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1. the cenobium
Ione didn’t know Kyana, not really. How could she? It’s not like there was ever any time to really get to know someone down there.
But that doesn’t mean she never noticed her. She noticed her all the time, in training and on guard duty and in what little downtime they had.
How could anyone not notice her? She thought, drawn in by the way she seems so in control with everything she did, despite the fact that she was in constant trouble with the priors. She moves too much, they said, unable to be properly trained, but Ione disagreed. If they actually watched her, they’d see how smoothly she’s able to transition from one stance to the next, flowing like the sea (not that she’d ever seen one to know for sure, but she still knew).
And yet, she was glad they weren’t able to see what she saw, because more and more they were stationed with each other, leaving Ione to hope that maybe, someday, they might be able to be friends.
But then she left.
She left, and suddenly everything was worse. Worse because the people she cared for, if only because they were stuck together for years on end, were taken away and in their place were the squirming things. Worse because the priors were agitated and quick to anger and even quicker to punishment. Worse because she just left her there.
Sure, she knew they were never actually friends, but Kyana never even paused to think that someone else might want out too.
(She knows, now and then, that that’s not true. Kyana could never willingly abandon someone. And she knew that if she tried to go back, they were all done for. She put herself first for the first time in her life, and Ione can only be so upset with her for that.)
2. sigil
It was so hard to say no when Kyana offered her a place on the ship (a home, the treacherous part of her brain whispered). She saw the way Kyana defended these people she couldn’t have known for more than a couple weeks, and knew that she could be one of them. Really one of them. All she had to do was say yes.
She knew there was the possibility of a future there, being taken in and cared for in much the same way that Kyana apparently was. She didn’t know such a future existed outside of stories, existed for someone like her, but she could see it on board that ship.
She could see it in the easy way the group interacted with one another, in the gentle way the firbolg made sure everyone’s wounds were tended to, in the way the others put themselves in the line of fire (sometimes literally) in order to protect someone they had only just met.
One day, maybe she could earn enough trust to be extended that same care.
But no, that was never really an option, was it?
The vision twisted, and she saw what the future would hold if she accepted their offer. Maybe if she stayed with them she could have helped them hide from the priors and the rest of the things they used. But more likely than not, she would only be another target to aim at, to bring them closer and closer to Kyana. She would bring the destruction to the rest of them, and they would all hate her for it.
Her fear was stronger than any feelings she might have held for her, and she knew that she would only be safe if she stayed far, far away.
(Even now, she’s unsure who she was referring to when she thought that.)
3. sigil
If only staying away could be so easy.
They stood in the engine room not ten feet away from one another, with Prior Cephram (now blue, but there was absolutely no time to process that ) closing in, and Ione just felt hopeless.
Why couldn’t she see that if she just came back with them, that they would be okay! Happy even! They could be together and everything would still suck but it would suck less with Kyana by her side. They could escape together and run off and start a new life away from their crazy upbringing and start over. Even when things turned bad again, like they would be bound to, she could weather anything as long as she had Kyana with her.
Call her jealous, call her selfish, call her any number of things you can think of, but she couldn’t help but feel the stabbing pain that drove through her like a knife when Kyana risked everything to go back and save her…her friends.
Where was that when the other monks were ganging up on her? Where was that when the priors were angry at Kyana and took it out on her by proxy? Where was that when these same people were facing off against her not too long ago?
Yes, she was being foolish and had started to feel the jagged edges of Prior Cephram’s manipulation that had her in a chokehold, but she couldn’t shake the feeling that maybe they’re all worth something that she’s not.
And then, suddenly, the fight was over and Prior Cephram was tumbling over the railing into empty air and someone was pushing past her, but all Ione could do was stand there, shock and uncertainty freezing her in place.
The mechanite approached her, weapon drawn, and spoke. What he said, she didn’t hear, because all she could do was stare helplessly at Kyana. “I’m so sorry,” she whispered, voice breaking. “I thought I could...leave? Foolish, stupid, thought I could get away.” She sighed, then found it in herself to continue. “I told them what I knew, I’m sorry. I saw what they did to the...the other monks, the ones that became those... slithering things they used to find you...I didn't want that to happen.”
Kyana didn’t respond, just continued staring off the side of the ship. Which…fair enough. Ione didn’t deserve a response after all she’d done. Even if she was being forced the whole time, she could never earn that back.
