?" He asked, suddenly insecure. "Right." Dean reassured him, with a smile on his face that made his whole face lit up. Cas then tried to put the ring on Dean's finger with shaky hands, and in that moment, they heard what sounded like the click of a camera.
"I am so showing this to everyone!" Charlie exclaimed, walking back into the room with her phone in her hand, looking at the glorious picture. Dean would have probably been mad if it wasn't for the poor condition he was in, but in that moment, he just laughed, a genuine laugh. And Cas couldn't stop looking at their matching rings.
The memory flashed back into Dean's mind, as he looked down at the stained and ruined paper ring in his hand. At first he had a bit of trouble remembering that night, but now - with all the years past - he could remember it so clearly. He remembered it being one of the best nights of his life, with just him and his best friends, Sam, Cas and Charlie. The memory of her still brought tears to his eyes, how he missed her nerdy self. But it wasn't his main focus right now. He wasn't thinking about that because of her, but because of a laundry basket.
Life at the bunker had been chaotic lately, and it certainly contrasted the long days of silence of a few weeks back. It all came back to him, the torture room, him and Cas, the deal, the truth, the Empty, the loneliness. Those days had been unbearable, even more so when Jack left. But then, something happened - a miracle, he dared to say. Standing in front of the bunker door there he was, Castiel, back in the flash, for real this time. And he had the funniest look on his face as he held a toddler in his arms. A toddler that looked strangely familiar.
And now there were toys and books everywhere, the kitchen was always a mess and the walls all had marker and crayon drawings on them. It was weird how much he was enjoying himself. He didn't know how much he had missed the life he's never had. Sam was doing so much better, finally being able to live up his dream of having a little brat running around the house. Jack was adorable, as he sat at the war table on a pile of books, clearly too small to reach the table, as he drew all kinds of mythical creatures. And Cas? Cas was handling it better than anyone would expect.
Who would have guessed that an angel could be so good with children? But he was. He kept on buying Jack toys, playing with him, baking him cookies - which usually lead to some kind of disaster, but he was finally getting the gist of it. And everything couldn't be better. Everyone was happy. That is, everyone except for Dean.
Of course he loved Jack, and he wasn't hiding the fact that he always dreamt of having a kid of his own, and this was the closest he'll probably ever get. But the problem came with Cas. Somehow he couldn't speak a word with him, he could barely stand to be in the same room as him. After they parted, Dean realized so many things. How he really felt, how he should have said something, how he should have done something.
He couldn't face him simply because he was a coward. He was a big, big coward, who couldn't find the right words to tell his best friend the truth. He could see that this behavior hurt Cas, and he could see how hard he was trying to hide it. They both tried to keep busy, avoiding each other as much as possible. Dean had the sneaky suspicion that Cas didn't want to see him to avoid making him uncomfortable, which made him feel even worse about avoiding him.
So now he was here, in the laundry room, eyes glued on that paper ring he had just found in Cas' trench coat pocket. He couldn't stop staring at it. Did Cas really keep it all those years? Why would he do that? He couldn't find an answer, even if it was right in front of him. He kept on turning it between his fingers, tasting the bittersweet memory of a better time. He wished he could go back to that, everything was so much easier. But he was here now.
And apparently, Cas was too. "What are you doing?" The angel dared to ask, not expecting a reply. Dean tried to say something, but words didn't come out of his mouth. It felt as if he was a kid, caught red-handed stealing a cookie from the cookie jar right before dinner. He hid the ring behind him, but when he looked at Cas he realized how stupid he was being, so he raised it up to the air to show it to him.
Cas' face became pale, all the blood rushing to the tip of his ears. "I—" He tried to explain, but was suddenly stopped by Dean, both to his and Dean's surprise. "You kept it." He simply said. It was just a sentence, a stupid, short sentence, but it held so much behind it. "All those years, you kept it. Why?" He then asked Cas, looking him in the eyes for the first time in weeks.
