Chapter Text
Bakugo had never been the type to spend his life glued to his phone, unlike some idiots he could name. Sure it was useful to have and shit but he had a life beyond some stupid hunk of plastic and metal.
That being said, the moment his phone lit up with a light ping and a familiar moon icon, Bakugo was already reaching across the table before he could stop himself.
The movement was sudden enough to draw the attention of his tablemates and Bakugo was vaguely aware of their curious stares in his periphery but he chose to ignore them. If they had a problem with him checking his phone they could damn well say it.
Of course the second the thought crossed his mind, fucking Deku just had to stick his stupid nose in.
"Is that Uraraka-san?" he asked, his tone so neutrally pleasant it only managed to piss Bakugo off even more.
"Mind your own fucking business," Bakugo snarled, angling himself away so the twerp couldn’t see his screen.
The nosey bastard was likely to try and read over his shoulder or something if given half the chance. And if Bakugo had the nerve to give him grief for it, Deku'd just toss out the puppy-dog eyes and he’d come off looking like an asshole. Bakugo had played this game before and he knew the only way to win was not to play.
"Are you still going out with her?" said Kirishima, trying to use his own vantage point to peek at Bakugo’s phone.
It was definitely saying something that nobody at the table even bothered to acknowledge his outburst, continuing the conversation as though it was an everyday occurrence. Which, to be fair, it kind of was.
Bakugo was starting to worry that maybe he was losing his edge.
After all, if someone had told him he'd be sitting in a family restaurant with a friend group that contained both Half and Half AND fucking Deku, Bakugo would’ve probably laughed...or punched them in the face.
"Got a problem with that?" Bakugo finally replied flatly.
"Not a problem," said Kirishima slowly, "I'm just a little surprised is all. I didn't think she was your, uh, type."
Bakugo snorted.
Positioning his phone he snapped a picture of his menu, quickly sending it to Uraraka with an accompanying text about one of the items that would suit her nasty taste. The sugary confection looked like a nightmare but it definitely seemed like the type of thing she would coo over.
"More like surprised she's still putting up with you."
Bakugo shot a glare around Kirishima towards the botched dye job taking up residence in the far corner of the booth. Not that he seemed to care.
Returning the glare with a flat stare of his own, Todoroki took a long sip of his iced coffee.
Seriously, who even drank iced coffee when the temperature dropped under 20 degrees? The guy was even wearing a turtleneck, the pretentious fuck.
"I'm a catch,” snapped Bakugo through clenched teeth. “Cheeks is lucky I’m making time for her.”
It wasn’t meant to be funny but it still left Kirishima snickering while Todoroki just rolled his eyes. Fucking Deku on the other hand turned the full force of his thermonuclear puppy-dog eyes on Bakugo.
“Don’t say that Kacchan,” said Deku reproachfully. “I think you and Uraraka-chan make a great couple.”
Bakugo almost gagged on his burger. Leave it to Deku to say something so utterly gross without an ounce of shame.
“No one asked you,” he growled. “And don’t get used to it. Cheeks and I aren’t gonna last much longer anyways.”
Bakugo hadn’t meant to say that part out loud. Which, of course, meant it caught the tables’ attention immediately.
“Are you going to break up with her?” asked Kirishima, concern and curiosity warring on his face. “Didn’t you just say things were going good?”
This was not the sort of conversation Bakugo wanted to have in the middle of a public place, or anywhere really, but now that he was into it, there was no way he was getting out. This group of idiots was not going to let something this juicy go without a fight.
The only saving grace was that Sero and Denki were at the drink bar making some sort of…concoction and thus weren’t there to add their lukewarm takes.
“Not that it’s any of your business,” Bakugo said sharply, tossing a particularly nasty glare in Deku’s direction. “But Cheeks invited me to meet her parents this weekend.”
A long pause fell over the table as Deku and Kirishima exchanged a look and Todoroki’s pale eyebrow raised so high it disappeared into his fringe.
“So you’re going to break up with her right after meeting her parents?” Kirishima finally asked. “Not manly, bro.”
“I agree,” Deku nodded so enthusiastically, that Bakugo was surprised his freckles didn’t fly off.
“I never said I was going to break up with her.” Bakugo snapped. The looks they were giving him were starting to get annoying and they clearly weren’t getting it anyways.
