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Kevin knows from the moment he opens his eyes that it’s a bad day. He can feel his brain swirling, spiralling down into mush before he’s even gotten out of bed. The alarm clock beside him clicks, telling him it's 6:15 AM, when he’s supposed to get up. He half-hazardly throws his hand on the snooze button, holing back into the sheets.
He covers his head, feeling like a bowling ball. Kevin shuts his eyes tight, hand clasping over his ears. He can hear the other elders get up and start their daily routine, and he feels nothing but dread as he hears Arnold get up just a few feet away from him. He can feel Arnold’s stare burning into the back of his head, but Arnold seems to understand the message and gets ready quietly.
Kevin appreciates him; Arnold understands. There are days where Arnold is too overwhelmed also, and Kevin and him have spent hours just watching whatever comforts Arnold, and sleeping the day away. Arnold does the same for him; he knows Kevin likes to be alone during these days unless he says otherwise, and he knows he likes quiet .
The sound of the door shutting is soft, but still overwhelming. He is just relaxing as the alarm goes off again . Tears well in his eyes, and he balls his fists up. He flaps his hands, clicking the off button, but it doesn’t work. It just keeps beeping. Over and over and over and over again. Kevin grabs at his hair, trying to cover his ears. It’s too much, so much, too much. He clicks the button over and over again until he just unplugs the clock all together.
His shagged breaths seem like yelling in the quiet of the room. He’s shaking, trembling as he goes back under the covers, crawling into a ball. Stress-tears run down his face, he clenches his fists, unclenches, clenches, unclenches again and again until he feels a little better. He feels sick, his brain is stuck in a loop of bad feelings, bad thoughts. He squeezes his legs a little tighter together as the feeling of uncleanliness piles in his head.
When he feels like he’s calmed down some, he sluggishly pulls his legs over the bed, the change making him dizzy. He steps up on one foot, then the other, just standing there. He can’t move, he can’t think. The weight of standing is both grounding and dizzying as he stares at the wood panels of the floor. A fog takes over his brain as he - on autopilot - gets dressed for the day. He forgets to even put on his tie as he walks out the door, surely an hour late for their morning meeting.
He walks into the mostly vacant living room, short for Elder Cunningham and Elder McKinley. He sits on the couch, still staring at the floor. His legs are shut tight together, hands folded neatly on his lap. Arnold says something to him, but he doesn’t catch it. Connor comes over and hands him a cup of something, he takes a sip without thinking. It’s water. He doesn’t particularly like the taste, but he doesn’t have the willpower left in him to deny them.
They both crowd by Kevin, talking to him. He doesn’t respond, nothing makes its way to his ears but the air conditioning static and the sound of him swallowing water. Connor moves slightly and he can hear the way the fabric rubs against the couch; he scrunches up his face. Arnold notices his change in expression, saying something to Connor before helping Kevin up. Kevin looks at him, confused, blinking a few times.
“I, I have,” he says, looking back at the door outside. He stares at it for a few seconds, the rest of the sentence leaving his head. Arnold nods, saying something about him being excused from his duties for the day. He wants to cry, he wants to burst out; tell them how he can make his own decision, and how he’s fine, he doesn’t need a babysitter but Arnold has already led him back to his room and to the bed and it’s so warm and quiet that he doesn’t protest.
Arnold sits by him, carding his hands through his hair. Kevin leans into him, laying his head near his leg and closing his eyes. “Thank you,” he says, and he means it. Arnold grins down at him, patting his head and getting up. “I’ll be back later, I promise,” Arnold says, and Kevin really wants to tell him not to leave, that he doesn’t want to be left alone but that’s inappropriate and immature. So he lets Arnold shut the door and leave the house.
He lays on his left side, so his bad ear is shoved against the pillow. It only helps a little with the noise and the pain, but a little is better than nothing. He doesn’t sleep, he merely lays in a foggy haze. The door opens a few hours later, and it’s Connor with a plate of some cantaloupe and another glass of water. He lets Connor feed it to him, trying his hardest not to seem pathetic. Once Connor is done, he scoots over and lets Connor lay in bed with him.
Connor holds him in his arms, and Kevin relaxes into the touch. Connor whispers things to him that he doesn’t quite understand, but Kevin lets himself be swept into this peaceful haze of dreariness and falls asleep. He’s not sure how long he's asleep, but when he wakes up, Connor is still there. He yawns, pushing his face into Connors neck, and Connor replies with a kiss on the forehead. Kevin all but melts.
But soon enough, it's almost time for the other elders to come home, and Connor must leave. Kevin sits up and takes a sip of the water. He also takes out his phone, opening his Disney app – the only streaming service he has – and starts playing his favourite Disney movie; Beauty & The Beast . He mouths along to the lines and lyrics he’s all but memorised, feeling himself slowly become more intact with the world. Suddenly the silence isn’t as loud, and he’s safe .
Arnold comes in during Be Our Guest , humming along with him. They push their beds together and huddle up, watching the rest on Kevin’s small, shitty phone until dinner is ready. Arnold grabs some earplugs from his nightstand, handing them to Kevin. Kevin smiles, so very grateful. Arnold and he make their way together to the dining room, sitting down at the table. The elders make friendly conversations about their day, and Kevin plugs his ears. It’s not out of rudeness, but just a precaution. They understand.
He takes bites out of his rice and gravy, not eating much of it. He appreciates the offer, however. He wraps his leftovers and puts it in the fridge, heading back to his room early. He flops on the bed, somehow already tired. He’s sitting in bed, still awake when Connor comes in to kiss him goodnight. He mumbles praise into Kevin’s hairline before kissing him once more and telling him I love you . Kevin holds onto him, telling him it back at least a hundred times. Connor leaves eventually, and Kevin lays back down, comfortable. Arnold enters the room as he's falling asleep, tucking into bed next to him.
“
Goodnight, Kev,”
Arnold whispers. Kevin reaches out and squeezes his hand as a reply. Arnold gets it. Kevin falls asleep, dreaming of The Little Mermaid instead of wicked men with guns and a burning hell waiting for him.