Finally, Kyana turned to her, an unreadable emotion in her eyes. "Maybe you'd have better luck if you found some friends."
"I don't even know what that would look like,” Ione responded, words fighting their way out of the blockage in her throat.
"Well there's always time to learn."
Ione turned away, shaking her head minutely. How could she learn? After a lifetime of being in the monastery, how could she ever hope to learn? And how could anyone ever want her as a friend?
She managed to dash off into the crowd forming on the docks before her tears fell.
4. the cenobium
She should have known that she could only escape them for so long. Twelve hours later and she’s back in the Tenebris Cenobium, chained up in one of the many circular rooms (the cleansing chamber, the creatures had called it) with the other captives. She could recognize some as those who had tried to escape after Kyana showed them all that it was possible, but most were just…trainees, like she was. They had done nothing wrong, and yet they were still held captive for their imminent… transformation.
She let out a sigh of relief, though, when she couldn’t see Kyana (or any of her friends, from what she remembered) among those in the room.
And at least if I’m stuck here, I can’t be forced to fight again, Ione thought in desperation.
The next day though…she blinked her eyes open from where she had been ineffectually trying to regain some of her strength and felt a sob building. Kyana, unconscious and still, being carried in and chained to the opposite wall. Ione bowed her head in defeat, not even caring if the priors would use it as an excuse to punish her further.
After several hours of watching over her, hoping, praying (and what a wild concept that was), she finally saw Kyana stir, and relief flowed through her once more. She had told herself that she would defend her if they tried to take her away, but she didn’t know if she could believe herself anymore. Not after everything she’d seen, knew all the many ways they could corrupt your mind.
She tried to make eye contact, to try in some way to convey how sorry she was, that she would help her. But Kyana never acknowledged her. Maybe never even noticed she was there. Which, she supposed, was fair enough, as much as she felt a stab in her heart at the rejection.
Sounds of yelling and fighting broke her meditation and she risked another glance at Kyana, tense and ready. That was the only warning she got before the wall next to her suddenly cracked before shattering in, revealing the blue fire genasi that Ione knew to be a member of Kyana’s crew. She stepped through the doorway she had just made, shortly followed by the firbolg and wizard.
A lightning bolt cracked across the room, almost hitting a monk, but before she could react, she felt pain piercing through her mind. Her body locked up in retaliation to the intrusion as she watched, completely helpless, as the fight continued around her. Fire streamed across the room and lightning arced through the air as Kyana struggled against her bonds, finally breaking through with her astral arms lighting up the area with a warm light, covered in spikes and spanning half the room.
Beautiful, she thought despite herself. Glorious.
Her eyes closed as she basked in the warmth she always felt in the presence of Kyana’s arms (even though she knew it was likely just her own wishful thinking), collected herself, and broke free of the stun trying to hold her. Immediately, her own arms were summoned, though plain and weak in comparison, and she and Kyana turned towards each other, ready to defend the others. Around half of the other monks started to do the same, inspired by Kyana’s show of force against their captors.
That’s Kyana, Ione thought with a pang, always bringing out the best in others.
Despite the rush of adrenaline that swept through the rest of the captives, they still struggled to free themselves against the psionic bonds. After a moment’s assessment of the scene playing out in front of her, Ione turned away from the battle and started to help free the others, the newly-freed monks doing the same in turn.
Out of the corner of her eye, she saw a wall of fire envelop Prior Wymond and forced herself to look away. Despite everything that had happened, that was still someone she had grown up with, as close as she could ever know to a parent. Even in the face of everything else happening, she couldn’t help but feel sorrow settling itself deep in her gut.
Still, she knew what was going to happen next and put herself in between the priors body and the young monk she was helping, trying to protect their mind for even a minute longer. It’s the least she could do, knowing it wouldn’t come close to repaying the debt she owes.
After the last of the monks are freed, Ione ran over to the nearest mindflayer and took a defensive stance, throwing a shy smile over to Kyana. She dodged a tentacle before suddenly stopping in fear at the sight in front of her. All four of them, Kyana, firbolg, mechanite, and genasi, were all paralyzed where they had been squaring off against the mindflayer.
Without a thought, she was across the room and throwing two punches at the creature trying to kill her frie—her rescuers. As one hit connects with squishy flesh (and isn’t that a feeling she’d rather forget), her leg kicks out and sweeps the mindflayer off its feet and onto the ground.
