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Every year, the Institute of the Mystics hosts a grand dance for its entire student body at the end of its first semester. It’s supposed to be a reward for making it through the first half of the school year and an encouragement to continue working hard.
Ren had just finished adjusting the tie that pulled his suit together. Aster had picked out the tie for him, saying that it brought out his eyes. Ren smiled at himself in the mirror as he inspected his appearance.
Not too shabby.
Moving to sit on his bed, Ren checked his phone to see if the rest of his group of friends were ready. It seemed that Aia and Maria were the only ones finished getting dressed up—Scarle was fussing over Kyo who initially refused to attend at all and Aster was…
Well, Ren didn’t really know what would take Aster so long. It wasn’t like he had all that much to do to get ready, right? Or was that insensitive to think? Ren couldn’t really tell. Either way, he typed out his confirmation that he as well had finished getting ready and set his phone back on his nightstand.
As he moved to draw his hand back, his eyes flicked to a framed photograph sat on the bedside table. In it was a picture of Ren’s parents and relatives, all dressed in dark colors and staring intensely at the camera. Ren reached out and caressed his thumb over where he was stood in the picture. He was dressed like the others; all dark clothing and intimidating glares. He rested his thumb over top of his own face, erasing himself from the image.
Ren can’t say he’s ashamed of his roots, but he can’t say he’s proud of them either.
When he was younger, he had idolized his parents and some of his older cousins and aunts and uncles. They were ruthless and so blood-soaked it must have stained their souls.
Ren knew he was not unlike them.
He also knew he wasn’t quite like them, either—clearly so, seeing as he’d settled on Earth and hadn’t once thought of destroying the planet since he’d gotten there. Ren liked to think he wasn’t all that bad, considering how he’d changed into someone more kind and considerate.
No matter how much he worked to better himself though, he would never be able to erase his past. No matter how many changes he may make, he would always be the battle-hardened and destructive prince Ren Zotto deep down. He would always be the prince who knew no hardship—not truly, at least. With his status and abilities, he had been practically destined for an ideal life of whatever he may choose.
Yet, he chose this. He chose Earth. He chose Iluna.
Ren loved his new self, loved this planet, and most of all loved his friends.
His friends.
Ren’s friends were all amazing people, unique and wonderful in their own rights. He admired them all, striving everyday to be a worthy companion to them, despite knowing he could never truly be. Not with his history.
Shaking himself out of his thoughts, Ren let out a sigh and gave the photograph in his hand one last longing look before setting it face down on the end table. Picking his phone back up, he was pleasantly surprised to see everyone had finally finished getting ready for the dance. Eager to get out of his room and get a change of scenery, Ren headed to their agreed-upon meetup spot.
The place they agreed to meet was, of course, right in front of the dormitories. When Ren arrived he saw the rest of his friends were already gathered there. Aster beamed at his arrival and quickly clung to his arm, eliciting a chuckle in response. Ren and Aster along with Scarle and Aia were going as couples, whereas Kyo and Maria were attending together as friends.
After smiles and greetings and many photos, they headed to the location of the dance, which was being held in some fancy building that the school booked out, about a twenty minute walk away. Inside, the music was loud and the people were louder. All Ren could hear were incoherent conversations and occasional laughter accompanied by strings.
Aster grabbed his wrist and pulled him towards the dance floor, saying something about the song being perfect for a slow dance. Ren obliged him, steps coming easily to him as he’d attended many formal events when he was younger. Aster was giggling and blushing, staring into Ren’s eyes, and suddenly Ren got a nauseating feeling. After the song ended, Ren excused himself to go get some fresh air on the balcony.
The balcony was much more quiet and isolated than it was back inside. Ren was very grateful for that fact as he breathed in the crisp air. With it being in the winter months, Ren expected nobody would likely stumble upon him out here as the outside air had quite a harsh chill to it.
Ren raised a hand to his heart, willing it to slow in its rapid beating as he wished away the nauseating feeling. He had been experiencing this feeling more and more lately, and he knew exactly what it was.
Guilt.
Ren felt overwhelmingly guilty, in specific, for continuing to date Aster even when he knew he did not reciprocate the other’s feelings.
When Aster confessed to him, Ren had truly thought he felt the same way. When he spoke the three magic words Aster wanted to hear him say, he thought it was the truth. He’d only realized he didn’t like Aster romantically, and never really did, a couple weeks prior to the dance.