"Was I not supposed to?" And the genuine nature of the question left Dean breathless. It was as if Cas was convinced that since he gave it to him and promised to keep it, he should have kept it for the rest of his days - which he probably did. Cas kept looking at him, he could basically feel him shaking from all the anxiety of finally talking with Dean. He must have thought he ruined everything, that his feelings were not just unrequited but also disgusted Dean.
Dean felt sick to his stomach at the mere thought, the sudden urge to hug him and tell him that it was all his fault filling his chest. But he didn't, he couldn't move. He was still thinking about the ring. "No, no- it's just that- do you remember…?" He tried to ask, but he would've dared to go into details. He knew Cas would probably remember, he just needed some kind of confirmation.
"Of course. Very clearly. And I believe I ended up keeping that promise, even if you don't seem too happy about it." Something in Cas snapped, a rage he didn't even know was there. He didn't want to be mad, he was just tired. He just wanted things to go back to normal, to how it was before. He couldn't stand to live like this anymore, this endless dance around each other, being careful to never step too close, scared of getting burnt.
Cas' reaction did nothing to help Dean's already pissy mood though, and somehow he felt the need to match Cas' discontent, even if he knew he had no right to do so. "What is that supposed to mean? Do you think I'm not happy to have you and Jack back?" He didn't know why he got angry, Cas had every right to respond to him the way he did. He just couldn't control it, couldn't close the gates that opened already.
"I didn't say that. You and Jack get along better than ever." Cas tried to calm down, he now seemed cold, distant, something that never happened before. Cas was always understanding, calm, warm. It felt weird, everything felt weird between them these days. "But you and me don't, that's what you're trying to say?" Dean immediately bit back, the more anxious he felt the more angry he got.
"Well, you can admit that we used to have a better bond, didn't we?" The past tense broke something in Dean. Was it all over? Did he mess up so bad that Cas finally realized he wasn't worth even a crumb of his attention? "We still-" He tried to save it, but he was interrupted. "Don't deny it, Dean. Since I came back, since-" He stopped for a second, looking into Dean's eyes, trying to get him to look back at him, but he was defeated with a sigh. "I knew things would change, I knew that this is what was going to be left of us. That's why I never said anything, that's why I kept it to myself."
There was a slight pause, Cas was trying to catch his breath, as Dean absorbed what Cas was saying. "I- I am the one who messed it up. I ruined everything and I know it. I wouldn't have ever told you if it wasn't strictly necessary. But you were in danger, I wanted- I needed to save you. I had to. It was my duty. I'm sorry, I am so sorry that I made you uncomfortable. I-" He stopped and sighed, now looking at the ground. "I wish I never came back."
"Cas-" Dean tried to say, but Cas was already moving to the door. Suddenly, fear filled his body, and he moved even faster than he could process, blocking Cas' way. "Where do you think you're going?" He simply said, looking at Cas, putting a hand on his arm, trying to make him look at him. "Cas, look at me." He sounded so desperate it was almost pathetic, but he couldn't find it in himself to care. He just wanted Cas to look at him, hoping that his eyes would express what his words couldn't.
"Cas, please." But still nothing, Cas was still looking at the ground, and Dean was pretty sure he saw some tears falling on his shoes. This was it, he had enough. It was time to stop dancing, it was time to act and to do it quick. His brain must have shortcut, because if he was in full control of his actions, he would have never done anything like this. He panicked, he just panicked, that's what he told himself as he held Cas' face and pulled it closer to his.
There was a second, just a tiny fraction of time, where they looked at each other wide eyed, in both shock and anticipation. They had waited for so long, could this finally be it? Then Dean pulled Cas impossibly closer, their lips crashing together. It wasn't exactly how Cas had imagined it, as he often did in the back of his mind, it was rough, needy and maybe with a bit too much teeth. But it was absolutely perfect. He felt as if he had never known Heaven before that very moment.
Surprisingly enough, it was Cas who pulled away, butterflies flying in his stomach as he saw Dean chasing after his lips, not ready to pull away from the kiss. "Dean?" He simply asked, his voice deeper than normal. Dean didn't reply, he was too busy catching his breath, trying to understand what just happened. The silence lasted a bit too long, and Cas' heart filled with anxiety. It was all a mistake, all over again. He had messed up, again.