The other monks came up behind her, ready to defend her, her!, even when they had the opportunity to save themselves instead.
Take care of yourself! She tried to yell but the words refused to form in her mouth, the lump in her throat forbidding any sound to escape. I’m not worth it.
But then…
It was over. The creatures were all dead or running away, the tadpole-like things in the brazier squished under the genasi’s workboots, leaving a room full of people hesitant to believe any good luck that came their way.
Cautious, she made her way back over to Kyana and took a steadying breath. “I’m not going to bother apologizing for all that stuff…that I've done.” No one would accept it anyway, went unsaid.
“Hey, no hard feelings,” Kyana assured her. How could she be so calm about it? So…forgiving? Didn’t she want to hit her, to yell at her, to do something? Didn’t she want to make her pay for what she did?
“I just…I did this so I could forgive myself. I’d never ask you to forgive me.”
That was a lie. She doesn’t know how she could forgive herself for this.
5. limbo
Limbo was…nice, Ione thought. After assurances from Enoch and Master Tehelna, the githzerai were welcoming to the refugees, allowing them to stay with them for as long as they wished, helping the younger monks master their psionic control in return for whatever information they had regarding the illithids who had run their monastery.
As one of the older monks that had escaped, she helped get the others settled, hoping that might eventually ease the guilt she felt.
And to her surprise, it did, for a short while at least. She found herself making…not quite friends exactly, but perhaps something approaching friendship with a few of the githzerai, but she generally kept her distance from the others. She especially avoided some of those that she came to Limbo with, hoping to avoid their judgement. They had all seen her get sent out and be returned, saw her fail to live up to not only the mindflayers’ hopes for who she could be, but her own hopes for that as well. Ione knew she couldn’t stay long with the way the others were looking at her (even if they did just want to help), with the way that Enoch looked at her and knew (even if he said otherwise). Knew what she had done, knew how she had betrayed Kyana, time and time again.
Because that’s what she had done, right? Even if she only fought her twice, she had countless opportunities to fight back, to rebel, to do the right thing. But she never did. Not until Kyana was there to force her goodness on everyone around her, to pull Ione out of the dark place she kept getting dragged back to.
Despite everything, she still felt guilty, still feels guilty, for leaving Limbo so abruptly, for abandoning the rest of her…kin? she supposes, like she did. But she couldn’t stay there. She tried to tell herself that they’d all put that behind them, that this was a fresh start, but there was always that voice telling her she was wrong.
Even if they did forgive you, you’ve already alienated yourself from them. Why would they care now?
And so she left, hoping that maybe this time would be different. Maybe this time would be the clean slate that she needed. She wanted to tell herself she’d come back to visit, check up on the youngest monks, make sure the githzerai were treating them well.
But she was done making promises she knew she couldn’t keep, even if she wanted to.
1. the planescape
Ione walks through the market district of the city, for once surprisingly at ease. She isn’t running from anything (or any one) and they don’t have to sail out until the next day. Her captain had only asked her to restock their, admittedly dwindling, supplies and said she’s allowed to explore the new city as she does so.
She’s never had that chance before. To just…explore. She briefly wonders if this is what drew Kyana, if this is what made her so reluctant to come back. She can’t imagine going back to the dark and reclusive monastery, or even to the blank canvas, albeit a decidedly chaotic one, that was Limbo after getting to experience this.
She wanders from stall to stall, curiously perusing each shop’s wares. Kyana was right , she ponders as a laugh escapes her chest, finally free of the obstruction in her throat, money is a complicated and confusing thing. Though one that she is eager to learn. She finds a trinket that their mechanic (and thank the gods for them because their ship was in desperate need of repair) might enjoy and a new hat for their captain, one that she knows the tiefling will appreciate after she accidentally destroyed his previous one.
Finally, she starts to make her way back to the docks, before the glint of sun against polished rock catches her eye. A pair of carved stones, stars hanging over a calm sea.
Sending stones, she thinks, remembers seeing people use them in the past. To stay in touch with. To give to a friend.
Not long later, she climbs aboard the hummingbird vessel, her bag now slightly heavier. She distributes the gifts and sits on the deck, thinking. Our crew is not large, and it might not be as familial as the others. But we have our group.
We. What an amazing word to say.