Ren did love Aster—that he was sure of. He just didn’t love him in the way Aster wanted him to. The reason he didn’t end things then and there when he realized the truth was because he didn’t want to break Aster’s heart. Ren figured if he just gave it some time, he could learn to love Aster the way he wanted to be loved.
As it turned out, that was not quite how it worked—at least, not when your heart was already preoccupied with another.
The sound of the glass doors behind him clicking shut was the only thing that alerted him to the new presence beside him. Turning his head, Ren was graced with the sight of Kyo leaning on his arms against the balcony railings, staring out into the view. Ren thought Kyo looked rather dashing with his hair half up the way it was; He figured he had Scarle to thank for that. Not to mention, the way he wore his suit so casually gave him a boyish charm that suited him well.
After a bit longer of silence, Kyo finally sighed out and turned to face him, clearly preparing to speak up.
“Alright, Risotto. I’m not gonna beat around the bush; You’ve been acting super fucking weird, dude. I don’t know if anyone else has noticed or not, but I sure as hell have. Just tell me what’s wrong—not like anything you say could possibly make me think any less of you than I already do.”
Ren blinked in surprise, not having expected Kyo to confront him like this. The fact that Kyo paid enough attention to him to notice, and that he’d cared to ask what was wrong, caused a fluttery feeling within Ren. Knowing there was no way he could lie to Kyo about his worries with Aster, Ren decided to divulge the truth to him.
Kyo listened to his concerns closely and quietly, nodding along when necessary and not interrupting him. Ren wasn’t used to Kyo listening so intently and seriously to what he was saying, as it wasn’t often the two discussed things serious enough to invoke such a demeanor in the younger.
When Ren finished regaling Kyo with his story, the first year merely hummed and turned back to look out at the view once more. Assuming he was likely considering all that Ren had unveiled to him, Ren waited patiently next to him, admiring the starry night sky along with him.
“You should stop worrying so much about others.”
Ren jumped a bit, not expecting him to respond so quickly and abruptly. He cocked his head in confusion, not understanding quite what Kyo meant by that. Kyo rolled his eyes, continuing to stare off into the sky as he addressed the alien next to him.
“Be more selfish. You’re always caring about others when you should be thinking more about yourself. Yeah, Aster would be upset to find out you don’t… love him or whatever. So what? That’s not your problem. Besides, it’s more of an asshole move to keep leading him on like you are right now, even if you don’t mean it like that. What I’m saying is basically just… don’t worry about him. Simple.”
Now it was Ren’s turn to think.
Kyo’s advice was blunt—the type of thing most people probably wouldn’t take too kindly to, but Ren knew Kyo. He understood what the other meant with his somewhat harsh words.
Ren couldn’t help but latch onto how Kyo said he was ‘always caring about others’ when, honestly, Ren would say that’s what Kyo does too. Try as he may to bury his feelings beneath a cold exterior and wall off others to keep them from getting too close, Ren knew from the first time he met Kyo that the other boy had a big heart inside of him. Him confronting Ren right now about his recent odd behavior was proof of that, especially considering Ren knew that Kyo had been struggling his own issues as of late.
Recalling that fact made guilt once again start to pool in Ren’s stomach, though in a different manner than before. Ren felt bad that, even though Kyo had enough on his plate already, he was putting it aside for Ren’s sake. Ren could even see Kyo suppressing a shiver, recalling how Kyo had once told him about disdain for the cold.
Ren was about to reply, likely to try and urge Kyo to go back inside where it was warmer, when Kyo beat him to the punch. Abruptly turning around, he swiftly departed, burying his hands in his pockets and leaving Ren alone to ponder by his lonesome once more.
Ren leaned against the railing as Kyo had been doing moments prior, eyes drawn to the full moon above. When it came to Kyo, Ren felt like he was a wolf howling at the moon; continuous and persistent, yet never truly getting anywhere.
If Kyo was the moon, would Aster be the sun?
Aster was bright and warm, having a large presence bursting with energy; Kyo glowed softly, cold and solid and distant.
Both the sun and the moon were beautiful, but they differed greatly in all aspects. Ren enjoyed the warmth and light of the sun, but he always found himself gazing longingly at the unreachable moon.
He thought about how, if Kyo heard what he was thinking, he’d find his thoughts disgustingly poetic. In fact, he’d probably want to kick Ren’s ass for the way he’d described him. The image of that scenario caused his lips to quirk up in a fond grin.
In the dead of night, in his quiet solitude, Ren allowed himself to reach for the moon and dared to dream, if only for a moment.
If only I could reach you…