"Dean?" He tried asking again, still planning on how to run away from this situation. But he found that he didn't need to, as he felt Dean's soft lips on his own again, this time slower, more sweet, with no rush. If Cas thought he had felt pure happiness before, he was dead wrong. This, this was incandescent joy, something that he wouldn't mind getting addicted to. He held Dean close, putting his arms around his neck, and feeling one of Dean's hands making his way to his waist.
Dean didn't know why it took so long for them to do this. He was sure he had never felt this good in his entire life. He could feel excitement buzzing under his skin, the soft feeling of desire settling down in his stomach. It was better than he could ever imagine, and the world didn't end like he thought it would. They were there, and hopefully, they were fine. Everything was going to be fine for once.
They pulled away again. Dean looked into Cas' impossible blue eyes, still soft and a bit wet from tears. Then he looked at his lips, taking pride in how red and bruised they looked, knowing it was his own making. "So you still…?"
"With every cell of my body. With every cut and every scar." Cas simply replied, closing his eyes and connecting their foreheads. Dean couldn't stop looking at him, almost afraid that if he blinked, Cas would suddenly disappear. He placed a kiss just under his eye, enjoying the sensation of warmth of Cas' skin beneath his lips, and he felt Cas hugging him tighter.
"It's all over. You won." Dean said, smiling against Cas' skin. Cas snorted. "What?" He asked, leaning a bit more into Dean, feeling even his bones relaxing. "The great war. You won, you have me now." They both laughed, a laugh so genuine, something that they haven't done in years. This was it, this was finally it. "Then I guess I'll just have to brainwash you into loving me forever, now." Suggested Cas.
Dean took his cheeks in his hands, turning his face up to look at him. "I don't think that you'll ever need to do that." He said, smiling, as he pressed another kiss on Cas' soft lips. After they parted again, Dean lost himself for a moment in the constellation of Cas' eyes. The blue looked even more beautiful this close. Then, he suddenly remembered something. He looked for something in his pocket, and when he found it, he pushed Cas away a bit.
While Cas tilted his head in confusion, Dean breathed deep, and then got down on one knee, just like all those years ago. "Castiel… Novak?" He asked again, still not knowing what to use after all these years. "Let's just go with Kline." Cas stated, and Dean thought it was sweet of him to make Jack feel some sort of normality. "Okay then, Castiel Kline, after all these years, after all the pain, the death, the horror, you've stuck to me like glue, and I couldn't ask for anything better. I don't know why it took me so long to understand it, and even longer to say it, but I am in love with you, Cas. In every kind of way. Deeply and hopelessly. Everyday without you is like torture." He could feel his own eyes water as he looked at Cas, looking down at him, crying.
"So now I'm back on one knee, giving you the speech you deserve, and asking the same exact question. Will you promise to never leave me again? To stay till the end of time? Will you do me the honor of being mine?" And Dean didn't really hear an answer at first, as he was focused on Cas' kneeling down next to him, going in to kiss him, as he repeated a shower of "yes, yes, yes."
With shaky hands, he put the ruined paper ring on Cas' finger, and admired how beautiful Cas made that old thing look. He couldn't stop smiling, and neither could Cas. They stayed in silence for a while, sitting on the floor of the laundry room, hands intertwined as they whispered sweet nothings to each other. Everything was done, and everything was fine. Even more than that, actually. There weren't any words to describe how good everything felt. And they just enjoyed the moment.
That is, until a little kid in a dinosaur onesie came running in the laundry room for 'papa' and 'dada', with his newest bee plushie in hand - excited to show what he just got from the market Sam brought him to - and the biggest smile on his face, as he showed his two missing front teeth. He jumped to hug his dads, caring little about what they were doing and why they were on the floor, more concerned about showing them 'Mr. Honey-Fuzz'.
And in that moment, life couldn't be any sweeter.