He’d have to break it down even more simply so even their empty heads could understand.
“We’re going to break up because we aren’t really dating.”
More blank stares.
“Are you sure you aren’t dating?” said Deku. “Because it kind of…looks like you’re dating.”
Bakugo scoffed.
“Cheeks is only putting on this act so she can scare her parents.” All of a sudden Bakugo’s mouth felt bitter, so he snatched a fry off Kirishima’s plate and tossed it in his mouth. “It’s a rich bitch thing. Date a “bad boy” to show the folks she isn’t a kid anymore.”
This wasn’t even the first time Bakugo had seen this particular act. Camie had pulled it at least 3 times with her parents and it still worked every time. It was the only reason he could think of why Uraraka would ask him out in the first place.
Hell, he could even see why Cheeks picked him. With the way he dressed, and looked, and spoke. It was easy to see he was a total badass.
He’d even played along with the whole dead-beat boyfriend thing for a while. Letting her pay for their trips to the planetarium and the popcorn at the movies. Sure that had lasted all of three dates before the indignity of it had him handing over his card. But still, it was the thought that counted.
All in all, he was a very considerate fake boyfriend.
“So let me get this straight,” said Deku.
There was something about his tone that made Bakugo’s hackles raise. Like he was talking to a crazy person or some shit.
“You think that Uraraka-chan is only pretending to date you so she can…make a point to her parents?”
“Obviously,” snapped Bakugo, rolling his eyes.
Finally, they seemed to have a grasp on the situation. If only they’d stop pointing their stupid pitying expressions in his direction. It wasn’t like he cared or anything.
He knew from the very beginning what this was. Knew it was all going to come to an end eventually.
Sure it had been almost fun for a while. Playing boyfriend or whatever. But the gig was up and Uraraka was going to move on just like he knew she would.
“Kacchan, I think…” Deku started to say before Todoroki cut in.
“I think there might be some trouble at the drink bar,” he finished, in his usual, disinterested way.
All heads turned to find Denki and Sero in the midst of, what looked to be, a rather intense chewing out by the restaurant manager.
“Fucking dumbasses,” Bakugo muttered, though he was a little happy for any excuse to eject himself from this stupid conversation.
Putting on his fiercest scowl, he shoved his way out of the booth and stomped toward the cowering men.
As he watched Bakugo leave, Deku turned to Todoroki with a deep frown.
“Why did you interrupt me?” He demanded though the seriousness of his tone was diminished ever so slightly by the smear of ketchup on his chin.
“Is it our place to interfere in Bakugo-san’s relationship?” Todoroki asked calmly.
“Kacchan thinks that Uraraka-chan is some rich…floozy who is only dating him as part of some scheme to get back at her parents.”
Deku shot a glare as Kirishima snickered at the word floozy, mouthing it silently to himself.
“I think if there was a time to interfere,” Deku continued. “Now would be it.”
With a gaze as calm and steady as the sea, Todoroki reached over and patted Deku reassuringly on the hand.
“This is Bakugo-san and Uraraka-san’s relationship, not yours. I know you want it to succeed but for it to work then there needs to be open communication between the two of them. How will Bakugo-san ever learn if you’re there, spoon-feeding him the answers?”
After a long moment, Deku sighed and his shoulders slumped ever so slightly.
“I guess you’re right,” he said finally, looking for all the world like a kicked dog. “I just want them to be happy.”
“I know you do,” said Todoroki. “You’re a good friend.”
Raised voices echoed through the restaurant. Drawing the attention of not only the trio but most of the other patrons as well.
It seemed that Bakugo’s characteristic go-for-blood negotiation style had failed spectacularly. Almost immediately Deku was out of his seat and on his way over, lest they be banned from yet another eating establishment.
They were going to run out of places to eat at this rate.
“So,” said Kirishima as soon as Deku was out of earshot. “How much of that was complete bullshit?”
“About fifty percent,” admitted Todoroki.
“And the other fifty percent?”
Todoroki took a long sip of his coffee to hide the smirk he couldn’t keep from his lips.
“Because it’s funny.”
Kirishima let out a low whistle.
“Remind me not to get on your bad side,” he said, turning his attention back to his fries.